Public Service Announcement

Don't be smug because you stopped saying the N-word.

I will still beat your ass.

That is all.

Posted on January 19, 2007 at 10:18 AM | Comments (0)

New Web Designer

Don't you want to redesign my website?

I want to streamline everything into pretty much just the blog -- all I need is someone who will design the template for me.

Holla at me! rashid @ oldgoldsoul.com or rashid.darden @ gmail.com

Posted on January 3, 2007 at 7:25 PM | Comments (0)

lack of entries

One would think that without a 9-5 to go to that I would be up on my blog entries.....

I'm not quite "busier"...... I'm still occupied with things. Still have a lot on my mind.

Maybe more later.

Posted on December 12, 2006 at 1:18 AM | Comments (2)

I haven't updated in sooooo long...

....because I was sick for the past two weeks with bronchitis. Didn't really have any news to report, so I took a break from blogging.

But I'm back, and here's a topic.....

So not even five minutes ago, I'm on a message board for fraternity and sorority members, which I do from time to time, and there is a thread about "famous" members. Actually, the topic was about whether Spike Lee is an Alpha or not (he's not). Then it went off on a tangent of other famous Alphas.

So this religious-type posted this:

I disagree with this famous alpha but at least he is Honest: http://rashid.oldgoldsoul.com/diary/

And his honesty is why men and women of God need to pray for our brothers and sisters now more than ever. Cover us in your Blood Jesus Christ that death may PASSOVER in Jesus name

First of all...... WHOA, I'M FAMOUS?????? That's news to me!

Secondly.....thanks for the free publicity!

Third.... yes, pray for me. I need prayer for my health, my success as a novelist, for safety when I fly to Atlanta on Friday.... but don't pray for me because you think I'm going to hell or because you feel bad for me because I'm gay AND PROUD.

Finally...... there is a sect of the anti-Greek religious people that have some sort of obsession with me and my work to "destroy all prejudices." I was on a anti-Greek yahoo group (snooping, lol), and right there listed on the site was a link to my yahoo group for LGBT fraternity and sorority members and aspirants.

WTF???? Why are they so worried about what we do? We're not gay because we're Greek..... it's a coincidence. And we've decided to support one another on our journeys.

I swear.....

But anyway, that was a happy thing..... I don't mind people with differing opinions viewing my site. But it's my site....I don't come here to debate. Just to state my truth and leave it there.

Posted on November 20, 2006 at 12:49 PM | Comments (2)

You vote for the topic!

Okay..... do you want to hear about why I quit my job or why I rejoined Adam4Adam?

At noon, I will pick the topic based on how many comments I get.

YOU DECIDE!!!!

Posted on October 20, 2006 at 7:01 AM | Comments (5)

the dang site!

I don't know why my site keeps acting up or where the hell my webmaster is!

Posted on October 13, 2006 at 10:05 PM | Comments (0)

Dream

I had a dream about him last night.

He, the man who has been on my mind non-stop for the past two weeks or more.

I was at his place in the dream. The interesting thing about the way our minds work is that since I've never been to his home, my mind had to use a template for what his home might be like. So the gap was filled by making it my old apartment on 16th street.

I was sitting on his couch and he threw down a blanket and pillow for me. I raised my arms out to hug him, but he walked away.

Disappointed, I fell asleep. I work up in the four o'clock hour and used the light of my cell phone to find my way around the dark apartment. My intent was to find my way into his room and just look at him. I also needed to see if his boyfriend was in there with him.

He appeared to be by himself, naked except for the sheet that was barely covering him.

I went to the bathroom with the intention of taking a hot, early morning shower. I wanted to sneak out so I wouldn't have to see me in the morning.

If he was alone, I couldn't understand why we couldn't share his bed.

That's all I really remember of the dream -- I'm pretty sure that was it.

Posted on October 7, 2006 at 7:36 AM | Comments (0)

My Humps

Well, it's hump day.

Work has been....work. The older I get, the more I understand the value of the weekend. Back in college, the weekend was when you did homework during the day and partied at night. And yeah, sometimes I miss being able to walk to a party a block away and walk home safely again.

Oh yeah, tomorrow night is "Meet the Chapter" at my undergrad APO chapter....I gotta go to that. Should be a nice way to kick off my weekend.

Got a lunch meeting with a photographer on Saturday -- should be fun! He's feeling my vision for the shoot.

There are lots of changes in store, kicking off with the long overdue release of Covenant. After some paperwork gets done today, I should FINALLY have a release date.

Alright....shower time....have a great one.

Posted on September 27, 2006 at 6:47 AM | Comments (3)

Take it easy!

Friends! Fellas!!!

I can't have any back and forth arguing in Old Gold Soul Land....I had to delete some comments from another entry because they got too heated.

IIIIIIII'm the only person allowed to get heated up in here! LOL

On the real, I do appreciate your concern on the matters I mention in my blog. It makes me feel good to know that people care.

But please ma'am and please girt, keep it nice.

Posted on September 25, 2006 at 5:02 PM | Comments (3)

We won!

Goooooooooooo Fenty!!!!!!!

Posted on September 12, 2006 at 11:01 PM | Comments (0)

This dumb skank.....

Look at what Linda Crapp said, as reported by the Georgetown Voice today:

“I want to have a D.C. ‘Peace Corps’ for education, to provide extra support for non-performing schools,” she said. She later clarified to The Voice that this organization would be composed of college students, adding, “There’s so much talent that hasn’t been tapped in the universities.” Her own record on the school board, often held up by opponents as a failure, became a point of pride as she related her fight to open and save Banneker High School, which has since become one of Newsweek’s top fifty high schools nationwide. The story ended in cheers from the crowd.

(Full story here)

First of all, "Peace Corps for education".....???? Um, I am pretty sure there's a little thing called TEACH FOR AMERICA that does the same thing. And if you can't get enough of that, there's a little thing caled the DC TEACHING FELLOWS. Both are very good programs through which I've met some very good teachers.

So Linda Cropp wants to reinvent the wheel.....typical of politicians. But what ticks me off even more is her statement about untapped talent in the universities.

Are you kidding me??? Try this on for untapped resources:

After School Kids:

The ASK Program addresses the needs of juvenile offenders who have been or may be subject to incarceration. The program's goal is to assist the youths in successfully completing the terms of their probation while helping them to build self-esteem through the development of life skills and constructive patterns of behavior.

ASK participants, referred to the program by their probation officer, meet twice weekly in groups of 10-12 at several different sites in the District of Columbia. The youths are matched with Georgetown University volunteers for one-to-one tutoring sessions and group activities on topics ranging from conflict mediation, interviewing and job-search skills, African-American history, and artistic expression to current events. Youths also participate in cultural and recreational activities such as trips to the theater and museums, as well as camping expeditions and community service projects. Staff members maintain contact with each youth's family, teachers, and probation officers.

***

DC Reads is a tutoring program for low-income children in the first through third grades who are not reading at grade level. DC Reads began in 1997 as a local response to the America Reads Challenge, a literacy initiative established to improve reading proficiency for all elementary students. America Reads Challenge allowed university students who are eligible for financial aid to receive work study funds tot tutor children in reading.

DC Reads provides on-site, one-hour tutoring sessions twice a week in public schools, parochial schools and community-based organizations...

DC Reads currently has approximately 60 Georgetown University students supporting the literacy development of approximately 75 of Washington, DC’s struggling readers in the primary grades. Tutors are paid through federal work study or volunteer their time.

***

The DC Schools Project, a program of the Center for Social Justice at Georgetown University, recruits Georgetown students and gives them the support necessary to effectively provide English as a Second Language tutoring services to the District's low-income youth and adults of immigrant backgrounds.

***

Heads Up: A University Neighborhood Initiative

Founded in 1996, Heads Up is a non-profit organization that runs education and enrichment programs for children and families living in the most under-resourced parts of Washington, D.C.

A unique type of organization, Heads Up draws particularly on the untapped potential of the city’s college students as its tutors, teachers, and mentors. At the same time, Heads Up helps these college students understand their social responsibilities and trains them in the leadership skills to carry them out.

Today, our efforts include daily after-school and summer programs for elementary school students, weekly college and job readiness activities for teenagers, and a service-learning curriculum for college students.

Our entrepreneurial spirit, our commitment to results, and our belief in the principles of service, learning, and leadership guide us towards the day when all children have an equal opportunity to pursue their dreams of a better life.

***

Those are just snapshots of programs I know about....come on, now.

But finally, let me talk about the white elephant in the room, Banneker High School. Banneker is not normal and never was. It is my belief that the existence of schools like Banneker damage neighborhood schools by drawing away the talented youth in the communities. Meanwhile, Banneker is consistently highly ranked among high schools. Well d'uh, no shit Sherlock -- you have to apply to get in. You have to already have quality grades, so it's not like there are any dummies in the first place. And unlike a regular public school, they don't have to keep you if you're failing. So graduation rates are always at a hundred percent, as are college placements.

But what they don't tell you is that Banneker kids struggle as hard as everyone else during that first year in college. What they don't tell you is that yes, some Banneker alums flunk out of college on their firs try. I've seen it. Much love to Banneker, but you can't use that as a measuring stick for success in the DC public schools. Show me schools like Dunbar, Wilson, HD Woodson, and Coolidge. Ordinary schools for extraordinary kids.

Anyway....that really rubbed me the wrong way this morning. Hope everyone has a great day!

Posted on September 7, 2006 at 6:38 AM | Comments (1)

Why I'm Voting for Adrian Fenty:

1) He supports education, and in particular will appoint a Deputy Mayor of Education. That's hot.

2) Though he understands that the schools need to be improved, he supports the current superintendent's plans for rigorous academics AS WELL AS a vocational education plan. (Yeah, while you weren't looking, Voc Ed in DC was all but phased out!)

3) He's not afraid to be the lone dissenter. I like the fact that he didn't vote in favor of that runky-dink emergency crime bill. If the cops would DO THEY JOBS in the first place..... (As a side note, why were the pigs giving out tickets for jay walking on capitol hill? I was like are you shitting me? JAYWALKING TICKETS, when somebody somewhere in this city is getting raped or murdered?)

4) He spoke out in favor of marriage equality EARLY on. (Fall 2005) None of that namby-pamby civil union shit, either. I want a husband and Fenty wants me to have the right to have one!

5) I like his energy....after my childhood with Mayor For Life Marion Barry and Sharon Prett Kelly, and my young adulthood with the ultra-dry Anthony Williams (whom I do love), I am ready for someone who mirrors the passion that I feel for my city.

Those are my big reasons. There are many other ones, but in a nutshell I support his platform and my gut has been leading me in this direction ever since he was elected Ward 4 Councilman. (GOOOOOO WARD 4!)

So DC residents check out his site, make a contribution, and VOTE FENTY for Mayor on September 12!

Fenty '06

PS -- We'll ignore the fact that he made the ultimate error in pledging Krappa. :-/

Posted on September 2, 2006 at 2:50 PM | Comments (2)

A very brief IM conversation about my old job

Rashid: are the mean black ladies still in payroll?

Old Work Friend: nope - now we have different mean black ladies

Posted on August 23, 2006 at 7:55 PM | Comments (0)

Goals

So.....

I've been thinking a lot about my future.

NO, I am not quitting my job. I happen to really enjoy my job, thank you very much!

I've been thinking moreso about one, two, five, ten years down the line. How will my professional (non-profit) goals line up with my literary goals? How will those two things line up with both sets of fraternal goals (APO and APhiA)?

And what will my personal life look like when my professional goals come to pass?

I'm pushing 30 now -- just under three years away. I have definitely made some moves already. Scoring the job that I currently have was exactly what I needed to catapult me from paraprofessional to professional. Now I'm doing things to ensure that the work I am doing now is a solid foundation for the future.

Unfortunately, it's caused my literary work to suffer. Not drastically -- but I am not devoting the time I used to devote toward this work. I do know that eventually it will all balance out.

I have a lot of travel scheduled for 2007. I'm really excited, especially now because since I have a REAL job, I can actually afford to travel independent of book sales. (Well, at least it appears that way.)

Oh yeah...... I bought me a laptop. It arrived yesterday. A Dell. It's kinda hot, but I took for granted the fact that it took YEARS for me to create the ideal desktop computer, lol. Even down to the codecs I downloaded on my desktop so I could listen to certain music and video files.

What else has been going on.... oh yeah, last week was quite hellish emotionally. I had ups and downs like they were going out of style. And just when I got over one thing, something else would happen to make me go under again.

I finally broke out of the funk when I spoke to SMYAL on Saturday....it was for the BUILD program for young men of color. HOT. I have a lot of new respect for SMYAL now that i know the work they're doing for gay and bi boys of color. God bless em.

I gave each of the participants a copy of LAZARUS in hopes that it would inspire them in some way. I totally had my first Oprah moment and loved it!!!!

(Not counting the time I gave away toothpaste to first graders and they all screamed like the won the lottery.)

Posted on August 22, 2006 at 9:07 PM | Comments (0)

Traffic

I am blogging from a cab. Not quite 'stuck' in traffic, but also not moving very quickly. It isn't too hot yet, but it's not cool.

I am missing Adrian Fenty, who is out politicking at the metro station near where I work. My employee/friend called and told me. awwww i'm sad.

however, I have a young cab driver who has the radio pumping a niiiice jam. I think its mariah carey and snoop. sounds like a Prince sample, so its probably a neptunes track.

god I love them.

I also love my friend and former coworker. he really is in tune withme emotionally, without being anything like me. he called me last night -- I was already asleep -- to make sure everything was okay with me and the job.

(sidebar - it feels like I have been working a lotttt longer than two and a half months.)

so I listen to his message and its really sweet. its great having a guy like him in my life: genuine, loyal, caring, kind, intelligent.

his wife is cool as hell also! she and I are really similar in temperament. they're the first couple I have befriended.

well I'm almost at work now. everybody have a great day and weekend.

Posted on June 30, 2006 at 9:11 AM | Comments (1)

Post birthday.....first day of summer school

Well, I can't type much..... I am sorta running late and I'm nervous about work! Well, not mentally -- but physically, my stomach tells another story. My biggest concern is the one familiar to anyone who has worked with kids before....

TRANSITIONS!

Ugh....

But I did want to say that I had a phenomenal birthday!!!! Had mexican food and a drink followed by a talent show on Friday night. Followed by a drink at Alero on U Street. Then went shopping on Saturday, ran into Professor Velez. Had dinner at Yenching Palace with some of my best friendsm then went down to Georgetown for another drink.

Drink tally:

Friday: Strawberry Daquiri
Friday: White Sangria
Saturday: Sex on the Beach
Saturday: Amaretto Sour

My favorite was Sex on the Beach....the Amaretto Sour was the Tombs was mad watered down. All the other drinks were perfect!

Pictures are in the gallery.

PEACE!

And thanks to everyone who offered me birthday greetings this weekend!

Posted on June 26, 2006 at 7:13 AM | Comments (0)

B.More.Careful

So.....

A good deal of people I work with know about my website and my blog. Well, no shit, I write books, I promote books, they just better know about it, right? That's not a problem. It's also flattering that they find my blog to be interesting. Sure, I feel nekkid at times because I know they know when I'm having man issues. lol. But hey, I've never been an extremely private person.

Except, of course, when it comes to blogging ABOUT work. I had looser lips previously when I was subbing. And being fairly confident that the school system I worked for didn't really care too much about whether employees were blogging. I mean hell, it's not like any school system has trade secrets.

BUT....I gotta say this.... I have people in my life who do make some unwise decisions mixing the internet with their work lives!

One of my boys, and I mean my ACE BOON COON going ten years strong....why did he blog about illegal activity he's engaged in? I was like noooooooo not with your real picture, real name, and real place of business!!!! *smh*

But you can't tell niggas nothin......

Another homie....he decided to past a series of pictures on his site about how he goofs off at work. Funny? SURE! Very witty. But not when the name of where you work is promininently shown in one of the pics.

People, bloggers have been straight up fired for blogging either at work or about work or both. I am lucky enough that I don't have to hide who I am inside or outside the job. But please ma'am and please sir.....exercise some discretion. Unless you have a product to sell, people don't need to know everythang.

Posted on June 22, 2006 at 9:11 PM | Comments (1)

Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to all my people who are fathers, including The Golden Child, WarGames06, FratMan1906, nupe4life, Animal, Smooth Criminal.....wow, all but one are Alphas. Are we especially potent or something?

Anyway, special shout outs also to my male mentors who have given me fatherly advice over the years.

Posted on June 18, 2006 at 10:10 AM | Comments (2)

Sunday of Memorial Day Weekend

I made the decision to be by myself this weekend, save the wedding of my APO line mate to our prophyte.

I wasn't myself....or maybe I was myself, and it scared me. I had some "issues" with the guy I'm feeling and I dunno....seems like for the first time in a very long time I was just wrong. I guess.

See, I'm used to every single "relationship" I've ever been in ending with "I just don't feel the same way about you" in both actions and in words. Hell, you can read this blog and see how that tends to turn out for me. It hurts. It doesn't hurt less each time it happens. But it happens all the time.

I remember someone telling me that if this happens to me all the time, maybe it's not the other people, but me? Damn, I still feel the sting in that every time I think about it. There are certain people who were in my life that I can't even think about any more. It really fucking sucks. I don't want to live my life like that, but I don't know a better way to get over being hurt than to just not think about it.

Anyway....so when certain things were said to me last week, my mind immediately jumped into defense mode. I felt the Cancerian shell harden around me and words became muffled and ultimately silent.

I was being rejected....wasn't I?

The good thing about this guy is that he (admittedly) talks things out until they can't be talked out any more. And how often have I hoped for someone like that, someone who can communicate their feelings?

But still, I was feeling rejected, no matter how many times I heard "This isn't an ending...this isn't an ending..."

So why did I feel so fucking hurt?

After a day, more talking to him, and some consultation from one of the handful of friends I will allow to tell me that I'm trippin', it was deemed that I was trippin'.

I felt hurt because it was the only way I knew how to feel.

I looked back on everything that was said and came to understand that everything that he was presenting to me was not only everything I ever wanted, but everything I ever needed.

I need to take it slow. "Isn't that what you want?" Shari asked me.

I felt like Boo Boo the Fool at that point.

"Yeah....god dammit..." I said.

I apologized to him....rather profusely, I believe. I felt more wrong in that moment than I ever really had before.

If I feel like I am worth fighting for, I've got to act like I'm worth the fight.

If I feel that I am worth waiting for, I've got to believe that I'm worth the wait.

And if I say that he is worth waiting for -- then dammit, I've got to wait.

This is 2006....no time for lip service.

My fear is that in this time of waiting, I will receive the same output as all my previous attempts. It's not that I am afraid of being alone -- I've handled that quite masterfully after 27 years. And I'm not one of these gay dudes who just proclaims that he's "tired of looking." That's not it, either.

It's just that....with him....he's different. And I'm different. So, it's not the situation or the circumstances, it's literally just him. And all I want is the opportunity to see....

I'm not saying I love him. I'm not saying I'm falling in love with him. When I say "I'm falling" I mean that I am smitten...that I like every little chance I get to spend with him. That I want every opportunity I can to get to know him. That I relish every new fact I learn about him.

And that with each passing day, I find nothing that turns me away. When I say that I am looking forward to spending time with him and getting to know him better, it's because I know that this can only get better and better.

"I just hope he feels the same way" is a phrase reserved for white girls in middle school who are crushing on ninth graders.... I'll be that.

---

This post was supposed to be about how I spent my Sunday, but we got a little off track, now didn't we?

I didn't attend DC Gay Black Pride this year. My official reason is that I had a wedding to attend. My unofficial reasons are myriad, but one that I can share is that after the events with my new friend, I really felt like I needed some time away from people. Time to focus on me...get my mind right, my game face on, etc. (Whatever those things really mean.)

But my friend Drew called me on Saturday and was like "Rashid, where are you, I've been asking everybody where you are and nobody knows!"

I met Drew at last year's Pride. He's a great dude and a wonderful Pride buddy. Well, Drew was looking for Covenant and clearly it's not there, lol. So I was like damn, I ain't know Drew would be in town, so I made it a point to see him after the wedding.

Speaking of people in from out of town, another friend of mine came in from Chicago via Philly and was staying with friends. Now, I knew he wasn't coming to see me particularly -- which was fine, because I had honestly forgotten that he was coming into town for Pride and had REALLY thought he had already come and gone.

Life is hectic, what can I say?

So he calls me at 11am on Saturday and we agree that he would call me whenever plans are firmed up. Saturday comes and goes with no call. So I am like damn....oh well.

