Public Service Announcement

Don't be smug because you stopped saying the N-word.

I will still beat your ass.

That is all.

Posted on January 19, 2007 at 10:18 AM | Comments (0)

New Web Designer

Don't you want to redesign my website?

I want to streamline everything into pretty much just the blog -- all I need is someone who will design the template for me.

Holla at me! rashid @ oldgoldsoul.com or rashid.darden @ gmail.com

Posted on January 3, 2007 at 7:25 PM | Comments (0)

lack of entries

One would think that without a 9-5 to go to that I would be up on my blog entries.....

I'm not quite "busier"...... I'm still occupied with things. Still have a lot on my mind.

Maybe more later.

Posted on December 12, 2006 at 1:18 AM | Comments (2)

I haven't updated in sooooo long...

....because I was sick for the past two weeks with bronchitis. Didn't really have any news to report, so I took a break from blogging.

But I'm back, and here's a topic.....

So not even five minutes ago, I'm on a message board for fraternity and sorority members, which I do from time to time, and there is a thread about "famous" members. Actually, the topic was about whether Spike Lee is an Alpha or not (he's not). Then it went off on a tangent of other famous Alphas.

So this religious-type posted this:

I disagree with this famous alpha but at least he is Honest: http://rashid.oldgoldsoul.com/diary/

And his honesty is why men and women of God need to pray for our brothers and sisters now more than ever. Cover us in your Blood Jesus Christ that death may PASSOVER in Jesus name

First of all...... WHOA, I'M FAMOUS?????? That's news to me!

Secondly.....thanks for the free publicity!

Third.... yes, pray for me. I need prayer for my health, my success as a novelist, for safety when I fly to Atlanta on Friday.... but don't pray for me because you think I'm going to hell or because you feel bad for me because I'm gay AND PROUD.

Finally...... there is a sect of the anti-Greek religious people that have some sort of obsession with me and my work to "destroy all prejudices." I was on a anti-Greek yahoo group (snooping, lol), and right there listed on the site was a link to my yahoo group for LGBT fraternity and sorority members and aspirants.

WTF???? Why are they so worried about what we do? We're not gay because we're Greek..... it's a coincidence. And we've decided to support one another on our journeys.

I swear.....

But anyway, that was a happy thing..... I don't mind people with differing opinions viewing my site. But it's my site....I don't come here to debate. Just to state my truth and leave it there.

Posted on November 20, 2006 at 12:49 PM | Comments (2)

You vote for the topic!

Okay..... do you want to hear about why I quit my job or why I rejoined Adam4Adam?

At noon, I will pick the topic based on how many comments I get.

YOU DECIDE!!!!

Posted on October 20, 2006 at 7:01 AM | Comments (5)

the dang site!

I don't know why my site keeps acting up or where the hell my webmaster is!

Posted on October 13, 2006 at 10:05 PM | Comments (0)

Dream

I had a dream about him last night.

He, the man who has been on my mind non-stop for the past two weeks or more.

I was at his place in the dream. The interesting thing about the way our minds work is that since I've never been to his home, my mind had to use a template for what his home might be like. So the gap was filled by making it my old apartment on 16th street.

I was sitting on his couch and he threw down a blanket and pillow for me. I raised my arms out to hug him, but he walked away.

Disappointed, I fell asleep. I work up in the four o'clock hour and used the light of my cell phone to find my way around the dark apartment. My intent was to find my way into his room and just look at him. I also needed to see if his boyfriend was in there with him.

He appeared to be by himself, naked except for the sheet that was barely covering him.

I went to the bathroom with the intention of taking a hot, early morning shower. I wanted to sneak out so I wouldn't have to see me in the morning.

If he was alone, I couldn't understand why we couldn't share his bed.

That's all I really remember of the dream -- I'm pretty sure that was it.

Posted on October 7, 2006 at 7:36 AM | Comments (0)

My Humps

Well, it's hump day.

Work has been....work. The older I get, the more I understand the value of the weekend. Back in college, the weekend was when you did homework during the day and partied at night. And yeah, sometimes I miss being able to walk to a party a block away and walk home safely again.

Oh yeah, tomorrow night is "Meet the Chapter" at my undergrad APO chapter....I gotta go to that. Should be a nice way to kick off my weekend.

Got a lunch meeting with a photographer on Saturday -- should be fun! He's feeling my vision for the shoot.

There are lots of changes in store, kicking off with the long overdue release of Covenant. After some paperwork gets done today, I should FINALLY have a release date.

Alright....shower time....have a great one.

Posted on September 27, 2006 at 6:47 AM | Comments (3)

Take it easy!

Friends! Fellas!!!

I can't have any back and forth arguing in Old Gold Soul Land....I had to delete some comments from another entry because they got too heated.

IIIIIIII'm the only person allowed to get heated up in here! LOL

On the real, I do appreciate your concern on the matters I mention in my blog. It makes me feel good to know that people care.

But please ma'am and please girt, keep it nice.

Posted on September 25, 2006 at 5:02 PM | Comments (3)

We won!

Goooooooooooo Fenty!!!!!!!

Posted on September 12, 2006 at 11:01 PM | Comments (0)

This dumb skank.....

Look at what Linda Crapp said, as reported by the Georgetown Voice today:

“I want to have a D.C. ‘Peace Corps’ for education, to provide extra support for non-performing schools,” she said. She later clarified to The Voice that this organization would be composed of college students, adding, “There’s so much talent that hasn’t been tapped in the universities.” Her own record on the school board, often held up by opponents as a failure, became a point of pride as she related her fight to open and save Banneker High School, which has since become one of Newsweek’s top fifty high schools nationwide. The story ended in cheers from the crowd.

(Full story here)

First of all, "Peace Corps for education".....???? Um, I am pretty sure there's a little thing called TEACH FOR AMERICA that does the same thing. And if you can't get enough of that, there's a little thing caled the DC TEACHING FELLOWS. Both are very good programs through which I've met some very good teachers.

So Linda Cropp wants to reinvent the wheel.....typical of politicians. But what ticks me off even more is her statement about untapped talent in the universities.

Are you kidding me??? Try this on for untapped resources:

After School Kids:

The ASK Program addresses the needs of juvenile offenders who have been or may be subject to incarceration. The program's goal is to assist the youths in successfully completing the terms of their probation while helping them to build self-esteem through the development of life skills and constructive patterns of behavior.

ASK participants, referred to the program by their probation officer, meet twice weekly in groups of 10-12 at several different sites in the District of Columbia. The youths are matched with Georgetown University volunteers for one-to-one tutoring sessions and group activities on topics ranging from conflict mediation, interviewing and job-search skills, African-American history, and artistic expression to current events. Youths also participate in cultural and recreational activities such as trips to the theater and museums, as well as camping expeditions and community service projects. Staff members maintain contact with each youth's family, teachers, and probation officers.

***

DC Reads is a tutoring program for low-income children in the first through third grades who are not reading at grade level. DC Reads began in 1997 as a local response to the America Reads Challenge, a literacy initiative established to improve reading proficiency for all elementary students. America Reads Challenge allowed university students who are eligible for financial aid to receive work study funds tot tutor children in reading.

DC Reads provides on-site, one-hour tutoring sessions twice a week in public schools, parochial schools and community-based organizations...

DC Reads currently has approximately 60 Georgetown University students supporting the literacy development of approximately 75 of Washington, DC’s struggling readers in the primary grades. Tutors are paid through federal work study or volunteer their time.

***

The DC Schools Project, a program of the Center for Social Justice at Georgetown University, recruits Georgetown students and gives them the support necessary to effectively provide English as a Second Language tutoring services to the District's low-income youth and adults of immigrant backgrounds.

***

Heads Up: A University Neighborhood Initiative

Founded in 1996, Heads Up is a non-profit organization that runs education and enrichment programs for children and families living in the most under-resourced parts of Washington, D.C.

A unique type of organization, Heads Up draws particularly on the untapped potential of the city’s college students as its tutors, teachers, and mentors. At the same time, Heads Up helps these college students understand their social responsibilities and trains them in the leadership skills to carry them out.

Today, our efforts include daily after-school and summer programs for elementary school students, weekly college and job readiness activities for teenagers, and a service-learning curriculum for college students.

Our entrepreneurial spirit, our commitment to results, and our belief in the principles of service, learning, and leadership guide us towards the day when all children have an equal opportunity to pursue their dreams of a better life.

***

Those are just snapshots of programs I know about....come on, now.

But finally, let me talk about the white elephant in the room, Banneker High School. Banneker is not normal and never was. It is my belief that the existence of schools like Banneker damage neighborhood schools by drawing away the talented youth in the communities. Meanwhile, Banneker is consistently highly ranked among high schools. Well d'uh, no shit Sherlock -- you have to apply to get in. You have to already have quality grades, so it's not like there are any dummies in the first place. And unlike a regular public school, they don't have to keep you if you're failing. So graduation rates are always at a hundred percent, as are college placements.

But what they don't tell you is that Banneker kids struggle as hard as everyone else during that first year in college. What they don't tell you is that yes, some Banneker alums flunk out of college on their firs try. I've seen it. Much love to Banneker, but you can't use that as a measuring stick for success in the DC public schools. Show me schools like Dunbar, Wilson, HD Woodson, and Coolidge. Ordinary schools for extraordinary kids.

Anyway....that really rubbed me the wrong way this morning. Hope everyone has a great day!

Posted on September 7, 2006 at 6:38 AM | Comments (1)

Why I'm Voting for Adrian Fenty:

1) He supports education, and in particular will appoint a Deputy Mayor of Education. That's hot.

2) Though he understands that the schools need to be improved, he supports the current superintendent's plans for rigorous academics AS WELL AS a vocational education plan. (Yeah, while you weren't looking, Voc Ed in DC was all but phased out!)

3) He's not afraid to be the lone dissenter. I like the fact that he didn't vote in favor of that runky-dink emergency crime bill. If the cops would DO THEY JOBS in the first place..... (As a side note, why were the pigs giving out tickets for jay walking on capitol hill? I was like are you shitting me? JAYWALKING TICKETS, when somebody somewhere in this city is getting raped or murdered?)

4) He spoke out in favor of marriage equality EARLY on. (Fall 2005) None of that namby-pamby civil union shit, either. I want a husband and Fenty wants me to have the right to have one!

5) I like his energy....after my childhood with Mayor For Life Marion Barry and Sharon Prett Kelly, and my young adulthood with the ultra-dry Anthony Williams (whom I do love), I am ready for someone who mirrors the passion that I feel for my city.

Those are my big reasons. There are many other ones, but in a nutshell I support his platform and my gut has been leading me in this direction ever since he was elected Ward 4 Councilman. (GOOOOOO WARD 4!)

So DC residents check out his site, make a contribution, and VOTE FENTY for Mayor on September 12!

