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Black Issues Book Review, Beeyatches!
WELL, after TWO emails and some REALLY heavy searching on my own, after having owned the damn thing for weeks, I FINALLY saw with my own two eyes....
I'm in Black Issues Book Review!
On page 20.
At the bottom right.
Near the fold.
It's page 20, "Self-Publishing Reviews."
In a little box called "Other Noteworthy Titles."
Did you see it?
I DIDN'T FOR SEVERAL WEEKS, LOLOLOL.
I want to thank all of you who wrote in to BIBR months and months ago to recommend Lazarus to be reviewed. Though this isn't a full review (barely a capsule) it IS my first appearance in a non-Gay national publication!
For what it's worth, Lazarus was previously featured in Clikque and FlavaLife magazines. :-)
So celebrate!
Posted by Rashid on November 30, 2005 at 2:59 PM | Comments (3)
Stop Trippin
slow down the usual sprint.....
internalize....internalize....internalize....
Posted by Rashid on at 1:23 PM
Another day....
Maybe one day I will be normal. Nothing is ever easy with me. It's always a thought, a process, an obsession. All that.
I am always feeling like I need to apologize for something.
I'm just trying to learn and be better and be happy.
Posted by Rashid on at 12:41 PM
The more I talk....
...the more I fuck shit up.
Posted by Rashid on November 29, 2005 at 9:39 PM
First, the bad news:
Sinus infection with mild bronchitis.
Inhaler, cough syrup with codeine, and antibiotics.
Homebound until December 5.
:-/
Posted by Rashid on at 2:03 PM | Comments (5)
Sisters in Reading and The Literary Expo
Saturday night:
Went out to Upper Marlboro, MD, for the Sisters in Reading Book Club meeting. It was great! The ladies were hilarious and very down to earth. There were a lot of diverse opinions about my novel, and I loved the chance to talk about a lot of the different themes.
But damn Upper Marlboro was far, LOL.
Click here for pictures from the event.
***
Then on Sunday, I was on the panel for the Literary Expo that the Deltas from Federal City Alumnae Chapter sponsored. This is the event with none other than Nikki Giovanni. Although there were some bumps at the beginning that threatened to make my inner O-Ren Ishii come out, by the time I spoke, it was all good. :-)
Here are the pictures and here are my remarks:
I am Rashid Darden and my novel is LAZARUS, the story of Adrian Collins, a college sophomore who deals with issues of identity and sexuality while pursuing membership in a college fraternity – all while maintaining his first serious same-gender relationship.Before I go further, I would like to thank the Federal City Alumnae Chapter of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc., for sponsoring the 2005 Literary Expo. Both independent and traditional authors rely on such events to promote literature to our communities, so thank you for creating a forum that showcases our talents.
I would also like to thank all of the other authors here today for being not only my inspiration, but the inspiration of their colleagues and countless aspiring authors out there.
I wrote LAZARUS because I wanted to create art that serves as a vehicle for discussion as well as social change. I follow in the footsteps of other pioneering gay black authors such as James Baldwin, Bruce Nugent, Samuel Delaney, E. Lynn Harris, and James Earl Hardy. You will find my writing to be the next logical step in the evolution of gay black writers. Like my predecessors, I am unafraid to force the issues. Same gender loving black men and women are here, have always been here, and will always be here. We have stories to be told and taboos to continue to break. The first taboo on my checklist was the notion of gay men in college fraternities.
LAZARUS starts at the beginning of Adrian’s Sophomore year. He is emotionally distant from his mother and has an absentee father. His only family is his best friend Nina. Though he is quite active on campus, he still feels alone until he meets the man who becomes his first serious boyfriend. Savion is two years older, a senior, and a poet – everything that Adrian could ask for.
Life becomes complicated when Adrian pledges a fraternity. He inevitably gets pulled in two different directions: keeping his boyfriend happy while following the orders of his big brothers. If Adrian is outed during the process, he will have to choose between the great loves of his life: his man or his brothers.
LAZARUS is a novel that has resonated with those who are members of black fraternities and sororities as well as those who aspire to be. It has touched gay men and woman who are members of our organizations as well as those who are heterosexual but just had no idea.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share this story with you. Please come talk to me after the expo to discuss independent publishing or any of the issues I raise through LAZARUS.Thank you!