Sunday comes and I find myself in Georgetown with a few hours to kill. At first I'm like "I'm going to call him and see if he wants to meet up for a little while." And then I am like "No, because he said he would call when he could." but then I was like, well let me text him and see what the deal is.

Basically, he was at the Pride expo and said he was at the whim of his driver. So I was like alright, I'll just catch you next time.

Now....you know that in Rashid Darden world, that shit doesn't fly without internalizing it. It's just who I am, love it or hate it.

Yes, I feel some kind of way about how that went down. I just think if the shoe was on the other foot, I would have made a way to see my friend. Hell, when I went to Columbus, I saw everybody I wanted to see. You just make these things happen, you know?

The way I am, the way I feel things, yes maybe I am easily offended. But I just REALLY felt like a damn also-ran in that situation.

Sidenote....one of my friends in college got married and not only was I not invited, but she didn't even tell me she was engaged. Do you know what the goddamned consolation price was?

"...but you can come to the ceremony in South Africa! Everyone I care about is invited to that one!"

Like fucking South Africa is right down Riggs Road. WTF???? Miss me with that shit.

So yeah, I guess I am just used to being the friend that will understand if he's not included, the friend who it's okay if you don't make it a priority to see him, the last sonofabitch picked for dodgeball, LOL.

Anyway....yes, I felt some kind of way about that, because if the shoe was on the other foot, I would have made a way to see him if I was in his town.

Damn....off track AGAIN.

Went to a very beautiful wedding that was hot as SHIT! Do Episcopalians believe in AC? GOT DAMN!

I left a card with my Line Mate to take to the reception because I figured I could make it to the M Street Hotel and back to the reception if I really wanted to. I needed to see Drew real quick while he was in town.

Well, the M Street Hotel was the host hotel for Pride and I had forgotten that of all the events that occur during Pride, my favorite has always been just chillin in the lobby. Me and Drew chilled with his friend Larry for like 90 minutes and I was HUNGRY. So I came home and ate.....missed the reception but definitely felt happy that I attended the wedding.

Which got me thinking WOW....I just witnessed two people's covenant before God. That's bananas. This is like the most important day in their lives. It really got me thinking about what marraige actually IS. Why people obsess about who is in the wedding party, where to have it, etc....it's a really big fucking deal.

I have more thoughts about that.....they'll come up at a later time.

Anyway.....this was a real fucking diary entry, wasn't it?

I'm back, bitches!!!!!

Posted on May 29, 2006 at 8:40 AM | Comments (1)

Damned email!

So just when I thought everything was a-okay with my email, it seems NOW that I am not receiving messages sent to rashid@oldgoldsoul.com. And that's really fucking inconvenient because that's my official business email address.

As of right now, my root address works (oldgold@oldgoldsoul.com) but I have no idea what's happening to messages sent to rashid@oldgoldsoul.com.

If you've been trying to reach me, I apologize.

If you know what POSSIBLY could be happening, let me know. I have deleted all the mail from my spam folder. As of last week, I switched back to Outlook from Horde (web based). When I log into Horde, there are no messages there.

Help?

Posted on May 1, 2006 at 8:24 AM | Comments (0)

Something really strange

Something completely strange is happening..... remember the great Outlook Fiasco of January, when I lost EVERYTHING? Calendar entries, emails, and contacts?

Well....somehow.....and I'm not sure exactly how..... but every email that I ever had in my inbox is SLOWLY returning. It's crazy!

I mean, we're talking emails back to 2004.....they're back!

Unfortunately, they won't all load at one time, but hey, I can be patient.

It's almost like God was telling me to slow my ass down for the first few months of 2006....and look what happened? Got a new job -- a GOOD job.... new friends all over the place.... even got some more speaking engagements lined up. And the book is back on track for an early summer release.

It's like God said "Okay, NOW, dumbass!" Like he prioritized things for me so I could be productive without being overwhelmed.

LOVE IT!

Now, my calendar hasn't rebuilt and my contacts are still gone, BUT, now I know how to back up all this information, so it's all good.

Have a wonderful day!

Posted on April 26, 2006 at 8:30 AM | Comments (2)

Dream

So basically, why did I dream that some sort of monsoon hit DC?

Like, the water just kept getting higher and higher and it wouldn't stop. That shit was CRAZY.

Sorta like this.... warning, it's disturbing images from the Tsunami from late 2004.

Posted on April 19, 2006 at 9:25 PM | Comments (0)

Six Wierd Habits About Myself

I stole this from Pablo's MySpace blog....here are six wierd habits about myself.

1) I talk in my sleep. Apparently, I CRAZY talk in my sleep, as though I am having a conversation with a different person. I was told that I even use different voice inflections and everything.

2) It is physically impossible for me to hide my emotions. lol....it sucks, but people know it when I am displeased, annoyed, angry, etc. It's written all over my face.

3) I can't truly clean up until I have reorgnized my bookshelf first. No matter how clean my house is, if the books haven't been done, then it's not really clean to me.

4) I use self-hypnosis techniques to calm my fear of flying.

5) I look at my reflection at inappropriate times -- like walking down the street or at work. It's not because I am vain, but because I have had self-confidence issues.

6) I twist my hair when I am bored, but never have enough energy to twist my whole head.

Posted on March 18, 2006 at 10:59 AM | Comments (0)

absolutely weird

This has been a special day.

And by special, I mean special education.

Unfortunately, since much of the specialness was work related, I can't get into it.

But I will say that I am DOG TIRED and that I am looking forward to this weekend, which will be the 50th Anniversary of the Elite Mu Alpha Chapter of Alpha Phi Omega, the international, coeducational service fraternity.

Of which I am a Brother. :-)

I hope to take PLENTY of pics....many of which I will post in the gallery of this site.

I hope to be able to show you the cover of Covenant before I die.

My chapter brother lost his father last weekend....it's been nearly overwhelming for everyone around me.

But luckily, it seems like death has slowed down a bit.

Posted on March 15, 2006 at 10:39 PM | Comments (0)

CALL FOR PARTICIPANTS: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer Churchgoers

Posted for a friend:

Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer Churchgoers

I am in the midst of a research project that asks how black LGBTQ (hereafter "queer") people construct, synthesize and/or resist black church theology of which they are a part/member. Because of this, I will be conducting interviews the summer of 2006 with approximately 15-20 black members of the queer community questioning their relationship to the church.

Interviewees will be granted anononymity and will NOT need worry regarding their name, church affiliation or any key identifier to be revealed. The purpose of the interviews will be to gather information of theological constructions, not personal data. I will be following the Emory University IRB standards for this work.

Identifiers will vary: ages 20-40, black, male or female, queer identified, from historically black denominational affiliations, etc.

Questions regarding identity formation, theological orientation, role within the church, social and theological view of sexuality will be the basis for the discussion/interview.

Some questions that will be explored:
Do you know of “radically inclusive” communities, which serve to give voice to the queer community?

Is black religious practice self-discipline or self-mortification? Is the church the “…place where [we seek] to prove [ourselves] worthy of this silent God’s love?”

How are black religious practices the locus of communal- and/or self-restriction?

Do you know anyone that may be interested in being interviewed? If so, please have them email me at atcrawley@theregen.net. Detailed information will be given out via email and most interviews will be completed via phone or face-to-face. If you have any questions, please email me.

Kind regards,

A Thomas Crawley

Posted on March 13, 2006 at 10:44 PM

One thing.....

One thing I like about myself is my sincerity. I am not the type who will pee on your leg and tell you that it's raining.

I have tact, but I don't sugar coat unnecessarily.

As my workfriend says, I am a-okay until one crosses that line. Once it's crossed, there's no turning back. Which sorta goes to my shorter temper the older I get.....but I digress.

I think most of you who still read this blog read it because I am sincere. I share a lot of my personal feelings in it....sometimes it pulls at the heartstrings (awwwww) and sometimes it is funny. Sometimes it is angry, and even when it's angry, it's funny, because I am like that in real life.

That said...... ironically, I hate being "judged" for my honesty and sincerity. Sure, people will make judgments about me all the time....I am an artists, that's what artists get. :-)

But let me say this....the hottest issue in this blog is probably Adam4Adam. I get more negative comments directed toward me about Adam4Adam that it's crazy. I mean sheesh, all of a sudden, I can't have a dissenting opinion about a damn dating site.

I am not Keith Boykin. You will not find deep thoughts about the state of black gay america on this site.

I am not Rod. You will not find the best news on my site.

I am Rashid. I write books, ______. (You know the rest. lol) I write books and sometimes, if I'm lucky, I sell books.

THAT SAID.....(whoa, that was a long preface.)

Why did this bama ass motherfucker try to leave a comment in MY diary telling me to "get over myself?" FIRST of all, did you really think I would approve it? Second of all, did you really could leave a FAKE email address on my REAL diary with my REAL opinions on it?

It seems as though the bama in question took it kind of hard that I don't date older men. In fact, here is another part of his comments:

Plenty of young guys like old guys, and vice versa. It is not freaky, and "ewww" as you put it.

And if this person still reads my blog, please remember that in the same post you're criticizing, I also said:

I just want folks to remember that they are a PERSON behind their screen names. They are thinking, rational, compassionate people, attempting to interact with others who are thinking, rational, and compassionate. Let's put some more thought into our first impressions, folks!

Now....specifically, NO, I am not interested in a 60 year old. Or 50 year old. I might kick it with someone who was in their early 40s, but I COULD NOT, under any circumstances, kick it with someone who looked like they could be my father. I CAN'T DO IT. IT IS EWWWWW TO ME.

Why should I have to get over myself? LOL

I just don't get it....and maybe I wasted too much time even thinking about this, since there's definitely no way in hell I would change my mind about this.

So, whatever..... since home skillet didn't leave a REAL email address, I will assume he is one of the 60 year olds on A4A who wants my hot bod. (LOLOL yeah right)

Shit, I need some levity here....a brother got back from a funeral and memorial service in the same damn day.....

Posted on March 11, 2006 at 10:56 PM

This is crazy

Dana Reeve died, yo! Shit is crazy! If you don't know, she was Christopher Reeve's widow. Their 13 year old son is officially an orphan. Damn....can you imagine losing both your parents just as you hit puberty????

Octavia Butler's gone....Don Knotts is gone.... my APO brother Kelli.... my coworker's sister.... my other coworker's HUSBAND.... this is really overwhelming now.

Kirby Puckett.... Coretta Scott King, of course. Sad sad sad.

Posted on March 7, 2006 at 8:33 PM | Comments (1)

here's hoping

Just a note to say that my server has been fucking tripping and I am really hating the dude who provides my server space right about now.

Posted on at 7:19 AM | Comments (0)

Life liiiiiife....life liiiiiiife.......

Wow.....I really haven't been writing every day AT ALL.

Here are some brief updates:

Work. Meh. What do ya do? I still enjoy going every day, so that's a plus.

The Book. I have it on strong authority that the cover will be ready next week. (Yeah, I feel the same way, trust me.)

Love life. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! What's that?

All in all, I am STILL doing really well! It was pretty rough for a while there, but as I said, I AM SURROUNDED BY POSITIVE PEOPLE.

And by the way......I am still numb after learning of the passing of Octavia Butler. There has been so much death around me lately. It will hit me soon enough, though. She will be missed.

On another note, have I told you lately how much I love Alpha Phi Omega?

I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT!!!!!!

Posted on February 28, 2006 at 6:50 PM | Comments (0)

Rest in Peace, Kelli

Kelli's Caring Bridge Site

The loss is unbearable, tempered only by the 38 plus years of memories she left with us. That is what each of us who love her so much will find sustains us in the days and months to come.

Kelli was my Brother of Alpha Phi Omega, Mu Alpha Chapter. Of course, we're all devastated by this loss, so please keep us in your prayers, especially the alums who knew her well.

Posted on February 20, 2006 at 6:20 PM | Comments (0)

Philly...cancelled

Hey folks......sorry to tell you, but I'm going to have to cancel my trip to Philadelphia.

See you next weekend in Columbus, Ohio!

Posted on February 16, 2006 at 8:06 AM | Comments (0)

Philadelphia

I will be in Philadelphia this coming weekend.... wooooo hoooo! I am getting the hell out of DC for the long weekend!

All I really want to do is SLEEP. But I do plan on visiting Giovanni's Room, the bookstore, which now carries Lazarus! And I think a club of some sort on Saturday night.

Shoot me an email if you want to take me out for a meal while in Philly... LOL.

Not joking, a negro is broke. :-D

Posted on February 14, 2006 at 10:30 AM | Comments (0)

Snot

So...... I can't breathe out of one nostril at any given moment.

This SUCKS.

Lots of other things have been going on...I certainly don't remember life being this stressful when LAZARUS was in production. At least nothing that's stressing me out is related to the book.

Though I really wish that all of you would pre-order Covenant. Seriously.

Please?

Posted on February 6, 2006 at 6:11 PM | Comments (4)

Special Announcement

Please welcome to Old Gold Soul two highly qualified gentlemen who will greatly enhance the quality and efficiency of this organization.

Dwain Cherry is our Director of Special Events. Originally from Charlotte, North Carolina, Mr. Cherry graduated from the University of North Carolina at Greensboro with a BA in Psychology. He is currently a Masters student in the department of Counseling and Personnel Services at the University of Maryland – College Park. Mr. Cherry is a member of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc.

He will coordinate Old Gold Soul sponsored events in the Washington, DC area and can be reached at dwaincherry@oldgoldsoul.com.

Kenneth Whitehurst is the Director of Programs. A native of New Bern, NC, Kenneth Whitehurst currently lives in Durham, NC and holds the bachelors and masters degrees from Duke University. He is currently serving as a community college system administrator and has served most of his adult working career in various positions in higher education. He is a member of several national civil rights and social justice organizations, 100 Black Men of America, Inc., and Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc.

Mr. Whitehurst will schedule all public appearances for Rashid Darden and can be contacted via kenwhitehurst@oldgoldsoul.com.

Posted on January 30, 2006 at 7:14 AM | Comments (1)

Too Early

So..... you know how from time to time, I will announce that some famous or quasi-famous person is my new husband?

WHYYYYYY did this sister of one of these people EMAIL ME last night? Why I'm protecting her identity, I don't know, but here is what she wrote. (The astute will figure out who she's related to)

Dude, you're whack. My friend just turned me onto you blog. Aaron is my brother, and "ethnically" speaking he is english, welsh, and african american. He is married ps, and not into dudes, aka you. Kinda gross man, kinda gross.

Bitch, please.

If you were truly "turned on" to my blog, you would see that I was merely commenting on how attractive he was. I do that quite frequently with men who are in the public eye. Get a fucking life, find another blog to visit, unknot your panties, and oh yeah -- I hope you didn't think I would approve your lame comments.

And its WACK. "Whack" is what Homie the Clown used to do to dumb hoes like you with his dirty sock.

***

Of course, I didn't send that email to her....maybe she'll read it here, I don't care. Plus, I don't REALLY know if that's the person's sister. She must be what, like 15? LOL

It's too early in the morning for this.

Posted on January 29, 2006 at 7:37 AM

Check Me Out

Me....

by Bruce Hawkins.

Please check him out and support this artist.

If you leave a comment, please do so only after checking out his site. :-)

Posted on January 27, 2006 at 10:02 PM | Comments (4)

A lot

A lot is on my mind....as is usually the case.

Enjoy your work week, Lazarus Freaks. :-)

Posted on January 23, 2006 at 8:00 AM

Deja Vu: The Genarlow Wilson Case

A 15 year old gives a 17 year old a blow job.

The 17 year old is now in prison for ten years.

Here we go again:

www.wilsonappeal.com <---- PLEASE sign the petition, y'all.

But read the article first.

Posted on January 15, 2006 at 6:43 AM | Comments (21)

The Great Tech Fiasco of 2006

Greetings.

My computer was in the shop for a week -- no blogging, no emailing, no nothing.

I have lost every email I received before January 2 or 3, 2006. I have also lost every date in my calendar and EVERY contact I had in my addressbook. All of this information was in Microsoft Outlook, which had to be wiped from my machine.

Please do NOT send me your contact information as of yet. In about a week, I will send out a mass email requesting that information, but as of now, I'm just not able to do that.

Don't worry -- all of my manuscripts, poems, essays, and notes are safe. I didn't lose a single file except for those associated with MS Outlook.

I will know with certainty in a day or so whether that information can be recovered.

Thanks for understanding.

Posted on January 8, 2006 at 11:03 AM

The N Word

So I am clearly doing a year-end clean up, lol.

Almost a year ago, before the book was released, I received this in an email:

Sporadically, I read your daily thoughts—always very personal and enjoyable. However, may I ask that you consider banishing one word from your vocabulary? That word is nigga, nicca, nikka, niggaz, etc.. The word makes my cringe at each sighting, honestly. You’re a budding author, and it’s unprofessional, ignorant, and could be damaging to profit. I protest the use of the N word by refusing to purchase music, literature, movies with excessive use of the word; I’m sure I’m not alone in my efforts to stop the use of such a damaging/negative word. Please consider removing this word from your vocabulary; Negro would be acceptable.

I responded to this person quickly and decisively (but cordially, I think) -- I, too, have very strong feelings about the N word and its derivatives. They just differ from his.

To the diary readers as well as those of you who have read Lazarus: what do you think?

Posted on December 28, 2005 at 9:11 AM | Comments (5)

Most common referring sites

Judging by my stats, if you are reading this, you most likely came from Keith Boykin's site. :-) And for that, I must say a big thank you to Keith and all of his readers for visiting my site.

A special thank you also goes out to No4Real4Real, who not only sends people my way, but has become a real life, flesh and blood friend.

It's a shame that my fellow Hoya Butta and I haven't met yet -- but thanks to her, I have some new readers. :-) I love her blog and I read it whenever I want to laugh out loud and yell "I know that's right!" to my monitor.

Fred Smith. We laughed. We cried. We wrote books. We blogged. Check him out and thank him for doing what he's doing!

And the last of my major referrers....my new friend Bernie. I really want to meet up with him whenever I get to NYC. Who knows when that will be. But I appreciate his wisdom, tinged with his down-to-earthedness (can I get away with that?).

To more of my real life, flesh and blood friends: Liz, Karamale, and Wise & Young; and friends I have yet to meet: Rod (who seriously believed in my work when so few even knew who I was) & SeeGGrow. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

This is just my way of saying thanks to the above people and everyone else who has linked to my diary and to my website. You are really helping to expose the world to my talent, one click at a time. And if I didn't mention your name, don't feel bad -- a lot of you have linked my site and provided a few hits a month that are just as appreciated!

2006 is gonna big big for all of us...I appreciate you!

Posted on at 8:22 AM | Comments (3)

Most Popular Diary Entries

These are the most popular diary entries. I looked at my web stats to see how many people directly linked to these entries -- they might not ACTUALLY be everyone's favorite entries, but people clicked on these entries from random searches more often than any others.

#1 -- The Revenge of Adam4Adam

#2 -- It's World AIDS Day: DC's Own Silent Epidemic

#3 -- Happy Founders Day!

#4 -- Cleaning Up

#5 -- Just me flexing my jaws on random entertainment topics

Posted on at 8:04 AM | Comments (0)

Most Popular Picture

The Most Popular Picture on Old Gold Soul was this one:

It is Carolyn Pinckney and Phyllis Tenney, Basilei of two Alpha Kappa Alpha Chapters in the DC area. Ms. Pinckney was one of my second grade teachers at Bunker Hill. The photo was taken on the day that the 137 P.R.I.V.Y. debuted on the campus of Howard University.

8193 hits as of this writing.

Posted on at 7:54 AM | Comments (0)

Poetry Week: Love Poems

What's up, y'all?

This week, since I will be working both my jobs for five solid days with no break, I am going to take a break from my traditional blogging routine.

But when I take a break, y'all take it with me! (I heard that somewhere before, but I can't remember where.)

All this week, I will be posting love poems to my blog. If you're a fan of my poetry (hey, Perq!) then you will LOVE this week. Most all of these poems are old. Some will be happy, some will be sad, some will be angry. I sorta gave up writing poetry that was about the men that I liked, because it was time consuming and never reciprocated. So I said to hell with it and put my pen down.

But every now and then, I pick it back up.

So enjoy this week!

Posted on December 18, 2005 at 8:55 PM | Comments (1)

Monday AM Update

Had a great time last night in northern VA with the Gentlemen's Book Club. Great group of guys, great discussion!

Starting my second job today....it will be a lonnnng day and a long next two weeks, but I'm up to it. (I guess.) If nothing else, a bruh needs the dough, lol.

Would love comments on the poem below....sometimes I forget that I write poems and shit.

Also, check out my Richard Pryor piece below. I miss him already.

Shout outs to Ken, Antar, Fred, Bernie, and Amath. Y'all were on my mind today.