Fenty '06

PS -- We'll ignore the fact that he made the ultimate error in pledging Krappa. :-/

Posted on September 2, 2006 at 2:50 PM | Comments (2)

A very brief IM conversation about my old job

Rashid: are the mean black ladies still in payroll?

Old Work Friend: nope - now we have different mean black ladies

Posted on August 23, 2006 at 7:55 PM | Comments (0)

Goals

So.....

I've been thinking a lot about my future.

NO, I am not quitting my job. I happen to really enjoy my job, thank you very much!

I've been thinking moreso about one, two, five, ten years down the line. How will my professional (non-profit) goals line up with my literary goals? How will those two things line up with both sets of fraternal goals (APO and APhiA)?

And what will my personal life look like when my professional goals come to pass?

I'm pushing 30 now -- just under three years away. I have definitely made some moves already. Scoring the job that I currently have was exactly what I needed to catapult me from paraprofessional to professional. Now I'm doing things to ensure that the work I am doing now is a solid foundation for the future.

Unfortunately, it's caused my literary work to suffer. Not drastically -- but I am not devoting the time I used to devote toward this work. I do know that eventually it will all balance out.

I have a lot of travel scheduled for 2007. I'm really excited, especially now because since I have a REAL job, I can actually afford to travel independent of book sales. (Well, at least it appears that way.)

Oh yeah...... I bought me a laptop. It arrived yesterday. A Dell. It's kinda hot, but I took for granted the fact that it took YEARS for me to create the ideal desktop computer, lol. Even down to the codecs I downloaded on my desktop so I could listen to certain music and video files.

What else has been going on.... oh yeah, last week was quite hellish emotionally. I had ups and downs like they were going out of style. And just when I got over one thing, something else would happen to make me go under again.

I finally broke out of the funk when I spoke to SMYAL on Saturday....it was for the BUILD program for young men of color. HOT. I have a lot of new respect for SMYAL now that i know the work they're doing for gay and bi boys of color. God bless em.

I gave each of the participants a copy of LAZARUS in hopes that it would inspire them in some way. I totally had my first Oprah moment and loved it!!!!

(Not counting the time I gave away toothpaste to first graders and they all screamed like the won the lottery.)

Posted on August 22, 2006 at 9:07 PM | Comments (0)

Traffic

I am blogging from a cab. Not quite 'stuck' in traffic, but also not moving very quickly. It isn't too hot yet, but it's not cool.

I am missing Adrian Fenty, who is out politicking at the metro station near where I work. My employee/friend called and told me. awwww i'm sad.

however, I have a young cab driver who has the radio pumping a niiiice jam. I think its mariah carey and snoop. sounds like a Prince sample, so its probably a neptunes track.

god I love them.

I also love my friend and former coworker. he really is in tune withme emotionally, without being anything like me. he called me last night -- I was already asleep -- to make sure everything was okay with me and the job.

(sidebar - it feels like I have been working a lotttt longer than two and a half months.)

so I listen to his message and its really sweet. its great having a guy like him in my life: genuine, loyal, caring, kind, intelligent.

his wife is cool as hell also! she and I are really similar in temperament. they're the first couple I have befriended.

well I'm almost at work now. everybody have a great day and weekend.

Posted on June 30, 2006 at 9:11 AM | Comments (1)

Post birthday.....first day of summer school

Well, I can't type much..... I am sorta running late and I'm nervous about work! Well, not mentally -- but physically, my stomach tells another story. My biggest concern is the one familiar to anyone who has worked with kids before....

TRANSITIONS!

Ugh....

But I did want to say that I had a phenomenal birthday!!!! Had mexican food and a drink followed by a talent show on Friday night. Followed by a drink at Alero on U Street. Then went shopping on Saturday, ran into Professor Velez. Had dinner at Yenching Palace with some of my best friendsm then went down to Georgetown for another drink.

Drink tally:

Friday: Strawberry Daquiri
Friday: White Sangria
Saturday: Sex on the Beach
Saturday: Amaretto Sour

My favorite was Sex on the Beach....the Amaretto Sour was the Tombs was mad watered down. All the other drinks were perfect!

Pictures are in the gallery.

PEACE!

And thanks to everyone who offered me birthday greetings this weekend!

Posted on June 26, 2006 at 7:13 AM | Comments (0)

B.More.Careful

So.....

A good deal of people I work with know about my website and my blog. Well, no shit, I write books, I promote books, they just better know about it, right? That's not a problem. It's also flattering that they find my blog to be interesting. Sure, I feel nekkid at times because I know they know when I'm having man issues. lol. But hey, I've never been an extremely private person.

Except, of course, when it comes to blogging ABOUT work. I had looser lips previously when I was subbing. And being fairly confident that the school system I worked for didn't really care too much about whether employees were blogging. I mean hell, it's not like any school system has trade secrets.

BUT....I gotta say this.... I have people in my life who do make some unwise decisions mixing the internet with their work lives!

One of my boys, and I mean my ACE BOON COON going ten years strong....why did he blog about illegal activity he's engaged in? I was like noooooooo not with your real picture, real name, and real place of business!!!! *smh*

But you can't tell niggas nothin......

Another homie....he decided to past a series of pictures on his site about how he goofs off at work. Funny? SURE! Very witty. But not when the name of where you work is promininently shown in one of the pics.

People, bloggers have been straight up fired for blogging either at work or about work or both. I am lucky enough that I don't have to hide who I am inside or outside the job. But please ma'am and please sir.....exercise some discretion. Unless you have a product to sell, people don't need to know everythang.

Posted on June 22, 2006 at 9:11 PM | Comments (1)

Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to all my people who are fathers, including The Golden Child, WarGames06, FratMan1906, nupe4life, Animal, Smooth Criminal.....wow, all but one are Alphas. Are we especially potent or something?

Anyway, special shout outs also to my male mentors who have given me fatherly advice over the years.

Posted on June 18, 2006 at 10:10 AM | Comments (2)

Sunday of Memorial Day Weekend

I made the decision to be by myself this weekend, save the wedding of my APO line mate to our prophyte.

I wasn't myself....or maybe I was myself, and it scared me. I had some "issues" with the guy I'm feeling and I dunno....seems like for the first time in a very long time I was just wrong. I guess.

See, I'm used to every single "relationship" I've ever been in ending with "I just don't feel the same way about you" in both actions and in words. Hell, you can read this blog and see how that tends to turn out for me. It hurts. It doesn't hurt less each time it happens. But it happens all the time.

I remember someone telling me that if this happens to me all the time, maybe it's not the other people, but me? Damn, I still feel the sting in that every time I think about it. There are certain people who were in my life that I can't even think about any more. It really fucking sucks. I don't want to live my life like that, but I don't know a better way to get over being hurt than to just not think about it.

Anyway....so when certain things were said to me last week, my mind immediately jumped into defense mode. I felt the Cancerian shell harden around me and words became muffled and ultimately silent.

I was being rejected....wasn't I?

The good thing about this guy is that he (admittedly) talks things out until they can't be talked out any more. And how often have I hoped for someone like that, someone who can communicate their feelings?

But still, I was feeling rejected, no matter how many times I heard "This isn't an ending...this isn't an ending..."

So why did I feel so fucking hurt?

After a day, more talking to him, and some consultation from one of the handful of friends I will allow to tell me that I'm trippin', it was deemed that I was trippin'.

I felt hurt because it was the only way I knew how to feel.

I looked back on everything that was said and came to understand that everything that he was presenting to me was not only everything I ever wanted, but everything I ever needed.

I need to take it slow. "Isn't that what you want?" Shari asked me.

I felt like Boo Boo the Fool at that point.

"Yeah....god dammit..." I said.

I apologized to him....rather profusely, I believe. I felt more wrong in that moment than I ever really had before.

If I feel like I am worth fighting for, I've got to act like I'm worth the fight.

If I feel that I am worth waiting for, I've got to believe that I'm worth the wait.

And if I say that he is worth waiting for -- then dammit, I've got to wait.

This is 2006....no time for lip service.

My fear is that in this time of waiting, I will receive the same output as all my previous attempts. It's not that I am afraid of being alone -- I've handled that quite masterfully after 27 years. And I'm not one of these gay dudes who just proclaims that he's "tired of looking." That's not it, either.

It's just that....with him....he's different. And I'm different. So, it's not the situation or the circumstances, it's literally just him. And all I want is the opportunity to see....

I'm not saying I love him. I'm not saying I'm falling in love with him. When I say "I'm falling" I mean that I am smitten...that I like every little chance I get to spend with him. That I want every opportunity I can to get to know him. That I relish every new fact I learn about him.

And that with each passing day, I find nothing that turns me away. When I say that I am looking forward to spending time with him and getting to know him better, it's because I know that this can only get better and better.

"I just hope he feels the same way" is a phrase reserved for white girls in middle school who are crushing on ninth graders.... I'll be that.

---

This post was supposed to be about how I spent my Sunday, but we got a little off track, now didn't we?

I didn't attend DC Gay Black Pride this year. My official reason is that I had a wedding to attend. My unofficial reasons are myriad, but one that I can share is that after the events with my new friend, I really felt like I needed some time away from people. Time to focus on me...get my mind right, my game face on, etc. (Whatever those things really mean.)

But my friend Drew called me on Saturday and was like "Rashid, where are you, I've been asking everybody where you are and nobody knows!"

I met Drew at last year's Pride. He's a great dude and a wonderful Pride buddy. Well, Drew was looking for Covenant and clearly it's not there, lol. So I was like damn, I ain't know Drew would be in town, so I made it a point to see him after the wedding.

Speaking of people in from out of town, another friend of mine came in from Chicago via Philly and was staying with friends. Now, I knew he wasn't coming to see me particularly -- which was fine, because I had honestly forgotten that he was coming into town for Pride and had REALLY thought he had already come and gone.

Life is hectic, what can I say?

So he calls me at 11am on Saturday and we agree that he would call me whenever plans are firmed up. Saturday comes and goes with no call. So I am like damn....oh well.

Sunday comes and I find myself in Georgetown with a few hours to kill. At first I'm like "I'm going to call him and see if he wants to meet up for a little while." And then I am like "No, because he said he would call when he could." but then I was like, well let me text him and see what the deal is.

Basically, he was at the Pride expo and said he was at the whim of his driver. So I was like alright, I'll just catch you next time.

Now....you know that in Rashid Darden world, that shit doesn't fly without internalizing it. It's just who I am, love it or hate it.

Yes, I feel some kind of way about how that went down. I just think if the shoe was on the other foot, I would have made a way to see my friend. Hell, when I went to Columbus, I saw everybody I wanted to see. You just make these things happen, you know?

The way I am, the way I feel things, yes maybe I am easily offended. But I just REALLY felt like a damn also-ran in that situation.

Sidenote....one of my friends in college got married and not only was I not invited, but she didn't even tell me she was engaged. Do you know what the goddamned consolation price was?

"...but you can come to the ceremony in South Africa! Everyone I care about is invited to that one!"

