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MOSH! (Eminem's Political Video)
Eminem's "Mosh" Video.....it will change your life!
Fuck Bush!
Posted by Rashid on October 31, 2004 at 7:42 AM | Comments (1)
believe (never before)
believe
(never before)
when adam first got evicted and saw that nigga steve
that was you and me
where was eve?
we have been here before
yet never before
when i see you,
dreams are realized
needs are met
wants are fulfilled
fantasies materialize
we have been…
as baldwin has been
as cullen has been
you and me
believe
when i am with you,
i am one
we are we
i in i
one
your natural scent
is my aphrodisiac
your natural taste
is my feast
with you
i never thirst
i live always
in you
never before…
i thought
hoped
prayed
but when you came
you were not them
you were not him
you were you
i in i
one
believe in me…
i am he
i am not them
i am not him
we are we
i in i
one
we have been
here
before
yet
never before
Posted by Rashid on October 30, 2004 at 11:46 PM | Comments (0)
It's FRIDAY!
I can't believe I almost made it through the week. I came down with a bit of a sore throat, but drinking plenty of orange juice and taking some allegra should clear that right up.
Damn this changing weather.
Damn those germy kids.
Today, the first grade will be celebrating the Devil's Birthday! Okay, but seriously, why do these kids parents tell their kids such nonsense? Any idiot can do their research and see that Halloween is not satanic, much less is it the Devil's Birthday. EVERYBODY knows the Devil's Birthday is April 27! D'UH!
lol
Luckily, it wasn't one of my kids who said it....I do know one of them doesn't go trick-or-treating, though. Oh well, we'll be stuffing candy down their throats the last hour of school. Woo hoo! And this is SOCIAL STUDIES....learning about how Americans celebrate cultural traditions.
Okay, not really, but that's what we say if the Superintendent walks in, lol.
Wouldn't it be messed up if the Superintendent reads this and decided to come to my classroom?
[censored]
Anyway.....I guess I should get off of here....I was a smidge late yesterday! First time like ever!
PEACE!
Posted by Rashid on October 29, 2004 at 6:41 AM | Comments (0)
Surprise!
Guess what?
My coworkers threw me a surprise "Job well done!" party!
The early childhood team really conned me....here I was enjoying my lunch break, eating my peanut butter and jelly sandwich when I said "Hey, I need to run off some photocopies." Went to the copy room and ran out of paper...went to the office, where one of the administrators was like "Oh, they need you downstairs!" So I am like holy crap, were my kids THAT bad that they needed me after only 15 minutes of lunch? So I went to the caf...the teacher on duty was like "Oh, I think they need you in Ms. _______'s room."
So I am like arrrrrrgggh, I thought we didn't have to do the balloon launch if we ain't want to?
(Long story short -- we had a balloon launch to celebrate peace month, and I didn't participate because launching helium balloons into the air is bad for the environment.)
I had hoped to simply back out of the event instead of making a big to-do about it.
So I go to Ms. ______'s room and there are already some teachers there. My dumb ass doesn't get the CONNECTION. So I tell her "Yeah, I didn't plan on doing the balloon launch (for the above stated reasons) but I didn't want to make a big deal out of it. So then it's like this big four way conversation. (Side note: when I told her, she said "Oh, you're one of THOSSSSEEEE...." lol like niggas can't be pro-environment!")
FINALLY, after my big opinonated liberal speech (like Julia Sugarbaker from Designing Women, the Pre-K teacher, who is also a Soror was like "Well, we know how you feel about that, but what do you think about THIS!" and she points me in the direction of this niiiiice spread of food on the table IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM, by my ass is too busy getting huffs and puffs about the environment to even notice it.
I was like "Oh my gosh!" and it was all for me, to tell me good job, good luck, and all that good ish. It wasn't really a goodbye party, but I guess everyone knows I am taking a few weeks off after this assignment is over.
Which reminds me...since my principal DID sign the card, maybe I might want to brief him on my life's plans. You know, just an FYI.
So it was nice! They got me two cards! Pasta salad, deviled eggs, fruit punch, and ritz crackers.
Is it tacky if I mention they took up a small collection for me? Cuz a nigga really did get a call from the bill collector within an hour after the party, hahahaha.
**********
Ooooooh something else happened today.
So we had some kind of peace assembly. Did I mention that October is Peace month? I know, the poor Latinos can't get a calendar month, but we gotta celebrate PEACE.
Go figure.
So today's theme was how to say no to drugs and violence or something. One of my kids was in it, and she recited her line really well.
But tell me this....WHY did one of the other first graders jump in the program and recite his line....FROM THE PREVIOUS ASSEMBLY????
Me and my teammate were DYING.
"Our hands represent peace!" *big grin*
Luckily, nobody really understood what he said except for the word "peace" so it was all gravy. But me and my teammate knew that he was referring to a big old peace mural we made earlier in the month.
So surreal....but so funny.
*********
I have been telling a few of my parents that next week is my last week....they really been all hurt up! Okay, like two said "Awwwwww...." I think it's moreso cuz kids hate change. But at least I am still in the neighborhood, and will probably sub for them in the future.
I'ma miss the little anklebiters, I hope I don't cry on the last day.
I so would.
Posted by Rashid on October 27, 2004 at 9:22 PM | Comments (0)
Eric Benet...I'm coming for you!
Let's see.....
Last night, I spoke to a really cool dude on the phone for like two hours. He's really interesting....
Work was good. I found out one of my kids is transferring...awww, sad. I will probably get to see him this weekend.
So today, one of my boys asked me "Who do you want to meet most when you become famous?" So I was like wow, I never really thought about that, although everyone around me seems to think I will be famous one day. I always kinda set my sites realistically. AJ from 106 and Park, basically.
Ha.
So I said "Eric Benet" first just so I can get a picture with him and tell everyone "See? We don't look THAT much alike!"
(I've never said so in this diary, but lots of people say I look like Eric Benet.)
What people don't realize is that all light skinned dudes with dreadlocks look alike.
It's true. Me, Lenny Kravitz, Eric Benet, Gary Dourdan back in the day....okay, I don't think we all look alike, but people that have light-skinned dreadlocks man fetishes will think so.
And there's nothing wrong with such a fetish AT ALL.
Oooh, here's some good news, which I can only partially tell you. I THINK I have come up with a title for the second novel. I wasn't feeling the other working titles I had, and my number one pick was the title of an existing book by a black author (non-fiction, but still...didn't think that would be the right thing to do). My new working title keeps in the Biblical arena, as Lazarus but it makes sense.
*Doing a quick search on Amazon to see if it's taken.....*
It's taken, but not by any African American novelists. For that matter, old boy isn't alive, nor is his book popular. Book titles aren't copyrightable, so basically I could name a book The Green Mile if I wanted to. But a gentleman wouldn't do such things. I'd hate (in all seriousness) for somebody to order my book thinking it was another black novel, or vice versa. The polite thing is just to be more original if possible.