Special thanks to my mom, stepfather, grandma, Cylia, Storme, Michael-Christopher, and Nikki for showing up and supporting!
Posted by Rashid on November 21, 2005 at 4:56 PM | Comments (6)
I am the Apple Tree
| You Are An Apple Tree |
You are quite attractive: your pleasant attitude, flirtatious smile, and adventurous spirit draw people in. Sensitive and loyal in love, you want to love and be loved. You are a faithful and tender partner - who is generous in sharing your many talents. You love children, and you need an affectionate partner. |
Posted by Rashid on November 19, 2005 at 10:51 AM | Comments (1)
From the Diary
How do you know when you love somebody?
When do you tell somebody that you love them?
One summer I remember the first time I told Zero that I loved him.
...
This thing is making me confront myself. It's making me recount the mistakes that I made and the mistakes that happened to me.
It hurts. Sometimes.
And I'm crying. And I'm asking myself why I'm crying. At first I say that I don't know. But I know that I am replaying the past hurt in order to create a brand-new future that doesn't replay mistakes and missteps.
If I had died a month ago, say maybe in a plane crash over Philadelphia, I would have said that Zero was the great love of my life. Which is pretty silly, considering that he never really loved me back the same way.
All of my close friends know who Zero is. And all of them have wanted him dead on occaision. (I have great friends.) But Zero will always be part of my life. To steal a notion from Brent, it's like we have this bastard child together. We try to be friends...we are friends. For the sake of the child, at least. Relearning how to be his friend has been an arduous process for me. It's something that I probably won't do for anyone else.
This past month has brought much introspection. I don't want to be with Zero. Not only do I not want to be with him, the type of person that he is doesn't fit with the type of person that I need.
A relationship is not based on moments, and moments were all I had with Zero, literally and figuratively. I strung together these moments and had myself a perfect little fantasy. I fell in love with romance itself and got hurt.
Zero tried, though. I value him because even though he knew I was crazy, he waited. Why? I don't know. I haven't yet gained the self-esteem to understand why. But he waited. And though we're lovers no more, we're friends. My mind is around that. It's still a lesson, but I'm passing.
...
As the weeks go by, I find that I hate him no less. That surprises me. I am disappointed in myself.
I felt as though I had "won" when I saw his IP address in my stats, even after his hateful email to me. Why visit my site? Why read my blog? I MUST BE THE SHIT!
But what did I really win?
He was an immature manipulator and always was. Every few weeks was another argument with the same circle of female friends. And on learning the details, it was always the result of some faggish behavior on his part.
He was in a dead-end job with no chance for advancement, chasing dreams with no concrete plan, no charisma, and lived his life in a hetero/homo fantasy world of a "conscious" hip-hop message board. (Maybe it's just me, but I find it bizarre and off-putting when one has framed pictures in their living room of people they've only known from the internet.)
There. I got that off my chest.
But the question remains...what did I really win?
...
I wrote a novel called LAZARUS, but I'm the one who needs to
I'm not famous. Not a celebrity. My book is not a bestseller. Most people won't recognize me on the street.
But I have learned a few important lessons on this journey:
1) People can and will leech off of your energy if you let them. Him was one of those people. Zero did that in different ways, too, back in the day. One thing I have to change about my approach to relationships is to realize that all some people see is LAZARUS, or worse yet, "Adrian Collins."
I have 34 people on my buddy list, and the number continues to fall.
2) I am a suffocator. There. I said it. I fall in love way too fast, too hard, and without knowing the other person well enough. Mixing a suffocator with a leech is a deadly combination. The suffocator showers the leech with praise, gifs, affection, and romance. It's never properly arned. I am at fault for that and it's something I'm trying to change.
3) My feelings probably won't be hurt for as long if I abstain from sex until I am in a committe relationship. I've had just under 20 sexual partners in nine years. I have had zero boyfriends. That's not good, especially for someone with old school values. Sure, I was a consenting adult kicking it with other consenting adults, and I regret nothing...but when I look back, I know that I gave sex for love. For a relationship. For the promise of something greater. And it never worked out that way.
So I stopped doing that. So far, so good.
4) Some people are clunkers and it's not my fault.