Like fucking South Africa is right down Riggs Road. WTF???? Miss me with that shit.

So yeah, I guess I am just used to being the friend that will understand if he's not included, the friend who it's okay if you don't make it a priority to see him, the last sonofabitch picked for dodgeball, LOL.

Anyway....yes, I felt some kind of way about that, because if the shoe was on the other foot, I would have made a way to see him if I was in his town.

Damn....off track AGAIN.

Went to a very beautiful wedding that was hot as SHIT! Do Episcopalians believe in AC? GOT DAMN!

I left a card with my Line Mate to take to the reception because I figured I could make it to the M Street Hotel and back to the reception if I really wanted to. I needed to see Drew real quick while he was in town.

Well, the M Street Hotel was the host hotel for Pride and I had forgotten that of all the events that occur during Pride, my favorite has always been just chillin in the lobby. Me and Drew chilled with his friend Larry for like 90 minutes and I was HUNGRY. So I came home and ate.....missed the reception but definitely felt happy that I attended the wedding.

Which got me thinking WOW....I just witnessed two people's covenant before God. That's bananas. This is like the most important day in their lives. It really got me thinking about what marraige actually IS. Why people obsess about who is in the wedding party, where to have it, etc....it's a really big fucking deal.

I have more thoughts about that.....they'll come up at a later time.

Anyway.....this was a real fucking diary entry, wasn't it?

I'm back, bitches!!!!!

Posted on May 29, 2006 at 8:40 AM | Comments (1)

Damned email!

So just when I thought everything was a-okay with my email, it seems NOW that I am not receiving messages sent to rashid@oldgoldsoul.com. And that's really fucking inconvenient because that's my official business email address.

As of right now, my root address works (oldgold@oldgoldsoul.com) but I have no idea what's happening to messages sent to rashid@oldgoldsoul.com.

If you've been trying to reach me, I apologize.

If you know what POSSIBLY could be happening, let me know. I have deleted all the mail from my spam folder. As of last week, I switched back to Outlook from Horde (web based). When I log into Horde, there are no messages there.

Help?

Posted on May 1, 2006 at 8:24 AM | Comments (0)

Something really strange

Something completely strange is happening..... remember the great Outlook Fiasco of January, when I lost EVERYTHING? Calendar entries, emails, and contacts?

Well....somehow.....and I'm not sure exactly how..... but every email that I ever had in my inbox is SLOWLY returning. It's crazy!

I mean, we're talking emails back to 2004.....they're back!

Unfortunately, they won't all load at one time, but hey, I can be patient.

It's almost like God was telling me to slow my ass down for the first few months of 2006....and look what happened? Got a new job -- a GOOD job.... new friends all over the place.... even got some more speaking engagements lined up. And the book is back on track for an early summer release.

It's like God said "Okay, NOW, dumbass!" Like he prioritized things for me so I could be productive without being overwhelmed.

LOVE IT!

Now, my calendar hasn't rebuilt and my contacts are still gone, BUT, now I know how to back up all this information, so it's all good.

Have a wonderful day!

Posted on April 26, 2006 at 8:30 AM | Comments (2)

Dream

So basically, why did I dream that some sort of monsoon hit DC?

Like, the water just kept getting higher and higher and it wouldn't stop. That shit was CRAZY.

Sorta like this.... warning, it's disturbing images from the Tsunami from late 2004.

Posted on April 19, 2006 at 9:25 PM | Comments (0)

Six Wierd Habits About Myself

I stole this from Pablo's MySpace blog....here are six wierd habits about myself.

1) I talk in my sleep. Apparently, I CRAZY talk in my sleep, as though I am having a conversation with a different person. I was told that I even use different voice inflections and everything.

2) It is physically impossible for me to hide my emotions. lol....it sucks, but people know it when I am displeased, annoyed, angry, etc. It's written all over my face.

3) I can't truly clean up until I have reorgnized my bookshelf first. No matter how clean my house is, if the books haven't been done, then it's not really clean to me.

4) I use self-hypnosis techniques to calm my fear of flying.

5) I look at my reflection at inappropriate times -- like walking down the street or at work. It's not because I am vain, but because I have had self-confidence issues.

6) I twist my hair when I am bored, but never have enough energy to twist my whole head.

Posted on March 18, 2006 at 10:59 AM | Comments (0)

absolutely weird

This has been a special day.

And by special, I mean special education.

Unfortunately, since much of the specialness was work related, I can't get into it.

But I will say that I am DOG TIRED and that I am looking forward to this weekend, which will be the 50th Anniversary of the Elite Mu Alpha Chapter of Alpha Phi Omega, the international, coeducational service fraternity.

Of which I am a Brother. :-)

I hope to take PLENTY of pics....many of which I will post in the gallery of this site.

I hope to be able to show you the cover of Covenant before I die.

My chapter brother lost his father last weekend....it's been nearly overwhelming for everyone around me.

But luckily, it seems like death has slowed down a bit.

Posted on March 15, 2006 at 10:39 PM | Comments (0)

CALL FOR PARTICIPANTS: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer Churchgoers

Posted for a friend:

Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer Churchgoers

I am in the midst of a research project that asks how black LGBTQ (hereafter "queer") people construct, synthesize and/or resist black church theology of which they are a part/member. Because of this, I will be conducting interviews the summer of 2006 with approximately 15-20 black members of the queer community questioning their relationship to the church.

Interviewees will be granted anononymity and will NOT need worry regarding their name, church affiliation or any key identifier to be revealed. The purpose of the interviews will be to gather information of theological constructions, not personal data. I will be following the Emory University IRB standards for this work.

Identifiers will vary: ages 20-40, black, male or female, queer identified, from historically black denominational affiliations, etc.

Questions regarding identity formation, theological orientation, role within the church, social and theological view of sexuality will be the basis for the discussion/interview.

Some questions that will be explored:
Do you know of “radically inclusive” communities, which serve to give voice to the queer community?

Is black religious practice self-discipline or self-mortification? Is the church the “…place where [we seek] to prove [ourselves] worthy of this silent God’s love?”

How are black religious practices the locus of communal- and/or self-restriction?

Do you know anyone that may be interested in being interviewed? If so, please have them email me at atcrawley@theregen.net. Detailed information will be given out via email and most interviews will be completed via phone or face-to-face. If you have any questions, please email me.

Kind regards,

A Thomas Crawley

Posted on March 13, 2006 at 10:44 PM

One thing.....

One thing I like about myself is my sincerity. I am not the type who will pee on your leg and tell you that it's raining.

I have tact, but I don't sugar coat unnecessarily.

As my workfriend says, I am a-okay until one crosses that line. Once it's crossed, there's no turning back. Which sorta goes to my shorter temper the older I get.....but I digress.

I think most of you who still read this blog read it because I am sincere. I share a lot of my personal feelings in it....sometimes it pulls at the heartstrings (awwwww) and sometimes it is funny. Sometimes it is angry, and even when it's angry, it's funny, because I am like that in real life.

That said...... ironically, I hate being "judged" for my honesty and sincerity. Sure, people will make judgments about me all the time....I am an artists, that's what artists get. :-)

But let me say this....the hottest issue in this blog is probably Adam4Adam. I get more negative comments directed toward me about Adam4Adam that it's crazy. I mean sheesh, all of a sudden, I can't have a dissenting opinion about a damn dating site.

I am not Keith Boykin. You will not find deep thoughts about the state of black gay america on this site.

I am not Rod. You will not find the best news on my site.

I am Rashid. I write books, ______. (You know the rest. lol) I write books and sometimes, if I'm lucky, I sell books.

THAT SAID.....(whoa, that was a long preface.)

Why did this bama ass motherfucker try to leave a comment in MY diary telling me to "get over myself?" FIRST of all, did you really think I would approve it? Second of all, did you really could leave a FAKE email address on my REAL diary with my REAL opinions on it?

It seems as though the bama in question took it kind of hard that I don't date older men. In fact, here is another part of his comments:

Plenty of young guys like old guys, and vice versa. It is not freaky, and "ewww" as you put it.

And if this person still reads my blog, please remember that in the same post you're criticizing, I also said:

I just want folks to remember that they are a PERSON behind their screen names. They are thinking, rational, compassionate people, attempting to interact with others who are thinking, rational, and compassionate. Let's put some more thought into our first impressions, folks!

Now....specifically, NO, I am not interested in a 60 year old. Or 50 year old. I might kick it with someone who was in their early 40s, but I COULD NOT, under any circumstances, kick it with someone who looked like they could be my father. I CAN'T DO IT. IT IS EWWWWW TO ME.

Why should I have to get over myself? LOL

I just don't get it....and maybe I wasted too much time even thinking about this, since there's definitely no way in hell I would change my mind about this.

So, whatever..... since home skillet didn't leave a REAL email address, I will assume he is one of the 60 year olds on A4A who wants my hot bod. (LOLOL yeah right)

Shit, I need some levity here....a brother got back from a funeral and memorial service in the same damn day.....

Posted on March 11, 2006 at 10:56 PM

This is crazy

Dana Reeve died, yo! Shit is crazy! If you don't know, she was Christopher Reeve's widow. Their 13 year old son is officially an orphan. Damn....can you imagine losing both your parents just as you hit puberty????

Octavia Butler's gone....Don Knotts is gone.... my APO brother Kelli.... my coworker's sister.... my other coworker's HUSBAND.... this is really overwhelming now.

Kirby Puckett.... Coretta Scott King, of course. Sad sad sad.

Posted on March 7, 2006 at 8:33 PM | Comments (1)

here's hoping

Just a note to say that my server has been fucking tripping and I am really hating the dude who provides my server space right about now.

Posted on at 7:19 AM | Comments (0)

Life liiiiiife....life liiiiiiife.......

Wow.....I really haven't been writing every day AT ALL.

Here are some brief updates:

Work. Meh. What do ya do? I still enjoy going every day, so that's a plus.

The Book. I have it on strong authority that the cover will be ready next week. (Yeah, I feel the same way, trust me.)

Love life. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! What's that?

All in all, I am STILL doing really well! It was pretty rough for a while there, but as I said, I AM SURROUNDED BY POSITIVE PEOPLE.

And by the way......I am still numb after learning of the passing of Octavia Butler. There has been so much death around me lately. It will hit me soon enough, though. She will be missed.

On another note, have I told you lately how much I love Alpha Phi Omega?

I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT!!!!!!

Posted on February 28, 2006 at 6:50 PM | Comments (0)

Rest in Peace, Kelli

Kelli's Caring Bridge Site

The loss is unbearable, tempered only by the 38 plus years of memories she left with us. That is what each of us who love her so much will find sustains us in the days and months to come.

Kelli was my Brother of Alpha Phi Omega, Mu Alpha Chapter. Of course, we're all devastated by this loss, so please keep us in your prayers, especially the alums who knew her well.