Posted on December 12, 2005 at 7:26 AM | Comments (2)

PG Plaza

Had a dream about me, Shari, and PG Plaza that was vivid as all hell. The first part, well, I was in some sort of workshop, maybe a writer's workshop, that was being conducted by my old old boss. She didn't recognize me before and was like "Aren't you the guy who is in the news all the time?" And I said "Let's call them news releases...just don't call it spam." It was pretty bizarre.

Then somehow I am in a restaurant waiting for Shari. I don't know if Jimi was there or not, maybe he was supposed to be? So I ate, and Shari came and had already eaten. I think we were on a mission to find an ATM machine so we could go shopping. It seems like there were so many stores and food kiosks that we wanted to try. The last thing I remember saying was like "Damn, we are so giddy to be in this mall. You'd think this was the first time we've ever been out on our own, like junior high school."

And then I woke up.

Posted on December 10, 2005 at 4:41 AM

Philanthropy

Today I read an article in the Washington Post called Black Oriented Museums Are Lacking Black Donors and it was about the new Muhammad Ali Center and other black museums and memorials that are not getting the expected funding from black folks.

What I found most interesting about this article was the following:

The Ali Center's experience was telling. Given Ali's status as an icon and role model for many in the world of sports, the center recruited sports commentator Bob Costas and Rep. Gregory Meeks (D-N.Y.), a boxing aficionado, to raise money from athletes. They were surprised by the poor results.

"I was grossly disappointed," Meeks said. "I know there have been difficulties with several . . . professionals who are paid well and might not be paid well if it were not for Ali breaking that [racial] barrier.

"We called and oftentimes we didn't get called back," Meeks said. "Then I tried to get other people who called, people who had connections, and we heard, 'I'll get back to you on that,' and they never got back to us. I never thought in my wildest dreams that it would be difficult to raise money for Ali."

Meeks would not name the sports figures who were contacted. But a top administrator at the Ali Center, who spoke on the condition of anonymity for fear of being fired, said former basketball stars Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley were contacted, as were golfer Tiger Woods and fight promoter Don King. Actor Will Smith, who was nominated for an Academy Award for his movie portrayal of Ali, was also solicited, the administrator said. None contributed.

Now....it's YO business who and what you contribute to in your private life. I'm not going to judge these people.

Nor am I going to judge African Americans on the whole, who tend to me more giving toward churches and scholarship. Give where you can (though I wish we'd give more and with greater variety).

But I will speak on this: Should I ever become filthy rich, I imagine that it will be hard for me to "keep" my money, so to speak. To phrase it differently, I'd much rather give away my wealth while I live than after I'm dead.

I don't know, it's just how I am. If I've got two dollars, my friends have at least one of those.

I don't make a lot of money, but if I see a kid lingering at the school book fair with less than a dollar to buy a book, yes, I will buy them a book or two. I mean come on, how could you NOT buy a needy kid a book?

So it amazes me that pro athletes, who make a LOT more money than I do, wouldn't throw a few thousand dollars at the Ali center. I mean hell, I didn't know Lennox Lewis had $300,000 so you know the more well known athletes must have a few discretionary million.

But again...not judging them....I don't know how they donate their money.

Let's say I was filthy rich....and I mean FILTHY....I'd do the following:

1) Adopt some Latino families in my neighborhood and make sure they can enjoy Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Easter, at least for their first few years in the states. (Okay, so I don't need to be filthy rich to do this and I already "adopted" two Latino kids for the season, but we're not talking about that, lol)

2) Endow the African American Studies program at Georgetown so that it becomes not only a full major, but a graduate program through the PhD level.

3) Endow the Georgetown University Black House.

4) Endow the GU Step Team so they never have to fundraise again.

5) Establish a foundation for my high school so that whenever they need money for improvements, conferences and camps for the students, more staff, etc, all they have to do is ask the foundation. (Not sure how legal this is for public schools, but alls I know is that I want this money to go to my high school and NOT the system.)

6) Scholarships for the POOR, not the smart, lol.

There's probably more I could do, like AIDS research, cancer research, mental health care, and all that jazz. But I think my primary philanthropic interests are improving quality of life and education.

Oh yeah, and grants for authors. ;-)

Posted on December 6, 2005 at 7:06 PM | Comments (1)

Something different....

I am playing random songs on my favorite media player, and it's funny how some of the lyrics speak to my life and situations.

Just like a dream come true
I wished for you
I have never been so happy ’bout a love so new
You opened my heart to a brand new start
My love’s there wherever you are
I won’t let no one take you away

You took the ease off my mind
And put it behind
You were there yes indeed for all my needs--yes

I love me some him
I’ll never love this way again
I love me some you
Another man will never do

Toni Braxton....

I am cold. I had a good day at work today. Minimal coughing and minimal feelbadishness.

U, yeah.
U're such a big tease, u get me all excited,
All excited then u go home.
U're like ice cream,
Knew I got 2 getcha, got 2 getcha, before u're all gone.

U're such a bombshell,
And if I ever get ya, ever get ya, ever get ya,
There's no telling how long I'd last
Before I tick, tick bang all over u
Tick, tick-a-tick, bang, bang all over u
Tick, tick-a-tick, bang, bang, bang, tick, bang, bang

Prince....

Came to some realizations about my next big project. Not happy about it, but I gotta do what I gotta do.

I can't stop this feeling i got
U know i can't sleep at night
I can't stop, u know i love it a lot,
I'm talking about an everlasting light.
I can't stop this feeling i got
I get to shaking all in my shoes
I can't stop this feeling i got
The doctor say there's nothing that he can do

Prince...

Still liking...still longing...

Every story, tale or memoir
Every saga or romance
Whether true or fabricated
Whether planned or happenstance

Whether sweeping through the ages
Casting centuries aside
Or a hurried brief recital
Just a thirty-minute ride

Whether bright or melancholy
Rough and ready, finely spun
Whether with a thousand players
Or a lonely cast of one

Every story, new or ancient
Bagatelle or work of art
All are tales of human failing
All are tales of love at heart

Every story is a love story.....Aida.....

Posted on December 5, 2005 at 7:09 PM | Comments (0)

It's World AIDS Day: DC's Own Silent Epidemic

I had wanted to write an original entry today, but instead here is an article from today's Georgetown Voice.

Be informed. Be safe. And check out the many other World AIDS Day Blogs out there today.

****

D.C.’s own silent epidemic
Brian Brush and Melissa Lefkowitz

Most students will think of Africa’s epidemic this World AIDS Day, unaware of the epidemic here in the District. Current research reveals that one in 20 adults in the District of Columbia is HIV positive and one in 60 adults has AIDS. HIV is the virus that causes AIDS.

Despite 18 years of international awareness raised by World AIDS Day, D.C. currently faces an increasing amount of AIDS diagnoses within its population, according to Kim Mills, director of communications and public affairs for the Whitman-Walker Clinic, a non-profit D.C. healthcare provider.

“Up to one third of these people don’t know that they are infected,” Mills said. “This contributes to the problem that we see here in Washington.”

A lack of coordination among government agencies responsible for addressing AIDS and poor government leadership have created little in the way of outreach within the District, according to Walter Smith, executive director of D.C. Appleseed, a non-profit organization dedicated to addressing public policy issues.

Mills and Smith both said that testing is the most crucial aspect of AIDS prevention. “We are constantly doing outreach and marketing and advertising; we have two mobile units that we send out around the community to do testing,” Mills said. “One has Spanish language on the vehicle, the other is geared towards the African-American community.”

D.C. Appleseed’s latest research found that black people make up 75 percent of D.C.’s AIDS cases, while Hispanics follow a close second, both locally and nationally.

“I think it’s important to see the problem in the African-American and the Hispanic communities, but it’s striking to see how it’s affecting people in lower socio-economic groups,” Smith said.

These groups are mostly made up of the underinsured in the District.

According to Mills, AIDS patients who qualify for Medicaid can acquire needed treatment. The problem, she said, lies in the gap between the poverty line and the minimum income level for affording insurance.

“You [the underinsured] are caught in that Neverland of never being able to afford the drugs,” Mills said.

According to the United States Department of Health and Human Services, the poverty line for a family of four is $19,350 per year.

“Seventy-five percent of our clients are at 200 percent of the federal poverty line of the United States,” Mills said. At this income level, living with AIDS is not affordable.

Dr. Deanna Cooke, Assistant Director of Research for the Center for Social Justice, said that AIDS victims need $13,000 a month to live.

The D.C. Appleseed team is addressing the socio-economic problems surrounding D.C.’s AIDS as well.

“We don’t think it’s being handled in the community right now. We made a number of findings on things that we thought were not being done well,” Smith said. “We made around 75 recommendations.”

Today, D.C. Appleseed releases a report to the District, documenting its progress and specifying categories of action key in slowing the AIDS epidemic.

Smith acknowledged the importance of local community initiatives in raising AIDS awareness, including efforts made by universities like Georgetown.

“They need to stay involved and to work with other groups, and to hold the district government accountable,” Smith said.

Due to the race issues inherent in the HIV/AIDS epidemic, the Georgetown AIDS Coalition, now in its third year, is seeking partnerships with the Black Student Alliance and the GU National Association for the Advancement of Colored People.

Richard Thayer (CAS ‘07), a member of the GU AIDS Coaliton, said that despite Georgetown’s reputation for activism, there is a “surprisingly low level of people working on the AIDS issue.”

“We’re trying to create a network of groups that are somehow involved in the cause of fighting the AIDS crisis,” he said.

Posted on December 1, 2005 at 10:11 AM | Comments (2)

First, the bad news:

Sinus infection with mild bronchitis.
Inhaler, cough syrup with codeine, and antibiotics.
Homebound until December 5.

:-/

Posted on November 29, 2005 at 2:03 PM | Comments (5)

That's exactly why....

You know, I really don't fucking like arguments. Or debates. I'd much rather sit back, smile, and nod.

Because motherfuckers just don't know how to disagree in 2005.

My friends and I can have differing opinions until the cows come home -- and its all good. I love them and can honest respect them.

For example....I am anti-military. Pretty staunchly anti-military. I am anti-war like a mofo. I will always discourage friends from joining and will forbid my children from doing so.

But I can respect those friends who are or were in the military and I won't question why they did it. That's on them, and I love them no less.

That's also why I keep my opinions to myself -- and why I so rarely take a public stand in my blog about more political topics. Motherfuckers want to judge you on your opinion. People can't just agree that there are many ways to look at a subject, and "different" doesn't always mean "wrong."

No...when Rashid Darden disagrees, he's too old to relate, too young to understand, naive, privileged, trying to be white, too gay, too black, not well-read, trying to conform with straight America, too well-read, an opportunist, a prick, an asshole....fuck it.

No matter how crazy I might come off (and crazy I really am -- hey, fair warning) I really and truly do think deeply about any subject I decide to speak on. As Tami from The Real World: LA might say "Don't underestimate my fuckin' ass."

But....I keep silent in public and speak my mind to my friends. They get me. And that's all good to me.

Posted on October 31, 2005 at 9:54 PM | Comments (3)

Divo sighting

I seen Divo on TV!

He was singing at the Rosa Parks viewing at the Capitol.

I was like, hey, that guy looks familiar! I think that's Divo!

Then they gave him a solo and I knew it was him!

YOU GO BOY!

Posted on October 30, 2005 at 8:13 PM | Comments (1)

Sup?

I hate the word "sup?"

Don't ever fucking ask me "sup?" or I will kill you.

Not only that...but what the hell am I supposed to say when someone asks me "What's up?" The answer is ALWAYS "Nothin' much." It's a dumb question!

You don't always have to say "Hello."

Spice it up with a "hey!"

TWO of my friends even say "Howdy!"

ANYTHING but "sup?"

I could forgive "sup" in person, because it's usually followed by my name.

But on IM...on these stupid dating sites....ughhhhh.....

And don't even think about saying "Sup" in my comments, mofos! lol

Posted on at 4:49 PM | Comments (1)

Hittin' the numbers

So me and my mom were talking today (I love my mom) and we were talking about the Powerball and whatnot. So she was like "Imagine what you could do with $250,000,000!"

And I was like hells yeah!

So here's my list:

Pay off my student loans!

Pay off my credit card debt and all other sorts of bills.

Houses in DC...one in Georgetown just to have one, one in the Gold Coast (that will be the BIG house), and maybe one in Columbia Heights because I like the area.

Spots in Philadelphia, New York, Baltimore, Miami, Chicago, and Los Angeles. I mean yeah, that's a lot, but shoot, Oprah has a lot, too. I want to feel home wherever I go, and I think 250 mil should be able to buy that comfort, lol.

A car or two. I'm not really into cars, so whatever works.

House for mom dukes and her husband.

Pay off my friends' student loans.

Peace of mind as a self-published author...please believe if I never traditionally published but was a millionaire, it wouldn't even matter. I'd finally have the resources to do it ALL. Full-time editors, publicists, artists. All of that. In addition to publishing my own work, I'd be able to lift up those other artists that I believe in.

Pay my life membership for APhiA....become one of those Golden Torchbearers for APO.

Donate shit loads of money to Georgetown and get something named after me.

To be honest, other than places to stay, settling debts, investing money so that my money lasts forever, and incorporating Old Gold Soul so that it's on par with other small publishing houses (or hell, medium sized ones) I don't have much I want to throw money away on. I don't need a private jet, I don't think. (Though having one would probably be more convenient than commercial airlines. Cozier, too.)

I don't need a yacht...I don't need "stuff" and "things"....I don't want to collect art. Though I do have some rare books I want to add to my collection.

I just would use lottery winnings to make my life comfortable. I would still wear off-brand clothes and be averse to lots of jewelry. I'd probably invest in some nice suits, but nothing ridiculously expensive.

I'd kinda want to be a philanthropist, too. Put folks through college and whatnot....that's the kind of stuff that's fun to me, especially since I benefitted from such generosity myself.

250 mil is a lot of damn money.....shoot, I could live off of the interest alone, lol.

Posted on October 20, 2005 at 7:26 PM | Comments (2)

Cousin

So I'm going out of town this weekend to multiple destinations, as you can see on my "Appearances" page. I needed a place to crash in Philly, and although HIM said yes, I still needed a plan B because he works late.

So I asked Dwayne Wayne...why did this nigga say yes, and if anybody asks, I'm his cousin.

*scurrrt*

Excuse you?

Seems like he wants people to believe I'm his cousin so people will be less likely to make assumptions or inquire about his sexuality.

I was so offended. I told him absolutely not -- I will not be LYING to anyone about how I know him. We're FRIENDS. Why should I lie about that? I mean jesus, even my straight friends aren't that concerned about what people will think.

He tried to laugh it off...it was so absurd. What made him think I would ACTUALLY go along with that?

FUCK THAT, I write books, bitch!

Posted on October 12, 2005 at 7:42 AM | Comments (6)

I am so lucky.....

...or blessed, however you choose to believe.

Who knew that I could get so sad so quickly by thumbing through my junior high school yearbook???

I found out that one of my classmates died of AIDS not too long ago. I can't quite remember her and I can't find a picture. But I am just like damn....seeing pictures of so many folks who are dead, whether it is in body or in spirit.

Hopelessness is what kills our people.

But I did send an email to one cat I googled...the only one I could find an email for. We'll see if it bounces.

Posted on October 11, 2005 at 5:39 PM | Comments (0)

Cleaning Up

I've been thinking a lot this weekend, mostly because the weather has been too bad to do much of anything else. I've also been cleaning. Most folks who talk to me via AIM always hear me say that I am cleaning. And for the most part, that's true. I live in a relatively small space that I don't particularly enjoy. Not a lot of sunlight and not enough places to store things for easy access.

But today I did some things that will end up saving me time down the road. Yes, I started doing my Christmas cards. (Crazy, right?) I still have a lot to label, but I took a big dent out of my list.

I also started getting my receipts together. Tax time will be here before I know it and I've got lots of receipts from the post office, meals, taxis, etc....lots of things that add up and can potentially be a tax write-off or something. I don't really know how it works, I'm just doing what The Self-Publishing Manual said to do.

And believe it or not, my space is still ridiculously junky. Not dirty...but very cluttered. I now have a bunch of space under my basement steps, but nothing to put there! Isn't that weird? My goal was to get the basement looking as close to how it looked pre-Lazarus as possible. That means all MY books go back on the shelves. That got accomplished, but now I realize I STILL have more books than I do shelf space. The Lazaruses are in boxes in the middle of the floor, and some are upstairs.

I am really glad that my receipts are better organized. About 80 percent are now taped to white pieces of paper and neatly stacked for review. I spent a SHITLOAD of money this year -- it's crazy how expensive it really is to self-publish. If I really knew, I would have talked myself out of it. So I'm glad I didn't know.

So yeah...cleaning and thinking. Thinking about ZERO.

Zero....ground zero...zero hour...the number between the set of all negative numbers and the set of all positive numbers....the point of departure in reckoning...a state of total absence or neutrality...the lowest point....nadir.

The him before him.

He's back.

Posted on October 9, 2005 at 10:46 PM | Comments (2)

Things that tick me off...

Pathological Liars....why is this so common? Some people just LIE for no good reason! I encountered my first pathological liar in high school....didn't meet a whole lot in college. But since college, jeez louise people be LYIN!

Homophobes who can't stay in the closet. So I was at UDC selling books, and TWO dudes, both Ques, said they wouldn't by my book because it was a "gay" novel. And I am thinking to myself what the hell happened to just politely setting the book down and wishing me luck? One DID buy the book though.

People who use big words for no reason. I use the occasional big word, but only if there isn't another word that is more precise. Some people just be wearing out their SAT words.

The dent in Lil Kim's nose.

Crying ass little boys. You want to hear something funny? Call me during work hours. The kids be LUNCHIN. We got this one little boy who is soooo sensitive, it irks me! I be wantin to say man up lil nigga! LOL But yeah, I am compassionate...I guess.

Gaining weight. Ugh.

Post nasal drip.

Late paychecks.

Posted on October 5, 2005 at 7:17 AM | Comments (1)

Gross-a-roo!

SO this evening, a scant ten minutes ago, my mouse stopped working. Well, the horizontal directions on my mouse stopped working. You know I hate computer problems, but a malfunctioning mouse isn't a huge deal. I could probably borrow an old one from work tomorrow if need be.

But no, I am on a fix-it kick. So I am thinking hey, maybe I have some sort of matter in my mouse that's messing things up. Like lint, or dust, or something. So I take the ball out and use some compressed air to clean it out.

Didn't work.

So I was like hmmm....it can't have just BROKEN in the middle of me using it, you know? So I take a toothpick and clean the outside crevices or whatever. Pretty dirty. Ew. But it still didn't make the thing work.

Then, fir the first time since 2001, when I bought my computer, I noticed that the mouse has a screw in it. I get a small screwdriver and open up the mouse.

Oh my god there was dust in that joint from the dawn of time! SO GROSS. It was the big old immovable dust, too. I had to use a combination of a toothpick and the compressed air to really get the dust from all the crevices in the mouse. I even had to scrape matter off of the rolling things that the mouse ball pushes to make the cursor move.

It was highly educational. And gross.

But my mouse works. Ha!

Posted on September 27, 2005 at 9:40 PM | Comments (5)

Cleaning

I have so much cleaning to do today.

Posted on September 25, 2005 at 8:41 AM

Maybe.

Rashid: hey....i have something to tell you, related to that

NT: Sure, shoot.

Rashid: I'm going to cut off my locks, i think

NT: Now what would make you want to do that?

Rashid: I am keeping them for the wrong reasons, I think. I've wanted to run my hands through my 'fro for a while. But every time I mention cutting them people are like "noooooo don't do it, you look sooooo goood with them." And the funny thing is, I look "so good" but not good enough to have a significant, meaningful relationship. Yet, everyone I kick it with loves touching them, loves running their fingers through them. I think that my locks have become too much of my trademark. But to me, it's just hair. It doesn't represent anything spiritual. So, I think to sorta separate my vanity from the essence of who I am, I need to get rid of the locks

NT: Whoa, that was incredibly deep.

Rashid: It's not that I am trying to make myself ugly because I'm sick of the dating scene..... but I think that I need to get in touch with the real me again. If the lack of locks shows off the tad-too wide ears, or shows off the extra 20 pounds I need to lose, then so be it. Whatever they're hiding is all me.

NT: If you feel that they are a hindrance to your own self-development, then you do what you must.

Rashid: I think they might be. And I just might start locking again, who knows? But I think some other reasons are that my current loctitian uses a product that seems to flake off a lot and make it look like I have bad dandruff. Plus, I don't feel my scalp is as clean as it ought to be. I liked when I had the afro.

NT: Hey, to thy own self be true.