5) I'm not always right and sometimes I need to apologize.
...
So, remember when I said that certain things happened about a month ago to show me that "God was making room?" Those things were him being an asshole, Dwayne Wayne being...himself, and Zero being Zero but in a good way.
In other words, the total realization, once and for all, no bullshit, that the three most important men in my life at the time were not meant to be my boyfriend, husband, lover, and in some cases not even a friend or an aquaintance.
The next day, I met
Posted by Rashid on November 18, 2005 at 9:56 AM
tireder
Ex.
Haust.
Ed.
First things first....I got the job! YEAH BITCHES!!!!! I have orientation in early December. It was a GREAT interview. I was like JEAH, I still got it, and what!
I haven't had a real interview in a long time.
The Student Council is going well. They represented at the PTA meeting tonight. We've got to work on their public speaking though.
I kinda didn't like this one part of the meeting where I felt like one of the parents undercut an idea I had. Won't get into details...but I will say that I BET THE PARENTS AT LAFAYETTE DON'T SETTLE FOR THE STATUS QUO.... lol....we can't always just settle, you know? I encourage ANYONE who wants to see change in their communities to harrass their council members until they see change.
Period. Fuck the chain of command -- you LIVE there!!!!
I'm going out of town for Thanksgiving. First time away from the family -- believe it or not, I am totally unfazed by this fact. As family oriented as I am, it's okay that I won't be with my mom and them. They'll be fine.
Random Family Guy quote: "You can't sell me, you fat son of a bitch!" Laughed my ass off.
I'd say more.... but ER is on....latah...
OOH YEAH...one more thing...check out my pictures from this show I went to last weekend called RANGILA. The hotness.
Posted by Rashid on November 17, 2005 at 9:51 PM | Comments (1)
Interview/Handwriting
I've got an interview today for an after school program. I REALLY need the money. It's a good gig, too. Wish me luck!
The kids are good. I am working really hard with one little boy who doesn't understand the concepts of top, middle, and bottom -- therefore, he can't write very well. I tried EVERYTHING. I pointed to doors, file cabinets, and my body. I walked up steps to show him bottom, middle, and top. Finally, I showed them the blue lines on the paper....
He just didn't get it. :-(
The other boy did, though. I was happy about that.
Another boy in another class has handwriting problems, too. But his is hand position and how hard he presses down on the paper. You can barely see what he writes.
There's something ironic about ME teaching handwriting.
Posted by Rashid on November 15, 2005 at 6:42 AM | Comments (7)
Why did you join?
For all of the fraternity and sorority members who visit this diary, please leave your comments on this question:
How did you come to choose your fraternity or sorority?
Feel free to be as detailed as possible while exercising discretion. :-)
Posted by Rashid on November 12, 2005 at 6:15 AM | Comments (12)
We Are the Champions
Although I now have a full-fledged cold, I must say that the Student Council Elections went extremely well!
What went right:
The principal was there.
The teachers and students pretty much showed up on time.
Voting.
Discipline of the students.
Teachers bought into it.
Students were both excited and serious.
Baloons, streamers, tablecloths -- the whole aesthetic was perfect.
What we could improve for next time:
Having students practice their speeches more.
Getting the custodians to place enough chairs out for us in advance.
Better communication between Student Council Advisors and teachers.
More (or different) teachers counting ballots.
Our podium is bootleg.
A/V was late, and wasn't that great when it was set up.
But those things are so minor -- for all intents and purposes, everything went so well! I do believe that the "right" person won for every position. Even the boy that lost won of the positions that I wanted him to win....well, there will be other opportunities. The people who campaigned the most won.
This is the fun part....seeing their little faces light up....seeing them treat the whole thing with reverence. Love it man, love it.
I couldn't have done any of it without the co-advisor.
Posted by Rashid on November 11, 2005 at 5:59 AM | Comments (0)
The Blog and the Book
I get a lot of hits to my diary. Not as much as Keith Boykin or Rod 2.0, but enough for me. My main "career" is that of a novelist, and not necessarily a web content provider. That's why when I write in my diary, I mainly write for me. Which is probably why people find it appealing.
One of the reasons I started this diary was to keep aspiring writers and helpful readers aware of my journey as a writer. So far, so good!