Posted on February 20, 2006 at 6:20 PM | Comments (0)

Philly...cancelled

Hey folks......sorry to tell you, but I'm going to have to cancel my trip to Philadelphia.

See you next weekend in Columbus, Ohio!

Posted on February 16, 2006 at 8:06 AM | Comments (0)

Philadelphia

I will be in Philadelphia this coming weekend.... wooooo hoooo! I am getting the hell out of DC for the long weekend!

All I really want to do is SLEEP. But I do plan on visiting Giovanni's Room, the bookstore, which now carries Lazarus! And I think a club of some sort on Saturday night.

Shoot me an email if you want to take me out for a meal while in Philly... LOL.

Not joking, a negro is broke. :-D

Posted on February 14, 2006 at 10:30 AM | Comments (0)

Snot

So...... I can't breathe out of one nostril at any given moment.

This SUCKS.

Lots of other things have been going on...I certainly don't remember life being this stressful when LAZARUS was in production. At least nothing that's stressing me out is related to the book.

Though I really wish that all of you would pre-order Covenant. Seriously.

Please?

Posted on February 6, 2006 at 6:11 PM | Comments (4)

Special Announcement

Please welcome to Old Gold Soul two highly qualified gentlemen who will greatly enhance the quality and efficiency of this organization.

Dwain Cherry is our Director of Special Events. Originally from Charlotte, North Carolina, Mr. Cherry graduated from the University of North Carolina at Greensboro with a BA in Psychology. He is currently a Masters student in the department of Counseling and Personnel Services at the University of Maryland – College Park. Mr. Cherry is a member of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc.

He will coordinate Old Gold Soul sponsored events in the Washington, DC area and can be reached at dwaincherry@oldgoldsoul.com.

Kenneth Whitehurst is the Director of Programs. A native of New Bern, NC, Kenneth Whitehurst currently lives in Durham, NC and holds the bachelors and masters degrees from Duke University. He is currently serving as a community college system administrator and has served most of his adult working career in various positions in higher education. He is a member of several national civil rights and social justice organizations, 100 Black Men of America, Inc., and Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc.

Mr. Whitehurst will schedule all public appearances for Rashid Darden and can be contacted via kenwhitehurst@oldgoldsoul.com.

Posted on January 30, 2006 at 7:14 AM | Comments (1)

Too Early

So..... you know how from time to time, I will announce that some famous or quasi-famous person is my new husband?

WHYYYYYY did this sister of one of these people EMAIL ME last night? Why I'm protecting her identity, I don't know, but here is what she wrote. (The astute will figure out who she's related to)

Dude, you're whack. My friend just turned me onto you blog. Aaron is my brother, and "ethnically" speaking he is english, welsh, and african american. He is married ps, and not into dudes, aka you. Kinda gross man, kinda gross.

Bitch, please.

If you were truly "turned on" to my blog, you would see that I was merely commenting on how attractive he was. I do that quite frequently with men who are in the public eye. Get a fucking life, find another blog to visit, unknot your panties, and oh yeah -- I hope you didn't think I would approve your lame comments.

And its WACK. "Whack" is what Homie the Clown used to do to dumb hoes like you with his dirty sock.

***

Of course, I didn't send that email to her....maybe she'll read it here, I don't care. Plus, I don't REALLY know if that's the person's sister. She must be what, like 15? LOL

It's too early in the morning for this.

Posted on January 29, 2006 at 7:37 AM

Check Me Out

Me....

by Bruce Hawkins.

Please check him out and support this artist.

If you leave a comment, please do so only after checking out his site. :-)

Posted on January 27, 2006 at 10:02 PM | Comments (4)

A lot

A lot is on my mind....as is usually the case.

Enjoy your work week, Lazarus Freaks. :-)

Posted on January 23, 2006 at 8:00 AM

Deja Vu: The Genarlow Wilson Case

A 15 year old gives a 17 year old a blow job.

The 17 year old is now in prison for ten years.

Here we go again:

www.wilsonappeal.com <---- PLEASE sign the petition, y'all.

But read the article first.

Posted on January 15, 2006 at 6:43 AM | Comments (21)

The Great Tech Fiasco of 2006

Greetings.

My computer was in the shop for a week -- no blogging, no emailing, no nothing.

I have lost every email I received before January 2 or 3, 2006. I have also lost every date in my calendar and EVERY contact I had in my addressbook. All of this information was in Microsoft Outlook, which had to be wiped from my machine.

Please do NOT send me your contact information as of yet. In about a week, I will send out a mass email requesting that information, but as of now, I'm just not able to do that.

Don't worry -- all of my manuscripts, poems, essays, and notes are safe. I didn't lose a single file except for those associated with MS Outlook.

I will know with certainty in a day or so whether that information can be recovered.

Thanks for understanding.

Posted on January 8, 2006 at 11:03 AM

The N Word

So I am clearly doing a year-end clean up, lol.

Almost a year ago, before the book was released, I received this in an email:

Sporadically, I read your daily thoughts—always very personal and enjoyable. However, may I ask that you consider banishing one word from your vocabulary? That word is nigga, nicca, nikka, niggaz, etc.. The word makes my cringe at each sighting, honestly. You’re a budding author, and it’s unprofessional, ignorant, and could be damaging to profit. I protest the use of the N word by refusing to purchase music, literature, movies with excessive use of the word; I’m sure I’m not alone in my efforts to stop the use of such a damaging/negative word. Please consider removing this word from your vocabulary; Negro would be acceptable.

I responded to this person quickly and decisively (but cordially, I think) -- I, too, have very strong feelings about the N word and its derivatives. They just differ from his.

To the diary readers as well as those of you who have read Lazarus: what do you think?

Posted on December 28, 2005 at 9:11 AM | Comments (5)

Most common referring sites

Judging by my stats, if you are reading this, you most likely came from Keith Boykin's site. :-) And for that, I must say a big thank you to Keith and all of his readers for visiting my site.

A special thank you also goes out to No4Real4Real, who not only sends people my way, but has become a real life, flesh and blood friend.

It's a shame that my fellow Hoya Butta and I haven't met yet -- but thanks to her, I have some new readers. :-) I love her blog and I read it whenever I want to laugh out loud and yell "I know that's right!" to my monitor.

Fred Smith. We laughed. We cried. We wrote books. We blogged. Check him out and thank him for doing what he's doing!

And the last of my major referrers....my new friend Bernie. I really want to meet up with him whenever I get to NYC. Who knows when that will be. But I appreciate his wisdom, tinged with his down-to-earthedness (can I get away with that?).

To more of my real life, flesh and blood friends: Liz, Karamale, and Wise & Young; and friends I have yet to meet: Rod (who seriously believed in my work when so few even knew who I was) & SeeGGrow. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

This is just my way of saying thanks to the above people and everyone else who has linked to my diary and to my website. You are really helping to expose the world to my talent, one click at a time. And if I didn't mention your name, don't feel bad -- a lot of you have linked my site and provided a few hits a month that are just as appreciated!

2006 is gonna big big for all of us...I appreciate you!

Posted on at 8:22 AM | Comments (3)

Most Popular Diary Entries

These are the most popular diary entries. I looked at my web stats to see how many people directly linked to these entries -- they might not ACTUALLY be everyone's favorite entries, but people clicked on these entries from random searches more often than any others.

#1 -- The Revenge of Adam4Adam

#2 -- It's World AIDS Day: DC's Own Silent Epidemic

#3 -- Happy Founders Day!

#4 -- Cleaning Up

#5 -- Just me flexing my jaws on random entertainment topics

Posted on at 8:04 AM | Comments (0)

Most Popular Picture

The Most Popular Picture on Old Gold Soul was this one:

It is Carolyn Pinckney and Phyllis Tenney, Basilei of two Alpha Kappa Alpha Chapters in the DC area. Ms. Pinckney was one of my second grade teachers at Bunker Hill. The photo was taken on the day that the 137 P.R.I.V.Y. debuted on the campus of Howard University.

8193 hits as of this writing.

Posted on at 7:54 AM | Comments (0)

Poetry Week: Love Poems

What's up, y'all?

This week, since I will be working both my jobs for five solid days with no break, I am going to take a break from my traditional blogging routine.

But when I take a break, y'all take it with me! (I heard that somewhere before, but I can't remember where.)

All this week, I will be posting love poems to my blog. If you're a fan of my poetry (hey, Perq!) then you will LOVE this week. Most all of these poems are old. Some will be happy, some will be sad, some will be angry. I sorta gave up writing poetry that was about the men that I liked, because it was time consuming and never reciprocated. So I said to hell with it and put my pen down.

But every now and then, I pick it back up.

So enjoy this week!

Posted on December 18, 2005 at 8:55 PM | Comments (1)

Monday AM Update

Had a great time last night in northern VA with the Gentlemen's Book Club. Great group of guys, great discussion!

Starting my second job today....it will be a lonnnng day and a long next two weeks, but I'm up to it. (I guess.) If nothing else, a bruh needs the dough, lol.

Would love comments on the poem below....sometimes I forget that I write poems and shit.

Also, check out my Richard Pryor piece below. I miss him already.

Shout outs to Ken, Antar, Fred, Bernie, and Amath. Y'all were on my mind today.

Posted on December 12, 2005 at 7:26 AM | Comments (2)

PG Plaza

Had a dream about me, Shari, and PG Plaza that was vivid as all hell. The first part, well, I was in some sort of workshop, maybe a writer's workshop, that was being conducted by my old old boss. She didn't recognize me before and was like "Aren't you the guy who is in the news all the time?" And I said "Let's call them news releases...just don't call it spam." It was pretty bizarre.

Then somehow I am in a restaurant waiting for Shari. I don't know if Jimi was there or not, maybe he was supposed to be? So I ate, and Shari came and had already eaten. I think we were on a mission to find an ATM machine so we could go shopping. It seems like there were so many stores and food kiosks that we wanted to try. The last thing I remember saying was like "Damn, we are so giddy to be in this mall. You'd think this was the first time we've ever been out on our own, like junior high school."

And then I woke up.

Posted on December 10, 2005 at 4:41 AM

Philanthropy

Today I read an article in the Washington Post called Black Oriented Museums Are Lacking Black Donors and it was about the new Muhammad Ali Center and other black museums and memorials that are not getting the expected funding from black folks.

What I found most interesting about this article was the following:

The Ali Center's experience was telling. Given Ali's status as an icon and role model for many in the world of sports, the center recruited sports commentator Bob Costas and Rep. Gregory Meeks (D-N.Y.), a boxing aficionado, to raise money from athletes. They were surprised by the poor results.

"I was grossly disappointed," Meeks said. "I know there have been difficulties with several . . . professionals who are paid well and might not be paid well if it were not for Ali breaking that [racial] barrier.

"We called and oftentimes we didn't get called back," Meeks said. "Then I tried to get other people who called, people who had connections, and we heard, 'I'll get back to you on that,' and they never got back to us. I never thought in my wildest dreams that it would be difficult to raise money for Ali."

