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Withdrawal like a mofo!

Although it's probably temporary, I'm going through some serious HIM withdrawal this morning! I mean damn! Who knew that not talking to him for one day would hit me like this?

So yesterday morning, things were cool. Woke up, did my thing. Nothing special. On a normal day, might have sent him a "have a good day" text message. On an even better day, I might have called him as he was on the train headed to work. But not yesterday. It wasn't like a big internal battle, just more like "Today is the first day I'm giving HIM time for ... him..." LOL

Since all the bad stuff had been lifted off my heart the night before, I was able to proceed throughout my day pretty well. None of the feeling mad/sad/confused/disappointed. I think one time in the afternoon, I may have thought of him and smiled, spontaneously. One of my kids caught me smiling, and she smiled back. That was kind of weird, but fun...me thinking of him made someone else smile.

Wow, that's kind of profound...and it's making me a little verklempt right now.... Okay...whew, that's better.

I really, really wanted to get home in enough time to log onto AIM and say hi to him. I didn't want him to think I was being MEAN and had blocked him off of AIM. I mean, I don't THINK he'd think that, but then again maybe he did. I might. Would I? I don't know.

See how neurotic I am? Welcome to my daily existence.

So since I didn't get home until after he got off work, missing him on AIM, I felt a little disappointed, but thought it was for the best. Gotta give him his own time to work things out without interference.

Continued with my day, chatted a lot, returned a lot of emails, got a posting in my guestbook from a homophobe, and watched some MTV. By the end of my evening, I was tempted to send him a text message, but it was late, and AGAIN, wanted to give space.

I slept well....I was kinda cold, but it was a good night.

But NOW? Got damn I want to talk to him....not for any particular reason, not for any declaration of love, not to even ask "do you miss me." I'm just USED to talking to him....it's weird not calling or receiving his call.

I like him. I don't really want to be without him.

I hope I get home earlier today.

Posted by Rashid on January 7, 2005 5:53 AM