Writing....I love it. I can't wait for this time off, though. I've got so much I want to handle creatively. (As well as the business side of everything.)
But okay, I am like crazy tired all of a sudden....I think I'ma lay down.
PEACE!
Posted by Rashid on October 26, 2004 at 9:06 PM | Comments (0)
*yawn*
Gotta go to work....
My weekend was blah....on Saturday, I went to the salon and barber shop again. It was great getting my locs maintained at three weeks on the dot. My barber shop experience was quick. Man, barber shops are a trip. Somebody's always got jokes.
This is my last full week of work before the permanent teacher comes back. She is fakin'.....everybody knows she doesn't really want to come back. She didn't even give a firm start date when she came to staff development on Friday. I'm going to tell my principal that I need to be finished BY November 5, meaning the permanent teacher needs to be back on the third. He promised us two days transition time.
The fifth is my high school homecoming....I am thinking I can work it out so I can be a sub on that day. Wouldn't that be cool? Getting paid to go to Homecoming.
Shh, don't tell nobody.
Posted by Rashid on October 25, 2004 at 6:57 AM | Comments (0)
Random 12
These are twelve songs that came up at random on my Windows Media Player. Maybe seeing what music I listen to will give you an idea what type of person I am.
As if the diary wasn't enough. *smack*
Balance, W. Ellington Felton & Raheem Devaughn
Together, these guys are known as CrossRhodes, but also have nice careers away from each other. I probably have a lightweight crush on Felton. I first met them at an event called Slammanomics during the 2002 Homecoming celebration at Georgetown. This is also where I met JaHipster for the first time. At any rate, to support these guys, hit up the Urban Ave 31 website. Urban Ave 31 is Raheem Devaughn's band (they are great) and coincidentally, one of the backup signers also cuts hair at the unisex salon where I get my locs maintained.
I Will. (No Man's Land.), Radiohead
This was on a CD that Neil burned for me. 'Nuff said.
Hip Hop, dead prez
dead prez is the answer. this takes me back to spring 2000, when I was in my hey dey. LOL at having my peak four years ago and I'm only 25, lol. Just love this song......you can't do anything but just MOVE when you hear it.
Justify My Love (The Justified XXX Mix), Madonna
Just when you thought Madonna couldn't get more smutty, they add the audio from a porno onto it.
Empty Cans, The Streets
I don't even know what kind of music the Streets sings but whatever it is, it's hot. A lot of what they sing sounds like spoken word poetry in a British accent. I also recommend "Fit" and "Dry Your Eyes."
I Still Love You, 702
I think we all heard this and thought wow, 702 is coming back! It's a great tune which I think the Neptunes may have produced. Unfortunately, nothing really popped off with these ladies. Oh well.
Naughty Girl (Remix), Beyonce vs Fujikato
This is some sort of remix that I downloaded from some sort of site. Who knows where I got it. It's okay....it's like an electronic kind of version of "Naughty Girl" -- danceable (sp?) but nothing to write home about. Reminds me of the 80's in a good way!
It's All About Me, Mya
"Up jumps my butt, nigga what? Nigga what?" Why is that the tightest line in R&B? Okay, not really, but that's my favorite line in the song, yo. It's really empowering for me for some reason....I like hearing this song when there are things in my life I need to take charge of, sexually or otherwise.
Push It (Speed Garage Remix), Salt N Pepa
This is basically a fast, dance version of "Push It." It's adequate. It doesn't MAKE me want to dance, but if it came on when I was already dancing, I wouldn't sit down.
Love Song, Prince & Madonna
I have no idea when this was recorded, but it sounds like late 80's or early 90's Prince. It is kinda funky. Slow song with a beat. To be honest, I downloaded this a long time ago and never listened to it until just now.
To Sir, with Love, Al Green & Vonda Shepard
How do I find these things? I always liked the song, but I had never heard this version before. It's different, but good stuff. Definitely has tons more soul than the Lulu version.
Blueberry Hill, Fats Domino
I mean, what can you say? It's classic soul/blues. Don't nobody better say nothing bad 'bout Fats!
Aight, that's my contribution for the day. PEACE!
Posted by Rashid on October 21, 2004 at 8:02 PM | Comments (0)
They Parents Ain't Teach Me Shit (with apologies to dead prez)
It's Thursday....the last day of school for the week. As tomorrow is Staff Development day, I will have to go to work, but the little anklebiters will be at home. Teachers, instead, have to go to these silly meetings all day.
Fair trade off, though. I need a break from the rugrats. I don't get to see my intermediate level colleagues that much, either.
Went to a Union meeting yesterday. It was really....interesting.
The more I stay in this camp, the more I want to just open my own independent school. I swear, if I ever did become like a for real millionaire, I would do it.
I think. Or maybe I would just throw all types of donations at certain public schools abd afterschool programs. And parenting programs.
Parents of the '00s suck ass, yo. Some of them expect the school and afterschool programs to raise them. I've got parents (foster parents included) who are really trifling about paying for kids field trips, sending them to school late (if at all) not sending notes when they are absent. And it's only hurting the kid in the long run. Now, I might have been absent a lot (cuz a little nigga DID stay home for even just the sniffles) but I NEVER came late! I mean come on, what are you doing where you can't wake your kid up and have him or her at school by 8:40?
SOME parents really are holding it down though. I have about five parents who I think are really good at reinforcing at home what the kid learns at school, both socially and academically.
Speaking of education....my girl Nikki sent me an email about "A Better Chance." I need to somehow forward that info to the parents of the little genius I taught last year. This lil boy is really nice, BRILLIANT in reading and math, and is also athletic. A boarding school would be perfect for somebody like him! It wasn't the right thing for me -- I wasn't ready to be that independent at a young age. And nowadays, I am focused on the INDIVIDUAL.....why should a kid stay in a crappy school system just to improve the system's scores and averages?
Don't get me wrong....it would sting if I couldn't send my kids to Coolidge. I really would like my kids to be able to say they are following their father and grandmother's legacy.
Anyway....oh yeah, one more thing. Thanks for all the love! I have been getting mad emails from folks, and I promise I will return all of them when I get more than a few minutes. (I see you, PP-O!)
Have a great day!
ADDENDUM: So, I forgot to say that yesterday, I found some free Colgate toothpaste samples in one of the closets, and it went along with a dental hygeine video that we watched. This kids acted like they were on OPRAH getting free CARS and shit! I was like "I have free toothpaste packets for you all" and they were like YAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY!
So then I Meryl Streeped it up and gave the extra samples to the other first grade class. I did the voice and everything: "Boys and girls, I have a surprise for all of you. We've got FREE TOOTHPASTE SAMMPLLLLLLLLEEEEES!"
YAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY!
"And everybody's getting onnnnnnnnnne!"
YYAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY!