Rashid: So, I dunno....and now that I am seriously contemplating it, I feel scared -- and it's like yo, why should I feel scared? Am I afraid that people will find me unattractive? And that's exactly what it is. And that kinda bothers me about myself. I should feel attractive no matter what I do to my hair. But maybe I feel like my hair is all I really have.

Rashid: Yeah....I am trying. I apologize for all the venting and whatnot. I've just really never talked to anyone about this in depth.

NT: You forget one other thing that you have that makes you attractive to others.

NT: It's all good, dawg.

Rashid: The ill Rah-Rah?

NT: No. Not even if I knew what a 'rah rah' was.

Rashid: lol okay, so what then?

NT: No, it's your intelligence.

Rashid: ooooooh.....that

NT: Why do you think people buy your book or listen to you speak?
NT: B/c they have nothing else to do?
NT: No, it's because you speak on a level that they understand and you're articulate.
NT: I do feel the same way about my own hair.
NT: But folks need to realize that there's more to me than hair.
NT: There are folks who knew me way before I started lockin'.

Rashid: True true....I hear you.

NT: And some of those folks are still around today.

Rashid: right

NT: I think the insecurity you feel about your appearance is only skin deep.

Rashid: There are so many people in my life who don't know me from when I had short hair.

NT: If someone really wants you, they must see past some of that.

Rashid: yeah, that's true

NT: Not to say that they must be blind.

Rashid: yeah

NT: If you feel more comfortable with an afro, then do what you must.
NT: Don't let others control your life.
NT: You haven't done that before, so why start now?

Rashid: That's true.....
Rashid: Like Fantasia said, I need to go ahead and free myself, lol

NT: If she were anymore free with her hair, she'd be bald and possibly nekkid.

Rashid: LOLOLOL
Rashid: Thank you so much. You really do understand me.

NT: Well, I'm glad I could share with you.
NT: I think as you progress towards notoriety you should really focus on carrying yourself.
NT: You shouldn't have to worry too much about the way you look.
NT: It's more about the way you feel.
NT: You can tell by looking at people that they are insecure or vain about themselves.

Rashid: That's true
Rashid: I know one thing.....it's gonna look a hot mess when i cut it, lol. But in a good way.
Rashid: In a sense, I will be more natural than I am now....I might just let it have ragged lengths, I dunno

NT: Yeah. I have a friend who did that and didn't look that bad.

Rashid: Let me show you a picture of somebody whose hair I wish I had....my texture isn't really "curly" enough for this, but I wish it looked this way....

Rashid:

NT: Are you serious? Wasn't this fool on some sort of commercial?

Rashid: LOL
Rashid: i dunno...that's Toure', the writer and hip-hop journalist type

NT: Oh.
NT: I have a friend and she has hair similar to that.
NT: Her hair is a light brown.
NT: Ah, it doesn't matter. Be you.
NT: It hasn't hindered you before.
NT: So why should it now.

Rashid: true
Rashid: *hug* thanks man

NT: No problem, dawgz. *hug*

Posted on September 23, 2005 at 11:50 PM

You don't LOVE me, nigga!!!!

The ironic part of this entry is JUST as I started to write it, someone IMed me and said "I love you." :-)

But this entry is not about that person, LOL.

So I got a forwarded message from my friend. The title was FW: Love Ya. I thought to myself "Hmmm, this should be cute, especially since I don't hear from him too often."

The email said:

One morning you will never wake up.....Do all your friends know you love them?

I was thinking...I could die today, tomorrow or next week, and I
wondered if I had any wounds needing to be healed, friendships that needed rekindling or three words needing to be said.

Let every one of your friends know you love them. Even if you think they don't love you back, you would be amazed at what those three little words and a smile can do.

And just in case GOD calls me home before I see you again....... I LOVE YOU!!!

Send this to at least 8 people you love and send it back to the person Who sent it to you ..Live today to the fullest because tomorrow is not promised.

"[T]he Will of God will never take you to where the Grace of God will not protect you."

FIRST of all....let me say that I fully understand that some people are so busy that all they have time to do is send forwards out to their friends to let them know how they feel. And I understand that. Believe me, I do. The thought is appreciated.

But...let us read the words we send out....sometimes, it is better to actually tailor a message to your friends.

I struggle with the notion that this friend really loves me. In fact, I kind of doubt he does. I know he cares about me. I know he likes me, respects me, might even admire me. But does he love me?

Thinking about your own death shouldn't scare you into saying I love you. SAY IT ANYWAY. Better yet -- SHOW IT. Live it. Be it.

And what's more...don't say it in an email. Nigga, CALL ME!!!! Send me a text message...a personal email. Let me know you ain't bullshittin'. Don't be shamed into telling me -- just love me, for real.

Yes, I am an "all or nothing" kind of guy....I don't tolerate half-stepping. But sending me a email with dozens of other people thinking that's really an "I love you" doesn't cut it. You don't really love me. You just know how to work your email.

Posted on September 21, 2005 at 6:30 PM

***** Poppin' in a Handstand

Got a little cough...

So HIM said he wants to help me find a man and be happy, or find a man who would make me happy, or something of that nature.

It's like raaaaa-iiii-aaaaaiinnnnn....on a weddddding day.....

Got emails from several folks who want me to be happy, to not be bitter, quoting poems, telling me to give it 20 years.

Duly noted.

The Kill Bill Soundtrack is so dope.

I talked to frat today...LOVE HIM. We had us a nice little conversation after school, yes we did. He recently made some changes in his life that I will soon follow suit with. Some things are an illusion...he reaffirmed some things I already knew, but helped me find the strength to carry out.

I know I sound crazy. Shut up.

Go Lori...go me....one of these days I will write about the workshop I assisted Lori V. Lincoln with last night, but cha know what? I just don't feel like it right now.

I did see Andre Samuels, a Que from Alpha chapter, Spring 97 I think. He is the spec' of one of my mentors from back in those days. I gave him my card, made small talk, and told him not to break it too hard to La'Mont that I went another way. :-)

I love them, man. Alpha Chapter Ques rock. Well, the ones from the late 90s, I don't know who they are now.

SVU tonight! WOOOOOO HOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Got some writing ideas tonight, too. Had an EPIPHANY if you will.

Posted on September 20, 2005 at 8:05 PM

News in Brief

I haven't updated in a minute! Wow....look at me, having a real life and shit!

Work -- goes well! We had ourselves a little Kill Bill party after class but before Back to School Night on Wednesday. Don't worry, it was just us teachers. We needed a violence outlet so we don't stick our kids heads in a door and slam it while saying "Where's Bill?!"

Probably won't get paid for another few weeks which SUCKS!!!! I am so grateful for people who have stepped up and helped me out when I really needed it though. By "me" I mean Old Gold Soul. Some people REALLY believe in my work and go above and beyond to support it, and I so appreciate that.

I met somebody.

Amazon has been good with keeping my book in stock. And the ranking (which I usually don't pay attention to) has been pretty good! I guess word is getting out?

The mailing is almost ready! I will be able to send out the first round on tomorrow morning. No going out for me tonight unless I can get somebody to help.

I haven't mentioned Hurricane Katrina in my blog yet. You know, generally I discuss these things in real life since this is a real world disaster and I don't really think the people who read my blog are generally "moved" by blogs in that way. (Translation: I can't make y'all bamas do anything you didn't already want to do, including buying my book, lol)

BUT...I will say this. Lots of people wonder how we can help. Sure, donate to the Red Cross or whatever your favorite charity is. Do all the things everyone else is doing -- it's never too much.

But remember New Orleans six months, twelve months, eighteen months from now and beyond. How? GO TO NEW ORLEANS!!! The city thrives on tourism. We need to spend our money in New Orleans. If you are a conference planner, plan your conference for New Orleans. Fire and Ink, holla back ;-) The Sigma Gamma Rhos are having their Boule in New Orleans next year -- I hope they still have it there!

Visit New Orleans when it's open again....they need us now more than ever.

I have a lot of events coming up. Right after my mailing tomorrow, I will have time to actually strategize some things. A little disappointed at something that happened regarding an event on the 24th, but that, too, will get fixed.

I guess it's shower time....have a good day, everyone!

Posted on September 16, 2005 at 6:44 AM | Comments (0)

College Days.....

I found out that I could still access my unofficial transcript online. Here are the courses I took in college. I don't think anyone will actually find this interesting, but you never know.

Darden, Rashid Eman

Degrees Awarded: May 26, 2001
Bachelor of Arts
GEORGETOWN UNIVERSITY DC
Major: English, with concentration in
Writing: Rhetoric, Genre, Form
Minor: Theology
Rank: XXX of 837
Cum QPI: X.XXX
Entering Program:
Georgetown College
Bachelor of Arts
Undeclared

----------------Fall 1997----------------------
ENGL-014 LIT & WRITING WORKSHOP
FREN-001 INTRODUCTORY FRENCH I
HIST-033 EURO CIV: SOCIETY & CULTURE
PSYC-001 GENERAL PSYCHOLOGY
THEO-001 THE PROBLEM OF GOD

---------------Spring 1998---------------------
COSC-010 INTRO TO COMPUTERS & NETWORKS
FREN-002 INTRODUCTORY FRENCH II
HIST-034 EURO CIV:VALUES/AUTHORITY/CONF
PSYC-117 PSYC/PHOTOGRAPHY/VISUAL ARTS
THEO-011 INTRO TO BIBLICAL LITERATURE

----------------Fall 1998----------------------
ENGL-022 TEXTS & CONTEXTS
FREN-021 INTERMEDIATE FRENCH I
HIST-160 MIDDLE EAST CIVILIZATION I
PHIL-050 INTRO TO ETHICS
THEO-138 MODERN ISLAM

---------------Spring 1999---------------------
ENGL-250 STUDIES IN THE LYRIC
PHIL-001 INTRO TO PHILOSOPHY
PHYS-008 THE QUANTUM WORLD AROUND US
SOCI-003 INTRODUCTION TO ANTHROPOLOGY
THEO-050 ISLAMIC RELIG THOUGHT & PRACT
Program Changed To:
English

----------------Fall 1999----------------------
ENGL-105 INTRODUCTION TO WRITING
ENGL-273 POETRY WORKSHOP
FREN-021 INTERMEDIATE FRENCH I
THEO-169 RELIGIONS OF AFRICAN DIASPORA

---------------Spring 2000---------------------
ENGL-215 BLACK WOMEN WRITERS
ENGL-267 INTRO TO JOURNALISM
FREN-022 INTERMEDIATE FRENCH II
THEO-137 RELIGIONS OF ANCIENT NEAR EAST
THEO-185 STUDY ISLAM & MUSLIM-XTIAN REL

---------------Summer 2000---------------------
ENGL-132 SHAKESPEARE
ENGL-363 SHAKESP: TEXT & PERFORMANCE
Above course completed in Leicester, England

----------------Fall 2000----------------------
ENGL-298 UNSPEAKABLE LIVES
ENGL-301 TUTORIAL: ENGLISH
ENGL-493 MODERN AMER SHORT STORY
SOCI-138 IDENTITY AND RELIGION
SOCI-171 WORLD ETHNOGRAPHY
THEO-054 COMPARATIVE MYTHOLOGY

---------------Spring 2001---------------------
AMTH-024 RACE/POL/AMER MUSIC
AMTH-031 THE AMERICAN MUSICAL
ENGL-302 TUTORIAL: ENGLISH
HIST-286 SLAVERY IN NORTH AMERICA
HIST-393 BLACK HISTORY/BLACK CULTURE

EHRS QHRS QPTS QPI
Current 15
Cumulative 120
Requirements completed for Bachelor of Arts

--------------End of Undergraduate Record-------------------

Posted on September 8, 2005 at 8:20 PM | Comments (1)

August Stats

In August, my diary had 4,299 unique visitors and 9,823 visits. There were 91,68 hits altogether!

Most people were refferred to my diary from oldgoldsoul.com itself, but people also visited from other blogs a lot.

Believe it or not, of those people who found my diary through a search engine, most were looking for Bermandette Stanis!

Keep on visiting!

Posted on September 6, 2005 at 7:36 AM | Comments (0)

Cottonmouth returns....

Yattimaina!

Posted on August 31, 2005 at 1:19 AM | Comments (1)

I Don't Know You!!!!

I was at the CVS this morning and as soon as I walked in, I saw the valedictorian of my high school waiting in line there. Since she was in line, I didn't want to disturb her, so I lingered a bit until she was done and started filling my basket. When she got her bag and began walking out, I smiled and said "[_____]!" (her name -- she's Nigerian).

Why this broad said "I DON'T KNOW YOU!" all crazy like?

So I threw up my hands in front of me and said "Okay."

But I KNEW it was [_____ _______], the Valedictorian of Calvin Coolidge Senior High School's class of 1997 -- her accent alone betrayed her identity. So I am thinking to myself "Bitch please, you KNOW you know me!"

So I was kinda hurt! LOL Angry, but not Cottonmouth levels of anger. Just like damn, no she didn't try to play me in the CVS!

I NEVER did anything to that girl in high school...never teased her, never clowned her shoes or her braids or her looks -- nothing like that. Sure, I thought she was rather unfortunate looking, but you know how they say the ugly duckling becomes the swan? Well....some ugly ducklings grow up to be ugly ducks. At least in attitude.

I happen to be privy to some things that she may or may not have gone through as an undergraduate. In fact, I am cool with her college roommate. Let's just say even if [_____] went through the things she alleges she went through...shit, I didn't do it! And that was seven years ago. I understand that people do things differently, but there's no need to be rude about it.

Her former college roommate tells me that [_____] did the same thing to her at the bus stop, more or less. Saw her and then put a piece of paper in front of her face to hide herself. Then she went so far as to not even get on the same bus with her, yet stared her down when my friend got on the bus.

Craziness. Mental illness is real, y'all.

Posted on August 27, 2005 at 1:38 PM | Comments (10)

Changes

by David Bowie

Oh yeah
Mm
Still don’t know what I was waiting for
And my time was running wild
A million dead-end streets and
Every time I thought I’d got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But I’ve never caught a glimpse
Of how the others must see the faker
I’m much too fast to take that test

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
(turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changes
Don’t want to be a richer man
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
(turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changes
Just gonna have to be a different man
Time may change me
But I can’t trace time

I watch the ripples change their size
But never leave the stream
Of warm impermanence
So the days float through my eyes
But stil the days seem the same
And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They’re quite aware of what they’re going through

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
(turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changes
Don’t tell them to grow up and out of it
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
(turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changes
Where’s your shame
You’ve left us up to our necks in it
Time may change me
But you can’t trace time

Strange fascination, fascinating me
Ah changes are taking the pace I’m going through

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
(turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changes
Oh, look out you rock ’n rollers
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
(turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changes
Pretty soon now you’re gonna get a little older
Time may change me
But I can’t trace time
I said that time may change me
But I can’t trace time

Posted on August 21, 2005 at 10:57 AM

Yet ANOTHER Coolidge Dream

This one was SO vivid....I actually woke up at like 4:30am kinda taken aback.

It wasn't long or especially earth-shattering. I had gone back to Coolidge for a reunion reception that some of the slightly older alumni had planned for us.

Everyone was there...I mean EVERYONE. It was almost as if we had never left.

And the funny thing was that they were all so welcoming and I didn't have to do ANYTHING. And everything went well! You know that would never happen in real life...I am always behind the scenes helping out in some way, so much to the point that I'm not used to kicking back and let others work.

I guess it proves that I really do want to see many of those people again.

Posted on August 18, 2005 at 4:59 AM | Comments (0)

Tag: Gimme Five

What were you doing 5yrs ago?
** Getting ready to start my senior year at Georgetown.
** Wondering why Julio wasn't returning my calls.
** Falling for a sociopath at Cornell
** Working on the website for my APO chapter
** Getting over jet lag from travel to England

Yesterday?
** Got fingerprinted for my job
** Ran into this HOT guy I knew from a poetry reading at DC Pride last year
** Ran into Jessica, who just graduated from Georgetown
** Dropped off some information at The Guild, Inc.
** Talked to Fred and Brandon

5 snacks I enjoy?
Funyuns
Peach Slices
Planter's Spicy Trail Mix
Three Musketeers
Reeses Peanut Butter Cups

5 songs I know all the words to?
"Darling Nikki" by Prince
"Milkshake" by Kelis
"Wild is the Wind" by Nina Simone
"Oops Oh My" by Tweet
"If I Were Your Woman" by Gladys Kinght & the Pips

5 things I'd do with a million dollars?
Invest in something or other just so my money can make money.
Invest in Old Gold Soul Press so I can be the next Martha Stewart, bitches!
Charity
Shopping
Student loan repayment in full.

5 bad habits I have?
Too much like Martha Stewart when it comes to my brand identity. (Not always a nice person.)
Picky
Stubborn
I talk a LOT when nervous/panicky/anxious
Emotions show on my face a lot

5 favorite TV shows?
Law & Order: SVU
The Wire
Six Feet Under
Days of Our Lives (still!)
Girlfriends

5 biggest joys of the moment?
Being published at the age of 25
Kindergarteners
Talking to a special person every day
Hearing a new person say "I loved your novel!"
The successes of my friends

5 favorite toys?
Pen
Paper
Laila (the cat)
Maxwell (the other cat)
Computer

5 people tagged now:
Whoever wants to do this.

Posted on August 17, 2005 at 1:10 PM | Comments (3)

Hi!

Hello there!

It's Saturday morning and I am tired. And I ain't even go out last night!

I felt a little bit under the weather yesterday, mostly because of a lack of sleep, I think. I took a chill day -- didn't work on level ten like I have all week. Went down to level three, took plenty of naps, and let other people do the work for a change.

Today I'm going to the post office to mail off three orders. That's the extent of the business of my day. The air quality is code red here in DC and yeah, my poor respiratory system doesn't do well in this kind of weather.

Today, in addition to some much needed cleaning, I will be continuing work on THE LIST. No, not my list of prior sexual partners, silly. My list of Black Student Alliances, LGBT clubs, fraternity and sorority chapters, and English departments. The people on this list will receive a media kit introducing them to me and Lazarus. This will be sent out after I return from Atlanta. I'm really excited about this mailing. If it goes well, I might get invited to a lot of events in the coming year, either for readings/signings or if an organization has an event that needs authors -- I'm so there! But we shall see, eh?

I guess I should get started!

Posted on August 13, 2005 at 9:16 AM | Comments (2)

Ha!

For the first time in a few weeks, I don't have anything in particular to write about.

Holla!

Posted on August 12, 2005 at 9:37 AM | Comments (3)

My Philosophy

I know how I am.

And that's a good thing. A lot of people just don't know how they are. They don't recognize the patterns in their lives and therefore repeat the same mistakes.

For example, I know I need to lose weight. I also know that I cannot lose weight if I don't work out. My choices are either to work out or accept my weight. See, the choices are there. And because I know me, I am somewhere between the two. I'm not totally unhappy with my weight and somewhat unmotivated to lose it. I know I will one day, but I'm not trippin' about it. I know how I am, so it's pointless to trip about it at this point.

Because I know how I am, I try to lead a very simple life. Seriously. Not like Amish simple, but I like to avoid negativity if at all possible. I try to speak with logic and level-headedness. Because....I know how I am. I have the potential to become incredibly angry or incredibly sad. I think a lot. I analyze a lot. I rarely think about myself as much as I think about the collective -- which is why I see one colleague fuckin up, I dissect the situation and figure out what can be done about it. I feel like somehow I am saving the whole craft if I can save one writer, lol.

But I know that's not normal. (For the record, nobody said I was normal, either.)

I don't surround myself with drama -- it's never been my style. I don't thrive off of it and don't find it funny. I never liked one frat dissing another at step shows. I never liked that show "snaps" where people are jonin' on each other. And I can't stand the freestyle competition on 106 & Park.

Some people call me moody. I call myself sensitive.

I don't like arguing with my friends, and in fact, I don't. I think it's more important to be friends that to be right. As me and BlackMartha were talking about yesterday, why does it seem like so many people don't understand that two people can read the exact same text, have two different interpretations, and both STILL be correct? How's that for revolutionary?

I have a friend who read Sons by Alphonso Morgan and hated it. That's not an exaggeration, either. Moreover, this friend knew I loved it and purposefully didn't engage me in a debate about it because, hell, what's the point? (We ultimately did discuss it, and I think he was surprised to learn that I had the same challenges with the text as he did. I just happened to thing the good parts were really really good.)

It's not just text, either. It's like....life itself.

I have six close friends, three women and three men. And I have a couple of really really close friends who are mostly men. I've never had a best friend -- I happen to think the concept is a little unrealistic, but if you have one, that's great! I think it's beautiful when two people can rely on each other platonically.

