« October 2004 | Main | December 2004 »
i am SOOOOO awake!
Random late night notes:
1) I finally finished my report cards! WOOOOO HOOOO!!!!!!! You should have seen me talking to myself as I was finishing them. The closer I got to the end, the more I was talking to myself. "Dear Mr. So-and-so. Your kid ain't bright. Sincerely, Mr. Darden." But I got them done, and the voices in my head ceased. LOL pay me no mind, I'm being silly.
2) Got my PO Box today! WOOOOO HOOOOO now I can get business cards printed up. I would have been had them by now, but I didn't want to have a card with just a website on it.
3) Why do my cats keep hijacking my bed?
4) I went to the vintage store today and got me a Hawaiian shirt, a blazer, and something else. There was a really weird kind of man in there, in line before me. There was something about him that was off putting.
I was wearing my crossing jacket today, and the woman wanted to know where I went to school. I really didn't want to give her the "Black frats are for life" speech, so I just said I was a Georgetown grad. I like it when white folks seem pleased that I went to Georgetown. Never surprised....always pleased.
5) Maybe I was hungry but I had some GOOD ASS scrimps from this place in Takoma Park.
6) WHY was I asleep for like three hours after I ate the scrimps? I was knocked the hell out.
Other minor stuff happened relating to the job, but I'll wait to post it.
I've been getting a few emails about the EDITING SERVICE. (I would make that a link, but I'm too tired, lol.) I am glad to know that people see me as not just a pretty face with a book coming out, but that I NEED editing gigs for income! lol. A brother gotta eat!
I guess I should sleep now. Maybe I will get called to work tomorrow (in a few hours, lol) -- that's the part of subbing that sucks. You never really know when you're going to work, but you try to remain loyal to one school, you know? Well, I do.
But then some days you just don't feel like being bothered and would rather write.
I guess that's every day. But I tend to need to work sometimes to remember that writing is REALLY what I want to do. :-D
Okay...that's enough...I really should evict my cats from my bed so I can sleep.
NIGHT!
Posted by Rashid on November 30, 2004 at 2:14 AM | Comments (2)
Fun at Takoma Station
First of all, I left my camera at home! I had every intention of taking pictures and posting them for y'all! Yes, I do get out the house sometimes -- probably a lot more lately.
So, let's see. I can see the floor in my bedroom. That's a pretty big deal! lol. The motivator is always guests. If I know somebody's coming over, oh you best believe this bedroom is gonna shiiiiiiine like the top of the Chrysler building.
You see, my boy came over to talk this evening -- important, grown folks stuff, ya know? Then we planned on going to Takoma Station for theChocolate City Cotton Club. We picked up his friend and we were off. We met up with one of my chapter brothers there. Kwame. Love him.
So I ran into my boy Derrick, who I went to grad school with before I dropped out, lol. He was always really nice to me when I was there. But when I left American (abruptly) nobody, and I mean NOBODY made the attempt to contact me to see what the hell was wrong, where was I, was I ever coming back, hello, good bye, kiss my butt, NOTHING. So we chit-chatted, and he apologized for not keeping in contact. That was mighty big of him. He's a really talented dude, too. Doing big things like going to those writers retreats and stuff. He is more of an artist's poet than I am.
Anyway....Raheem Devaughn and W. Ellington Felton were really good. I think I have a lightweight crush of Dub L, but you know, he is straight, always sangin 'bout girls, and I think he has a kid! That's crazy....well, not CRAZY, but it's kinda like how my friend Nikki found out that Saul Williams had a daughter. Her crush went away REAL quick.
I can't really describe how I enjoyed myself -- it was just real good to get out the house at a weird time, do something fun and safe, and come home. And I already like Raheem and Dub L. They gave a good show. A weeeee bit too much talking, but whatever. The singing was good.
I am most definitely going to take him there when he visits.
Watching my tape of The Wire now. This jont is some kinda good.
Posted by Rashid on November 29, 2004 at 12:35 AM | Comments (1)
Him
We talk a lot. But sometimes we stay on the phone and listen to each other breathe.
Every song I listen to reminds me of him, even the instrumentals. I imagine myself dancing with him in a club, feeling like it's just the two of us even though there are dozens more around us.
I like him. Lots.
Posted by Rashid on November 28, 2004 at 11:28 AM
Get them while they're hot!
I fixed the pictures in the hottie list. I also opened the comments. Check em out!
Posted by Rashid on November 26, 2004 at 1:28 PM
why do bad closets happen to good people?
I am so mad.
Not in the urban "I am so mad at that!" way but the genuinely pissed off at the world way.
My temporary closet fell on me. I was not injured.
There's so much about the world and my life that I like. I like writing, I like my job, I like HIM. I like my friends.
I do not like my living situation.
Like many of my friends, especially the ones I grew up with, I live at "home." (I would like to add that Aaron McGruder lived at "home" at my age, so fa!) But "home" is on some bulllllllllshit right about now. I don't have nearly the space that I need to be comfortable.
Too many niggas.
More than one is actually too many -- I was meant to live alone, I think. I never got along TOOOOOO great with most of my housemates. Okay, that's a lie, I got along well with all of them except one and that was Freshman year. It's just that I FELT like I didn't get along with them because I so valued being alone. I wanted them to JUST LEAVE all the time so I could sleep, lol.