Posted by Rashid on at 6:44 AM | Comments (6)
Classroom
I am gonna miss these kids, but lord knows I am ready for two weeks, JUST TWO WEEKS, to take care of some writing related responsibilities. After talking to one of my homies last night, I am realizing that I have a LOT more research to do for novel #3 than I anticipated. And I don't mind it, because after talking to him, I have found that missing element that I was searching for.
I rearranged my kids desks yesterday. I turned our carpet the long way (hard to explain) and I am dispersing some of my better-abled kids with some of the lesser-abled kids. And of course, isolating the kids that keep running their mouths.
And...I need to clean that room like nobody's business. I also need to find enough work for these kids to do independently for about three hours -- enough time for me to record all the grades I haven't had time to record in the past few weeks.
This would be perfect if I had a laptop.
*****
I just realized I am supposed to have lunch with a Soror this weekend. I need to ask here if we are still on for that, or if she is going to sneak away from her conference and go to Howard's Homecoming instead.
To all who read this, have a great day!
Posted by Rashid on October 20, 2004 at 7:30 AM | Comments (0)
What is wrong with me?
Okay, so.....I am sitting here with tears in my eyes because I have seen the most beautiful thing in my life.
Karamo and Dorian (The Real World: Philadelphia)on the couch, holding each other, caressing each other, just plain being affectionate. Kissing. Two black men.
For real.
No bullshit.
First of all, was this history? Has this ever happened before?
I can't explain to you all adequately how it feels to have seen that on my tv screen and have it be an accurate reflection of what it looks like when I LOVE.
Yes, America, I love.
We love. THAT's how I love. It's not a novel, it's not a story.
This is two dudes lives playing out on television for America to see, digest, and judge.
I see now why I could never be on the real world. Writing in this blog is one thing...writing novels -- that's one thing. But these men -- these strong, black men -- have put themselves out there in a way that NO OTHER BLACK MEN have done.
I am crying.....I am filled with so much emotion....
Yes, there is a twinge of jealousy there....YES, okay, I was like "ILLLLLL I LOOK BETTER THAN THAT NIGGA!"
(Sorry, Dorian...that's just an expression of my own inadequacies when it comes to self esteem. You're cute.)
But by the time the episode ended, I realized this wasn't about me having a crush on a reality tv person (which I do) as much as it was me being jealous that ANYBODY is in a god damned relationship.
But before I go into that, even if this Dorian and Karamo thing doesn't last, or was edited into something bigger than it really was, I am really happy because of what it MEANS for gay black people everywhere.
Now, onto my actual bitterness.
DUDES AND DUDETTES, I am sooooooo single it don't make no sense. That whole black male affection thing really fucked me up. (Sidebar: I curse alot, y'all. I tried not to, but I do. Forgive me.) Seeing Dorian and Karmo on that couch reminded me so much of the times that I've been intimate (not necessarily sexually) with somebody I liked.
There's nothing at all like it. I miss it so much. But where do I find it?
I've had so many false starts....in fact, a message that this dude Audacity sent out to his yahoogroup this week was REALLY reminiscent of some things I've been through with relationships. In fact, I, like Audacity, have had few relationships, but many other interactions with people that never went anywhere.
I miss those people....I miss those times. I don't miss the bad times. But I miss sitting on the couch, holding hands, kissing.
I remember one night....damn....standing out on 36th Street with this DUDE. I was feeling DUDE so hard....and I can remember just kissing him...and kissing him...and kissing him...until it was like 3am and he had to go. And then I kissed him right in front of his car, right on 36th street, in front of God and everybody. Okay, well maybe only god was awake. At any rate...I just remember that night so vividly, the air was crisp....it was so REAL.
I miss the way we were then. I really do. I am content with his friendship, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to go back to how we were.
And here I am now...married to the craft. Married to my career. Married to writing. I've gotten no action for a while. It's not so much that I miss the physicality of intimacy....but I miss the emotions involved. It truly sucks to come home to a couch. No emails from somebody I know can be over in five, ten, thirty minutes. No voicemails from someone who is feeling me. No cards, no packages....nothing from the infamous ONE.
Thanks Karamo and Dorian for fucking up my world, LOL.
I am extremely blessed to have the talents that I do, the family and friends that I have, and the opportunities that are practically being thrown at me. I know that god is watching out for me, and that there is a reason I am rolling solo for now.
But that's hardly a comfort when you wake up alone.
Have a good night!
Posted by Rashid on October 19, 2004 at 10:29 PM | Comments (0)
Entertainment Thoughts....
According to BET, Tweet is coming back with a new album. Why this broad have a daughter who is in the 9th grade? Russ Parr and them alllllways said Tweet was older, but shoooot....it kinda makes you think. Somebody MOTHER sang "Oops Oh My"!!!!!!
I am happy she is coming out with a new album, though.
So somebody sent me pictures of Star Jones and her fiance Al Reynolds. No comment.
While reading those gossip sites about Star and Al, I came across a brief about Usher. Long story short, his pants and draws fell down as he was getting into a limo, and apparently his assssss was all over the place. So I told my friend "Why I gotta see a picture of Star Jones, but I can't see Usher's ass?"
Lo and behold, within minutes, somebody sent me a picture of Usher's ass.
It wasn't all that. :-(
IF it's actually his ass, and I have no reason to believe it's not, because the story said that paparazzi was everywhere, then it's a little less curvy up top than I would have expected. I'ma have to compare some clothed ass shots and see if there's some false advertising.
So tonight is the big night where Karamo from Real World Philly dates some dude. Gay black men all over America, including myself, are hating. HATING! Yes, I am like illlllll whyyyyy wasn't IIIIIIII the onnnnnne???????
Of course, I don't know Karamo from the man in the moon. It's not like we ever met. And who knows if we will. But it's gonna SUCK to see someone SO HOT and SO ACCESSIBLE be sooooooo dating someone on my TV, lol.
And we all want Karamo to be happy, of course.
*grumble*
I'm hot, right? I mean, Karamo's not out of my reach, right? It's not like I'm all "Hey, I am mad cuz Ludacris has a girlfriend."
'Kay, I will shut up now.
Posted by Rashid on at 7:39 PM | Comments (0)
Uggggghhhhhh
I went to bed way later than I wanted to. UGH. I had so much I wanted to do, including write over half of that outline for Novel #3. I only wrote a few sentences. Why? I got two phone calls during prime time...ugh....they were calls I wanted to take, but they were draining. The second was about Alpha...ugh....Alpha conversations drain me so.
Do people ever give you unsolicited advice? I hate that. I need to learn how to filter that as my career evolves.
I reallllllly am tired of working. I love my kids, but now I have the writing bug. Plus, I woke up not feeling too well this morning. Probably because I slept on my back most of the night....post nasal drip and all, not the best idea to sleep on one's back.
Sigh.
It's getting later. Let me get out of here.