Meeks would not name the sports figures who were contacted. But a top administrator at the Ali Center, who spoke on the condition of anonymity for fear of being fired, said former basketball stars Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley were contacted, as were golfer Tiger Woods and fight promoter Don King. Actor Will Smith, who was nominated for an Academy Award for his movie portrayal of Ali, was also solicited, the administrator said. None contributed.

Now....it's YO business who and what you contribute to in your private life. I'm not going to judge these people.

Nor am I going to judge African Americans on the whole, who tend to me more giving toward churches and scholarship. Give where you can (though I wish we'd give more and with greater variety).

But I will speak on this: Should I ever become filthy rich, I imagine that it will be hard for me to "keep" my money, so to speak. To phrase it differently, I'd much rather give away my wealth while I live than after I'm dead.

I don't know, it's just how I am. If I've got two dollars, my friends have at least one of those.

I don't make a lot of money, but if I see a kid lingering at the school book fair with less than a dollar to buy a book, yes, I will buy them a book or two. I mean come on, how could you NOT buy a needy kid a book?

So it amazes me that pro athletes, who make a LOT more money than I do, wouldn't throw a few thousand dollars at the Ali center. I mean hell, I didn't know Lennox Lewis had $300,000 so you know the more well known athletes must have a few discretionary million.

But again...not judging them....I don't know how they donate their money.

Let's say I was filthy rich....and I mean FILTHY....I'd do the following:

1) Adopt some Latino families in my neighborhood and make sure they can enjoy Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Easter, at least for their first few years in the states. (Okay, so I don't need to be filthy rich to do this and I already "adopted" two Latino kids for the season, but we're not talking about that, lol)

2) Endow the African American Studies program at Georgetown so that it becomes not only a full major, but a graduate program through the PhD level.

3) Endow the Georgetown University Black House.

4) Endow the GU Step Team so they never have to fundraise again.

5) Establish a foundation for my high school so that whenever they need money for improvements, conferences and camps for the students, more staff, etc, all they have to do is ask the foundation. (Not sure how legal this is for public schools, but alls I know is that I want this money to go to my high school and NOT the system.)

6) Scholarships for the POOR, not the smart, lol.

There's probably more I could do, like AIDS research, cancer research, mental health care, and all that jazz. But I think my primary philanthropic interests are improving quality of life and education.

Oh yeah, and grants for authors. ;-)

Posted on December 6, 2005 at 7:06 PM | Comments (1)

Something different....

I am playing random songs on my favorite media player, and it's funny how some of the lyrics speak to my life and situations.

Just like a dream come true
I wished for you
I have never been so happy ’bout a love so new
You opened my heart to a brand new start
My love’s there wherever you are
I won’t let no one take you away

You took the ease off my mind
And put it behind
You were there yes indeed for all my needs--yes

I love me some him
I’ll never love this way again
I love me some you
Another man will never do

Toni Braxton....

I am cold. I had a good day at work today. Minimal coughing and minimal feelbadishness.

U, yeah.
U're such a big tease, u get me all excited,
All excited then u go home.
U're like ice cream,
Knew I got 2 getcha, got 2 getcha, before u're all gone.

U're such a bombshell,
And if I ever get ya, ever get ya, ever get ya,
There's no telling how long I'd last
Before I tick, tick bang all over u
Tick, tick-a-tick, bang, bang all over u
Tick, tick-a-tick, bang, bang, bang, tick, bang, bang

Prince....

Came to some realizations about my next big project. Not happy about it, but I gotta do what I gotta do.

I can't stop this feeling i got
U know i can't sleep at night
I can't stop, u know i love it a lot,
I'm talking about an everlasting light.
I can't stop this feeling i got
I get to shaking all in my shoes
I can't stop this feeling i got
The doctor say there's nothing that he can do

Prince...

Still liking...still longing...

Every story, tale or memoir
Every saga or romance
Whether true or fabricated
Whether planned or happenstance

Whether sweeping through the ages
Casting centuries aside
Or a hurried brief recital
Just a thirty-minute ride

Whether bright or melancholy
Rough and ready, finely spun
Whether with a thousand players
Or a lonely cast of one

Every story, new or ancient
Bagatelle or work of art
All are tales of human failing
All are tales of love at heart

Every story is a love story.....Aida.....

Posted on December 5, 2005 at 7:09 PM | Comments (0)

It's World AIDS Day: DC's Own Silent Epidemic

I had wanted to write an original entry today, but instead here is an article from today's Georgetown Voice.

Be informed. Be safe. And check out the many other World AIDS Day Blogs out there today.

****

D.C.’s own silent epidemic
Brian Brush and Melissa Lefkowitz

Most students will think of Africa’s epidemic this World AIDS Day, unaware of the epidemic here in the District. Current research reveals that one in 20 adults in the District of Columbia is HIV positive and one in 60 adults has AIDS. HIV is the virus that causes AIDS.

Despite 18 years of international awareness raised by World AIDS Day, D.C. currently faces an increasing amount of AIDS diagnoses within its population, according to Kim Mills, director of communications and public affairs for the Whitman-Walker Clinic, a non-profit D.C. healthcare provider.

“Up to one third of these people don’t know that they are infected,” Mills said. “This contributes to the problem that we see here in Washington.”

A lack of coordination among government agencies responsible for addressing AIDS and poor government leadership have created little in the way of outreach within the District, according to Walter Smith, executive director of D.C. Appleseed, a non-profit organization dedicated to addressing public policy issues.

Mills and Smith both said that testing is the most crucial aspect of AIDS prevention. “We are constantly doing outreach and marketing and advertising; we have two mobile units that we send out around the community to do testing,” Mills said. “One has Spanish language on the vehicle, the other is geared towards the African-American community.”

D.C. Appleseed’s latest research found that black people make up 75 percent of D.C.’s AIDS cases, while Hispanics follow a close second, both locally and nationally.

“I think it’s important to see the problem in the African-American and the Hispanic communities, but it’s striking to see how it’s affecting people in lower socio-economic groups,” Smith said.

These groups are mostly made up of the underinsured in the District.

According to Mills, AIDS patients who qualify for Medicaid can acquire needed treatment. The problem, she said, lies in the gap between the poverty line and the minimum income level for affording insurance.

“You [the underinsured] are caught in that Neverland of never being able to afford the drugs,” Mills said.

According to the United States Department of Health and Human Services, the poverty line for a family of four is $19,350 per year.

“Seventy-five percent of our clients are at 200 percent of the federal poverty line of the United States,” Mills said. At this income level, living with AIDS is not affordable.

Dr. Deanna Cooke, Assistant Director of Research for the Center for Social Justice, said that AIDS victims need $13,000 a month to live.

The D.C. Appleseed team is addressing the socio-economic problems surrounding D.C.’s AIDS as well.

“We don’t think it’s being handled in the community right now. We made a number of findings on things that we thought were not being done well,” Smith said. “We made around 75 recommendations.”

Today, D.C. Appleseed releases a report to the District, documenting its progress and specifying categories of action key in slowing the AIDS epidemic.

Smith acknowledged the importance of local community initiatives in raising AIDS awareness, including efforts made by universities like Georgetown.

“They need to stay involved and to work with other groups, and to hold the district government accountable,” Smith said.

Due to the race issues inherent in the HIV/AIDS epidemic, the Georgetown AIDS Coalition, now in its third year, is seeking partnerships with the Black Student Alliance and the GU National Association for the Advancement of Colored People.

Richard Thayer (CAS ‘07), a member of the GU AIDS Coaliton, said that despite Georgetown’s reputation for activism, there is a “surprisingly low level of people working on the AIDS issue.”

“We’re trying to create a network of groups that are somehow involved in the cause of fighting the AIDS crisis,” he said.

Posted on December 1, 2005 at 10:11 AM | Comments (2)

First, the bad news:

Sinus infection with mild bronchitis.
Inhaler, cough syrup with codeine, and antibiotics.
Homebound until December 5.

:-/

Posted on November 29, 2005 at 2:03 PM | Comments (5)

That's exactly why....

You know, I really don't fucking like arguments. Or debates. I'd much rather sit back, smile, and nod.

Because motherfuckers just don't know how to disagree in 2005.

My friends and I can have differing opinions until the cows come home -- and its all good. I love them and can honest respect them.

For example....I am anti-military. Pretty staunchly anti-military. I am anti-war like a mofo. I will always discourage friends from joining and will forbid my children from doing so.

But I can respect those friends who are or were in the military and I won't question why they did it. That's on them, and I love them no less.

That's also why I keep my opinions to myself -- and why I so rarely take a public stand in my blog about more political topics. Motherfuckers want to judge you on your opinion. People can't just agree that there are many ways to look at a subject, and "different" doesn't always mean "wrong."

No...when Rashid Darden disagrees, he's too old to relate, too young to understand, naive, privileged, trying to be white, too gay, too black, not well-read, trying to conform with straight America, too well-read, an opportunist, a prick, an asshole....fuck it.

No matter how crazy I might come off (and crazy I really am -- hey, fair warning) I really and truly do think deeply about any subject I decide to speak on. As Tami from The Real World: LA might say "Don't underestimate my fuckin' ass."

But....I keep silent in public and speak my mind to my friends. They get me. And that's all good to me.

Posted on October 31, 2005 at 9:54 PM | Comments (3)

Divo sighting

I seen Divo on TV!

He was singing at the Rosa Parks viewing at the Capitol.

I was like, hey, that guy looks familiar! I think that's Divo!

Then they gave him a solo and I knew it was him!

YOU GO BOY!

Posted on October 30, 2005 at 8:13 PM | Comments (1)

Sup?

I hate the word "sup?"

Don't ever fucking ask me "sup?" or I will kill you.

Not only that...but what the hell am I supposed to say when someone asks me "What's up?" The answer is ALWAYS "Nothin' much." It's a dumb question!

You don't always have to say "Hello."

Spice it up with a "hey!"

TWO of my friends even say "Howdy!"

ANYTHING but "sup?"

I could forgive "sup" in person, because it's usually followed by my name.

But on IM...on these stupid dating sites....ughhhhh.....

And don't even think about saying "Sup" in my comments, mofos! lol

Posted on at 4:49 PM | Comments (1)

Hittin' the numbers

So me and my mom were talking today (I love my mom) and we were talking about the Powerball and whatnot. So she was like "Imagine what you could do with $250,000,000!"

And I was like hells yeah!

So here's my list:

Pay off my student loans!

Pay off my credit card debt and all other sorts of bills.

Houses in DC...one in Georgetown just to have one, one in the Gold Coast (that will be the BIG house), and maybe one in Columbia Heights because I like the area.

Spots in Philadelphia, New York, Baltimore, Miami, Chicago, and Los Angeles. I mean yeah, that's a lot, but shoot, Oprah has a lot, too. I want to feel home wherever I go, and I think 250 mil should be able to buy that comfort, lol.