Anyway.....since there is no closet space in the basement, I have to make do with wardrobes and most recently, a temporary closet. Portable closet. Whatever the hell they are called. It is basically hollow metal piping stuck together by will power and/or the grace of God. The piping is covered with some sort of material that looks like that flat insulation stuff that books are mailed in sometimes. Looks and smells flame retardant.
But that son of a bitch fell on me as I was type-type-typing away at the computer. What the feezy?
I won't go into everything that ensued afterwards with the owner of the place that I live in, this place called "home." But PLEASE believe I better get me a new, WOODEN wardobe by Monday morning. I am sick and tired of living like a fucking transient in my own "home."
When Nikki gets back into town, I am going to investigate the efficiencies in her building. Oh wait, maybe they are called studio apartments now. Whatthefuckever. I need to be out this bitch.
Posted by Rashid on at 11:32 AM
Who was Maya Buseman-Williams?
I am reprinting this from an old blog I used to keep...I wanted to share it because sometimes I still miss my friend a lot.
********
12/14/2003
lol @ the title of this entry. it reminds me of the Teen Titans series "Who is Donna Troy?"....in a way, Maya was my superhero. i'm going to tell you about her as best I can, cuz i think at least a small piece of her story should be told.
well, i guess it's not her whole story, but i'll share the parts that apply to me.
i FIRST FIRST met maya when i was a freshman and she was a sophomore. all i knew about her was that she was into photography. i organized a trip to the howard homecoming step show, and i remember delivering her tickets to her. she was quiet....not especially friendly, but not mean, either.
she lived in the sophomore apartments with three girls i was cool with. as a matter of fact, i was cool with everyone in that apartment through to their graduation. anyway....i remember that maya didn't get along with the girls for whatever reason.
maya went abroad to senegal for her entire junior year, and i got close with her former roommates.
my junior year, i shared a house with THIS GUY:
we will call him THE GOLDEN CHILD....he wouldn't mind me posting his picture, he's an aspiring model/actor/bunch of other things. my Junior year was he and Maya's senior year. i didn't know him very well yet, but i knew that he loved him some Maya. in a platonic way, mostly, but i could tell that maybe if he felt he had a chance....ah, well never mind.
THE GOLDEN CHILD spent a lot of time with Maya in her single dorm room on East Campus. when i say they were cooler than cool, i really mean it....they were like best friends in college. it means a lot to me when people can platonically spend so much time together.
my first memory of the "real" maya was when she, the golden child, and amerie
all went to the club one night. maya was very close with amerie (yes, the singer) while we were all in college. (me and amerie were also close, and i knew that she was cool with maya, but it was a different kind of cool than maya and the golden child.)
so, i was at the top of the stairs of the house that me and the golden child lived in, and i saw maya at the door, dressed for the club. she was so classy....i think she was even wearing a dress....not FMP's or a short shirt. (fuck me pants)
i was like WOW. she is beautiful. i can see why the golden child likes her so much. and amerie looked just as beautiful, but the way. can you imagine these three beautiful people just hanging out together?
later, maya came back to the house when we had programs. one i have pictures for was a welcome back meeting for those who had traveled abroad to africa:
not the greatest pics cuz she was in the background.
anyway, i got to know maya well because of her close relationship with amerie and the golden child. but then, i got to knew her independent of them.
wow....i just remembered something. i wrote a play the same year that i met maya, and by the time she came into my life, i was trying to put together a "staged reading" or really, just a read-through of the play to see how long it ran. the only people that showed up were maya and amerie. they were so helpful...wow. totally forgot. i mean, they are in the acknowledgements of the novel (which evolved from the play) but still. i just had such a vivid memory of sitting in our living room and reading through the first act of that play....
that is a typical picture of maya.....just chillin in our house.
she was just so fucking cool. she was cool with most of my friends: nappy rocky, paz, lady c. paz used to call her "african guinea girl." i actually don't know why, other than the fact that she studied abroad.
lady c was the co-director of a fashion show during our junior year, again, during maya's senior year. maya was one of the co-leads in this show, and basically represented "good" in a battle between good and evil, love and lust, etc, etc. here is a pic in the "white scene":
quite angelic....i know that maya really enjoyed doing the show. it wasn't something that she would normally do at alma mater, but then again, she would try damn near anything once. the golden child was also in this show, and i helped lady c with some of the music.
maya graduated soon after the fashion show, with a degree in Culture and Politics (i think) and a certificate in African Studies.
the golden child had a kid before the next time i saw maya. maya had gone off to new york to do teach for america, which she also was a recruiter for. i am pretty sure that maya had not met justin's kid before these next photos, but i am really not sure. here is maya with the golden child, jr. (sorry for the little scratch):
and here is a picture of maya just being maya....looking out the window. okay, i think we actually posed this picture, but let's pretend that we didn't, 'k?
so yeah, maya came to town to see the golden child's son and catch up with other folks who loved her....me, and a bunch of underclassmen under me. wow, i am really realizing how close many in the class of 2003 were to her, mostly because they heavily populated the fashion show.
maya is the only woman that i have shared a bed with...those teeny, tiny twin extra long beds you find in college. (those were some really uncomfy beds, btw). i remember offering to take the floor, and she just said "why?" i did wake up early in the morning and took the floor, just so i could spread out. but the girl was so small...it really was possible to share a slim bed with her and not even feel like she was there.
later, after i graduated, maya came back to dc a few times, two that i can remember specifically. we also talked on the phone and emailed semi-regularly. it wasn't that i didn't have time for her, i just wasn't in the habit of keeping in contact, especially after we had both left alma mater. but, i just knew she was okay, and that i would see her again.
i think i remember the last time that i spoke to her. she was in dc, recruiting for teach for america at alma mater. i was supposed to trek out there to see her, but i was just tired and not feeling well. i was either catching a cold or getting over one. i very well could have gone to see her, but for whatever reason, it didn't happen.
then, this summer:
Maya Buseman-Williams, 25, of Collegeville, was killed during a crash at 5:15 a.m. on Interstate 80 in Montour County.
