Finally
My oldgoldsoul account is FINALLY acting right. If you haven't noticed, my site has been hella slow the past two days. But it seems to be acting right, so that's one less thing to worry about.
I need to find a more efficient way
Wow, I TOTALLY zoned out for a few minutes and have no idea what I was going to say. I guess that means I have a lot on my mind. I was kind of upset last night, seemingly about nothing in particular. But i KNEW something was wrong, and it was related to him.
It's weird how I am so intuitive about certain things but allow myself to be clouded in uncertainty when it comes to other things.
Every now and then, the solution -- or really, the core of the matter -- is revealed to me, but for some reason, I don't want to deal with it.
A message was sent.....the core of my uncertainty is the response to the message. I didn't think at the time that the response was inadequate, but then I thought about it...I don't really know what he thinks about the message. I don't know how he feels that no matter what, I am going to pursue him.
He didn't tell me not to pursue him. But if the shoe was on the other foot, would I be able to TELL someone "Hey, stop pursuing me, this will never in a million years work out?"
I want him bad. I've never gone after someone like this before. I feel like Sami Brady in this piece. (If you don't know, don't ask.)
Jeez this is turning pretty personal. I don't know how to deal with this anymore. It seems like every time I have a "deep" conversation with someone, it's never positive. It never works out with me on top.
I don't feel sorry for myself, those are just facts.
I hope that whoever I end up with in the long run understands that I am emotional and communicative. That's not going to change any time soon. But in exchange, I offer lots of love, devotion, and loyalty.
Maybe the emotions drive people away. That's the common denominator as far as I can see it.
I'm not going to bring it up with him. I'm not hiding it (clearly)...but if he wants to discuss it, here I is. I've got too much other stress in my life to go around pursuing extra stress. If it's gonna be anything, lets let it be something. If it's not, let me know. Limbo sucks. I'm going to need more than a one word response to the message.
BTW....I remember now what I had wanted to say: I need to find a more efficient way to post my fraternity round-up. Like, if I could copy and paste all the articles at one time, that would be GREAT! lol
Posted by Rashid on May 19, 2005 7:04 AM