A car or two. I'm not really into cars, so whatever works.

House for mom dukes and her husband.

Pay off my friends' student loans.

Peace of mind as a self-published author...please believe if I never traditionally published but was a millionaire, it wouldn't even matter. I'd finally have the resources to do it ALL. Full-time editors, publicists, artists. All of that. In addition to publishing my own work, I'd be able to lift up those other artists that I believe in.

Pay my life membership for APhiA....become one of those Golden Torchbearers for APO.

Donate shit loads of money to Georgetown and get something named after me.

To be honest, other than places to stay, settling debts, investing money so that my money lasts forever, and incorporating Old Gold Soul so that it's on par with other small publishing houses (or hell, medium sized ones) I don't have much I want to throw money away on. I don't need a private jet, I don't think. (Though having one would probably be more convenient than commercial airlines. Cozier, too.)

I don't need a yacht...I don't need "stuff" and "things"....I don't want to collect art. Though I do have some rare books I want to add to my collection.

I just would use lottery winnings to make my life comfortable. I would still wear off-brand clothes and be averse to lots of jewelry. I'd probably invest in some nice suits, but nothing ridiculously expensive.

I'd kinda want to be a philanthropist, too. Put folks through college and whatnot....that's the kind of stuff that's fun to me, especially since I benefitted from such generosity myself.

250 mil is a lot of damn money.....shoot, I could live off of the interest alone, lol.

Posted on October 20, 2005 at 7:26 PM | Comments (2)

Cousin

So I'm going out of town this weekend to multiple destinations, as you can see on my "Appearances" page. I needed a place to crash in Philly, and although HIM said yes, I still needed a plan B because he works late.

So I asked Dwayne Wayne...why did this nigga say yes, and if anybody asks, I'm his cousin.

*scurrrt*

Excuse you?

Seems like he wants people to believe I'm his cousin so people will be less likely to make assumptions or inquire about his sexuality.

I was so offended. I told him absolutely not -- I will not be LYING to anyone about how I know him. We're FRIENDS. Why should I lie about that? I mean jesus, even my straight friends aren't that concerned about what people will think.

He tried to laugh it off...it was so absurd. What made him think I would ACTUALLY go along with that?

FUCK THAT, I write books, bitch!

Posted on October 12, 2005 at 7:42 AM | Comments (6)

I am so lucky.....

...or blessed, however you choose to believe.

Who knew that I could get so sad so quickly by thumbing through my junior high school yearbook???

I found out that one of my classmates died of AIDS not too long ago. I can't quite remember her and I can't find a picture. But I am just like damn....seeing pictures of so many folks who are dead, whether it is in body or in spirit.

Hopelessness is what kills our people.

But I did send an email to one cat I googled...the only one I could find an email for. We'll see if it bounces.

Posted on October 11, 2005 at 5:39 PM | Comments (0)

Cleaning Up

I've been thinking a lot this weekend, mostly because the weather has been too bad to do much of anything else. I've also been cleaning. Most folks who talk to me via AIM always hear me say that I am cleaning. And for the most part, that's true. I live in a relatively small space that I don't particularly enjoy. Not a lot of sunlight and not enough places to store things for easy access.

But today I did some things that will end up saving me time down the road. Yes, I started doing my Christmas cards. (Crazy, right?) I still have a lot to label, but I took a big dent out of my list.

I also started getting my receipts together. Tax time will be here before I know it and I've got lots of receipts from the post office, meals, taxis, etc....lots of things that add up and can potentially be a tax write-off or something. I don't really know how it works, I'm just doing what The Self-Publishing Manual said to do.

And believe it or not, my space is still ridiculously junky. Not dirty...but very cluttered. I now have a bunch of space under my basement steps, but nothing to put there! Isn't that weird? My goal was to get the basement looking as close to how it looked pre-Lazarus as possible. That means all MY books go back on the shelves. That got accomplished, but now I realize I STILL have more books than I do shelf space. The Lazaruses are in boxes in the middle of the floor, and some are upstairs.

I am really glad that my receipts are better organized. About 80 percent are now taped to white pieces of paper and neatly stacked for review. I spent a SHITLOAD of money this year -- it's crazy how expensive it really is to self-publish. If I really knew, I would have talked myself out of it. So I'm glad I didn't know.

So yeah...cleaning and thinking. Thinking about ZERO.

Zero....ground zero...zero hour...the number between the set of all negative numbers and the set of all positive numbers....the point of departure in reckoning...a state of total absence or neutrality...the lowest point....nadir.

The him before him.

He's back.

Posted on October 9, 2005 at 10:46 PM | Comments (2)

Things that tick me off...

Pathological Liars....why is this so common? Some people just LIE for no good reason! I encountered my first pathological liar in high school....didn't meet a whole lot in college. But since college, jeez louise people be LYIN!

Homophobes who can't stay in the closet. So I was at UDC selling books, and TWO dudes, both Ques, said they wouldn't by my book because it was a "gay" novel. And I am thinking to myself what the hell happened to just politely setting the book down and wishing me luck? One DID buy the book though.

People who use big words for no reason. I use the occasional big word, but only if there isn't another word that is more precise. Some people just be wearing out their SAT words.

The dent in Lil Kim's nose.

Crying ass little boys. You want to hear something funny? Call me during work hours. The kids be LUNCHIN. We got this one little boy who is soooo sensitive, it irks me! I be wantin to say man up lil nigga! LOL But yeah, I am compassionate...I guess.

Gaining weight. Ugh.

Post nasal drip.

Late paychecks.

Posted on October 5, 2005 at 7:17 AM | Comments (1)

Gross-a-roo!

SO this evening, a scant ten minutes ago, my mouse stopped working. Well, the horizontal directions on my mouse stopped working. You know I hate computer problems, but a malfunctioning mouse isn't a huge deal. I could probably borrow an old one from work tomorrow if need be.

But no, I am on a fix-it kick. So I am thinking hey, maybe I have some sort of matter in my mouse that's messing things up. Like lint, or dust, or something. So I take the ball out and use some compressed air to clean it out.

Didn't work.

So I was like hmmm....it can't have just BROKEN in the middle of me using it, you know? So I take a toothpick and clean the outside crevices or whatever. Pretty dirty. Ew. But it still didn't make the thing work.

Then, fir the first time since 2001, when I bought my computer, I noticed that the mouse has a screw in it. I get a small screwdriver and open up the mouse.

Oh my god there was dust in that joint from the dawn of time! SO GROSS. It was the big old immovable dust, too. I had to use a combination of a toothpick and the compressed air to really get the dust from all the crevices in the mouse. I even had to scrape matter off of the rolling things that the mouse ball pushes to make the cursor move.

It was highly educational. And gross.

But my mouse works. Ha!

Posted on September 27, 2005 at 9:40 PM | Comments (5)

Cleaning

I have so much cleaning to do today.

Posted on September 25, 2005 at 8:41 AM

Maybe.

Rashid: hey....i have something to tell you, related to that

NT: Sure, shoot.

Rashid: I'm going to cut off my locks, i think

NT: Now what would make you want to do that?

Rashid: I am keeping them for the wrong reasons, I think. I've wanted to run my hands through my 'fro for a while. But every time I mention cutting them people are like "noooooo don't do it, you look sooooo goood with them." And the funny thing is, I look "so good" but not good enough to have a significant, meaningful relationship. Yet, everyone I kick it with loves touching them, loves running their fingers through them. I think that my locks have become too much of my trademark. But to me, it's just hair. It doesn't represent anything spiritual. So, I think to sorta separate my vanity from the essence of who I am, I need to get rid of the locks

NT: Whoa, that was incredibly deep.

Rashid: It's not that I am trying to make myself ugly because I'm sick of the dating scene..... but I think that I need to get in touch with the real me again. If the lack of locks shows off the tad-too wide ears, or shows off the extra 20 pounds I need to lose, then so be it. Whatever they're hiding is all me.

NT: If you feel that they are a hindrance to your own self-development, then you do what you must.

Rashid: I think they might be. And I just might start locking again, who knows? But I think some other reasons are that my current loctitian uses a product that seems to flake off a lot and make it look like I have bad dandruff. Plus, I don't feel my scalp is as clean as it ought to be. I liked when I had the afro.

NT: Hey, to thy own self be true.

Rashid: So, I dunno....and now that I am seriously contemplating it, I feel scared -- and it's like yo, why should I feel scared? Am I afraid that people will find me unattractive? And that's exactly what it is. And that kinda bothers me about myself. I should feel attractive no matter what I do to my hair. But maybe I feel like my hair is all I really have.

Rashid: Yeah....I am trying. I apologize for all the venting and whatnot. I've just really never talked to anyone about this in depth.

NT: You forget one other thing that you have that makes you attractive to others.

NT: It's all good, dawg.

Rashid: The ill Rah-Rah?

NT: No. Not even if I knew what a 'rah rah' was.

Rashid: lol okay, so what then?

NT: No, it's your intelligence.

Rashid: ooooooh.....that

NT: Why do you think people buy your book or listen to you speak?
NT: B/c they have nothing else to do?
NT: No, it's because you speak on a level that they understand and you're articulate.
NT: I do feel the same way about my own hair.
NT: But folks need to realize that there's more to me than hair.
NT: There are folks who knew me way before I started lockin'.

Rashid: True true....I hear you.

NT: And some of those folks are still around today.

Rashid: right

NT: I think the insecurity you feel about your appearance is only skin deep.

Rashid: There are so many people in my life who don't know me from when I had short hair.

NT: If someone really wants you, they must see past some of that.

Rashid: yeah, that's true

NT: Not to say that they must be blind.

Rashid: yeah

NT: If you feel more comfortable with an afro, then do what you must.
NT: Don't let others control your life.
NT: You haven't done that before, so why start now?

Rashid: That's true.....
Rashid: Like Fantasia said, I need to go ahead and free myself, lol

NT: If she were anymore free with her hair, she'd be bald and possibly nekkid.

Rashid: LOLOLOL
Rashid: Thank you so much. You really do understand me.

NT: Well, I'm glad I could share with you.
NT: I think as you progress towards notoriety you should really focus on carrying yourself.
NT: You shouldn't have to worry too much about the way you look.
NT: It's more about the way you feel.
NT: You can tell by looking at people that they are insecure or vain about themselves.

Rashid: That's true
Rashid: I know one thing.....it's gonna look a hot mess when i cut it, lol. But in a good way.
Rashid: In a sense, I will be more natural than I am now....I might just let it have ragged lengths, I dunno

NT: Yeah. I have a friend who did that and didn't look that bad.

Rashid: Let me show you a picture of somebody whose hair I wish I had....my texture isn't really "curly" enough for this, but I wish it looked this way....

Rashid:

NT: Are you serious? Wasn't this fool on some sort of commercial?