But from time to time, people ask me what they can do to help. GLAD YOU ASKED!!!!
Did you purchase LAZARUS yet? I know how it is to not have that $14.95 right now, or have space on your credit card to make an online purchase. PLEASE BELIEVE IT! :-D But if you haven't gotten the book yet, now is the time to do so. They are (figuratively) flying off the shelves from Amazon.com, and I will be sold out by the end of the year if things keep going at this rate.
Are you in a sorority? Grad chapters or undergrad chapters, I am available to speak to your organization, whether it's a book signing, or about various topics like "Black, Gay, and Greek" or a self-publishing workshop. Here are some pictures from when the AKAs in Delaware had me down for an event. I love events like this.
Are you in college? If so, email your multicultural center or LGBT center (or both) and tell them you want me to come in as a guest speaker. Give them my website and keep harrassing them until they say "Alright, we'll contact him dammit!" Alumni, you can do the same! Fratman1906 is a Duke alum -- how do you think I got that hookup? ;-)
Finally -- and I can't stress this enough -- pre-orders, pre-orders, pre-orders. For self-published authors, pre-orders are extrememly important. I am so grateful for everyone who ordered Lazarus early and patiently waiting for it to be released. Convenant will be very similar.
*Can I just interject and say that I love Covenant and I can't wait to get it to you?*
So anyway, those are just some of the ways that you can help out, in addition to the general word of mouth (including posting a review on Amazon.com).
I really appreciate all of you and everything that you do to support me. Hundreds of you read my blog every day, and though I don't see hundreds of comments, I know that you visit because you care. I feel that positive energy and it keeps me going! Thank you so much....
YOU GONE LOVE COVENANT! (Just had to say that one more time.)
Posted by Rashid on November 8, 2005 at 6:37 AM | Comments (4)
Play Count
Instead of telling you 12 random songs I'm listening to, here are the top 12 songs that I have ever listened to on my computer:
One Mo 'Gin, D'Angelo. 48 times.
Sons of the Silent Age, David Bowie. 28 times.
Milk Shake, Kelis. 28 times.
Moments in Your House, Alanis Morisette vs Art of Noise (mashed by bittersoundfoundation). 27 times. (You must listen to this.)
Sweetheart of APhiA. 22 times.
Darling Nikki, Rebecca Romjin Stamos. 20 times.
Belly Dancer, Kardinal Offishall ft Neptunes. 19 times.
As the World Falls Down, David Bowie. 17 times.
Not Me, from the Aida soundtrack. 17 times.
Afraid, David Bowie. 17 times.
Slip Away, David Bowie. 17 times.
You Can't Turn Me Away, Sylvia Striplin. 16 times.
Posted by Rashid on November 7, 2005 at 6:24 PM | Comments (4)
Nikki Giovanni....and me!
This is the day I have worked so hard to see.
On Sunday, November 20, 2005, from 3pm to 5pm, I will be participating in the 2005 Literary Expo, sponsored by the Federal City Alumnae Chapter of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc. The event will be held at American University in the Kay Spiritual Life Center. You can visit http://www.thefcacdst.org for details.
The headlining author will be Nikki Giovanni. I am honored and humbled by the chance to participate in this event with her. She has been my inspiration and role model – her poetry inspires me to constantly do better. It is beautiful, yet plainspoken. I love her!
If you have that Sunday free, please consider joining me at this event. It will be the most special day of my year so far. To be invited to this event in the first place was honor enough, but to learn that Nikki Giovanni would be there is overwhelming.
Thank you all for supporting me so far – without you, I wouldn’t even be here!
Posted by Rashid on at 7:57 AM | Comments (0)
The Boondocks -- Brilliant!
Well, I taped The Boondocks and watched it this morning. Absolutely fantastic. Although it comes on way too late for an old man like me, I can see why. The language and situations were strong -- this definitely isn't for children. (Or some adults.)
I can tell that Aaron McGruder has his hands (and put his foot) in this. The art is beatiful -- definitely a western interpretation of his treasured anime.
Content-wise, it's the perfect companion to the strip. We can read the strip for more timely satire related to current events. We can rely on the cartoon to discuss ideas of race and class. (And age, as evidenced by Mr. Freeman's naked tae-bo sessions.)