According to police, _____ ______, 24, of Hanover Park, Ill., the driver of a 2002 Ford Explorer that was traveling west, lost control of the vehicle, which rolled several times.
Buseman-Williams was pronounced dead at the scene by Montour County Coroner Scott Lynn. _____ was transported to Geisinger Medical Center, Danville, for minor injuries.
and just like that, her life was over.
i'm not going to go into great detail about how i miss her. we all do. the shit is hard. for me, i do get used to it a little more each day.
i haven't brought myself to delete her name from my Outlook address book.
Maya was like....life. she did everything that i couldn't....she lived life her way. when she died, she was on her way to chicago to start a new life, having ended her term with teach for america.
you can't be mad at god for taking her when her life was so fulfilled. you can only be sad that you won't get to see her again any time soon.
but i know that she is here. i really do feel her sometimes. not externally, but internally.
i think she wants to beat j-pan's ass, too. she was there for me the first times that he hurt me. gosh....the tears are seriously welling up in my eyes now. she was just there for me so much, in ways that i am only now fully appreciating.
i still love you maya....thanks for looking out for me.
********
The only update I have is that I still miss her like crazy and my eyes well up with tears just thinking about her. I want her to be here so I could share my life with her. I wanted her to live to see my novel become a reality. Damn, I'd give anything to see her face again.
It's not easy....it never gets easier....it only gets further away.
I love you, Maya. I miss you. Hold a space for me up there.
Posted by Rashid on November 23, 2004 at 8:16 PM | Comments (5)
Another one of these dumb things (Thanks Deidre!)
1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME?
Rashid Eman Darden
2. What COLOR/TYPE OF PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?
Blue jeans
3. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
A commercial that uses the Andy Griffith Show theme.
4. WHAT'S THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
Ramen noodles with ground turkey.
5. WOULD YOU WISH UPON A STAR?
Yeah, I do sentimental stuff like that.
6. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Old Gold!
7. HOW IS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW?
It was cloudy and kinda nippy today. Overcast all day long, and if it wasn't dark, I guess it still would be.
8. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Him; not counting my mom, who I spoke to right before work.
9. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT YOU THIS?
Heck yeah, Deidre is my dawg!
10. HOW OLD ARE YOU TODAY?
25
11. FAVORITE DRINKS?
Ginger Ale
12. FAVORITE SPORTS?
I like watching track and field. Not much of an athlete myself.
13. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR HAIR?
Dark brown.
14. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
Yep.
15. SIBLINGS?
I have a half-sister and half-brother who probably don't even know I exist.
16. FAVORITE MONTH?
October! Homecoming season and holidays!
17. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
The Visit on DVD
18. FAVORITE DAYS OF THE YEAR?
Homecoming! My birthday, Halloween.
19. WHAT DO YOU DO TO VENT ANGER?
Ask my friends for permission to vent, then cuss a lot!
20. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
He-Man and She-Ra!
21. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Winter
22. HUGS OR KISSES?
Kisses.
23. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?
Vanilla
24. DO YOU HOPE YOUR FRIENDS WILL WRITE BACK?
Well, it's a blog entry, so whatever.
25. LIVING ARRANGEMENTS?
I live in a mansion on the highest of seven hills.
26. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Hmmmm....I did get weepy while watching The Visit.
27. WHAT IS UNDER YOUR BED?
Clothes (in drawers).
28. WHO IS THE FRIEND YOU HAVE HAD THE LONGEST?
Jon. He's the one I talk to with some regularity. Known him since high school.
29. WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT?
Came home, checked email, ate dinner, took a nap, woke up, talked to Nikki, talked to Luma, talked to him.
30. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Cool Water cologne (on me)....I like a lot of other smells, I guess.
31. WHAT INSPIRES YOU?
Love....friends...life...
32. WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?
Hurt.
33. PLAIN, BUTTERED OR SALTED POPCORN?
I like my popcorn like I like my men: hot, salty, and covered with butter!
34. FAVORITE CAR?
Don't really care....
35. FAVORITE FLOWER?
Probably the sunflower....it has significance in my novel.
36. NUMBER OF KEYS ON YOUR KEY RING?
Just two house keys.
37. WHAT DID YOU DO ON YOUR LAST BIRTHDAY?
Went to Takoma Station with some friends. Fun fun fun.
38. HOW MANY STATES HAVE YOU LIVED IN?
Just DC....I've lived overseas in England and Russia for short periods.
39. HOW MANY CITIES HAVE YOU LIVED IN?
Three: DC, Moscow, and Leicester, UK.
40. HOW MANY COUNTRIES HAVE YOU BEEN IN?
Counting layovers: US, UK, Germany, Russia
41. HOW MANY CARS HAVE YOU HAD & WHAT WAS THE FIRST CAR THAT YOU HAD?
You're breaking my heart....
42. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
The Columbia Hopsital for Women in Foggy Bottom -- a neighborhood in Washington, DC -- near George Washington University.
Posted by Rashid on at 6:18 PM | Comments (0)
Back to Work!
Sabbatical is over!
I got a lot accomplished on LAZARUS over the past few weeks, and you all will see the fruits of those labors over the next few months. I did a lot with these weeks off, but now it's back to work and making money. Finances will be light, but I did a good (better) job at budgeting.
Today, I sub for first grade. Tomorrow and Wednesday, I sub for third. I am excited to be back in the classroom, especially with these funny ass first graders.
I still gotta do report cards...shame shame shame.
Okay, I really think I should shower now....I am just still kinda tired, I guess.
To all who read this, have a wonderful day. All three of you.
Posted by Rashid on November 22, 2004 at 7:13 AM | Comments (0)
How I'm Feelin'.....
I'mm feelin' real good.
Trying not to get paralyzed by the fear one gets when everything is just too perfect.
I really like him. A lot.
I want everything to be just right.
I'm scared, a little. I'm more used to hurt than I am un-hurt, so I kinda don't know about all this "happiness" shit.
I don't want to disappoint him. But why would I? How could I? I don't know -- that's part of the fear.
I just want to be there with him.
UGGGGGGHHHHHHH why am I actin' like a bia??? I am Rashid Darden, I don't stop for no man! *growl* I write books, bitch! *beating chest with fists*
*sigh*
These have been the best days of my life, though....it feels good to be liked.
Hey, I don't need nobody to like me!!! I ain't no bia! I'm the Ill Rah-Rah, dammit!
*sigh*
We'll see what happens. Hopefully, nothing but good.
Posted by Rashid on at 7:01 AM
Collage Poem for him
All at once I knew -- I knew at once -- I knew he needed me
An empty room is merciless, don't be surprised if I confess:
I sometimes have the tendency to look at you
…religiously
So many nights…
So many dreams…
I shall not envy lovers, but long for what they share.
What the hell am I doing here?
My beating heart wants you
And my empty arms need you
You touch me; I hear the sound of mandolins
You are so beautiful to me
You kiss me; with your kiss my life begins
You’re spring to me
You're everything I need
…all things to me
Nothing even matters to me
Who would have thought his love could be so good?
Can't you see you're everything I hoped for?
If there's a thing that you need, I'd give you the breath that I breathe
Don’t you know you’re life itself?
I don't care if it hurts.
Just hold me, hold me, hold me, hold me…
Nothing even matters to me
You're part of my identity
You've really got…
You've really got a…
…I don't belong here.
What the hell am I doing here?
*******
Mashed Up from:
"He Needs Me" by Shelly Duvall
"Creep" by Radiohead
"You've Really Got a Hold on Me" performed by the Beatles
"Not Me" performed by Boyz II Men
"Nothing Even Matters" by Lauryn Hill ft. D'Angelo
"You Light Up My Life" performed by Leanne Rhymes
"Wild is the Wind" performed by Cat People
"I've Fallen in Love With You" by Joss Stone
"You Are So Beautiful to Me" by Joe Cocker
"Whenever, Wherever, Whatever" by Maxwell
Posted by Rashid on November 21, 2004 at 3:37 PM
Book Manufacturing and Pre-Orders
It's Friday! Wooooo hooooo! I just wanted to say hello to everyone and say thank you SO MUCH for all your support. I really do think about my website, my yahoogroup, and all my supportive friends every day.
I am working very closely with a "Book Manufacturer" -- what you all might know as a printer. The publishing industry calls it "Book Manufacturing" because not every "printer" makes books. Anyway, I am using a very nice, very accomodating Book Manifacturer in Kansas. After I decided to decline the offer from the small publisher, deciding effectively to self-publish (again), I knew I would go back to this particular company.
I emailed my contact to try to knock down the price of printing, and they did (a little bit). I don't know if you all know, but I am poor. LOL. Self-publishing is ex-pen-sive. It really means a lot to me that this company is helping me find ways to lower the cost of printing without sacrificing the quality of the book.
You should also know that no matter how low they make the price, well, unless it is free (ha ha) that I will STILL be relying heavily on pre-orders to finance the book. I am not trying to make a profit, folks. My objective is simply to be published, to have my work available to YOU all, to have the story of Adrian Collins told. Therefore, when I start taking pre-orders, I am really going to need all of you to come through for me! February 1 is the date I will start accepting orders on the website, so mark your calendars!
Also, if you know any philanthropists who consider themeselves patrons of the arts, show them my website and tell them how poor I am. :-D Donations are ALWAYS welcome!
So, to sum it up: Working on an agreement with the book manufacturer, pre-orders will be taken on February 1, and TELL PEOPLE!!!!
The Book is LAZARUS.
The Author is RASHID DARDEN.
The website is OLDGOLDSOUL!!!!!
God bless!!!
Posted by Rashid on November 19, 2004 at 7:58 AM | Comments (0)
freestyle
you don't know how happy i am
every single cell in my body
tries to jump out my body
and give you a hug
i am so fuckin ready
i tell you, but
you don't know how happy i
really
am
every hair on my body
even the ones entangled in dreadlocks
the ones on my legs
the fine ones on the back of my neck
they stiffen in the silence
my body makes love to you in between
sheets of soundlessness
but you don't know how happy i am
to be making love to you while my
body is absolutely still
i
like
you so fuckin much
like country people like grits
every song i play erases somebody else
in my mind
in my heart
and leaves only you
and i am like damn, could i be
a virgin once more?
that's like whoa
let me show you how happy i am
Posted by Rashid on November 18, 2004 at 8:10 PM
Jaleel?