At any rate, me and the six close friends (who I call "The Wedding Party") NEVER argue. When I say never, I mean neeeeever.

And that's not weird to me. From 1994 or 95 when I met Joel to 1999 when I met Shari, I can count less than five heated debates among all six of us. And if I was ever pissed off at any of them, they redeemed themselves without even knowing I was mad at them. I like it that way. I don't have to speak and they know how I am feeling.

It's hard to find people to click with like that. So I keep them close and keep them happy.

Life is too short to surround yourself with people who don't make you feel happy.

I know how I am -- keeping my life simple is best.

Posted on August 5, 2005 at 8:00 AM | Comments (0)

I asked for it

Well, I didn't dream about high school last night.

This time I dreamed I was in The Wire.

In this season, I was an undercover cop infiltrating this gang. The gang was a lot more bold and more sloppy than the Barksdale crew. Apparently, they were paying off all the day care centers and churches and small businesses in the neighborhood in order to do whatever they wanted illegally. Also, they reopened a condemned housing project for all these homeless people who were displaced from another housing project. It was really funny because they were just walking down the street in this huge mob and then they started running when they saw this gang...the gang chased them to the abandoned projects but instead of shooting them up, the gang was like "Okay, we are tearing down this fence and fixing up these homes.

It was crazy.

A woman who looked very much like Mary Alice was a teacher in the neighborhood. I remember it was her birthday or something and all these gang members came out of this extra large van, singing her happy birthday. Half of them were wearing red and the other half blue. The really strange thing was that there was a casket in the van, too, with a bunch of flowers.

I found myself in the backseat of another can, alongside Omar, who had gone from stick-up kid to undercover cop. Well, we found ourselves in a shoot-out. He and I slid out the backseat as a guy who looked like Avon Barksdale was trying to shoot us up. I never did take a shot, but I had my weapon armed and ready.

It was great. Scary, but great. Then I woke up.

Posted on July 31, 2005 at 8:09 AM | Comments (3)

There's got to be a reason...

I'm glad I finally have time to blog this morning. I had a lot of work to do, a lot of seeds to be planted for Lazarus. But now that's done and I can blog, then work some more on project #3.

Why is it that over fifty percent of my dreams utilize my old high school as a backdrop?

Last night, I dreamed that I was back at Coolidge High School as a student. I had a bookbag and everything. I can't remember the plot of the dream, but I do remember that the school was a lot sunnier and brighter than it usually is. I also remember seeing my old principal and giving him a hug, which was unusual because he wasn't the most warm or friendly person in the world.

In fact, I'm not sure, but I think he still scares me. :-| I wonder if he's heard about what I'm up to and if he's proud of me. I need to get his contact information so I can invite him to this reading that Kia Dupree and I are planning for the fall. I'll be contacting people at Coolidge in a few weeks to see if they're interested in having Kia and I do an alumni reading/reception/event. And I'm hoping I can get the Manor Park community association on board as well. The next day we'll be doing the Capital BookFest.

Anyway...that's a major tangent right there...

This dream was fairly benign. I've had Coolidge dreams before that were a lot more weird. There was one where this huge hurricane was coming and we had to batten down the proverbial hatches. I've dreamed about Coolidge teachers who have since passed away. And even when I'm not dreaming about Coolidge specifically, the physical building and grounds are frequently part of my dreams, too.

It's weird. I spent more time at Georgetown than Coolidge, but I don't feel like I dream about it as much. There's got to be some kind of correlation between the development of my subconscious mind and being in such an influential place from the age of 14 to 17.

I can't wait to get back to Coolidge, though. I think I would really love being an English teacher at Coolidge one day, while still writing books. How hot would it be if a published author was on the faculty of a high school? Much less his alma mater?

But I wait patiently for such opportunities. It would be nice if I got the level of influence where I could just verbalize a dream like that and somebody downtown makes it happen.

Anyway...I should write more now. It's a new day and I feel a lot more invigorated.

PEACE!

Posted on July 30, 2005 at 11:26 AM | Comments (1)

Year 2

We are now in Year Two of this blog.

Woo hoo!

Posted on July 27, 2005 at 11:14 AM | Comments (12)

The AIDS Entry

Ugh....I hate doing this....the obligatory "response to being called out" blog.

First, read this: Frank's post about HIV/AIDS stats.

I was basically listed among a bunch of gay black bloggers who are NOT discussing a recent statistic published by the CDC about the staggering amount of HIV cases among gay men of African descent in urban areas, or something of that nature.

I was going to write more, but y'all know I ramble. Here are my quick points:

1) Knowing stats doesn't prevent people from engaging in risky behavior.

2) My art/work is how I choose to address issues of AIDS. For everyone who read Lazarus, turn with me, if you will, to page 314. Now, everybody say "Ooooooooooh! NOW I get it!" FYI, it will be continued in Covenant.

3) If gay black men would stop thinking anal sex is "it" then we might be somewhere.

4) Although I am not too keen on the venom in this message, left in Frank's comments, I have bolded the parts that I think we as a community need to discuss:

Interesting how we can hypocritically rise up in arms as we contribute to the problem by encouraging mentalities and ways of being that encourage sex-saturated social environments and relationships. I don't know u but the blob alternates between keen intellectual incite and typical Village shade banter. Your positions not so much as change but are so much in opposition at times that it seems that, based on your blog writing, you are more than one person. It is ok to form an identity that operates from opposing spaces but that then causes another to believe that the uproar and sense of moral duty is just another duty excuted from one of your jobs. Authentic concearn or not though, the problem is a big one and one that common everyday brothers like myself has only to see a close friend or family member die from understand the seriousness of this disease. Numbers mean nothing to me, my outrage and sexual way of being was shaped and formed long ago by a single death. One death, not estimated percentages that use a grouping like 1 in 2 which literally does foster hopelessness. Stop hustling the figure Frank. These figures do not tell of the various practices that increase or decrease the risk. A full stop stamping down of 46% is not responsible unless all of the factors used to arrive at the estimate is disclosed. I know AIDS is real not because of rising numbers, but because a death touched me years ago. This use of statistics and numbers may be helpful for those whose sense of self comes from the academy and the various -isms that it encourages, but common sense folk know that the club scene encourages sex, the beach scene encourages sex (most"Pride" events encourage sex); all of the scences where you are a "star" FLR are spaces that should have been receiving your self-righteous critique way before the 46% estimate fell down from the heavens.

THAT, my friends, is where the dialogue begins.

And you niggas wonder why I don't go to the club or write raunchier sex scenes in my novels, LOL......

Posted on July 21, 2005 at 8:56 AM | Comments (6)

Yay, us!

Guess what?

Old Gold Soul was listed as one of Keith Boykin's HOT BLOGS! Check out Keith Boykin.

I was also mentioned in his "Out in Left Field" Section because of the Wiggy Houston/Bobby Sha-Brown image, reposted here for your enjoyment:

Another cool link, that Frederick Smith found for me, is a review of Lazarus at Books to Watch Out For. Lazarus was reviewed by Richard Labonte, and I am overall pleased with his thoughts. Check out the site to read the review and reviews of Down For Whatever and other new gay fiction.

AND

Check out the lovely interview I had with Steven G. Fullwood! It's pretty neat!

Posted on July 20, 2005 at 9:12 AM | Comments (0)

This made me smile...

Check out No4Real4Real and read his whole entry. You may find something there that makes you smile as hard as it made me smile.

Posted on July 12, 2005 at 10:20 AM | Comments (2)

sigh

I got stood up today.

It wasn't even a date. A frat brother was in from out of town for another purpose and said that he wanted to see me. I really wanted to see him, too. I asked him when he'd be free and he said he'd be available all day today.

Well, the designated time came and went. No call from him. When I called, I got the voicemail.

I just really wanted some one-on-one time with him before he left. I'm really disappointed.

Posted on July 10, 2005 at 8:46 PM

Break

Hiatus...

Posted on July 3, 2005 at 10:34 PM

You don't say.

Haven't been myself lately.

Posted on at 8:18 AM

...

Writing.

Posted on July 1, 2005 at 9:55 AM

The MIT Blog Survey: Take It!

Posted on June 29, 2005 at 9:37 AM

I'm 26

Well, I am 26 now.

Woo hoo!

Had a good day! Got phone calls, emails, a few cards, virtual cards, and also got gifts from two special friends who hooked a brother up with stuff from my wish list! That was a great surprise. :)

It was a low-key weekend. Just trying to manage my cough, which got worse after Thursday.

Today I go to drop shipments of Lazarus to two local bookstores. I'll make the official announcement when I get back. :-)

Posted on June 27, 2005 at 7:08 AM | Comments (3)

One Word

Please leave a one word comment that you think best describes me.

It can only be one word. No more.

Then copy and paste this into your journal so that I may leave a word about you...

Posted on June 24, 2005 at 7:30 AM | Comments (12)

A Good Morning

Prayer really does change things! That and a little bit of common sense.

Well, I had a rough Monday and Tuesday was only a little better. But after plenty of fluids, a decongestant, two days of multivitamins, cod liver oil tablets, cough syrup, fresh fruit, and plenty of R-E-S-T, I am starting to feel better!

The cough is still there, but it feels MUCH more like post nasal drip than bronchitis. But did you really want to know that? lol

My spirits are good. I closed out the year on a positive note. Professionally, some changes are in the works. Nothing major, still in the same building, but we'll see how it all pans out.

I've got lots of cleaning to do, but sitting on my ass and resting is paramount! I got all week to be productive. Today is for straight chillin.

Posted on June 22, 2005 at 11:57 AM | Comments (3)

There are nine days until my birthday!!!

As of 6/16/2005 6:39:28 AM CDT
You are 25 years old.
You are 312 months old.
You are 1,355 weeks old.
You are 9,488 days old.
You are 227,718 hours old.
You are 13,663,119 minutes old.
You are 819,787,168 seconds old.

There are 9 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 26 candles on it.

It's not to late to surprise me with something from my Amazon.com wish list!

:-D

I know, I'm silly.

Posted on June 16, 2005 at 7:37 AM | Comments (1)

A Very Tiny Picture of Me

Posted on June 4, 2005 at 12:39 AM | Comments (2)

My Wish List

I know you want to go to Amazon.com and hook me up for my birthday, ;-)

It's June 25th. Hurry! Supplies are limited.

Of course, the best gift would be purchasing Lazarus for yourself or your friends. BUT, if you've already done that, then hey, knock yourself out at Amazon!

Posted on June 3, 2005 at 7:25 AM | Comments (1)

15 Things You Probably Never Knew or Thought About

I got this email from one of my high school classmates. I had received it before, but I am glad he sent it today. I'm going to include my own commentary on it.

1. At least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.
Well damn! There are only two people in this world who I KNOW would die for me -- my grandmother and my mother. I really don't think three other people would. In fact, I hope they wouldn't. Life is to precious to just be dying all willy nilly for the likes of me.

2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
True. I can see that.

3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
I think some people might hate me because I AM just like them. I don't subscribe to the "jealously as the root of all strife" theory. Some people probably GENUINELY dislike me -- I'm cool with that! I can't change how people feel about me, and hell, I'm not perfect.

4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
I wish some random bama I dislike would smile at me -- PLEASE! So I KNOW my smile ain't gonna make my enemies happy, lol.

5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
I believe it. I've no idea who, but I believe it.

6. You mean the world to someone.
BUT WHO?????? We're talkin the WORLD here -- I need to know who that is.

7. If not for you, someone may not be living.
Well damn! I saved somebody's life?

8. You are special and unique.
True that, true that. ;-)

9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
Again...who??? How can somebody I don't know exists actually love me? (The only reasonable explanation would be a child I don't know about, but I certainly haven't impregnated anyone.)

10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
I agree.

11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.
That is some good ass advice.

12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.
For better or for worse.

13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
That's definitely a goal of mine.

14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.
I AGREE. I always try to do so.

15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.
I do and I will. :-)

Posted on May 25, 2005 at 7:07 PM | Comments (0)

What would yo do

If you were able to spend only one night with me, what are 5 things you would want to do?

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

SEND BACK TO ME WITH UR ANSWERS!! THEN POST THIS URSELF... U'LL B SUPRISED WITH WHAT PEOPLE SAID BOUT U!

Posted on May 17, 2005 at 6:50 AM | Comments (3)

What the...(a random entry encompassing all categories)

First of all....HI!

I've not been taking any calls this evening, and only placed one to him. Unfortunately, he got another call from someone he hadn't spoken to in a while, so I just said I'd talk to him tomorrow. I didn't really feel like playing the "waitupreallateandprayhecalls" game. Especially since I was already really tired and I know him -- he'd just fall asleep anyway. C'est la vie.

My boy Dwayne called me tonight and I checked his message...he is feelin' Lazarus and it really made me feel good to know that so many people identify with so many different little parts. One of his favorites so far was the scene in the Metro. (Won't say more for now.) Dwayne is really cool peeps -- I like him.

One of my APO bros from Region IV also called me tonight. I need way more time to holla back at him, I haven't seen him since summer 03 maybe?

And I STILL haven't called back my law school frat who was in town this past weekend. Where has all my energy gone?

Oh, I know...it's gone to that damn school house. I worked all five days last week with a second grade class, then no work monday due to parent conferences. Tuesday I came in to volunteer with the second grade teacher to ease her transition, but I got called in to cover a third grade class, so I got put on the schedule. Today, I subbed for a PE class all damn day! THREE, count them, THREE classes back to back, THEN recess duty! Then about 20 minutes for lunch and a pee break, then two more classes back to back! That shit was ba-noodles.

But fun. I did something slightly different with each class. All in all, only one acted like a little snot rag.

Tomorrow, I go in for the second grade teacher in the morning and the PE teacher in the afternoon, then Friday all day for the other second grade teacher.

I really do like this job, no matter how much I complain.

On that note, why do I feel like my biological clock is ticking and not only am I only 25 (26 next month!) but I don't have a biological clock! lol. I see these bright girls and boys and imagine what it would be like if I had kids like them. I can picture it now....three kids, two boys and a girl. One boy, the oldest, is going to be the "smart" one...overachieving and athletic. The type that would probably WANT to go to boarding school. The middle child is the bad boy -- the one that needs all the extra attention. He's BAD and people can't believe that's Rashid Darden's kid! But he's smart and just acts out because he feels like it. Then there is the baby sister whom everyone adores. Her hurh ALWAYS be in nice cornrows cuz her daddy finally will learn how to cornrow some day. She loves to read and her older brothers protect her fiercely.

Yes, that's that active writer's imagination of mine.

Once I get more settled down, I will mentor first. See if I can ACTUALLY help troubled kids.

Back to the book....yo, what's REALLY scary is that people are literally finishing LAZARUS in a DAY. Part of me is like damn, is it THAT easy of a read? But people are saying that it's good, so hey....it's just good then. Wierd. Weird? Why can I never remember how to spell that.

In terms of Entertainment...somehow, I got addicted to America's Next Top Model. It's good! So yeah, it's in it's fourth season and I didn't start watching until last year, but hey, I like it. My favorite is Naima (sp?) and it seems like she is America's favorite as well.

I'm not terribly interested in American Idol right now. Nor anything on MTV. I guess I am just patiently waiting for Big Brother and The Wire to come back.

I was really mad at myself this week when I had a check bounce. :-( I have automatic deduction for my cell phone bill, and I didn't have enough money in there. And Discover kinda wanted some money, too, and well....I just basically dropped the ball and I am mad about it. I ain't rich or famous enough yet to avoid these mishaps. Argh.

I am excited about Pride this year. I'm gonna be at like EVERYTHING. It should be fun.

Okay, now I am too tired to write more. I don't feel like going to sleep, but I certainly do have to work tomorrow. Maybe I'll write more in the morning.

PEACE.

Posted on May 11, 2005 at 10:40 PM | Comments (4)

A Timeline

A time line...

20 years ago I...(1985)
1. Started first grade with Ms. Farrell's class.
2. Realized I had a crush on a boy.
3. Got called "saditty" for the first time.

10 years ago I...(1995)
1. Participated in HOBY (Hugh O'Bryan Youth Leadership Seminars)
2. Joined the band for a hot minute.
3. Met Lauren, the last girl I loved.

5 years ago I...(2000)
1. Became Vice President of Mu Alpha Chapter, Alpha Phi Omega.
2. Got tipsy and stomped across campus because if I could hear my footsteps, maybe I wouldn't stumble?
3. Began my senior year at Georgetown.

3 years ago I...(2002)
1. Quit my job in alumni relations.
2. Started grad school at American University.
3. Met Sam the Zeta.

1 year ago I...(2004)
1. Started my second year as a substitute teacher.
2. Really knew for the first time that I am destined to be a father.
3. Decided to self-publish LAZARUS.

So far this year I...(2005)
1. Raised the money to self-publish LAZARUS
2. Realized I hated fourth graders.
3. Came out with a novel!

Yesterday I...
1. Restrained a second grader from harming himself and others.
2. Stuffed forty envelopes with novels.
3. Got a bill for six more months of PO Box usage.

Today I...
1. Said "Hey Laila!" to my cat.
2. That's about it, I haven't been up that long.

Tomorrow I will...
1. Teach.
2. Buy more packing envelopes.
3. Mail more books.

In the next year I will...
1. Travel to Philly
2. Get rich, bitch!
3. Make some decisions about long-term employment.

Posted on May 4, 2005 at 7:27 AM | Comments (3)

EVERYTHING'S ALRIGHT

When my life feels like it is spiraling out of control (as I've felt the past few days) I try to focus on something, anything that will calm my nerves, whether it is a mantra, a prayer, a song, a quote. I've been known to recite Invictus when feeling low.

But the one song that really makes things feel better is "Everything's Alright." That's the song that Mary Magdelene sings to Jesus in Jesus Christ Superstar. I prefer the Yvonne Elliman version.

So that's my little secret. It's been a rough 48 hours. I probably should have gone to work today instead of staying home to work on Lazarus stuff -- which I didn't even get all done.

Life is hard right now. A lot of people around me don't fully understand that THIS...all this...is my life. It's my career, my passion, my dream. Yesterday, one of my friends accused me of treating him more like a customer than a friend.

That really fucking broke my heart. Yeah, we talked about it, and it's squashed, but how can you forget something like that?

People want me to vent to them, but I can't. Venting is stressful, and I don't always feel like rehashing every failure of the day to all of my friends. I don't want them to assume EVERYTHING is okay but I also don't want to burden them. I just want to be a friend to them and keep things as normal as they once were.

But that's a crock, because things will never be normal, will they?

I told one of my friends today that I don't feel like many of my friends are intuitive enough. Which, in a nutshell, means that I probably expect too much. On one hand, I don't want to burden people with my problems, but on the other, I want to be asked if I have any problems.

Kinda makes sense, kinda doesn't.

People are in my corner, I know that. But people are people, and I've got to do a better job communicating with people. I am internalizing things I shouldn't be.

It's all so complicated, but so simple.....

MARY MAGDALENE

Try not to get worried, try not to turn on to
Problems that upset you, oh.
Don't you know
Everything's alright, yes, everything's fine.
And we want you to sleep well tonight.
Let the world turn without you tonight.
If we try, we'll get by, so forget all about us tonight

APOSTLES' WIVES

Everything's alright, yes, everything's alright, yes.

MARY MAGDALENE

Sleep and I shall soothe you, calm you, and anoint you.
Myrrh for your hot forehead, oh.
Then you'll feel
Everything's alright, yes, everything's fine.
And it's cool, and the ointment's sweet
For the fire in your head and feet.
Close your eyes, close your eyes
And relax, think of nothing tonight.

APOSTLES' WIVES

Everything's alright, yes, everything's alright, yes.

JUDAS

Woman your fine ointment, brand new and expensive
Should have been saved for the poor.
Why has it been wasted? We could have raised maybe
Three hundred silver pieces or more.
People who are hungry, people who are starving
They matter more than your feet and hair!

MARY MAGDALENE

Try not to get worried, try not to turn on to
Problems that upset you, oh.
Don't you know

APOSTLES' WIVES and MARY

Everything's alright, yes, everything's alright, yes.

JESUS

Surely you're not saying we have the resources
To save the poor from their lot?
There will be poor always, pathetically struggling.
Look at the good things you've got.
Think while you still have me!
Move while you still see me!
You'll be lost, and you'll be sorry when I'm gone.

MARY MAGDALENE

Sleep and I shall soothe you, calm you and anoint you.
Myrrh for your hot forehead/
Then you'll feel
Everything's alright, yes, everything's fine.
And it's cool and the ointment's sweet
For the fire in your head and feet.
Close your eyes, close your eyes, and relax
Think of nothing tonight.