PS - I appreciate the comments! I will respond to them once I figure out how! lol
Posted by Rashid on at 7:15 AM | Comments (1)
Novel #3
Naw....I couldn't leave for work with that negative post being at the top of my page. I've taken a shower, cleared my head, and now I want to talk about my third novel and the writing process in general.
My novels so far all deal with one central character, Adrian Collins. I have about five stories in me that deal with Adrian's trials and tribulations as he navigates through college and onto manhood. In some ways, the are love stories, but not romance novels. To be honest, I don't quite know what genre they fall in. I would consider them "college novels" if that's a category. They aren't gritty enough to be STREET FICTION yet they definitely have elements of hip-hop in them. You can't have a novel about college students without using hip-hop as the soundtrack.
They also aren't really "gay" novels....okay, that's a damn lie, lol. What I mean is that they aren't like the gay novels you have read so far. They certainly aren't like mainstream gay novels written by white men. And that's okay, I know and appreciate the fact that there are differences between gay white men and gay black men that should be celebrated.
My novels aren't like E. Lynn Harris' novels although I definitely honor and credit him for paving the way for gay black fiction in the mainstream. E. Lynn's first novel, Invisible Life, was perfect for me to read when I was a high school student. But his subsequent books were a little too "old" for me when I was a college student. I still enjoyed reading them, but I didn't feel like they reflected my experiences anymore.
I also appreciate the work of James Earl Hardy, but my work isn't quite like his, either. I like him because he is on the opposite end of the spectrum as E. Lynn. It's like E. Lynn is the upscale mall, James is the street vendor. E. Lynn is the adult contemporary station, and James is hip-hop all the way. But the thing that sets me apart from James is, once again, the age of the main characters. My folks are all (initially) college students, and I like the fact that in college, you can illustrate code switching and the duality of language and behavior among Black students. Here you have this group of scholars who are comfortable saying "He be" and "we be" and "nigga, please" without losing their authenticity as educated, young, black people.
In my novels, you will not find stereotypes -- you will find people who are like you and me. There is no token slut, no hypersexed, overly masculine DL brother, no drag queens, and no hyper-sensitive emn. They are just normal college students, some of whom happen to be gay.
I think it's about time we had a novel like that, don't you think?
I am concerned with how gay black men are protrayed in literature, in the media, and the collective eyes of African America. Books like that one by JL King aren't doing anything positive for gay black people....it's just dividing us more from our straight counterparts and doing little to address the real issues among us, including self-esteem and tolerance.
I don't think my book is going to automatically change lives and open doors....I think it's just going to be a small piece of an overall movement.
Anyway, about my writing process.
I can't start writing without an outline. That's just how I work. I have about five novels in me dealing with all these characters. Just because one novel begins and ends, there are always going to be loose ends that can be carried over and expounded upon in the next novel. I think I must be influenced by my love of soap operas in that way....reading is important, and fun, and somewhere deep inside I was also a little disappointed by stand-alone novels. Like Carrie by Stephen King, for example. I always wanted to know "And then what???" even though the novel was really conclusive in how it ended.
So, I write an outline. I might not always stick to the outline, but I must have a completed one before I begin. Right now, I am stuck on my currently outline because although I know what I want to say, I am not so sure how I want to execute these themes.
Writing takes a lot of time, and it's not for everyone. But don't be fooled....you don't have to be rich to create the "leisure" time necessary to be a writer. Personally, I like being a substitute teacher. It's not exactly the most lucrative field, and I don't get benefits, but it gives me a shorter work day. I can come home and write a little bit if I want. And of course, weekends and holidays are free. And summers. But most importantly, I know that if I budget properly, I can take a few days or weeks off and do nothing but write if I want to. Right now, I have a long term assignment subbing for a woman on maternity leave. I have about three weeks left in this assignment, and when I am finished, I will take about two weeks to do nothing but research and prepare for this third novel.
I got to do it...I have to do what it takes to get the novels in my head onto paper.
After they're on paper, then we can work on editing. But the toughest part is getting what you want to say on paper in a way that makes sense artistically and contextually.
Anyway, now I need to go to work....PEACE!
Posted by Rashid on October 18, 2004 at 7:29 AM | Comments (1)
Haters are gonna hate....
Well, it was bound to happen.
You all know that I have written a controversial book. Hey -- books that are tame don't grow up to be vehicles for social change. Books that are controversial, a little more than just entertainment....those are the books that can change the world.
But some folks don't want to see that change. Some people don't want a positive, gay black man succeeding in this world.
So I got calleda "pillow-biter" by Frat on the internet.
"Pillow-biter"....that's so....1986. Do people even say that anymore?
Anyway, I was merely sending messages to folks I thought might be interested in checking out Old Gold Soul. I get a message saying "No disrespect, but are you GAY???" I say "Yes, it says so right there on the website. No need to capitalize it; it's not the only thing that defines who I am. :-D I hope you signed the guestbook!" To which he responds "You should have pledged Kappa."
At this point, I am like oooooh-kayyyy......do we REALLY believe that only gays should pledge Kappa and there are no gay Alphas? Get a fucking CLUE. And besides, Kappa Alpha Psi is a fine organization with straight people and gay people, just like all the major black fraternities -- just like any fraternity.
So I say to him "But I am not a Kappa, I am an Alpha. Thanks for your support!"
I really wanted to say a whole lot of other things....it was very tough to not stoop to his level.
So then this dude says "Don't even respond....you are a pillow biter. And besides, you are grad chapter...weak azz."
So of course all the thoughts are coursing through my head, like how he seemed to have difficulties forming simple sentences, how "pillow biter" was my pet name for his father, how his little podunk school in the midwest certainly could have taught him to be more tolerant, and how his chapter shouldn't have made a CAT brother such as himself. "Love for all mankind" remember?
But all I simply said was "I appreciate the exchange we are having! I hope to come to your region soon to discuss my novel and all the issues raised in it!"
Asshole.
But I knew this would happen sooner or later, and I'm cool with it. Throughout this whole process, there are going to be people who resent the fact that I am a gay black Greek telling the story of a gay Black aspirant to a fraternity. No, it's not MY story....I write fiction. But it is the story of many people who have pursued and are in black fraternities.
It just sucks....a black man can't get unconditional support from other black men nowadays, even if they wear the same letters.
Which is EXACTLY why I am thankful for the FRAT that can and do support me in my endeavors! I know that the majority of my Frat aren't haters at all. They are not all homophobes, any moreso than most black men. Yes, some will be uncomfortable with the subject matter of my novel. And yes, some will be uncomofrtable with an openly gay man being an Alpha.
But the point of Brotherhood is to be able to accept your Brother as YOUR Brother, as if he were flesh and blood. There are too many MEMBERS of these organizations who feel like they can pick and choose who their Brothers are....you're only Frat if you pledged undergrad, if you're straight, if you have X amount of money, if you went to an HBCU, if you pledged in the North, South, whatever.....