Do y'all think this is Jaleel White? I have my doubts....
Posted by Rashid on November 17, 2004 at 3:30 PM | Comments (1)
What Kind of Leader Am I?
Posted by Rashid on at 11:19 AM | Comments (1)
From the Seattle Post-Intelligencer
Sorry you can't see the whole thing....
Posted by Rashid on November 16, 2004 at 4:24 PM | Comments (0)
Return of the Old Head
If anyone checked my away message this weekend, you'll know that I was gone all day Friday and Saturday. I hadn't actually left town, but I wasn't really available for my normal blogging and chatting.
I had gone back HOME (Georgetown) to help bring over 18 brand new Brothers of Alpha Phi Omega! Woo hoo! Shout out to my Great-Great-Great Little Blair -- yes, I am just that old. She seems cool, we showered her with gifts and stuff. I also got little stuff for two pledges I was able to meet during the process, Alexandra and Quinn. Cool, cool peeps, most definitely.
So let's see....on Friday, I rolled out of here sometime after 11am, after having gotten an email from....somebody. A thoughtful email that made me smile. Tee hee.
Then I was off...the ride over to Georgetown was uneventful, but the cabbie seemed to want to talk to me an awful lot. Oh yeah, it was raining by that point, and it would rain all day.
Got to the Town of George and walked over to the APO office. Two pledges were there as was my Great-Little Laura (whom I love) and a few other Brothers. Later, an old school ('87) alum Kelli came to visit. Well, come to find out, Kelli is a cancer survivor, which I had no idea about. Also, she like other alums are pretty disgruntled about how we lose traditions over the years. And I sympathized, but also could see how some traditions need to evolve. Long story short, it was funny seeing one of the neos (from Spring '04) sorta latch onto the alums in agreement with what needed to be changed and reinforced about the process. It was kinda like "Don't tell anyone, but I am just like you all in my heart."
lol....it was cute. And it's tough being an old school brother trapped in a neo's body. I was definitely him five years ago.
Anyway....Shari joined me during this time in the office, and we later headed off campus to go to the Greek store and pick up some gifts. I told Blair's big that I would pick up some things -- I didn't let him pay for anything, that's what alums are for.
(Even though I don't have money like THAT to throw away, it's important to me that MY offspring's offspring gets spoiled. Or "spoilt" as they say in the UK.)
So we went to The Guild and pickins' were slim. We basically cleaned them out of anything worth buying AND I made them find me an APO shirt that maybe possibly no one had picked up yet. They found one in size large which was good enough. If it's too big for her, she can cinch it, lol.
Along Georgia Avenue, we stopped in a few bookstores and this boutique....I forgot the name of the boutique, but it had some good stuff in there. I might want to partner with them in the future.
At the bookstore(s), I bought:
The Prosaic Soul of Nikki Giovanni (Wanted to add to my Nikki Giovanni collection with some prose for a change. I really like how everything she's come out with in the past ten years stylistically looks similar, so when I am finally finished buying all her stuff, that section of my library will look uniform.)
Tales of Yoruba Gods & Heroes by Harold Courlander (I am a buff of all things Yoruba...Voodoo, Santeria, and my Yoruba friends, lol)
Moon Over Harlem/Juke Joint/The Song of Freedom/Big Fella (Once I saw that Paul Robeson was in this two-disc DVD set offered by Urban Works Entertainment I knew I had to get it. They seem like flicks that would be nice to cuddle up with someone you care about and watch.)
Aww...cuddling....
Anyway, so we were FREEZING by the time we were done of Georgia Avenue. We stopped by Shari's rental office to handle some business, then we went back to the Georgetown. We decided right then and there to go buy some gloves from the bookstore, but first, we headed to The Tombs to meet some Brothers, pledges, and alumni. It was cool....nothing major to report other than some discussion about our chapter's 50th anniversary in '06.
THEN we went to get gloves, and I also bought a blue and gray striped scarf....except for the fact that it was overpriced and had "Georgetown" on it, it's a nice, warm scarf.
The rest of the evening I can't really talk about in the interest of discretion...you know, it IS a Fraternity! However, Shari and I were eventually joined by Jimi and Cerrice. We headed back to the hotel and had a good time.
Next morning, we resumed Fraternity activities. That was cool. I got a phone call from somone, and that was nice. Really nice.
I spent part of the afternoon sleeping in the hotel room. We finally got ourselves together and made it to the ceremonies just in time. I helped a little! I felt very useful the whole weekend. And wanted. And appreciated.
So for some reason, the power went out, and the crossing party ended. Well, it ended for me. I called my girl Erin and she told us some dude named Ian ("You know Ian, right?" "Uhh, sure!") and his band were throwing a party on East Campus. So I was like cool, I'm down for some live music, even though my peeps are all dressed in gowns and suits and I really don't remember who Ian is.
People swear that I knwo everybody. I really don't.
So on the way to Ian's, I ran into this dude who was quite simply the coolest Freshman in the universe when I was a Senior. He ended up taking some time off school, but he was back when I was him. Senai! Love him. His mom is really cool, too. Anyway, I was so glad to see him. We made small chit-chat, then went into the party. Senai, too, asked if I remembered Ian. "Sure, I'm sure I remember his face!" Yeah, right, who the hell is Ian?????