Rashid: LOL
Rashid: i dunno...that's Toure', the writer and hip-hop journalist type

NT: Oh.
NT: I have a friend and she has hair similar to that.
NT: Her hair is a light brown.
NT: Ah, it doesn't matter. Be you.
NT: It hasn't hindered you before.
NT: So why should it now.

Rashid: true
Rashid: *hug* thanks man

NT: No problem, dawgz. *hug*

Posted on September 23, 2005 at 11:50 PM

You don't LOVE me, nigga!!!!

The ironic part of this entry is JUST as I started to write it, someone IMed me and said "I love you." :-)

But this entry is not about that person, LOL.

So I got a forwarded message from my friend. The title was FW: Love Ya. I thought to myself "Hmmm, this should be cute, especially since I don't hear from him too often."

The email said:

One morning you will never wake up.....Do all your friends know you love them?

I was thinking...I could die today, tomorrow or next week, and I
wondered if I had any wounds needing to be healed, friendships that needed rekindling or three words needing to be said.

Let every one of your friends know you love them. Even if you think they don't love you back, you would be amazed at what those three little words and a smile can do.

And just in case GOD calls me home before I see you again....... I LOVE YOU!!!

Send this to at least 8 people you love and send it back to the person Who sent it to you ..Live today to the fullest because tomorrow is not promised.

"[T]he Will of God will never take you to where the Grace of God will not protect you."

FIRST of all....let me say that I fully understand that some people are so busy that all they have time to do is send forwards out to their friends to let them know how they feel. And I understand that. Believe me, I do. The thought is appreciated.

But...let us read the words we send out....sometimes, it is better to actually tailor a message to your friends.

I struggle with the notion that this friend really loves me. In fact, I kind of doubt he does. I know he cares about me. I know he likes me, respects me, might even admire me. But does he love me?

Thinking about your own death shouldn't scare you into saying I love you. SAY IT ANYWAY. Better yet -- SHOW IT. Live it. Be it.

And what's more...don't say it in an email. Nigga, CALL ME!!!! Send me a text message...a personal email. Let me know you ain't bullshittin'. Don't be shamed into telling me -- just love me, for real.

Yes, I am an "all or nothing" kind of guy....I don't tolerate half-stepping. But sending me a email with dozens of other people thinking that's really an "I love you" doesn't cut it. You don't really love me. You just know how to work your email.

Posted on September 21, 2005 at 6:30 PM

***** Poppin' in a Handstand

Got a little cough...

So HIM said he wants to help me find a man and be happy, or find a man who would make me happy, or something of that nature.

It's like raaaaa-iiii-aaaaaiinnnnn....on a weddddding day.....

Got emails from several folks who want me to be happy, to not be bitter, quoting poems, telling me to give it 20 years.

Duly noted.

The Kill Bill Soundtrack is so dope.

I talked to frat today...LOVE HIM. We had us a nice little conversation after school, yes we did. He recently made some changes in his life that I will soon follow suit with. Some things are an illusion...he reaffirmed some things I already knew, but helped me find the strength to carry out.

I know I sound crazy. Shut up.

Go Lori...go me....one of these days I will write about the workshop I assisted Lori V. Lincoln with last night, but cha know what? I just don't feel like it right now.

I did see Andre Samuels, a Que from Alpha chapter, Spring 97 I think. He is the spec' of one of my mentors from back in those days. I gave him my card, made small talk, and told him not to break it too hard to La'Mont that I went another way. :-)

I love them, man. Alpha Chapter Ques rock. Well, the ones from the late 90s, I don't know who they are now.

SVU tonight! WOOOOOO HOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Got some writing ideas tonight, too. Had an EPIPHANY if you will.

Posted on September 20, 2005 at 8:05 PM

News in Brief

I haven't updated in a minute! Wow....look at me, having a real life and shit!

Work -- goes well! We had ourselves a little Kill Bill party after class but before Back to School Night on Wednesday. Don't worry, it was just us teachers. We needed a violence outlet so we don't stick our kids heads in a door and slam it while saying "Where's Bill?!"

Probably won't get paid for another few weeks which SUCKS!!!! I am so grateful for people who have stepped up and helped me out when I really needed it though. By "me" I mean Old Gold Soul. Some people REALLY believe in my work and go above and beyond to support it, and I so appreciate that.

I met somebody.

Amazon has been good with keeping my book in stock. And the ranking (which I usually don't pay attention to) has been pretty good! I guess word is getting out?

The mailing is almost ready! I will be able to send out the first round on tomorrow morning. No going out for me tonight unless I can get somebody to help.

I haven't mentioned Hurricane Katrina in my blog yet. You know, generally I discuss these things in real life since this is a real world disaster and I don't really think the people who read my blog are generally "moved" by blogs in that way. (Translation: I can't make y'all bamas do anything you didn't already want to do, including buying my book, lol)

BUT...I will say this. Lots of people wonder how we can help. Sure, donate to the Red Cross or whatever your favorite charity is. Do all the things everyone else is doing -- it's never too much.

But remember New Orleans six months, twelve months, eighteen months from now and beyond. How? GO TO NEW ORLEANS!!! The city thrives on tourism. We need to spend our money in New Orleans. If you are a conference planner, plan your conference for New Orleans. Fire and Ink, holla back ;-) The Sigma Gamma Rhos are having their Boule in New Orleans next year -- I hope they still have it there!

Visit New Orleans when it's open again....they need us now more than ever.

I have a lot of events coming up. Right after my mailing tomorrow, I will have time to actually strategize some things. A little disappointed at something that happened regarding an event on the 24th, but that, too, will get fixed.

I guess it's shower time....have a good day, everyone!

Posted on September 16, 2005 at 6:44 AM | Comments (0)

College Days.....

I found out that I could still access my unofficial transcript online. Here are the courses I took in college. I don't think anyone will actually find this interesting, but you never know.

Darden, Rashid Eman

Degrees Awarded: May 26, 2001
Bachelor of Arts
GEORGETOWN UNIVERSITY DC
Major: English, with concentration in
Writing: Rhetoric, Genre, Form
Minor: Theology
Rank: XXX of 837
Cum QPI: X.XXX
Entering Program:
Georgetown College
Bachelor of Arts
Undeclared

----------------Fall 1997----------------------
ENGL-014 LIT & WRITING WORKSHOP
FREN-001 INTRODUCTORY FRENCH I
HIST-033 EURO CIV: SOCIETY & CULTURE
PSYC-001 GENERAL PSYCHOLOGY
THEO-001 THE PROBLEM OF GOD

---------------Spring 1998---------------------
COSC-010 INTRO TO COMPUTERS & NETWORKS
FREN-002 INTRODUCTORY FRENCH II
HIST-034 EURO CIV:VALUES/AUTHORITY/CONF
PSYC-117 PSYC/PHOTOGRAPHY/VISUAL ARTS
THEO-011 INTRO TO BIBLICAL LITERATURE

----------------Fall 1998----------------------
ENGL-022 TEXTS & CONTEXTS
FREN-021 INTERMEDIATE FRENCH I
HIST-160 MIDDLE EAST CIVILIZATION I
PHIL-050 INTRO TO ETHICS
THEO-138 MODERN ISLAM

---------------Spring 1999---------------------
ENGL-250 STUDIES IN THE LYRIC
PHIL-001 INTRO TO PHILOSOPHY
PHYS-008 THE QUANTUM WORLD AROUND US
SOCI-003 INTRODUCTION TO ANTHROPOLOGY
THEO-050 ISLAMIC RELIG THOUGHT & PRACT
Program Changed To:
English

----------------Fall 1999----------------------
ENGL-105 INTRODUCTION TO WRITING
ENGL-273 POETRY WORKSHOP
FREN-021 INTERMEDIATE FRENCH I
THEO-169 RELIGIONS OF AFRICAN DIASPORA

---------------Spring 2000---------------------
ENGL-215 BLACK WOMEN WRITERS
ENGL-267 INTRO TO JOURNALISM
FREN-022 INTERMEDIATE FRENCH II
THEO-137 RELIGIONS OF ANCIENT NEAR EAST
THEO-185 STUDY ISLAM & MUSLIM-XTIAN REL

---------------Summer 2000---------------------
ENGL-132 SHAKESPEARE
ENGL-363 SHAKESP: TEXT & PERFORMANCE
Above course completed in Leicester, England

----------------Fall 2000----------------------
ENGL-298 UNSPEAKABLE LIVES
ENGL-301 TUTORIAL: ENGLISH
ENGL-493 MODERN AMER SHORT STORY
SOCI-138 IDENTITY AND RELIGION
SOCI-171 WORLD ETHNOGRAPHY
THEO-054 COMPARATIVE MYTHOLOGY

---------------Spring 2001---------------------
AMTH-024 RACE/POL/AMER MUSIC
AMTH-031 THE AMERICAN MUSICAL
ENGL-302 TUTORIAL: ENGLISH
HIST-286 SLAVERY IN NORTH AMERICA
HIST-393 BLACK HISTORY/BLACK CULTURE

EHRS QHRS QPTS QPI
Current 15
Cumulative 120
Requirements completed for Bachelor of Arts

--------------End of Undergraduate Record-------------------

Posted on September 8, 2005 at 8:20 PM | Comments (1)

August Stats

In August, my diary had 4,299 unique visitors and 9,823 visits. There were 91,68 hits altogether!

Most people were refferred to my diary from oldgoldsoul.com itself, but people also visited from other blogs a lot.

Believe it or not, of those people who found my diary through a search engine, most were looking for Bermandette Stanis!

Keep on visiting!

Posted on September 6, 2005 at 7:36 AM | Comments (0)

Cottonmouth returns....

Yattimaina!

Posted on August 31, 2005 at 1:19 AM | Comments (1)

I Don't Know You!!!!

I was at the CVS this morning and as soon as I walked in, I saw the valedictorian of my high school waiting in line there. Since she was in line, I didn't want to disturb her, so I lingered a bit until she was done and started filling my basket. When she got her bag and began walking out, I smiled and said "[_____]!" (her name -- she's Nigerian).

Why this broad said "I DON'T KNOW YOU!" all crazy like?

So I threw up my hands in front of me and said "Okay."

But I KNEW it was [_____ _______], the Valedictorian of Calvin Coolidge Senior High School's class of 1997 -- her accent alone betrayed her identity. So I am thinking to myself "Bitch please, you KNOW you know me!"

So I was kinda hurt! LOL Angry, but not Cottonmouth levels of anger. Just like damn, no she didn't try to play me in the CVS!

I NEVER did anything to that girl in high school...never teased her, never clowned her shoes or her braids or her looks -- nothing like that. Sure, I thought she was rather unfortunate looking, but you know how they say the ugly duckling becomes the swan? Well....some ugly ducklings grow up to be ugly ducks. At least in attitude.

I happen to be privy to some things that she may or may not have gone through as an undergraduate. In fact, I am cool with her college roommate. Let's just say even if [_____] went through the things she alleges she went through...shit, I didn't do it! And that was seven years ago. I understand that people do things differently, but there's no need to be rude about it.