At first, I didn't think I would like Regina King as the voice of Huey and Riley, but she actually does a great job. John Witherspoon does a wonderful turn as Mr. Freeman, and even Ed Asner made a guest voice appearance!
My favorite part of the episode was.... well, all I'm gonna say is laser beam. HILARIOUS.
I hope you all watch, tivo, tape, whatever.... The Boondocks is what we need right now. Laugh at it -- and ourselves.
Posted by Rashid on at 6:23 AM | Comments (1)
YahooGroups
Here are some YahooGroups (email discussion groups) that I am part of that I think you would enjoy. Click on the link to go to that group's page:
RashidDarden: The latest updates about LAZARUS and COVENANT.
LGBT NPHC: For gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and same gender loving members and aspirants of National Pan-Hellenic Council Organizations. (And their allies.)
BlackMOB - Black Male Outercourse Brotherhood: BlackMOB is a forum for men of African descent who seek to connect with other men of color who do not engage in penetrative sexual behavior.
Fire and Ink: Discussion list for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender writers of color to exchange skills and information to mutually support the development of our craft and community.
Grimy: An ADULT group. Think of it as Playboy for gay men of color. Lots of pictures, but GREAT articles. LOTS of discussion.
Writers RX: Petinent information for mainstream and self0published authors. Discussion based, so be prepared for lots of emails or turn on your daily digest!
Posted by Rashid on November 5, 2005 at 6:32 AM | Comments (1)
Student Council
This junk is hard!
I am the advisor of two clubs at my job, the Student Council and the Multicultural Club. What the hell was I think? It's fun though. I have a really great Co-Advisor. She is good at the educational, student-centered part. Not that I am bad at it. More like she is better at making things lessons. I think I am good at the organizational aspect. The previous advisor, who is a great woman and still in the building, just didn't have the time for it anymore, so I was able to step in. :-)
I've been on Student Council in Elementary and High Schools, and did student leadership stuff in college, so a lot of this is fresh in my mind. This group needs a constitution -- I forgot how much a constitution is the backbone of any organization. When my friend Attractive talks about her chapter's bylaws and annual chapter program review, it makes me smile because so few chapters of any group actually review their bylaws on a regular basis.
At any rate, I am sitting here trying to write up the descriptions for the various officers, and I am realizing a few things:
*Vice President is really an important job. When I was President of GUST (The Georgetown University Step Team), I had an AWESOME Vice President that second year. His name was Joe Morrow and he was an awesome, awesome dude. He really was a hard worker, first and foremost, both on the stage and off. But when it came to organization, he really had it together. A true "right hand." VPs really need to be there for their Presidents, because you NEVER know when that nigga gone die, get sick, etc. I had an okay VP the previous year, but Joe took the prize.
*Treasurer is a ridiculously useless job on the student level. Even in college, you were so bound by the rules of your host institution that you never even got to see any money. Okay, it's not a totally useless position, but on the elementary level, I am really going to have to find creative ways to teach Treasurer stuff without letting on how useless I think the position is.
*It is damn near impossible to find a boy/man to run for Secretary in a coed organization without them treating it as a stepping stone to something else. The word still has femme connotations to it, even in 2005.
*I was a self-righteous little snot in elementary school. I just had a memory of this dude who was Secretary of the SGA under me at Keene. I really looked down my nose at him for no reason -- what was wrong with me?
*Parliamentarian is going to be my "pet" position. Darden Trivia: I was a member of the National Association of Parliamentarians back in the day. I love me some Robert's Rules of Order and need a new one. I think the latest came out in 2000. I hope whoever wins that is a little procedure nerd like I am.
Aight, one of my coworkers is IMing me.... have a good one!
Posted by Rashid on November 3, 2005 at 7:14 PM | Comments (1)
Don't Wanna Jinx It
And now it's time for the "Don't Wanna Jinx It" dance.
*dancing*
don't wanna jinx it
don't wanna jinx it
don't wanna jinx it
don't wannnnnnnnnna jinx it
don't wanna jinx it
don't wanna j-j-j-j-jinx it
please oh please oh
please oh please oh
pleaaaaaaase
don't wanna jinx it
:-/
Posted by Rashid on November 1, 2005 at 11:39 PM