Brotherhood is my scene....I love APhiA. All this extra shit is just that....EXTRA. I'm going to keep doing what I am doing, because before anything else, I am Rashid. As my frat said last night, being black and gay and an Alpha is only supposed to supplement the essence of who you really are INSIDE.
Sorry I couldn't start this week off on a more positive note...but hopefully there will be less haters out there trying to "check" me.
Ooooooh I'm so shook, maybe I won't be a writer anymore!
Asshole.
Posted by Rashid on at 6:34 AM
Sad news....
This on the heels of a drowning that happened last week involving a Georgetown student. Please keep Georgetown students in your prayers, people.
Aaron Terrazas/The Hoya
A firefighter cleans up after extinguishing a blaze that claimed the life of one student at 3318 Prospect Street early Sunday.
Student Killed in Prospect Fire
By Moises Mendoza
Hoya Staff Writer
Sunday, October 17, 2004
A fire in the basement of a Prospect Street student townhouse resulted in one fatality Sunday morning.
Law enforcement and university officials identified the victim as Daniel Rigby (MSB '05) in a university broadcast email sent Sunday evening.
The D.C. Fire Department responded and put out the fire, which began shortly after 8:30 a.m. in the basement of 3318 Prospect St., according to DPS Director Darryl Harrison.
Harrison said that university officials were waiting for the Metropolitan Police Department to release more information before he would comment further.
Approximately half of the 3300 block of Prospect Street was blocked off for six hours.
Area residents and Georgetown students sat in stunned silence on sidewalks or milled around the area crying and hugging each other.
Windows of the house where the fire started were covered by black sheeting and a red flag hung from a top story window. Black smoke stains were visible on the front of the house.
The D.C. Chief Medical Examiner’s Office removed a body from the house shortly after 1 p.m. and by 2:30 p.m. the crime scene tape had been removed and traffic was allowed through the area.
Two students who requested anonymity said the house was home to rugby players and there had been a party at the house the night before. At least three other students had been in the house at the time of the fire but they escaped safely and were taken for questioning by MPD.
Many university officials had arrived on the scene by 11 a.m. including Vice President for University Safety, Dave Morrell, Vice President for Student Affairs Todd Olson and Vice President for Public Affairs and Strategic Development Daniel Porterfield.
Olson met with a group of students from the affected area shortly after the fire Sunday in the Village C Alumni Lounge.
Porterfield told students gathered by the scene that university officials would be willing to personally visit students in the area to provide them with any support that they needed. He also said that the name of the victim of the fire would be released as soon a positive identification was made.
The Rev. Ridgeway Addison, a chaplain in residence at Alumni Square, said chaplains and counselors would be available if requested by students.
“We didn’t expect this to happen on a Sunday morning, but what is good to remember is we are all part of a community,” he told students. “I would hope you would lean on each other. Do not be afraid to lean on whoever is there.”
Victoria Rixey, president of the Citizens Association of Georgetown, expressed concern Sunday that poor housing standards could have contributed to the death.
Rixey, referring to metal bars covering many basement windows on area houses, said that there is often “no way to get out of a basement in an emergency.”
“Students should be demanding that houses are inspected,” she said. “It is terrible that in a panic situation something like this could occur."
The fire at 3318 Prospect follows a Sept. 22 blaze at 3310 Prospect that gutted the townhouse's basement. None were injured in that fire, which began around 8:30 a.m. as well. The home's owner, Jeff Miller, said that an electrical short in an energy meter in the basement had caused the fire.
Posted by Rashid on October 17, 2004 at 4:53 PM | Comments (0)
Things
Things are moving in a positive direction.
I hope to have some news...soon. Not like tomorrow soon, but like within the month soon.
Keep waiting with baited breath!
Posted by Rashid on October 15, 2004 at 9:31 PM | Comments (0)
Thursdays
Thursdays are sooooooo hard. Not impossible, but tough. Every hour needs to be planned out to the second. We didn't get as much accomplished in the classroom as I would have liked. But it wasn't a bad day.
My kids recited a poem over the PA system during the morning announcements. It is a poem called "Ations" by the late, great Shel Silverstein. It had lots of big words, but they did great! Of course, some of them didn't show up on time, but they are all their by the time the announcements started. We got a lot of props for how well they did.
I think other teachers think I am doing WONDERS in the first grade in the abscence of the pemanent teacher. I think I am doing an okay job, but I'm not so sure I am advancing them by leaps and bounds. I mean, they ARE kids, ya know? I'm still struggling with my "below-level" group. But all in all, they are a good group.
*****
I've got lots of emails to return! The support for this site and my writing projects has been overwhelming, for real! I really appreciate everyone who has been visiting this site. By all means, if you enjoy the site, sign the guestbook. If you find yourself addicted to this diary, then please leave a comment. This site is supposed to be interactive, so interact!
*****
You will notice that my "Favorites" section is still under contruction. Basically, I wanted that to be one of the tightest, most entertaining parts of my site aside from the diary. I have a lot of favorite books, movies, tv shows, people, etc, that I want to share with you all. But I don't want to just give you a list and say "Here, buy these." I want to tell you WHY I love these things so, where you can get them, who introduced me to them, etc, etc.
It'll be great, I promise. It will depend on how soon I actually get the damn thing written.
*****
Some of you have been asking questions personally and on the message boards I frequent. The number one question is "When can I buy Lazarus?" Well firstly, thanks for asking! Unfortunately, the book is not currently for sale, but we ARE surveying interest! So if you DO want a copy of this book, you MUST send us an email letting us know! When the book does become available, people who email us directly will get priority. We want to take care of the true, die hard fans first -- as it should be!
Other people want to know how they can help. Well, you can help in many ways. One very small way is just to tell people about the site. A really easy way would be to just email the link to all your friends, or send it through your instant message programs. Tell people through word of mouth. If you are Greek, tell your prophytes, sands, brothers, sorors, whomever. Lazarus will definitely interest them!
The more people that know about Old Gold Soul, the more people will know about Lazarus. As an artist, what I want to do is share my work with the world. To be perfectly honest, being an artist has a lot to do with personal satisfaction -- the fact that I created something that people will (hopefully) fall in love with. That's so much more fulfilling than being on a best seller list.
...though being number one on the New York Times best seller list wouldn't be a BAD thing.
If you have other specific ideas on how you'd like to help, feel free to email me!
God bless and peace out!
Posted by Rashid on October 14, 2004 at 4:23 PM | Comments (0)
Random
Lloyd Banks is not in a porno. That is Ty Latimore in "Bam 2."
Teresa Heinz-Kerry looks like she can beat my ass.
I don't want baseball to come to DC.
Bill Cosby is an old coot who needs to shut up.
Other than Karamo, The Real World: Philadelphia isn't that great. Melanie who?
"Drop it Like Its Hot" by Snoop Dogg and Pharrell is the BOMB.
What is the "Nolia Clap" anyway? Is it an STD you get during Mardi Gras?