Her former college roommate tells me that [_____] did the same thing to her at the bus stop, more or less. Saw her and then put a piece of paper in front of her face to hide herself. Then she went so far as to not even get on the same bus with her, yet stared her down when my friend got on the bus.

Craziness. Mental illness is real, y'all.

Posted on August 27, 2005 at 1:38 PM | Comments (10)

Changes

by David Bowie

Oh yeah
Mm
Still don’t know what I was waiting for
And my time was running wild
A million dead-end streets and
Every time I thought I’d got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But I’ve never caught a glimpse
Of how the others must see the faker
I’m much too fast to take that test

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
(turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changes
Don’t want to be a richer man
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
(turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changes
Just gonna have to be a different man
Time may change me
But I can’t trace time

I watch the ripples change their size
But never leave the stream
Of warm impermanence
So the days float through my eyes
But stil the days seem the same
And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They’re quite aware of what they’re going through

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
(turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changes
Don’t tell them to grow up and out of it
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
(turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changes
Where’s your shame
You’ve left us up to our necks in it
Time may change me
But you can’t trace time

Strange fascination, fascinating me
Ah changes are taking the pace I’m going through

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
(turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changes
Oh, look out you rock ’n rollers
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
(turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changes
Pretty soon now you’re gonna get a little older
Time may change me
But I can’t trace time
I said that time may change me
But I can’t trace time

Posted on August 21, 2005 at 10:57 AM

Yet ANOTHER Coolidge Dream

This one was SO vivid....I actually woke up at like 4:30am kinda taken aback.

It wasn't long or especially earth-shattering. I had gone back to Coolidge for a reunion reception that some of the slightly older alumni had planned for us.

Everyone was there...I mean EVERYONE. It was almost as if we had never left.

And the funny thing was that they were all so welcoming and I didn't have to do ANYTHING. And everything went well! You know that would never happen in real life...I am always behind the scenes helping out in some way, so much to the point that I'm not used to kicking back and let others work.

I guess it proves that I really do want to see many of those people again.

Posted on August 18, 2005 at 4:59 AM | Comments (0)

Tag: Gimme Five

What were you doing 5yrs ago?
** Getting ready to start my senior year at Georgetown.
** Wondering why Julio wasn't returning my calls.
** Falling for a sociopath at Cornell
** Working on the website for my APO chapter
** Getting over jet lag from travel to England

Yesterday?
** Got fingerprinted for my job
** Ran into this HOT guy I knew from a poetry reading at DC Pride last year
** Ran into Jessica, who just graduated from Georgetown
** Dropped off some information at The Guild, Inc.
** Talked to Fred and Brandon

5 snacks I enjoy?
Funyuns
Peach Slices
Planter's Spicy Trail Mix
Three Musketeers
Reeses Peanut Butter Cups

5 songs I know all the words to?
"Darling Nikki" by Prince
"Milkshake" by Kelis
"Wild is the Wind" by Nina Simone
"Oops Oh My" by Tweet
"If I Were Your Woman" by Gladys Kinght & the Pips

5 things I'd do with a million dollars?
Invest in something or other just so my money can make money.
Invest in Old Gold Soul Press so I can be the next Martha Stewart, bitches!
Charity
Shopping
Student loan repayment in full.

5 bad habits I have?
Too much like Martha Stewart when it comes to my brand identity. (Not always a nice person.)
Picky
Stubborn
I talk a LOT when nervous/panicky/anxious
Emotions show on my face a lot

5 favorite TV shows?
Law & Order: SVU
The Wire
Six Feet Under
Days of Our Lives (still!)
Girlfriends

5 biggest joys of the moment?
Being published at the age of 25
Kindergarteners
Talking to a special person every day
Hearing a new person say "I loved your novel!"
The successes of my friends

5 favorite toys?
Pen
Paper
Laila (the cat)
Maxwell (the other cat)
Computer

5 people tagged now:
Whoever wants to do this.

Posted on August 17, 2005 at 1:10 PM | Comments (3)

Hi!

Hello there!

It's Saturday morning and I am tired. And I ain't even go out last night!

I felt a little bit under the weather yesterday, mostly because of a lack of sleep, I think. I took a chill day -- didn't work on level ten like I have all week. Went down to level three, took plenty of naps, and let other people do the work for a change.

Today I'm going to the post office to mail off three orders. That's the extent of the business of my day. The air quality is code red here in DC and yeah, my poor respiratory system doesn't do well in this kind of weather.

Today, in addition to some much needed cleaning, I will be continuing work on THE LIST. No, not my list of prior sexual partners, silly. My list of Black Student Alliances, LGBT clubs, fraternity and sorority chapters, and English departments. The people on this list will receive a media kit introducing them to me and Lazarus. This will be sent out after I return from Atlanta. I'm really excited about this mailing. If it goes well, I might get invited to a lot of events in the coming year, either for readings/signings or if an organization has an event that needs authors -- I'm so there! But we shall see, eh?

I guess I should get started!

Posted on August 13, 2005 at 9:16 AM | Comments (2)

Ha!

For the first time in a few weeks, I don't have anything in particular to write about.

Holla!

Posted on August 12, 2005 at 9:37 AM | Comments (3)

My Philosophy

I know how I am.

And that's a good thing. A lot of people just don't know how they are. They don't recognize the patterns in their lives and therefore repeat the same mistakes.

For example, I know I need to lose weight. I also know that I cannot lose weight if I don't work out. My choices are either to work out or accept my weight. See, the choices are there. And because I know me, I am somewhere between the two. I'm not totally unhappy with my weight and somewhat unmotivated to lose it. I know I will one day, but I'm not trippin' about it. I know how I am, so it's pointless to trip about it at this point.

Because I know how I am, I try to lead a very simple life. Seriously. Not like Amish simple, but I like to avoid negativity if at all possible. I try to speak with logic and level-headedness. Because....I know how I am. I have the potential to become incredibly angry or incredibly sad. I think a lot. I analyze a lot. I rarely think about myself as much as I think about the collective -- which is why I see one colleague fuckin up, I dissect the situation and figure out what can be done about it. I feel like somehow I am saving the whole craft if I can save one writer, lol.

But I know that's not normal. (For the record, nobody said I was normal, either.)

I don't surround myself with drama -- it's never been my style. I don't thrive off of it and don't find it funny. I never liked one frat dissing another at step shows. I never liked that show "snaps" where people are jonin' on each other. And I can't stand the freestyle competition on 106 & Park.

Some people call me moody. I call myself sensitive.

I don't like arguing with my friends, and in fact, I don't. I think it's more important to be friends that to be right. As me and BlackMartha were talking about yesterday, why does it seem like so many people don't understand that two people can read the exact same text, have two different interpretations, and both STILL be correct? How's that for revolutionary?

I have a friend who read Sons by Alphonso Morgan and hated it. That's not an exaggeration, either. Moreover, this friend knew I loved it and purposefully didn't engage me in a debate about it because, hell, what's the point? (We ultimately did discuss it, and I think he was surprised to learn that I had the same challenges with the text as he did. I just happened to thing the good parts were really really good.)

It's not just text, either. It's like....life itself.

I have six close friends, three women and three men. And I have a couple of really really close friends who are mostly men. I've never had a best friend -- I happen to think the concept is a little unrealistic, but if you have one, that's great! I think it's beautiful when two people can rely on each other platonically.

At any rate, me and the six close friends (who I call "The Wedding Party") NEVER argue. When I say never, I mean neeeeever.

And that's not weird to me. From 1994 or 95 when I met Joel to 1999 when I met Shari, I can count less than five heated debates among all six of us. And if I was ever pissed off at any of them, they redeemed themselves without even knowing I was mad at them. I like it that way. I don't have to speak and they know how I am feeling.

It's hard to find people to click with like that. So I keep them close and keep them happy.

Life is too short to surround yourself with people who don't make you feel happy.

I know how I am -- keeping my life simple is best.

Posted on August 5, 2005 at 8:00 AM | Comments (0)

I asked for it

Well, I didn't dream about high school last night.

This time I dreamed I was in The Wire.

In this season, I was an undercover cop infiltrating this gang. The gang was a lot more bold and more sloppy than the Barksdale crew. Apparently, they were paying off all the day care centers and churches and small businesses in the neighborhood in order to do whatever they wanted illegally. Also, they reopened a condemned housing project for all these homeless people who were displaced from another housing project. It was really funny because they were just walking down the street in this huge mob and then they started running when they saw this gang...the gang chased them to the abandoned projects but instead of shooting them up, the gang was like "Okay, we are tearing down this fence and fixing up these homes.

It was crazy.

A woman who looked very much like Mary Alice was a teacher in the neighborhood. I remember it was her birthday or something and all these gang members came out of this extra large van, singing her happy birthday. Half of them were wearing red and the other half blue. The really strange thing was that there was a casket in the van, too, with a bunch of flowers.

I found myself in the backseat of another can, alongside Omar, who had gone from stick-up kid to undercover cop. Well, we found ourselves in a shoot-out. He and I slid out the backseat as a guy who looked like Avon Barksdale was trying to shoot us up. I never did take a shot, but I had my weapon armed and ready.

It was great. Scary, but great. Then I woke up.

Posted on July 31, 2005 at 8:09 AM | Comments (3)

There's got to be a reason...

I'm glad I finally have time to blog this morning. I had a lot of work to do, a lot of seeds to be planted for Lazarus. But now that's done and I can blog, then work some more on project #3.

Why is it that over fifty percent of my dreams utilize my old high school as a backdrop?

Last night, I dreamed that I was back at Coolidge High School as a student. I had a bookbag and everything. I can't remember the plot of the dream, but I do remember that the school was a lot sunnier and brighter than it usually is. I also remember seeing my old principal and giving him a hug, which was unusual because he wasn't the most warm or friendly person in the world.

In fact, I'm not sure, but I think he still scares me. :-| I wonder if he's heard about what I'm up to and if he's proud of me. I need to get his contact information so I can invite him to this reading that Kia Dupree and I are planning for the fall. I'll be contacting people at Coolidge in a few weeks to see if they're interested in having Kia and I do an alumni reading/reception/event. And I'm hoping I can get the Manor Park community association on board as well. The next day we'll be doing the Capital BookFest.

Anyway...that's a major tangent right there...

This dream was fairly benign. I've had Coolidge dreams before that were a lot more weird. There was one where this huge hurricane was coming and we had to batten down the proverbial hatches. I've dreamed about Coolidge teachers who have since passed away. And even when I'm not dreaming about Coolidge specifically, the physical building and grounds are frequently part of my dreams, too.

It's weird. I spent more time at Georgetown than Coolidge, but I don't feel like I dream about it as much. There's got to be some kind of correlation between the development of my subconscious mind and being in such an influential place from the age of 14 to 17.<