« Two Online Reviews | Main | Mr. Darden: Cool Sub »
The Answers II
Nasheed writes:
Ooooh, questions about romance? I have a couple.1. Beyond the individual qualities that you find attractive in any man, what particular "type(s)" of guys are you drawn to (despite reason or despite yourself)?
2. Looking back on your relationship patterns, has your involvement with guys who fit your type(s) been healthy for you (or not)?
1. I am attracted to "eclectic" guys....men who like lots of different things, listen to all types of music, and don't necessarily fit into the traditional "hip-hop" category. That's not to say I'm not attracted to people who are "hip-hop" -- it's just that eclectic guys match the things I like, grew up with, or can grow to appreciate. Example: A black man who knows and appreciates the music of David Bowie gets way more cool points that one who only listens to rap or R&B.
These types of guys don't look a particular way.... I was attracted to the late Tymex. We never dated or anything, but I was instantly intrigued by the fact that this little black man had this huge green afro.
Black guys who are into comic books are also way cool. The elements of my own life that I don't get to share with many of my friends are the same elements that I look for in a mate.
2. It's not that the relationships I've had with said guys have been unhealthy...it's that they just don't really work out.
Take J-Pan for example....all my old head bloggers remember him. We are talking years and years of a complicated dance between he and I. We were polar opposites on the surface, but on the inside, we had a lot in common. They were things that I don't readily share with the word.
But things didn't work. As is usually the case, he didn't want the same thing from me that I wanted from him. That's the common denominator in my failed relationships. Most people would rather have me as a friend, which is really code for "I'm not that into you."
Sucks, but true.
I don't think my bad luck in relationships is necessarily connected to the kind of guys I like. I've dated fraternity men, young professionals, quasi-thugs....coming-out issues and "just not into me" issues are always what ends things.
And yes, sometimes that works in reverse, too. I've definitely dated dudes I just wasn't feeling, and I should have told them so early on. I try not to do that anymore though. It's so much easier to have very high standards and early deal-breakers than it is to date someone who thinks you might really like them, but you in fact don't.
Just my opinions.
Posted by Rashid on May 17, 2005 9:48 AM