Melissa Etheridge has cancer! That sucks, dude.
I haven't been to the movies in a minute, yo.
I haven't seen Lost yet, either!
Days of Our Lives still sucks. I really think it's going to be cancelled, that's how bad I think it is.
That's enough for now. PEACE!
Posted by Rashid on October 13, 2004 at 10:29 PM | Comments (1)
Sorta Down....
My kids have an assembly today, so that's good. I think they will do okay. I didn't have a bad day yesterday at work. With the exception of the normal drama that occurs among teachers, everything is going well. There will always be pettiness though...
I'm sorta down. I haven't really been right since Homecoming, really. Trying to figure out what exactly it is that I'm feeling, and I just don't know really.
I do know that I am missing some sort of intimacy in my life. All I really talk about is work and the book. People ask me "How is everything else?" and I think to myself, well what the hell else is there to possibly talk about? And then I realize oh....people want to know if I am dating. And I think to myself, what a silly question, of course I'm not.
It's not such a silly question though....I throw myself into my work with everything I'd got, just as I would a partner, a man, a significant other. I do it for the love of the art and because I care about my career as a writer, and my career as a teacher. But....I also know that I'd rather have it this way, after months and years of hurt.
Hurt sucks....I hate investing myself into someone only to have them change their minds about me. I wish you knew just how many times I *thought* I had something with someone, only to have them say "Let's just be friends" at best, or stop talking to me altogether. It happens...A LOT.
When one goes through that kind of pain, you don't want to repeat it. But at the same time, you miss out on intimacy. Sometimes, I just want somebody whose lap I can lay my head in. That's not even a sexual thing, ya dig?
But it's hard being an "average" gay man in this city....I'm not on the DL, but I'm not like the majority of gay men here. I don't like the various clubs here, mostly. I hate house music. I just don't like all the traditional things....I'd rather go to a nice neo soul kinda spot and listen to some live music. Doesn't have to be a gay club.
But then, what do I do to meet my soul mate? I don't want to pick somebody up in some meat market environment -- that's not me. I'm a fan of letting things happen naturally, meeting people by doing whatever it is you normally do. I think that's only right....it doesn't try to skew fate, and no matter what, you're already having fun, so you can focus on having fun, not on meeting someone.
I *should* be able to meet a potential date anywhere I go....
But then, maybe that doesn't apply to gay men who are average. For the most part, everything I do is in a hetereosexual environment. Don't get me wrong, I love gay people....but the typical avenues aren't my scene. The atypical avenues....and there are some...well, I won't say that I've exhausted all of my respurces, but I have to come out of my comfort zone just a little bit before I go to an Adodi meeting or one of these movie nights I keep hearing about.
It'll happen....sooner or later. Whether I follow a path that's been created already or if I have to create my own.
Cuz loneliness SUCKS, dude.
Posted by Rashid on at 7:12 AM
Reconcilliation Feels Good
I like it when two men can come to an understanding and truly put the past in the past.
I hate misunderstandings. I hate disagreements.
My homecoming weekend was a lot suckier because two men didn't understand each other. Now, my only hope is that we can reclaim what should have been.....truly mend this friendship.
If he can find the time, I can make the way.
I don't want the same mistakes to happen....we deserve to make our friendship work, free from intrusion.
We'll see....
Posted by Rashid on October 11, 2004 at 4:30 PM | Comments (2)
Oh My Gosh
Wow.
The first thing I want to do is send out a supreme shout out to my web designer for doing a fabulous job on this site! Check out her design site, Lovely and Uppermost Design! She's the bomb and so is her work. Girl, you know that the magic that is Old Gold Soul could not have happened without your creativity and know-how!
Next.....oh my gosh, the response to this site has been suprising, to say the least! I did a lot of promoting of this site, true, and I am still promoting, but for it to be a Sunday evening, this site got an awful lot of hits!
I also want to highly recommend Funk Media Web Hosting. They are really affordable and accessible. Love them, love them.
I want to thank all the visitors to this site so far! Your emails and comments in the guestbook have been very encouraging...I am definitely going to keep up the work on my writing my novels and envisioning this site.
I have a wonderful team hard at work on the Old Gold Soul mission, so please don't think this is all just me! I have a mentor, family, friends, readers, researchers -- folks who just want to help a young man realize his vision. I am so appreciative of all the help people have been providing. I will do my best to keep doing what I do -- writing books. We've just got to get them published!
Keep coming back to this blog. It might not be as juicy as some other blogs out there, but I promise you will be entertained and educated....edutained?
Have a good night y'all!
Posted by Rashid on October 10, 2004 at 11:52 PM | Comments (0)
Homecoming 2004!
Here is a rundown of HOMECOMING 2004!
I arrived on campus at around 11am on Friday. It was an absolutely beautiful day, feeling a lot more like early September than mid October. I had two bags, only because my host at the Black House told me they didn’t have any spare blankets or pillows. Understandable, since they are college students – I don’t think I had spare anything either back in those days.
I went first to the Alpha Phi Omega office in the Leavey Center. It was early yet, so there were no Brothers or pledges there. I visited Konjit in Student Programs to say hi to her and Martha, but Martha was in a meeting. I have a feeling that Konjit doesn’t remember my name. It’s okay, because it took me forever to remember Konjit’s.
Then, I went to the bookstore to purchase some Georgetown stuff. I got myself an Alumni t-shirt and a hoodie that was on sale. It’s white with blue and gray chenille letters. I am feeling the color white nowadays for some reason.
Went back to the APO office and hung out with my Great-Little, Laura. Her line name is xXx (pronounced Triple X). There was also another pledge there. Soon, there were more pledges and Brothers there that I could name. It was weird being the most senior Brother in the room, always getting greeted first. It seems like only yesterday that I was consistently being greeted last. It’s a nice feeling to be treated with deference – especially when it isn’t forced, just expected.
Except for this one shrew of a pledge – her body language was all messed up, making it seem like she didn’t really want to be there. I could tell that the other pledge was sort of embarrassed by her. If she sticks with the process, I’m sure she’ll lose the attitude – it’s only week one.
A visited my mentor in the multicultural office, but he was with students. I ran into a bunch of undergrads, most of whom knew me, but I couldn’t tell you their names. I embarrassed myself because I didn’t know this one girl who was on the GU Step Team – I hosted their show last year and should have remembered her. But you know how it is when you see somebody out of context. It’s hard to process an old face in a new place.
I was going to go on a tour of the Carroll Parlor, this museum type thing on campus, but I wanted to go shopping instead. And how did I ever shop. I went down to some stores on Wisconsin Avenue and easily dropped some loot. I am not used to spending a lot of money on anything, but I knew I needed some more clothes for going out and stuff. And surprisingly, I bought no music or books. Cuz you know a brother can drop a c-note in Borders with the quickness.