APOSTLES' WIVES

Everything's alright, yes, everything's alright, yes.

MARY MAGDALENE

Close your eyes, close your eyes, and relax

Posted on April 18, 2005 at 8:30 PM

!

I wonder if I caught another cold.....allergies can't be like this, can they? I am incredibly congested -- to the point where for a while, I couldn't even breathe out of my left nostril. I'm getting really, really tired easily, too.

Ugh.

I didn't do a damn thing around the house all day.

I don't even feel like saying more right now.

Posted on April 14, 2005 at 9:06 PM

Itchy and Scratchy

I KNOW I did not wake up with an itchy throat.....

Posted on April 13, 2005 at 7:15 AM | Comments (2)

My Mood

I'm not sure that my mood is better.

I didn't work today because I was a little concerned about the bruising on my ankle and wanted to see a doctor. But of course, my latest doctor wasn't answering her phone. It's possible she could still be in India, but she said she'd be back in a month.

I looked up sprained ankles on the internet and basically, I'm doing everything right except staying off of it. I have to face facts -- I'm not as young as I used to be and I can't just bounce back from injury and illness as I once did. Yeah, I'm only 25, but I've sprained my ankle at least three previous times since I was 15.

My emails are mostly all caught up with. I am drawing back from the number of yahoogroups I get mail from as well as the number of message boards I participate in. It's just too much. Maybe my mood changes as soon as I come home because I'm not being entertained when I cut my computer on.

It's a nice day out today, and I will indeed enjoy the weather, even if it just involves sitting on the wall of my yard.

Posted on April 6, 2005 at 12:16 PM

Crazy dream

And I do mean crazy.

So me, my mom, and her fiancee planned a vacation to the Virginia coast and we took Liz along. It was a very cloudy day. For some reason, Liz lived near the coast and we;d be picking her up along the way. I remember lying to her about when we'd be there to make sure we wouldn't be kept waiting by her.

I don't remember the drive, but when we got there, I remember having breakfast with Sandy and then asking her a question about Alpha Gamma Delta conventions. She seemed very knowledgable. Somehow, the little restaurant turned into this third world, Asian town square type thing, and Sandy and I were sitting in a gazebo wathing the street urchins pick-pocket people.

Suddenly, all these people start RUNNING. Like dozens of Asian folks are running through this town square like death itself is following them. So me and Sandy are like oh no....please don't let it be.....we stood up, and of course right there on the horizon we saw this HUGE wave. A tsunami was heading right for us.

So we were like shit, where do we go? What can we hold on to? I don't remember where Sandy went, but I found this two-story hotel with a balcony that had an iron gate. I latched onto the bars and watched the wave roll in. We all got drenched, but we were safe. After the first wave, I noticed that James Earl Jones was there, as was his father, who was on the first floor. We thought we were safe after the first wave, but when we turned around, we saw that behind us was a second, third, and fourth wave, back to back to back, much larger than the others. (We were on an island, so we were surrounded on all sides by waves.) I braced myself as the waters slammed into me.

James Earl Jones remained safe, but his father was washed away. Now somehow the hotel turned into a stationary submarine, James Earl Jones disappeared after mourning his father, and I was joined by Bernadette Stanis (Thelma from Good Times). When the water receded, she and I were being harrassed by this older white guy, so we hijacked the sumarine, which was no more than four feet tall, held two, and was on wheels. We rolled that sucker all around town in the middle of the night. Instead of coastal Virginia or a small Asian nation, it semed like we were in some black ghetto now. Could have been Harlem or could have been Gary, IN, for all I knew. All I remember is the more we rolled that submarine, the smaller it got until it turned into this red scooter toy. We were running for our lives away from this man, who ended up turning into a wolf -- possibly a feral cat. We finally stopped running and cornered the wolf/cat in an old warehouse. I jumped up on these huge tupperware containers and the wolf/cat chased me. Finally, it tried to attack me, but I ended up grabbing it with both my hands and choking it to death.

Me and Bernadette Stanis were safe, even if we were still mourning the lives lost in the Tsunami, including James Earl Jones' father.

Posted on at 4:46 AM | Comments (5)

YAY NOW I CAN BLOG AGAIN!!!! aka Unloved

FIRST OF ALL....

I am depressed. I say this not for sympathy, so please folks, no emails being all sympathetic. I say this because it would be really nice if I were insured and could just up and go to counseling whenever I feel like it. The past few nights I've just come home and all but boo-hooed. Ironically, I've had great days at work!

Okay, I lied....I did kinda boo-hoo. There are a few theories relating to my sadness, but who knows what it really is? I feel lonely, certainly. I've been having crazy body image issues. And my damn ankle still hurts. I guess pain does change attitude.

And yeah, putting a book out is stressful. People don't understand that yes the book is late, yes, it's at least partly my fault and I feel major guilt about that, YES, it will be coming out the third week in April, AT LEAST I HOPE, and emails and IMs saying "where's my damn book, gimme my book" although sent with a light hearted intent ARE VERY FUCKING STRESSFUL GOD DAMMIT.

*exhale*

I don't say anything because I know the people sending me these messages are just joshin me.

I lost all my fucking passwords and bookmarks. Netscape, I was your biggest fan until yesterday. That shit sent me over the edge. Okay, not really over the edge, because it's not like I did anything but go to sleep.

I scrolled down my phone numbers and tried to think of someone I could talk to who was likely to be awake at 11:30pm. I knew him would probably be asleep, so I didn't call him. I called a few more folks who didn't answer their phones....yeah....and then I called one of my boys. This nigga couldn't talk because he was playing Texas Hold 'Em.

You know I was heated....I am thinking damn, we BOYS but you wanna play Texas Hold 'Em??? Of course I kept it inside and just deflated a little bit more.

Throughout it all, I was waiting on a call from my boy Luma. I feel so close to him sometimes, really intimate even though we're not romantically involved and don't really want to be.

When he finally did call, it was well after midnight, and I had been asleep for like ten minutes. I felt bad for ignoring his call because the one person who did come through for me....damn, I ignored them.

Depression is a bitch.

I checked his message right before I fell asleep and he said something like "Hey Rashid, I'm just calling you as I promised I would...."

Damn. So I called him mad early this morning and left him a message apologizing for ignoring his call -- yeah, I admitted to ignoring it. No need to lie to the man. I know he'll understand. He's seen me at my best and worst.

I told Diddy I felt unloved. Then he tells me what I expect anyone to say about the matter...something about there being a difference between being loved and being in love. And I'm like yeah, I know. I learned not to argue with him about such things. But at the end of the day, no, I really don't think I feel loved. I feel liked, admired, tolerated, and respected, but I don't know about loved.

Whatever.

I kinda lost my train of thought, so I guess I will pick this up another day.

Posted on April 5, 2005 at 8:24 PM

Cuttin' it close in more ways than one

Good morning! It's Saturday and I have a full day ahead of me and only like an hour to get ready for it!

I'm going to an APO conference to support my undergrad chapter, help where I can, and promote Lazarus. I will be bringing a bunch of post cards and a little notebook where people can sign up for more info. I won't actually be soliciting pre-orders unless they REALLY want them. Kids in APO are poor, so they might just want to peep the website, lol. Maybe the alumni there will be interested. The most important thing will be showing my face and getting rid of those post cards.

My ankle unfortunately still hurts like a bitch, but it is not as swollen. I'm not really taking anything for it, which would explain the pain, right? (Hey, DUMB ASS!!!) but I don't like taking pills unless I HAVE to. I try to convince myself that I am strong. Tee hee.

I'll be gone all day -- I have the option to stay overnight, but I really don't want to this time around.

I don't quite know what to wear -- I can be casual up until the banquet if I want, but do I really feel like bringing a bag and change of clothes? So maybe I will just wear a shirt and tie all day....but ILL, that's like WAY too grown up, LOL. Hey....I know! Shirt, tie, APO jacket. Bam. I hope I have some appropriate slacks. HEY! Maybe khakis. I'll take pics.

Let's see....in other news. (Not enough time for a new entry):

The Pope: This has got to be the longest death in history.

Prince Ranier: It sucks that he's dying, too.

RIP Frank Perdue

RIP Johnnie Cochran

Anwar Robinson: Leave that boy alone.

And by the way, I did get an approximate date that the book will come out, but that deserves an entry when I get back.

And remind me to tell the story about how I called Howard with an alias to find out if there were any probate shows scheduled....

Posted on April 2, 2005 at 7:11 AM | Comments (1)

Hi

1* First grade teacher's name: Ms. Farrell
2* Last words you said: Okay, bye.
3* Last song you sang: Baby Mama
4* Last person you hugged: Jimi
5* Last thing you laughed at: Asian girls watching The Ring
6* Last time you said I don’t remember: Yesterday, maybe to Bobby
7* Last time you cried: When don't I?
9* What color socks are you wearing: Not wearing any.
10* what’s under your bed: Drawers. (Literally, not underwear)
11* what time did you wake up today: 3:30am, then again a little after 8am
12* Current taste: I just ate cookies, so I don't have a taste for anything
13* Current hair: Still in dreads
15* Current annoyance: ankle pain and knee pain (from overcompensating)
16* Current longing: To be loved...FOR REAL
17* Current desktop background: The Georgetown Seal, as shown on the Walsh building
18* Current worry: If my novel will be ready in time for my event on April 21
19* Current hate: Ankle pain, I guess
20* Current favorite article of clothing: The jeans I have left that fit me.
21* Favorite physical feature of the preferred sex: I don't even know if I prefer my preferred sex....or sex at all.
22* Last CD that you listened to: Mariah Carey's latest
23* Favorite place to be: at home
24* Least favorite place: at work (unless I have first graders!)
25* Time you wake up in the morning; When I work, 6am
26* If you could play an instrument, what would you play: piano
27* Favorite color: blue and gray
28* Do you believe in an afterlife: yes
29* How tall are you: just barely 5'9"
30* Current favorite word/saying: "Oh...HELL....no."
31* Favorite book: The White Boy Shuffle by Paul Beatty
32* Favorite season: Fall
33* One person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to': A few friends from high school.

*FUTURE*
5* Where do you want to go for college? Been there, done that, got the t-shirt
36* what is your career going to be like? Gonna be rich, bitch~
37* how many kids do you want: As many as it takes to run a sweatshop

*HAVE YOU EVER...*
39* said "I love you" and meant it: I mean it every time I say it.
40* Gotten in a fight with your animal: Yes, and Laila has beat my ass.
41* been to New York: Yes.
42* been to Florida: No.
43* been to California: No.
44* been to Hawaii: No.
45* been to Mexico: No.
46* been to China: No.
48* Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened: Kinda.

*RANDOM*
52* Do you have a crush on someone: No.
53* what book are you reading now? I was reading There Was a Spirit by Kimberly Noelle
54* Worst feeling in the world: A broken heart.
55* what is the first thing you think when you wake in the morning? I try to remember the dream I may have just had.
56* How many rings before you answer: One.
57* Future daughter's name: Maya
58* Future son's name: Malik
59* Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: no
60* If you could have any job you wanted: Famous novelist
61* Wish were here: Nobody right now.
62* College plans: Been there, done that, got the sweatshirt AND keychain in addition to the t-shirt.
63* Piercings: none

*THE EXTRA STUFF*
64* Do you do drugs: never
65* Do you drink: seldom
67* What kind of Shampoo and Conditioner do you use: T-Gel
68* What are you most scared of: Having to work a real 9-5 job that I hate because my writing career bombed.
69* What clothes do you sleep in: draws and t-shirt
70* Who is the last person that called you: Merry at Central Plains Book Mfg.
71* Where do you want to get married: a park
72* If you could change anything about yourself what would that be: lose weight and tone up
73* Who do you really hate: Your mother.
74* Been In Love: Yes.
75* Are you timely or always late: Always early.
76* Do you have a job: Yes
77* Do you like being around people: Sometimes
78* Best feeling in the world: Writing a novel to completion
79* are you for world peace: Yes.
80* Are you a health freak: no
81* Do you have a "Type" of person you always go after: no
82* Do you want someone you don't have? I don't think so....I kinda don't understand the question
83* Are you lonely right now: I guess.
84* Ever afraid you'll never get married: Yes.
85* Do you want to get married: Whether the law allows it or not, yes.
86* Do you want kids? Yes. Remember the sweatshop?

*IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU...*
87* Cried: Not really.
88* Bought Something: Yep, a video on ebay.
89* Gotten Sick: Just a snotty nose this morning.
90* Sang: A little
91* Said I Love You: No
92* Wanted To Tell Someone You Loved them: Yes.
93* Met Someone: No.
94* Moved On: Ehh....no
95* Talked to someone: Yes.
96* had a Serious Talk: With my printer, yes.
97* Missed Someone: kinda
98* Hugged Someone: no
99* Yelled at someone: no
100* Dreamed about Someone You Can’t Be With: No

Posted on March 31, 2005 at 2:04 PM | Comments (1)

Sprain

I sprained my ankle yesterday....I swear it's ALWAYS something!

So I'm walking down the stairs and I reach the floor. Somehow I stepped wrong on my ankle, felt it twist and could feel too much weight being lowered on it. I felt pain, and I drew my leg up immediately, but it was too late.

The pain was out of this world.

I had some chips in my hand -- Fritos twists to be exact -- and they flew EVERYWHERE. I was kinda yelling like oh my GOD this hurts and Maxwell, who was resting on my bed, looked up like "What the hell is wrong with you?" Then he saw the Fritos flying toward him and he ran away.

I knew it was sprained immediately -- it's happened before, but not for a while. It hurt SO BADLY I felt like I was going to throw up.

I iced it, elevated it, and went to sleep.

It still hurts but not nearly as much as it did yesterday.

Ugh.

Posted on March 29, 2005 at 10:50 AM | Comments (2)

Georgetown Hunger Strike

Below are some articles about a hunger strike which is in its EIGHTH DAY at Georgetown.

Georgetown Living Wage Coalition Website: http://studentorgs.georgetown.edu/solidarity/lw/main.html

Hunger Strike at Georgetown in Eighth Day
Updated: Tuesday, Mar. 22, 2005 - 2:42 PM

WASHINGTON - A hunger strike is in its eighth day at Georgetown University, as students continue to demand a living wage for university workers.

Students reaffirmed their intention at a noontime rally Tuesday to shun food until cafeteria, custodial and security workers are paid a living wage of about $14 an hour. The range now is from about $7 to just over $11 an hour.

Students say they don't buy the university's contention that little can be done.

Students began Tuesday's rally with a weigh in. Rally organizers say total weight loss has been 270 pounds. One student has been hospitalized since the hunger strike began, but organizers say the student is fine.

A university spokeswoman says Georgetown plans to increase wages to $14 an hour by July 2007, but can't do it immediately because it's not budgeted, and to do so could negatively impact services.

D.C. Delegate Eleanor Holmes Norton expressed solidarity with students, and told them she was proud of the stand they were taking. Norton, who teaches at Georgetown, promised to talk with the school president.

(Copyright 2005 by WTOP Radio and The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

Washington (AP) - Some students at Georgetown University have been on a hunger strike the past eight days demanding a living wage for university workers.

At a noontime rally, students reaffirmed their intention to shun food until cafeteria, custodial and security workers are paid a living wage of about $14 an hour. The range now is from about $7 to just over $11.

Students say they don't buy the university's contention that little can be done about the salary range.

Students began Tuesday's rally with a weigh-in. Rally organizers say total weight loss has been 270 pounds. One student has been hospitalized since the hunger strike began - but organizers say the student is fine.

D.C. Delegate Eleanor Holmes Norton is among those attending the rally in an area known as Red Square. Norton, who teaches at Georgetown, told a noon-time rally that she was proud of the students taking a stand. She promised to talk with the president of Georgetown.

TM & ©2005 WJLA/NewsChannel 8, a division of Allbritton Communications Company

March 22
http://www.insidehighered.com/news/2005/03/22/hunger

Going Hungry at Georgetown
A showdown appears to be looming in a weeklong standoff at Georgetown University over wages for janitors and other contracted workers.

About 25 members of a student group known as the Georgetown Living Wage Coalition raised the stakes a week ago in the lengthy dispute with university administrators by beginning a hunger strike. The students acted after a university committee let pass a March 14 deadline the coalition had imposed for Georgetown to commit to paying a “living wage” to campus workers.

The coalition had proposed that Georgetown approve a plan to raise the wage it pays janitors and other contract workers to $14.93 an hour (from the current $11.33) by July. But on March 14, Spiros Dimolitsas, a senior vice president at the university, proposed instead that Georgetown raise the wage to $13 an hour by this July and increase it each year through 2008, to an eventual total of $14 an hour. Students rejected the university’s proposal; based on the cost of living in Washington, the students wrote in a response to Dimolitsas’s proposal, “$14 an hour is not a living wage now and it will not be a living wage in 2008.”

That evening, 25 members of the group vowed that they would “not consume food again until this university has accepted all of our demands by adopting a Living Wage policy based firmly on costs of living in DC.” When not in class or working, the protesting students and their supporters gather in several tents set up on a campus square, and they have received significant attention from the news media.

Liam Stack, a junior who is a spokesman for the student group, says that one of the students gave up his hunger strike after he was hospitalized because of a loss of vision. “He doesn’t have health insurance, so he couldn’t afford to continue,” says Stack, who adds that the protester was replaced by another student.

A spokeswoman for Georgetown, Julie Green Bataille, said the university is “committed to providing a fair and competitive compensation system for all workers,” including those, like janitors, who work on contracts. But she said raising the wage abruptly as the students wish would result in “wage compression” that could force layoffs of the “very contract workers” the students are trying to help.

Bataille said a university committee that is due to meet today is likely to recommend that administrators adopt the plan to raise the wage to $14 by 2008. Bataille said Georgetown officials could adopt the wage increase by as soon as the middle of next week.

Leaders of the protest say the university’s adoption of its plan will not end the hunger strike.

But Georgetown may turn up the heat on Tuesday, Bataille suggested. She noted that the university had sent the students e-mails on Monday explaining the health risks of a water-only diet, and urging them at least to drink juice.

The e-mail message from James Welch, a student health administrator, asked them to visit Welsh Monday afternoon to assure him that they were ingesting more than water. “If I do not hear from you,” Welch wrote, “I will assume that you are participating in the hunger strike and ingesting only water, and I will make recommendations to the vice president of student affairs to address my concerns about your dangerous activities.”

Bataille said that the university officials have the authority, in those rare instances when they believe students may be putting themselves in danger, “to put them on leave as students and encourage them to seek medical attention.” She said she did not believe that action would be necessary, because “most of the students are telling us that they’re taking juice.”

— Doug Lederman

washingtonpost.com

GU Activists Go Hungry To Help Janitors

By Sudarsan Raghavan
Washington Post Staff Writer
Monday, March 21, 2005; Page B01

Inside a white bubble tent, in the heart of Georgetown University, Diane Foglizzo, a brown-haired, strong-willed senior, is on the sixth day of her hunger strike. She said she's lost 10 pounds on a meager diet of water and orange juice. Another student activist, weakened by hunger, was rushed to the hospital Saturday.

But Foglizzo looked neither exhausted nor worried yesterday. She and her comrades were making buttons and preparing protest plays, their bodies seemingly nourished by their cause.

It's a cause unlike those of previous generations of campus activists, who've protested against the Vietnam War, apartheid in South Africa, Asian sweatshops and the war in Iraq. Foglizzo is starving herself for those closer to home: Georgetown University's janitors.

"These are people we see everyday, who make it possible for us to go to class," said Foglizzo, 21, who is majoring in culture and politics. "We can affect their lives directly now."

She and 24 other Georgetown students participating in the hunger strike want to boost hourly salaries and job and wage security for the university's 450 contract employees, mostly custodial, food service and security workers.

The workers receive on average $11.33 an hour, which includes wages and health benefits, a Georgetown spokeswoman said.

The activists said that is not enough. They want the university to put in place a plan that will pay workers "a living wage" of $13.95 to $14.93 an hour by July.

"The main demand is that Georgetown commit to paying its workers a wage that allows them to support their families with one fulltime job," said Liam Stack, a senior majoring in Muslim-Christian relationships.

Stack added that 143 workers at the university hired by contractors are paid less than the living wage, along with 25 hired directly by the university.

Georgetown officials said they are committed to fairly compensating the university's workers. An advisory committee is weighing a proposal by Georgetown Senior Vice President Spiros Dimolitsas to phase in wage increases to a minimum of $14 an hour by summer 2007.

After that, wages would increase annually, taking into account inflation. In all, it would cost the university nearly $550,000 over the next two years.

If $14.93 was set as the minimum hourly wage right away for all its workers, including its 4,500 direct employees, it would add $1.8 million annually to the university budget, said Julie Green Bataille, a university spokeswoman.

