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Another Day

I'm staying strong.

A friend/co-worker of mine is going through a similar situation, so I got somebody to empathize with.

Here and there, I wonder if I'm doing the right thing. But I look back and see the love I have given and how it was unreciprocated -- not only that, but how it was almost encouraged. You know? At some point, one of us has to man up and say "We can't do this anymore."

Ugh....he is determined to see me this weekend, too. I believe in karma, so I'm not going to be mean to him for no reason -- but he's not my friend. I don't love him. I don't like him. I want him to leave me alone for good. I don't like who I am when I love him -- and I don't like being led to believe that one day he could love me.

If he could love me, he could also come out.

If he could love me, he wouldn't have "straight" listed on his MySpace profile.

If he could love me, he would have seen me the night he came into DC to go to DREAM.

I wish he had never ever EVER sent me that initial message. These past six months have been a pure waste. I've been here before and I never thought I'd make past mistakes.

But I've learned to trust my gut and not ignore the early warning signs. We're talking first five minute warning signs. I can't give someone I don't know a second chance, you know?

I probably still sound REAL crazy.

I'm just looking forward to Pride and making a lot of connections with other gay black men. Not even love connections, just networking. Shoot, people will read this blog and know I am damaged goods, LOLOL.

*le sigh*

I'm fine. I will be fine.

Posted by Rashid on May 25, 2005 7:26 AM