Came back on campus and left my things in the Black House, where my girl Erin was hosting me. She also was in charge of the Coffee House (poetry reading) that night, so she was getting the programs together. We went back to the multicultural office, where I finally got to chat with my mentor. He’s doing well and has some big plans of his own. I hope everything works out positively for him, writer to writer.
I was thrown mad shade by one of the undergrads both times I was in the multicultural office. I mean, you don’t have to kiss my butt because I’m an alum, that’s not what I expect or need. But I mean, don’t ignore me…that’s rude. I have had conversations with this dude before, so it’s not like he doesn’t know me.
Interesting…maybe he was only being nice last year because I was cool with Amerie, who was there. Or, could be something with the fact that I know one of his best friends. I don’t know…this interaction was weird and unpleasant.
I went back to the APO office, found a pledge, and had a meal/visit with her. Basically, we hung out, got beverages, and got to know each other. She is this real cool, down to earth Asian chick from Portland.
After that, I helped set up the Coffee House. It was a little sad that nobody really was helping my girl out. The Coffee House is a homecoming tradition – you’d think mad people would want to ensure its success. Well, it was successful anyway, thank God. Even though there weren’t a lot of alums there, I was happy to see a few tables full of recent grads.
I read two poems, “Black Light Fandango” and “Stab.” I think people found both poems interesting, but the subject matter of “Black Light Fandango” was a little too much for some to handle. I will post the poem in its entirety at a later time. “Stab” went over better…but I don’t know, it’s hard to know ahead of time what an audience wants to hear.
Also…maybe it’s possible I am underestimating my poetry. I got the impression that maybe, just maybe, the crowd found the poem to be “heavy” and therefore was too caught up in thinking about it to really stand up and cheer for it. I don’t know. I’ll have to ask my girl and the MC.
[deleted]
Went to the Black House after running into my boy Patrice and some other folks. I like Patrice. I wrote an entry about him under DJ Parler, in the “Friends” section of this diary.
Me and Erin ended up going back to Leavey to get some food so we could eat before the party. We were sooooo freaking hungry. I ended up getting sushi for the second time that day.
Oh yeah, the Sorors were in full effect. Two AKA’s live at the Black House, and though it wasn’t like hanging out with other AKA friends I have, they were all very cordial and nice. In fact, the DJ for the party was neo frat from Beta chapter.
The party itself was surprisingly good. The Friday night homecoming party is always hit or miss, usually miss from the alumni perspective. But this one was different.
Even though I enjoyed the party, I was still in a pissy mood. [deleted]
I went to sleep at something crazy, like 3:45, only to wake up at 7am Saturday morning. I had another meal/visit scheduled with one of the pledges at Starbucks on campus. She was a really cool chick. I liked her a lot.
On my way to a used book sale at the library, I saw that this homecoming 5k run would be terminating at the front gates, so I stayed around and took some pictures. I ran into a few cool alums who I like being around and we chatted for a bit.
I made my way over to a sale at the library. WACK. Wiggedy so. These middle aged guys had taken like half the books off the carts and had them piled up on the ground, going through them! Like that’s so freaking rude! I had gone to the book sale at exactly 9:30am, the start time of the sale, and these books were already taken. I asked the Library Associates what was going on, and they said they opened the sale early since all the books were ready. So I walked away without supporting the sale. That’s really unprofessional. You have this half-assed book sale that you let people, obviously book dealers, come and take all these books and leave the alumni to have nothing. Or, maybe they were alumni, but it just wasn’t fair to let people buy books before the allotted time.
After the book sale, I went back to the bookstore and spent MORE money. I know, right? Crazy.
I was a few minutes late to this alumni career chat. It wasn’t especially well attended, but I really enjoyed myself! One of the panelists was this dude I knew from when he was an undergrad. It was good to see that he was doing well. I also chatted with a woman who works at my old job. Some things stay the same, apparently.
After the career thing, I had a lot of free hours. I am not a big drinker, so I didn’t go tailgating. And I really don’t like football all that much, plus I was alone and extremely tired, so I didn’t go to the game. (Later, I found out that they were charging for the game!)
So I went to the APO office and checked email for a while, and in general, didn’t dos hit but walk around to different places on campus, resting, eating a snack or two, and thinking a lot.
I guess that makes me a solitary kind of person…at least sometimes.
My girl Shari came to campus, and we hung out for a bit before the reception at the Black House. It was nice seeing old friends there, but on the whole, the event was kinda dry. Lots of people showed up and rolled back out after like 20-30 minutes. That was a little sad. But, a quick glance at old friends is better than nothing at all, so I was thankful that the Black House was keeping the tradition alive.
Shari and my friend Nadia helped me to pack. I had sooooo much stuff, it was crazy! And I had only been on campus for like 30 hours, lol. Somehow we made it work. I thanks Erin and the rest of the House for their hospitality, and I was off.
After a debacle with a cabbie who kicked me out of his cab and picked up four white passengers, I waited with Nadia for our friend Deidre. She said she’d take me home, God bless her! It was nice spending even that little bit of time with her.
And finally, I was home. I watched Saturday Night Live for as long as I could, then I was knocked the fuck out.
Homecoming 2004 is now over! See you in ’05!
Posted by Rashid on at 8:59 AM | Comments (1)
the rza
razor sharp
i am like
zoot suits
like
the tenth of the tenth
of the talented tenth
like
fresh shape-ups
and vintage jordans
i am
sharp
like a three year old
who can read
satanic verses
like
french curses
like
nails on a muscular back
like
a kiss between enemies.
razor
sharp
Posted by Rashid on October 6, 2004 at 9:51 PM | Comments (0)
Ghetto!
Hey hey hey! You're as ghetto as it gets. Hell
yeah.
How ghetto are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Posted by Rashid on at 6:59 AM | Comments (1)
Another useless questionnaire
1. First Name: Rashid
2. Were you named after anyone? Nope.
3. Do you wish on stars? Sometimes.
4. When did you last cry? I cried a little last week for some reason. Can't remember why.
5. Do you like your handwriting? No.
6. What is your favorite lunch meat? Turkey
7. What is your birth date? 6/25/79
8. What is your most embarrassing CD? I am proud of all my CD's, but I wish I had never given R. Kelly my money.
9. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? No....not all the time, anyway. I am sensitive and talkative...everybody don't like that.
10. Are you a daredevil? Not at all.
11. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell? Yes.
12. Do looks matter? Yes.
13. How do you release anger? Talk it out until I make sense of it.
14. Where is your second home? Georgetown!
15. Do you trust others easily? Yes.
16. What was your favorite toy as a child? My Castle Grayskull play set!
17. What class in high school do you think was totally useless? Although I never took it, there was a class called "Energy Audit."
18. Do you have a journal? Not a paper journal anymore.
19. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Yep.
22. What are your nicknames? Rah, Rah-Rah, Shid, Mr. D.
23. Would you bungee jump? Nope.
24. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Nope.