I went in, saw the band playing at the far end of the apartment and saw Ian. ("Ooooooh, that guy!") He might have also been a fifth year Senior, too, because otherwise I have no specific reason to remember his face. The band was decent, too. He was on percussion.
But we only stayed for about ten minutes....FOLKS' feet were hurting and FOLKS were getting a little agitated. In response, I was getting irritated. The crew dropped me off at the hotel so I could pee. (Couldn't find a public bathroom on campus that wasn't affected by the power outage, although East Campus had light.) The rest of the crew went to Maryland to find a liquor store. Later for all that.
While in the hotel room, made contact with the homie...it was already past his bed time. Then I talked to BLACK MARTHA who had left me a message like where the hell are you!? Ooops, forgot to tell folks where I'd be.
Then the crew came back....I made an attempt to enjoy the alcohol and the card game, but it wasn't happening. Tried to sleep, but niggas were loud, so I spent an hour chillin' in the hotel lobby till folks could calm down. When I got back, it was quieter but the game was still on. I packed my bag for the next morning and the game wrapped up...THEN I went back downstairs for ANOTHER hour to talk to Shari. We had good convo. I really like talking to her. Then we went back inside to clown Jimi as he slept.
Next morning, I went home (pretty early). I was kind tired of being out and just wanted to come work on some things at home. And surprisingly, I DID get some work on LAZARUS done.
And now it's Monday, and here I am. Now I gotta tell my Little the uncensored version of events. lol....talk to y'all soon!
Posted by Rashid on November 15, 2004 at 7:53 AM | Comments (2)
Damn, Gina!
I can't believe I lost an entry.
Here I am typing away, then I fall asleep because I am really too tired to keep going. I leave the computer on, get up early, pop in my tape of ER, and resume typing.
Then somehow, I am working in Netscape, right click on a tab, and click "Close Other Tabs" instead of closing the one I wanted closed. Of course, I lost my entry.
Bah. Oh well. It's probably for the best. I'll try to recreate what I remember.
I love, but hate the feeling I get when I like someone....it's a great feeling, but it's toxic. See....when I like someone, I really like them. But I don't like everyone that way.....it's tough to explain....
It's a toxic feeling because, for me, it always turns out that the people I have these feelings for....well....they either can't return the feelings in the same way....or don't. And because the communication isn't where it needs to be, I end up getting hurt.
Ironically, I always tell a dude how I feel, at the beginning, middle, and end stages of a "relationship" -- indeed, that is what is probably intimidating about me, my ability to be candid with my emotions. I don't play games with people. Tell me the truth; I'll tell you the truth. So why is communication always a problem for me? Why do I always end up getting hurt by someone who "just" didn't like me the same way, when things were going so well, it seemed?
I don't guess that everyone I come into contact is wack. That would be the easy explanation. Okay, yes, some if not many men I've dated have been wack. (Ha ha, I just thought how funny it would be if I named names....) But some of these men are very beautiful people that I still hold some kind of feelings for, even if they are buried deep, deep inside and never mentioned or dealt with.
Not many men, just a few.
And I wonder what happened, what went wrong, what could I have done differently to avoid being hurt? How could I predict that someone I date faithfully for a few months all of a sudden stop calling me, stop emailing me...won't return my messages? How can anyone predict that somebody will turn into an asshole?
And I guess you can't, really....no matter how much screening I do, there is no way that I can predict that someone will spend time with me, know exactly what will hurt me most, and then use it against me. It happens. People do this. It hurts. It keeps me single.
So there's your answer. I am single because I am tired of being hurt be people I love.
That said....I can pretty much tell the type of man that has that "hurt-potential." It's not that I try to avoid him....but hey, who goes out looking for hurt, right? Not the kid.
I love, but hate the feeling I get just before I start liking somebody....the conversations on the phone...the emails...the text messages...everything's wonderful. You like thinking about that person....you smile like a little bitch when you're talking on the phone.
Yeah, that's me.
It's a scary feeling knowing that you could fall for someone.
So many things I'm goin' through
So much that I wanna do
It startin' to become so clear to me
Tomorrow ain't really what it seems...
Yeah....that's me.
I don't want to overthink this....oh hell, you know I wouldn't be me if I didn't overthink this. I have this thing where I think through every single scenario that could possibly happen in a given situation.
So I will TRY not to overthink this. I will TRY to let things flow. I will TRY to not become emotionally invested in hypotheticals, be they positive or negative.
I WILL always be honest and upfront with my emotions. Even though that doesn't give me the outcome that I WANT, it always gives me the outcome I need. If a man can't deal with the real me...the raw ME that exists beyond the dreads, the book, the flirtation....if he can't deal with what lies in my heart, then he's just not worth dealing with in the first place.
How you like them apples?
Posted by Rashid on November 12, 2004 at 6:43 AM | Comments (0)
Probate
Cacophonies of silence fill this place.
My eardrums burst with ev’ry muted shout,
Though fear shall not appear upon my face.
I represent the thousands of my race
Who know the pain of which I talk about.
Cacophonies of silence fill this place
And I daren’t move; not even for a pace.
New families could quickly cast me out,
Though fear shall not appear upon my face.
Seven stand, though more began the race;
Seven strong – weary, but still stout.
Cacophonies of silence fill this place.
From bloody anchor to the bloody ace,
Our grit – do not mistake it for a pout.