Student activists said money should not be an issue. The university, they noted, raised $15 million for a new boathouse on the Potomac and is seeking $120 million for a business school.

"When we want to build a boathouse, we find the money," said Mike Wilson, a hunger striker who was taken to the hospital with vision problems. "This is enough of a priority to find the money."

Started by two students three years ago, the campaign has grown into Georgetown Living Wage Coalition. Its Web site is studentorgs.georgetown.edu/solidarity/lw/.

In addition to those on hunger strike, about 15 students keep the tent tidy, provide medical support and try to attract media attention.

Some have campaigned for global causes but said they feel more fulfillment fighting for the rights of those in their immediate community.

"It's almost hypocritical to be helping other people around the world and turn a blind eye to the problems of people here on campus," said Gladys Cisneros, 22, a graduate student in Latin American studies.

For the past five months, Jonathan Garcia, 20, has worked as a janitor on the night shift. His brother and mother work there, too. He said he receives $9.05 an hour, excluding benefits, which is not enough for him to quit his second job. "I appreciate what they are doing," said Garcia, who is from El Salvador. "They're trying to help us get paid a bit more. They are nice students."

The activists also teach English to the janitors during lunch breaks. They've organized picnics for the workers and their families. The workers, in turn, have brought water with vitamins for the hunger strikers and have attended protest rallies.

"We're getting to see the full impact of the work we are doing," said Janessa Landeck, 22, a senior. "We're helping them organize themselves."

Cisneros said she's noticed a difference in the workers.

"They feel empowered and emboldened," she said. "They are no longer looking behind their backs to see if the manager is looking."

In recent days, the activists have attracted support from some influential corners. Last week, AFL-CIO President John J. Sweeney released a statement applauding the hunger strike campaign. And some faculty members have shown support.

So have students at other universities. Stack said their peers at Swarthmore, Cornell, University of Wisconsin at Madison and American University, as well as some Georgetown students and alumni overseas, have gone on "solidarity fasts" to support the effort.

University officials, however, said they are concerned about the students. They've sent letters to the parents of the activists urging them to persuade their children to start eating.

It hasn't worked. "My mother told me the letter was outrageous and out of line," Foglizzo said.

When asked how long she plans to starve herself, she replied:

"Until we have a living wage."

Staff writers Maureen Fan and Susan Kinzie contributed to this report.

Posted on March 22, 2005 at 5:45 PM | Comments (2)

Up and At 'Em

I don't know if my depression was acting up yesterday or what, but I woke up SO not feeling like doing anything. My plan was to go out and do some things and begin a semi-long weekend on yesterday. But I just didn't feel up to it.

Today, though, I am reinvigorated (though it seems like my allergies are acting up -- it's always something, right?) I am looking forward to seeing the folks I want to see, taking plenty of pictures, promoting LAZARUS, and maybe even scoring a few sales.

I still haven't packed yet though, LOL

Posted on March 19, 2005 at 8:19 AM | Comments (1)

ho...hum...

Well, I got a good night's sleep, I guess. I'm pretty sure I got eight hours. Maybe a little less because I woke up at 3am and took a pee and checked email.

I work today. I haven't worked in a minute! I've been taking time to SERIOUSLY work on LAZARUS to ensure that it comes out on time. We've had a few snags with the cover design but nothing that my highly capable designer couldn't handle.

I'm not really looking forward to work, though. I mean, I am, but I'm not. I am because I'll get to see a few co-worker/friends that I miss. And I'll probably be entertained by the sixth graders. It's funny how the fourth and fifth graders SUCK but the sixth graders this year are pretty mellow. But I'm NOT looking forward to it because I am soooooo used to doing my own thing now. Working on LAZARUS during the day, I can take me a nice nap at around 2 or 3, make phone calls, work in absolute silence if I want. At work, I will immediately have three solid hours to fill. God willing, they will have a special class in the morning, but you know it rarely works out that way. I will probably also have to do recess duty. I hope not! But it's a possibility.

I will do my best to stop bitching and just do it, though. I can be a little....bitchy at times, I guess. Maybe not bitchy, but I use this diary to vent somewhat. So maybe I come off as a complainer.

Oh, who am I kidding, I complain like shit. But I like to think maybe I am a little more gracious in real life.

Instant connections....developing connections....yeah, all of that. It's nice to feel at ease with someone, doesn't it? The only thing that would feel better would be proximity.

I got an email from Maya's mom on Saturday night....whoa, I wasn't expecting that. This is a really strong, really phenomenal lady, as are her daughters.

I also get emails from Vidal's friends, too. Maya and Vidal were so loved...so loved.

This weekend, many of Vidal's Alpha Phi Omega Brothers will converge upon Georgetown in celebration of the 99th pledgeline of Mu Alpha chapter. (Technically the 97th line to actually cross.) This line was dedicated to Vidal, so I am really excited to see them "shine" this weekend -- they they BETTER shine! "Miss Thang" would have nothing less!

Okay, time to shower. Have a great week everyone!

Posted on March 14, 2005 at 6:41 AM | Comments (0)

Can't Stop, Won't Stop

You may notice that my fraternity is not something I mention very often in my diary. There are a lot of reasons for that. But today...it all ends.

I am tired of the hatemail that I get telling me that Alpha doesn't want me, that they would have never voted in my favor, that I am "paper" or, worse yet, the reason that I went grad is because of my sexual orientation.

Excuse my French, but NIGGAS, PLEASE!

A handful of men who happen to be MEMBERS of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc., feel as though I, as an out and proud gay black man, have no place in this fraternity. Granted, there are not many men who will come forward and say this to me, but a few who will say so anonymously.

Fellows....MISS ME WITH YOUR HOMOPHOBIA. I ain't goin' NOWHERE. I went grad because it was my choice. You don't get to decide why I made it in -- I'M IN. DEAL WITH IT.

I am not going to be silenced by anyone in this fraternity. For every nutless homophobe who has said anything against me, there are five who already pre-ordered a book! Young and old, straight and gay, my real Brothers have my back.

I am tired of always turning the other cheek. Sometimes I got to respond, just so these bamas know. I put my name, my novel, and my life story out here in hopes that I can help somebody else. If I ain't helpin' you, please....keep it movin'.

Either way, you can't stop this. Understood?

YOU CAN'T STOP THIS.

Posted on March 1, 2005 at 7:42 PM | Comments (10)

I can't remember jack!

So, I was doing some final FINAL proofing on Lazarus when I read a line that stood out to me:

"French, Black Women Writers, Computer Science, Ethics, and ah...something else, man, I can't remember," Isaiah said.

Now clearly, I had been influenced by my own classes I took in undergrad. I re-remembered that I had taken Introduction to Ethics....but I can't remember SHIT about that class!

For every class I've taken, and others I have dropped, I remember at least ONE significant thing about them....but not ethics!

Intro to Psychology: James. That's all, just James.

French: I remember each professor vividly, even down to the research interests of my last prof.

Intro to Philosophy: The Evil Genius theory. (The Matrix came out a few months later.)

Intro to Anthropology: My teacher was this teeny tiny lady, who happened to be married to my College Advisor. Her field work was related to Guatemalan sex workers. I could be making up the part about Guatemala, but I am sure it was a Spanish speaking country. Anyway, I most vividly remember all the field work I did for that class as well as World Ethnography.

Psychology, Photography, and the Visual Arts: A sucky class that I thought would be fun. The most hilarious moment of the class (though nobody laughed but me) was when we were sharing slides and the cheerleader had taken a picture of the lights in the MCI Center, taken from the floor. I thought it was a horrible picture, personally, and the prof had already figuratively torn my picture to pieces, calling it a "snapshot." Well this chick says "Well, I'm a cheerleader, so I spend a lot of time on my knees...."

I looked around and couldn't believe that no one else was even smiling.

Then there are classes I remember a LOT about, to the point where they profoundly influenced me: Black Women Writers, Problem of God, Religions of the African Diaspora, Ancient Religions of the Near East, Islamic Religious Thought and Practice, Modern Islam, Comparative Mythology, Music and Ethnicity (or something of that nature), and Black History/Black Culture.

But it's sort of scary to me that I took classes that clearly had no value to me. I just HAD to take them. Like Intro to Ethics. What the hell was the point?

Now, sitting here this long thinking about it, I finally recall that it was in this class that I learned about Universalism and Cultural Relativism. But come on...ONE thing out of a 15 week class? That's a waste of somebody's money.

Looking back, I know that Ethics fulfilled some kind of Philosophy requirement. I think I could take Intro to Philosophy and one higher level philosophy, or I could substitute the higher level Philosophy with Ethics. Seems like I hated philosophy so much that Ethics HAD to be better.

You kind of forget that you're in college to learn....

One more quick story:

So when I came to Georgetown, I just KNEW I was going to be a history major. Well, Professor Astarita quickly ended those dreams when he FAILED me on my first college mid-term. I was like WTF??? And then I realized I liked writing a whole lot better than reading (history) thanks to Professor Keith Fort and his co-teacher Stephanie Vermeychuk (love her!). I decided then and there that I would be an English major and write books.

The rest is history.

Posted on February 27, 2005 at 6:52 PM | Comments (0)

Icky

I still feel icky. For whatever reason, I have been very tired all day long, even groggy. Perhaps I am reacting to the medicine I am taking, but one teaspoon of cough syrup (with codiene) shouldn't be hitting me this hard.

I've got a good amount to do this weekend, including some final typesetting, a phone call to Japan to my cover designer, and some other junk.

But I'm so tired.

At some point I want to give some more entertainment observations: Amerie, the Real World (and how I don't watch it), School Daze, and more....

But for now, I think I want to lay down.

Posted on February 19, 2005 at 6:37 PM | Comments (0)

Tired....

#1.....I came out of editing retirement and hooked up one of my old clients on a 9-pager. It took longer than I wanted to, but it got done. Plus she's gonna pre-order a book!

#2.....my boy ANWAR book us a hotel room for initiation weekend for APO. I see now that this is becoming a tradition for us. I'm really excited for this -- it's going down in March.

#3.....y'all seen Amerie's new video? Shit is tight!

#4.....subbed for second grade today. Loved it! Soooooo glad I went back to short-term work!

#5......got a Valentine's Day Card from my girl Rachel! HEY BOO! Thanks sooooo much, it was an awesome card!

#6.....thank you AGAIN Dwayne! I won't put all the bidness on blast, but you know how much I appreciate you.

#7.....I also got some e-greetings from some friends. Thank you!

#8.....could I BE any more tired? LOL

#9.....I am so used to short seasons on HBO shows that it blows my mind when network shows produce like 22 episodes! I can watch ER like EVERY week!!! And Law & Order! That's hot! Hopefully I can more more entertainment updates soon.

Night!

Posted on February 15, 2005 at 10:14 PM | Comments (1)

On the mend

Yesterday, I was talking to a friend and trying to explain to him the depths of despair that I was in. I felt so bad yesterday -- I couldn't even talk without coughing. Everything I said was a whisper. I haven't been able to do ANYTHING since last Wednesday. I thought talking to this friend would make me feel better somehow. You know how I said earlier that being sick reminds me how alone I am? Well I assumed -- hoped, rather -- that this would be the one person who makes me feel less alone. I was very worried that I would lose my sub assignment if I was sick any longer -- it's happened before.

I got off the phone feeling worse. I didn't feel like he really knew what to do or say to make me feel better. I know he can't give me cough syrup or tuck me in bed -- I know he can't/won't come in from out of town to take care of me. I wanted to hear so much from him. I wanted him to say all that bullshit you tell the person you love when they're feeling down: "If I was there, I would....." or "Don't worry, if you lose your job you can sell poems on the street for a dollar" or...I don't know.

I guess he wouldn't know unless I told him. And if I tell him, it would be with the hope that he would change. And why should I ask him to change for me? Has he yet?

So I got off the phone with him and coughed. Then I prayed. All week I had been praying for God to heal me. Then for some reason, I prayed for something different -- I prayed for strength.

And you know what? I think it worked. Before I even put head to pillow last night, I was feeling better. I was pretty sure I wouldn't feel well enough to work, but I was hopeful. I looked at my phone and knew he wouldn't call me back -- he didn't, and I was cool with that. I'm not relying on him to give me something he can't or won't.

Of course I'm sad because this is another blow to us. Another sign that it was probably never meant to be. Another sign that you can't make someone to be something they aren't. You can't make someone work for something YOU think is worth having -- even if that something is you.

I still cough, but I feel better.

Posted on January 31, 2005 at 3:30 PM

ow

I feel like I was hit by a car. My body is sooooo sore. After a point, there just was no way to get comfortable.

This cough is horrible. I was burning up, then freezing, then sweating all night. I went through two shirts and a pair of sweatpants.

And my ears feel stopped up.

I HATE the fact that I will have to take today off. I don't have money to just not be going to work.

And who is supposed to take care of me? Ugh. Times like these really remind how how freaking alone I am.

Posted on January 27, 2005 at 6:28 AM | Comments (2)

Sick!

I am sick as a dog, dudes.

For one, I am burning up! Then I am cold! Sort of like my love life, EH HEHEHE.

My joints ache like I am a hunned fitty years old. It literally feels like it's shooting through my body.

I have a fever.

I have a cough.

I lay down, then I start sweatin.

BUT, I am hungry, so that's a good sign I reckon.

But I highly doubt that I'll be going to work tomorrow. I'm going to try to sleep it off tonight and decide in the morning.

Posted on January 26, 2005 at 5:58 PM | Comments (0)

Rate Yourself as a Friend

I am going to include the questions by themselves first so you can copy them and answer them for yourselves if you want. I don't recommend forwarding this to friends since it's moreso introspection than it is your opportunity to check your friends, LOL. I, of course, will be sharing my own answers.

*****

Take a moment and answer some of these questions for yourself. And see what kind of friend you may be to others.

1. Do you reach out to others rather than always expect that they will call or come to see you?

2. When you meet others, are you open to the possibility that they may become future allies, confidantes, best friends?

3. Do you approach others with an attitude of acceptance and interest?

4. Are you a good listener, or do you cliam more than your share of the airtime?

5. Do you refuse to become the only nurturer in the relationship?

6. Are you loyal, and do you guard your friends' secrets?

7. Do you practice unsolicited acts of kindness?

8. Do you live an authentic life based on your values and beliefs?

9. Can you ask for and grant forgiveness?

10. Do you listen when a friend tells you that you've hurt them, or do you withdraw or get defensive?

11. Do you encourage other people to develop their strengths and graciously help them overcome weaknesses?

12. Can you enjoy a friend's good fortune, whether in marriage, parenthood or career, even if you aren't on the same track?

Brenda Hunter and Holly Larson
From "In the Company of Friends"

********

1. Do you reach out to others rather than always expect that they will call or come to see you?
I do my best to reach out to others if I sense they need somebody to listen to them. I have a pretty good memory, too. So a friend who might have been going through a situation last year, I will remember things and try to get caught up to speed with their life. My point: I am not the best at maintaining weekly phone calls with my friends, but I try to make any time spent on my friends to feel extra special.

2. When you meet others, are you open to the possibility that they may become future allies, confidantes, best friends?
I think it depends on the situation. At work, I did my best to reach out to all the teachers and other subs, but that was more because I wanted to get used to everyone and feel comfortable. So I guess although I don't always expect a connection, I am open to the possibility. Socially though, it may be different.

3. Do you approach others with an attitude of acceptance and interest?
Of course. If I don't accept others for who they are, how can I expect to be accepted? However, don't get me wrong -- internally, I think I am pretty judgmental, but I'm trying to get better.

4. Are you a good listener, or do you claim more than your share of the airtime?
I talk an awful lot, but I am a damn good listener.

5. Do you refuse to become the only nurturer in the relationship?
It's hard to find someone who is actually nurturing. Maybe I am resigned to the fact that most people aren't that way.

6. Are you loyal, and do you guard your friends' secrets?
Very loyal indeed and yes.

7. Do you practice unsolicited acts of kindness?
I love them....I like to see people smile.

8. Do you live an authentic life based on your values and beliefs?
Heck yeah. What you see is what I believe.

9. Can you ask for and grant forgiveness?
Forgiving is very hard for me. Sometimes I will say that I forgive even when I am still bitter in the hopes that one day I can let the bitterness go.

10. Do you listen when a friend tells you that you've hurt them, or do you withdraw or get defensive?
Both, unfortunately. I'm not used to being in the wrong, and when I am wrong, I too often revel in being the bad boy. If I really care about the person, I will do my best to squash the situation.

11. Do you encourage other people to develop their strengths and graciously help them overcome weaknesses?
I'm a teacher, I have to! lol. But seriously, I enjoy helping people in a lot of ways.

12. Can you enjoy a friend's good fortune, whether in marriage, parenthood or career, even if you aren't on the same track?
Heck yeah! Now granted, I am not for anyone under 30 getting married (unless it's me, lol) but in general, I am very happy for my friends' accomplishments.

Posted on at 10:22 AM | Comments (0)

freethought

georgetown beat st. johns wooooo hooooo. we weren't a horrible team when i was there, but it's nice to see us win nowadays.

why is larry king talkin about teacher student sex? barf barf barf. why do these women want to be screwin' these lil boys?

i had pizza tonight for dinner but these bamas forgot the hot peppers.

my cough is getting worse....this sucks, i hope i don't get sicker overnight.

i am so tired, my thoughts don't even make sense right now.

i want a kid. i want a son. bad. but i am kinda broke.

hey y'all, support this documentary, Boxers and Ballerinas. My boy from undergrad is behind this.

i wonder if it's cheaper to knock a girl up on my own than go through a lab and surrogacy and all that shit. well, i guess i know it's cheaper, but how am i supposed to find a girl to carry my kid AND let me keep it? lol

i JUST realized i ain't gonna be able to see my favorite APO bro this week because of a STUPID pta meeting. blegh. if shari goes, i'ma need her to see when the bro is leaving town.

harper valley pta....i wonder that that song sounds like.

american idol was a hot mess, especially the 'crunk' dude. wow.

degrassi...i miss it.

okay, enough rambling...time for bed.

night.

Posted on January 25, 2005 at 9:28 PM | Comments (0)

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

TEN people I enjoy the company of (in no specific order)
1. Nikki
2. Shari
3. Jimi
4. Tracy
5. Angella
6. George
7. Jamila
8. Rashad
9. Smurf
10. Kwame

NINE things I'm wearing:
1. Gray sweatpants
2. Black slippers
3. t-shirt advertising the place I work
4. black and gray button-fly boxer briefs
5. glasses
6. remnants of Cool Water cologne
7.
8.
9.

EIGHT things on my mind:
1. This headache.
2. Him.
3. This nagging little cough.
4. One of my students. :-(
5. Johnny Carson
6. Why Wheaton Plaza changed its name
7. The snow
8. Losing weight somehow.

SEVEN items I touch everyday:
1. Rubber band
2. My phone
3. My mouse
4. My keyboard
5. My sunglasses
6. My glasses
7. A cup

SIX things I do everyday:
1. Promote Lazarus
2. Email people
3. Think about Maya somehow
4. Blog (I try)
5. Worry about something, anything
6. Talk to my mom

FIVE things I want to do before I die:
1. Have a son
2. Get rich and famous! (Just rich works, too)
3. Establish a family foundation so my kids never have to work for real-for real
4. Donate enough money to something to get my name on it. (Like a school or a building)
5. Love someone who loves me the same way.

FOUR things I would never do:
1. Father a kid and abandon it.
2. Drugs. ("Never say never, Rah!" -- Jennifer Y., circa 1996)
3. Forget where I came from.
4. Join the Republican Party.

THREE things I think when I wake up:
1. FUCK, what time is it?
2. Did I leave the computer on again?
3. Why do I have to work?

TWO of my favorite foods:
1. Indian
2. Chinese

ONE person I love more than any other:
1. The children that I am yet to father.

Posted on January 24, 2005 at 5:03 PM | Comments (1)

The Snow, Part I

Here are some pics from the recent snowfall:

Posted on at 9:51 AM | Comments (0)

Dan Aykroyd

So yeah, I dreamed I had sex with Dan Aykroyd.

:-/

Posted on at 6:48 AM | Comments (5)

Weekend Update

I really freakin' don't feel like going to work tomorrow.

I didn't do nearly enough cleaning up this weekend. I guess I SO wanted tomorrow to be a snow day.

Ugh and argh.

I did do a lot of promotion this weekend, though, and a lot of planning. I am looking forward to this event at American on the 3rd. More later, or you can just click on APPEARANCES above.

I think I'm a wee bit too tired to organize my thoughts right now....I'll update more in the morning!