26. Do you think that you are strong? Mentally, yes.
27. What's your favorite ice cream flavor? Vanilla
28. Shoe Size? 9.5
29. Red/Pink ? Red
30. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? Need more body definition!
31. Who do you miss most? Maya
33. What color pants are you wearing? black sweatpants
34. What are you listening to right now? The Young & The Restless on tape
35. Last thing you ate? Popeye's friend chicken and cajun rice
36. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? goldenrod
37. What is the weather like right now? Sunny with a nip in the air
38. Last person you talked to on the phone? Tracy
39. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Smile or lack thereof.
42. Favorite Drink? Fuzzy Navel
43. Favorite Sport? Track & Field....eh heh heh heh
45. Eye Color? Brown
46. Do you wear contacts? Yes.
48. Favorite Food? Chinese food...any kind.
49. Last Movie You Watched? Some movie on HBO...can't remember.
50. Favorite Day Of The Year? Homecoming!
51. Scary Movies Or Happy Endings? Scary Movies.
52. Summer Or Winter? Winter.
53. Hugs OR Kisses? kisses
55. What Is Your Favorite Dessert? Yellow cake with chocolate icing
58.Living arrangements?
59. What books are you reading? none....unfortunately
60. What's On Your Mouse Pad? plain gray mousepad
61 What Did You Watch Last night on TV? Road Rules Real World Battle of the Sexes II Preview
63. Favorite Smells? Cool Water cologne
64. Rolling Stones or Beatles? Beatles
65. Do you believe in Evolution or Creation? Evolution
66. What's the furthest you've been from home? Moscow, Russia
Posted by Rashid on October 5, 2004 at 5:39 PM | Comments (0)
Different.....
The Wire.....it's different. It's quite easily the best written and best acted show on television. Period. After last night's episode with the shootout, the Irish wake, everything.....near perfection.
Telling people that i am a writer....that's different. People have expectations of you, it seems. Not just the usual expectation of "when am I going to see your book at Barnes & Noble".....but they seem to want you to be brilliant, or a snob, or whatever.
Not saying I ain't.....
Teaching is different....it's nothing like I thought it would be. It's ten times worse yet 100 times more fulfilling.
Being single is....the same. I wish I wasn't but I'm glad I am.
Homecoming is the same.....I love it, I love it, I love it, I can't wait for it. I feel a slight tickle in my throat that is hopefully from allergies and not a cold or the beginning of yet another round of bronchitis.
Lord make it go away, but if that's not meant to be, just get me through the weekend.
Posted by Rashid on October 4, 2004 at 10:50 PM | Comments (0)
The Barber Shop
But I was there, and there I stayed until it was my turn. I noticed the interactions between the men. Dark skinned twists man and light skinned locs man had this playful interaction with each other....it was startling. In another light, I could have seen it as flirtatious, but that couldn't have been the case....could it? I always viewed smiling as a form of flirtation, so when I encounter a man who isn't afraid to smile to other men, it always raises a red flag with me.
This morning I got some dreadlock maintenance in anticipation of Homecoming 2004! Homecoming is my favorite time of year. The weather is always nice and I get to see tons of old friends and acquaintances. This year, I am going to try to spend Thursday and Friday night and come home Saturday. I wasn't planning on going in on Thursday, but I realized that Alpha Phi Omega is having a little something with the pledges, and I promised myself I would come around more to support my chapter. I felt really invigorated after my Fifth anniversary as a Brother.
Anyway....so I went to my old spot for my dreads because my loctitian is on maternity leave, and I really needed my hair washed and twisted good. Can't be looking scrubby at Homecoming! I have a rep to protect.
CRAP. I need to get business cards done! CRAP CRAP CRAP. I wonder if they can be done overnight? I'll need them by Thursday! CRAP.
So the lady at the salon was really fast. I also fell asleep under the dryer. I never do that at the other place I go. So after that, I went next door to the barber shop.
Eye.
Candy.
I haven't been in a "real" barber shop in years. My main place where I get my hair done is a unisex salon, and yeah, I walk through the barber shop part to get to the salon part, but it's not the same as going to a for real BARBER SHOP with all men and boys in there.
I almost felt uncomfortable....the only all male situations I really find myself in are Alpha-related. Never really in a room full of men I don't know. I was very self-conscious.
It didn't help that so many of the men in there were attractive. There was the brown-skinned brother with the shoulder length twists and dark eyes....the light skinned dude getting his beard trimmed up, with shoulder length locs that could have stood some maintenance.....the clean cut brother in the first chair, with the sharp features....and finally, the man who had time to squeeze in my shave.
He fit my new "average" criteria....very handsome, but not perfect. That's how I prefer my men, I think. You get the real handsome or pretty ones, and they always got issues.
Anyway......so I felt self-conscious. I don't know why. I felt good, I looked good, but I still feel like they could "see" or "tell" that I was gay, that I was an outsider in this traditional heterosexual haven. That....I didn't belong there.
But I was there, and there I stayed until it was my turn. I noticed the interactions between the men. Dark skinned twists man and light skinned locs man had this playful interaction with each other....it was startling. In another light, I could have seen it as flirtatious, but that couldn't have been the case....could it? I always viewed smiling as a form of flirtation, so when I encounter a man who isn't afraid to smile to other men, it always raises a red flag with me.
It shouldn't, but it does.
A woman entered the shop, and after she got settled with her son, she immediately told me how beautiful my locs were. I thanked her and smiled. She then gestured toward the light skinned/dark skinned couple and told me something like "Theirs will be like yours one day." Laughing. Dark skinned said no, his were twists, so his won't look like mine. Lady says "He really means his are gonna look BETTER than yours." We all had a good laugh, and it culminated with either light or dark skinned saying that I had nice locs, and me thanking them.
I smile a lot in situations like that.....they didn't know me from Adam, and I am loathe to unleash my true wit on people. They'd certainly find me a little weird. So smiling and remaining humble generally takes me far.
Finally, the barber put me in his chair and I explained what I wanted. I told him I hadn't gotten a shave since like 1998. Isn't that crazy? I'm just going natural....REAL natural, I told him. But he hooked me up....he was friendly, too. The shave is great, and I love the way my skin feels on my face. I still have the goatee though.
I shook his hand, got his name, and paid him. Only three bucks was the charge, but I gave him five.
I think I'll go back there sometime.
Posted by Rashid on October 2, 2004 at 12:44 PM | Comments (0)
"Bad" Dreams
So I had a dream......I was teaching in this very big elementary school that was built in an old style. It made me think of Wilson High School and other buildings constructed the same way. The music building was actually a one-room school house in itself that the music teacher was renovating by himself.
Later in the dream (how I made the transition, I don't know) I was picked up by this Que I used to mess with. I propositioned him for one thing, he said no.....I propositioned him for another thing, and he said yes....WHY did I have to wake up before the games began?
UGH.
Posted by Rashid on October 1, 2004 at 6:47 AM | Comments (0)