Though fear shall not appear upon my face,
I march across the sands bearing the mace.
Who knows the pain of which I talk about?
Cacophonies of silence fill this place…
Though fear shall not appear upon my face.
Posted by Rashid on November 10, 2004 at 11:27 PM | Comments (0)
That's What I'm Looking For
So many people ask me why I'm single.
YOU TELL ME!!!!
Leave your comments! Why am I single? What do you think?
Posted by Rashid on November 9, 2004 at 5:15 PM | Comments (3)
The Scoop
The announcement you have been waiting for:
I'M GOING TO SELF-PUBLISH!!!!!!
For years, I was told by potential agents that even though my writing was great, they couldn't take me on because the market was already saturated with black writers. Or, I was told by the agents themselves that they didn't have the contacts in the right places to make a book like mine successful.
No potential agent ever told me that my writing wasn't strong. Not even a hint.
This summer, I took time to research the ins and outs of self-publishing. I got pretty far, too. I picked up the Ross and Poynter books about self-publishing, did a lot of research on the internet, saw how vast black book clubs were, learned about distribution, etc. It was a lot.
Then I got an offer from a new, small publisher. For a few months, all thoughts on self-publishing were put on hold, and then faded. My family was so happy for me....my friends were also happy, although they sensed my trepidation.
As I waited for the contract, I started weighing all the options. Self-publishing would be expensive, and I just didn't have the money to do it, nor did I even know anyone who could or would invest the money in me. I thought that signing a contract for a small advance would be better than the possible debt I would incur by self-publishing.
But when I reviewed that contract, I regained that confidence back. I could do this by myself if I had to. I asked follow-up questions of the publisher, read and re-read the contract, and consulted with other writers, including my mentor.
In the end, I followed my head, my heart, and my gut.
And now, here I am, a soon-to-be self-published novelist. I am neither embarrassed not ashamed. This is how many authors have gotten their start. I am no stranger to hard work when it comes to the things I love, and writing is one of those things.
I have so many people who are on my side...so many people who want to see this happen.
As always, I will be keeping everyone updated through this diary, the website, and the BRAND NEW YAHOOGROUP!
The Rashid/Old Gold Soul Update List
Join now for the latest updates!
PEACE!
Posted by Rashid on November 8, 2004 at 12:01 PM | Comments (3)
Funnies
***I did not make these up.***
1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys
and apes?
5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all
the bad girls live.
6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-
help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
7. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't
going as ghosts but as mattresses?
8. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
9. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and
there is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong?
10. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself,
is it
considered a hostage situation?
11. Is there another word for synonym?
12. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they
do 'practice'?
13. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
14. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an
endangered
plant?
15. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
16. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
17. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone
will clean them?
18. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
19. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
20. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
21. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to
remain silent?
22. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
23. How do blind people know when they are done wiping?
24. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
25. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste
funny?
26. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
27. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other
people.
28. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
29. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
30. How is it possible to have a civil war?
31. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
32. If you ate pasta and antipasti, would you still be hungry?
33. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
34. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?
35. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?
36. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
37. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
38. Where are we going? And what's with this hand basket?
39. If the "blackbox" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane
crash,
why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?
40. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
41. If you spin an Asian man in a circle three times, does he become
disoriented?
Posted by Rashid on November 6, 2004 at 10:26 PM | Comments (0)
Last Day
So today is my last day for two weeks and the bamas bamboozled me into taking a badddddd ass second grade class. I was SUPPOSED to get TWO transition days with the permanent first grade teacher so she's not just left out there in the wind and so my kids could get used to my diminisged appearance.
No dice....I have a strong suspicion nobody ever secured a sub for the second graders. Their teacher was scheduled to be our yesterday, today, and Monday. But it seemed like they had to scramble for the one they got yesterday. So they called me in to cover until the sub came.
They respected my authoritah, but I know it would wear out after like two hours. She's got some real wack jobs in that class.
Anyway, so they BEGGED me to sub today for the second graders, realizing that I had already said I would not be available next week and the week after.
*le sigh*
Because of this recent development, I won't be going to my high school homecoming afterall. Me and a coworker both went to the same school, and we had decided to go together. (She has the car, lol) But then she said she had to do something, which was cool -- I could just dip out a little early and get on the bus to go to the game. That would have worked perfectly with the first grade teacher and myself being in the same room.
But no...now I have to stay until 3:15, the very end of the day, and most likely later knowing these little wack jobs. By the time I actually arrive at Coolidge, the game will be more than half over and I won't have a ride back home. Not that a ride is necessary, but I'm not feeling the bus afte a certain time.
Okay, I'm not feeling the bus ever these days, lol.
So, I will be bringing my happy ass home tonight. I need to start catching up on sleep now so over the next two weeks I can make good use of my "sabbatical."
And YES....I really really do have an announcement to make over the weekend. Gotta follow the protocol though, so let me tell my inner circle first, then I will post it in my blog.
Have a great day!
Posted by Rashid on November 5, 2004 at 6:41 AM | Comments (1)
The Problem of BLOG
Get it? See, there was a class at Georgetown called "The Problem of God"..... oh, never mind.
So, I had to admit....I used to be addicted to online diaries and blogs, but now it's really hard for me to keep up. I used to be knee-deep in DiaryLand, son. For real.
But see, now I am having a slight issue. I have three friends (real friends) who keep blogs now. One of them tells me all her business anyway (and I tell her mine) so we typically get the scoop before it hits the blog anyway. Another, I subscribe to his Xanga blog, so I read it when it's updated. Okay, sometimes I skim it, but I always come away knowing what's up with him. It's tough to retain the info sometimes, but if he's ever hurt or in trouble, I'd know. He and I talk a lot, and when he asks if I read his blog, it's usually like "You knew about so-and-so, right?" and if I hadn't read it, he'll tell me anyway. I also know with certainty that these two friends read my blog. (I SEE YO STATS, I SEE YO STATS!)
Third friend....see, I try to be a good friend, right? I think I am a pretty empathetic, gracious, kind-hearted kind of nigga.
It made me feel some kind of way when I ask my BOY how he's doing, and I'm referred to the BLOG.
And I read the blog, and he's going through all types of shit, and I sympathize or whatever.....but I still feel some kind of way that I was referred to the BLOG. Like dude, I KNOW you. wtf?
You just kinda see how it is, I guess. Disappointed, but not trippin. Sympathetic, but not going out of my way. Open to talking about it, but not going to mention it unless he does. It's his life, I care....but I got referred to the BLOG, dawg.
Some kinda way....
Posted by Rashid on November 4, 2004 at 6:30 AM | Comments (1)
Why, God? Why?
Even Osama Bin Laden couldn't affect the outcome of this election.
What kind of terrorist is he, anyway?
I know, I know. We don't have a winner yet.
But come on. We all know Kerry can't pull this thing out.
*sigh*
Posted by Rashid on November 3, 2004 at 5:52 AM | Comments (0)
Fall Back
It is early as hell, yo.
I have like 50 minutes to do random things before I head out to work. I WOULD just go to work early and clean up the classroom, but I really don't feel like walking all the way to the back door. (Nobody is in the front office to buzz me in before a certain time.)
I guess I'll work backwards....I am thisclose to making an announcement about the book. Some more conversations need to be had, but I am pretty sure that in my heart, I know what decision to make. I can't wait to be able to tell you all what the next move is going to be.
Along those same lines, I recently purchased Guerilla Marketing for Writers. Very very good stuff. Yesterday, I read a lot of this book and did a lot of thinking about the novel(s). This book reinvigorated a lot inside of me that I had over the summer. (That might be a major hint to those of you who know me well, but I still won't say right now what the decision is. Hell, it might change.)
The trick-or-treaters last night...we got so many more trick-or-treaters than we have before. Some of them were BOOTLEG. How you gonna roll up to my house with jeans, a sweater, and vampire teeth? And your parent is there just smiling like it's okay? How much are costumes from CVS? Come on.
Then my neighbors had the nerve to come begging for candy with NO costume! What the hell!? I started not to give them anything, little lazy runts. How dare you.
Yes, I take this holiday seriously.
Saturday, I visted one of my kids in the hospital. Sad. I need to go back and give him a picture of myself, since he asked for one.
Friday was the big "Fall Festival." Long story short, why did my kids act like a bunch of drunkards at an Irish Pub? We sat our first graders at clusters and left a lot of open space in the middle for our table with the food. We had so much candy it was sickening. SO MUCH! Anyway, so these kids kept toasting each other with little huggies. Pure sugar, water, and food coloring. Possibly some cocaine. But they were too young to understand that you say "cheers" when you toast, so they said:
"TOAST!"
Then, after they got tired of saying "Toast!" they said:
"Happy Halloween!"
then:
"Happy Fall Festival!"
then:
"Happy birthday!"
then finally:
"We love you Ms. ______ and Mr. Darden!"
It was cool....they deserved a nice little party. Most of them are hard workers. However, the insanity began when they started spontaneously singing and chanting.
That's why I say they became drunkards at an Irish pub. If they knew "Piano Man" by Billy Joel, I'm sure they would have sung it.
Okay, so first they started singing some random kids songs, like maybe the Pinball number song from Sesame Street, which I taught them earlier in the year. And maybe the bumblebee song. Me and my colleague were like "What the hell?" Who spontaneously sings at a party?
THEN...they went from drunken Irish pub to jook joint/church house/gin house. These bamas started singing the chants I taught them earlier in the day. Imagine thirty first graders chanting:
"Ice ice, baby! Too cold, too cold! Ice ice, baby! The black and gold!"
Oh my lordy. What have I done? The only reason we taught them the chant was to kill about ten minutes of time between an assembly and recess. Okay, more like twenty minutes, because we had time to teach them a variation of "All of my love..."
So of course, the next logical step for the little runts, high on sugar, was to spontaneous start singing:
"Alllllll of my looooove....my peace and happiness....I'm gonna give tooo _________ [name of school]"
After the first verse, why did these little bamas start rising to their feet like they were in church? What the hell!!!
THEN, they were swift enough to remember the other part of the chant that we made up, to be chanted at the same time as all of my love is sung:
"First grade! We are the leaopards! We're in the first grade! We are the mighty mighty leaopards!"
Why did first grade damn near have a probate show? See, this is why greeks don't need to teach, lol.
So anyway, they settled down and enjoyed the five course junk food meal we fed them. It was good though.
Whew.
I have a lot of cleaning to do this week before the regular teacher comes back on Thursday. But the good thing is while she is teaching, I can be grading papers and whatnot.
Okay....I have more time to kill, I think I am going to read some more.
PEACE!
Posted by Rashid on November 1, 2004 at 7:07 AM | Comments (1)