Posted on January 23, 2005 at 9:31 PM | Comments (0)

weird

1) I am waiting on my cover. It is supposed to be ready today.

2) I've been productive on the novel. Yay.

3) Pre-orders are slow. Please support! Tell a friend!

4) Everything else is pretty much all fucked up.....

Posted on January 17, 2005 at 9:35 AM

Allergies, or something

This freakin post nasal drip is actin up again! But luckily, the little cough starts early enough in the morning where an allegra clears it right up.

God bless allegra.

My biggest fear is getting sick and losing my job! It's happened before.

Sidenote: It's really cold in this camp.

Posted on January 11, 2005 at 6:59 AM | Comments (0)

The Weekend

Well my weekend is shot to hell because I had to pay the student loan people. ugh. I think I am behind in another loan, too. All my other bills are current though.

The check I will get this week will be small. So again, the weekend is shot. I only get paid for days I work, and we just had winter break.

Not that I made any plans....I know my mom wants me to buy some new shoes for work, so I might do that tomorrow. I don't really like shoe shopping though. Do I really like shopping at all?

I know my friend wanted me to go to H20 tonight, but considering I've already been up since 5:30, I am pretty sure I am going to be knocked out and not feeling like doing anything tonight.

Though I might watch Kill Bill again. That joint was vicious.

And I alwats have planning to do for Lazarus, which I really hope you all will preorder!

I've been getting good advice about the book as I go. Some things you can't put in a book, since the journey is yours alone as a self-published author.

Anyway....I guess I should shower now. If I can't squeeze out another entry before I leave, I hope all of you who read this have a great day!

Posted on January 7, 2005 at 6:47 AM | Comments (0)

It's A New Year!

Happy New Year! Sorry I didn't get to update yesteday -- you wouldn't believe just how busy I've been with LAZARUS! In addition to all the promoting I've been doing, I've also been learning how to use PageMaker. Hey, I don't call it "By Yo Damn Self Publishing" for nothing -- typesetting my novel on my own saves BEAUCOUP ducats.

I've also been getting some things ready for my new teaching assignment. I am sure I've mentioned it, but I will be in a fourth grade class from January through April! Possibly May! On one hand, I am so blessed to be working for that long. On the other hand, not only will I miss the little anklebiters in the primary grades, but I will miss the fluidity of short term work. Let's face it, short term work is easier, especially when the teachers already know the sub.

I've been thinking of ways to tighten my discipline and behavior modification plan. One thing that will help me out is STICKING TO WHAT I SAY. Kids can sense when you won't follow through on a punishment or loss of privileges. Now, I generally do follow through, but sometimes it's tough when you only have a class for half a day and they sneak and go to recess EVEN when you told them not to.

I'll have a three strikes rule. I'm not raising my voice to or arguing with those kids. I AIN'T GOT TIME. Verbal warning, send to another teacher, send to principal. PERIOD. When I send them to another teacher, they'll write a three-part essay before they can come back: WHAT they did to break the rules, WHY they broke the rules, and HOW they will change their behavior. I'll keep the essays, photocopy them, send them home to whomever, and keep a copy.

See, these kids don't know about DOCUMENTATION and COMMUNICATION yet.

I sound like I'm going to war, and I hate to make them sound like criminals, but I must admit that I DO NOT LIKE the attitudes of intermediate grades. UGH. We have a few in my class that I already know I will have problems with. And no, I am not trying to have a negative attitude -- I've subbed for this class before. I know how they can be.

I just picked out all my oufits for the week. I decided to start dressing professionally to go to work -- buttoned shirts, ties, blazers, suits, etc. I don't WANT to, but I decided that I'm going to enforce the uniform policy. And you KNOW the first thing a kid will do is question why I get to wear jeans but they have to wear the uniform.

We'll see how long it lasts....it can't hurt to dress up, can it? I do know that I need a few new pair of shoes. I only have one pair of dress shoes that my mom is convinced I have had for eight years. Maybe that will be the plan for this weekend.

****

So, it's a new year. New year, new catch phrase. It will probably be forgotten by February, but here it goes anyway:

"You got to step up the game in 2005."

and

"I ain't got TIME."

I don't know exactly where I picked up the first catch phrase, but I can apply it to EVERY aspect of my life. And get this -- it's not a self-affirmation. It's for everybody else! I have taken control of my life and my self-esteem is pretty high right now. I'm publishing one book this year, I've written another that's in the queue so to speak, and in a nutshell, I'm about to blow up. That means you can't half-step when it comes to me! Romance, friendships, professionally....none of that! You have to step up your game in 2005 if you want to be part of this world, this life.....

Cuz I ain't got TIME! Now, I stole this saying from one of my co-workers, but it's the perfect continuation of stepping up the game. Why? Cuz I ain't got time for foolishness, games, procrastination, none of that. It's 2005 and I have stepped up MY game -- no repeats of past mistakes. I expect nothing less from people around me. NONE of us should have time for bullshit!

I look back on 2004, and 2003 for that matter, and I see a lot of time wasted.

I dated this one dude for about six weeks last winter. (January/February? I remember there was snow on the ground.) And yeah, he was a handsome dude, college grad. We were alike in SO MANY WAYS. Thing were so perfect for a while -- vibed with him so well.

But at the end of those six weeks....well, let me go ahead and put it all out there....

So, Valentine's Day hits, and this dude offers to cook me dinner at his crib, which is located in S***** C**** (all the DC folks collective gasp...NOW). So I am like wow, a Valentine's Day dinner, that's neat, this must be SPECIAL. I made him some CDs, we listened to them, I gave him a card, I spent the night.

I should have known there was a problem when, the next morning, he thought that playing Super Mario Brothers (yes, #1, on the 8-bit NES) was a good idea. Not just playing it, but BEATING it. Granted, it took only 20 minutes, but I am just sitting here, all my clothes on, kinda ready to go home, watching this nigga play video games in his draws, looking all bright-eyed like a kid on Christmas morn'.

In another lifetime, it may have been cute.

The next week, the nigga stops calling me! Stops returning emails....it's like i KNEW something was up, but I didn't know what, and he didn't tell me.

I seem to remember him telling me he needed to think about some "things" before we talked again...and I let him think for a bit, then I left him a message saying that time for thinking was over, time to talk has begun. But he STILL didn't call me back!

(It might sound like I was trippin, but he and I used to at least email every day.)

So, that Friday morning of the sixth week, this nigga calls me all huffs and puffs like I did something wrong. I called him back like yo, what's the deal? And he's like "Where were you this morning?" like I'm his SON or some shit. "And I was like....ummm....home asleep, then in the shower...."

WHY DID THIS NIGGA accuse me of going down to GHETTO ASS S***** C**** to buzz his door then run away?

DUDE. I do NOT fuck with S***** C**** at all, much less first thing in the morning! With no car! How do I look?

So needless to say, I was highly offended. I was like um, what the hell do I look like going to YOUR door and buzzing you and THEN running away on some fatal attraction bullshit?

And he said that the "tone" of my voice mails to him made it seem like I might do that.

Getthefuckoutofherewiththatbulllllshit yo!

Anyway, there is more, but I don't want to out the poor boy. In a nutshell, I wasted six weeks of my life on a paranoid schizophrenic (probably) who was SO AFRAID that I would out him, SO AFRAID that I would somehow mess up his professional life or fraternal aspirations....

Anyway, that's six weeks I want back, dammit!

2004 was about cutting loose people like that.....2004 was about recognizing the signs....2004 was about doing what I needed to do. I came a LONG long way in 2004. I know I'm not perfect, but I am maybe 90 percent there.

2005 will be about reaching that final ten percent for ME...and then holding everyone else to a high standard. STEP UP THE GAME!

I AIN'T GOT TIME!!!!!

Posted on January 2, 2005 at 8:25 AM | Comments (0)

Dream

What a crazy dream.

I was at Howard University (funny how I so rarely dream about Georgetown or American, schools I actually attended). It was a VERY nice day, sunny and warm. I was standing in front of the building to the immediate right of the Blackburn student center.

Then, for some reason, a truck pulled up and let a tiger out! A freakin circus tiger! So people are all like ummmmm....what the hell? But nobody seems to be especially scared.

The tiger comes near me, and I notice that one of my friends from high school (Krystal) is hanging out and she stops to pet the tiger. She has NO fear of this tiger. So I tell her something like "Looks like you finally found a man you can put on a leash."

I think I was at Howard for some sort of photography project, and all of a sudden, I had to leave. I couldn't stop and chat with a few of my Alpha Phi Omega brothers that I was cool with, and I remember one in particular, Edwina, was like "Uh Uh, I know you not gonna come to my campus without saying hi!" and I was all like "Sorry girl, I got to run!"

As I passed Douglass hall, I heard somebody making some flippant comments about "fake" Greek organizations, and I thought they were trying to be disparaging toward some Alpha Phi Omega brothers who were sitting on the steps of Douglass. Upon closer inspection, I saw that they were actually members of Kappa Kappa Psi, so I kept walking.

Now, at some point in the dream, I picked up a Howard newspaper and saw that the Deltas (Alpha Chapter) had had a fall line, which is unusual at Howard. Come to find out both Krystal and another high school friend Darlene were shown as being part of that line...I was like "er?" Krystal and Darlene had been out of undergrad for years, and as far as I knew (in real life) neither of them were interested in sororities. But in the dream I was like "awww ain't that sweet." Apparently they had their probate in the guise of a talent show in a gym.

Did I mention the zebra that was running around at the same time as the tiger?

So as the sun set, I left Howard by the School of Business and ran into three folks I knew from high school: Charles, Geoffrey, and Marquell. For some reason, we sang "Peanut Butter Jelly Time" like it was our theme song -- even had a little dance to go with it.

We decided to go to my house and wait for Claudine there, since I couldn't really hang out until I met up with her. For some reason, a big theme was the fact that I said to hell with continuing my photography for the evening.

But we got mugged! I had some money in my hand for some reason, and we got surrounded by some neighborhood toughs. So I just gave them the money and walked away with my boys, hoping the toughs would just run off. I still had my ATM card and I was scared that they would come back and try to jack me for it. For some reason, I thought it would be a bright idea to throw my wallet under a car and come back for it later.

The muggers came back anyway, and we ran into an Asian-owned boutique on Georgia Avenue. The woman tried to ask us to leave at first but we were like naw player, we are being chased by some thugs! So she was like oh okay, use the phone. So I called the police, and let me find out 911 really is a joke! They said there was nothing they could do! So me and Charles ran out the back door, and Marquelle and Geoffrey ran out the front and somehow (I hope) tried to avoid the thugs.

Me and Charles were bookin' through that alley and it started to rain. We found ourselves on one of those side streets between Georgia and SHerman avenues, probably Fairmont, and we were like shit, we need to go to ANYBODY'S house and call the cops again. We could HEAR the thugs behind us in the alleys talking about what they were about to do.

I ran up to some house with 2003 on the door. I banged on the door and the window while Charles tried to get us in a house two doors down. When the lady let me in I was like "Carles, come down to 2005....I mean, 2003!" So the lady let me in and somehow I knew I could trust her, even though she was this weird looking middle aged woman with thick glasses and a very traditional living room-- we're talking old school wallpaper, lampshades with tassles, and plastic on the furniture. But damn if that woman didn't have a computer with the internet right there by the door.

The end.

Posted on December 29, 2004 at 4:32 AM | Comments (2)

The Day After

Well, Christmas 2004 has come and gone.

I am awake for the second time today and chances are I will take another nap before it's all over. I'd REALLY like to go to CVS for their clearance sale, or even to Karibu Books to use my gift certificate. But nobody in my house is feeling that! Not even an "I'll drop you off on my way to do something else" because nobody wants to leave the house! And as cold as it is, I for damn sure won't be taking public transportation.

So, I will probably be watching DVDs all day. I am in the middle of watching Kill Bill, but it's on a slightly boring part, and I'm just waking up, so I can't handle it. It's a good fuckin' movie so far, though.

I dreamed that I was in the ICC Auditorium at Georgetown, and the Zetas were having yet another grad probate show type thing. It's funny, because they had two guest speakers afterward. So, for some reason, my ankle was sprained, and I was limping pretty bad. But for some reason, I knew that was a good thing -- it's like I knew since I was injured, people would be more likely to make conversation with me, and want to exchange cards.

Weird, huh?

Why was Karamo in the audience? Of course I was psyced, but I was trying to play it cooooooool. I was all "Yeah, I'm cripple....let Karmo come to me." LOL what's wrong with me?

Shari was in this dream, I was sitting next to her. Shaina was also in the dream! I haven't seen her in AGES. Other local celebs were there, like Jeannie Jones and Justine Love from the radio.

It was trippy.

Before that, I was up at the butt crack of dawn. Okay, well before that -- I woke up spontaneously at 4am. Crazy! I hopped on the computer, and somehow found a video of the Ques clowning all the major black frats. It's actually pretty funny, so big ups to them.

Jerks.

lol.

Then, I had a BIG breakfast! Okay, it wasn't HUGE, but it was good! Ham, an egg, and fried potatoes & onions! Oh yeah, and a piece of feta cheese I had from the other day. So good.

Christmas day was pretty fun! My mom's fiancee's mother was there, as was my grandmother, great aunt, uncle, aunt, and cousin. We had fun. Me and my Uncle had some time for us to chill. He's in this Christian fraternity called Alpha Omega Alpha.....I am like oooooooooooo-kay, whatever rubs your rhubarb, buddy. (My uncle never went to college, so him being in a fraternity is slightly odd to me.)

I wasn't expecting much for Christmas -- I got Kill Bill Vols. 1 and 2 and The Wiz which helped chip away at my WISH LIST (Not too late to hook a brother up for Kwanzaa!) I also got a mug, chicken soup mix, and a mini Chicken Soup for the Soul book from Shari. I also got Georgetown slippers! Isn't that a hoot?

I didn't get anything from HIM. Wasn't REALLY expecting anything, but then again, would have been nice, right? Some other things happened with that situation that I wrote about on Christmas Eve.....but it was kinda personal, sorry! Maybe I'll post it in the future.

My bedroom is CLEAN. Nothing on the floor, nothing on my desk. I am trying to turn myself into an anal person who stays ridiculously neat. It's the only way to keep my space from looking like a tornado hit it.

I will probably post more later today because I am obsessive like that....'til then, PEACE!

Posted on December 26, 2004 at 11:51 AM | Comments (2)

aaaarrrrgghhhh

1) I need my webmaster noooooooooow! My comments are being flooded with spam. UGH!

2) Fourth graders SUCK. I wish I could say I was looking forward to my upcoming gig, but I'm not. However, here is a pic of me before the great First Grade Halloween Party of '04:

3) Within five minutes of me coming home, WHY did I have to cuss somebody out? Not somebody at home, but somebody on the phone. Ugh.

4) I left my lunch at home today. But the good news is that I got pizza and junk food. wooooooo hoooo for holiday parties!

5) Peanut Butter Jelly!

6) Still got some things on my mind as it relates to HIM. Talked to frat about it....I love frat....but I also recongize that me and frat are two different people. I definitely hear his advice, but I know what's best for me.

7) I really think I got THE GIFT, yo. It's kinda scary sometimes....but I'm trying to hone it. And it's funny how THE GIFT only works on other people, not yourself.

there's probably more I could say, but dammit I'm just too tired. Cussin' bamas out is draining!

Posted on December 22, 2004 at 5:45 PM

Founders' Day!

Happy Founders' Day, Alpha Phi Omega!

On December sixteenth of nineteen twenty-five
Fourteen men kept the Scouting dream alive
At Lafayette College in Easton, P-A
Alpha Phi Omega still stands to this day!

...May we always be!!!!

Posted on December 16, 2004 at 7:05 AM | Comments (0)

Dream: Coolidge, Ryan, and La Unidad Latina

Mark, you'll be happy to know I am dreaming vividly once again. This one is probably not so prophetic, unless I am missing the symbolism.

I was at Coolidge, my old high school, as I often am in my dreams. This time, Coolidge had some sort of attic. (Actually, Coolidge just might have an attic anyway.) I ran into this dude name Ryan, who I was surprised to be dreaming about, but in retrospect, I had just seen his name in my addressbook last night. He had these really handsome model shots that he was sharing with me and some other dude. I got the feeling that he was running for Homecoming King, but now....maybe this is supposed to be indicative of some other endeavors he's undertaking.

Mark, looks like I might be back in business, eh?

My second dream starts off with this dude I used to know, who is a member of La Unidad Latina, Lambda Upsilon Lambda Fraternity, Inc., telling me that I was only trying to be friends with him so I could sell my book!!! THE NERVE!!!!

*snicker*

But I was actually hurt by the things he was saying. Of course I told him that wasn't true, that he was just assuming that. How we got to that point I'll never know. All I know is that this happened at a mall while I was on the phone with him.

Afterwords, I found myself back at Coolidge in the band room, which is on the tird floor, overlooking the parking lot and football field. The brothers of La Unidad Latina were in the parking lot with three pledges! It was sort of like a probate show....but an old school one. They were ACTUALLY pledges doing greetings and stepping and whatnot. I wanted to go see it, but I knew if I tried to go all the way downstairs to see it, I'd miss it.

So tell me....WHY did I bungee jump out of the band room window? Wearing letters, saying A PHIIIIII and all?!?!?!

Crazy.

I chit-chatted with some of the members after I came back downstairs the traditional way. I don't know if these members were people I knew, or if I just had the general "Cornell Cousin" familiarity with them.

Fun dreams....fun dreams....

Posted on December 15, 2004 at 6:17 AM | Comments (0)

Soooooooo Sweet Zetas!

Me and my Frat/Sands Dwain went to a grad chapter neophyte show today! Beta Zeta Chapter of Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Inc., welcomed four new beautiful ladies to their sisterhood.

It was a nice event! Definitely appropriate for a grad chapter. It was in the Rose Parlor at Trinity College -- err, I mean Trinity University. (I'm old!) I definitely would like to see more grad chapters having functions like this.

The Director of Intake was pretty much the presiding official, but everyone from the Membership Committee was there, as was the chapter president and other chapter members. Beta Zeta is a much younger chapter than I thought -- however, like my own chapter, I bet the old school members only show up for chapter meeting, lol.

The four neos walked into the room while one of them was singing the "I Know I Been Changed" Zeta song. The stepped a little bit, then gave greetings.

Sidenote: I be straight up forgetting that we (Alphas) always get greeting PHIRST, lol. I am glad they always preface it would "Greetings to all of the members of the National Pan Hellenic Council." I think if they jumped straight into APhiA, I would just straight up forget to do the call.

Anyway, then they stepped some more, then the strolled out. It was short and sweet -- as it should be. Nobody wants to be out there for three hours of marching, singing, greetings, stepping, etc. (Howard University frats, I'm talkin to you!)

The Alphas in the audience outnumbered the Sigmas. Just had to put that in there. The Brothers I met there were nice, but I didn't have any cards to give them. One was in one of the PG County grad chapters.

I felt really short this evening! Dwain and the two frat brothers were all at least six feet tall. I was like hmmmm...why my neck hurt?

We were in and out quickly because Dwain had to work, but I was really, really pleased with the event! Big ups to BZ!

And here is a pic of me and two of my home girls from Beta Zeta!

Here is the neos!

Here is their gift table!

Here is a blurry picture of me and Dwain! Why I look fat???? lol

Posted on December 12, 2004 at 7:05 PM | Comments (2)

I swear I do NOT do porn!

Ummmmmm.....so why did I find a picture of somebody on the internet who looka lika me????

No, not Eric Benet, but somebody in a more....provocative pose.

Granted, you can't see the dude's face, but if you didn't know I didn't do nude photography, you'd NEVER know it wasn't me.

Here he go:

I know right, he look like me! Or I look like him.

The unedited picture is available through email upon request, LOL.

Posted on December 11, 2004 at 6:31 PM | Comments (1)

This is my hundreth post....

"She Ain't Right For You" - Macy Gray

Well, he's not coming down after all. Yeah, yeah, I'm sad and all that. I wasn't at first, but now I am. Trying to just be like fuck it but when you care for somebody so hard, it's never that simple.

Went to a bazaar at this elementary school today and got some secret santa gifts. Okay, so I don't know who I am secret santa-ing for yet because I didn't work on Friday, so I got some stuff that might be nice for either gender. Chances are I got a woman though.

Crap....I just realized I might not get a teacher at all....crap crap crap.

"Mercy Mercy Me" - Marvin Gaye

I wanted to mention that I saw a cute movie on the Disney channel this week. It was called Toothless. Basically, Kirstie Alley dies and has to become the Tooth Fairie before she can go to heaven. Crazy, right? But it was such a cute movie. I really liked it.

"Bossman" - Beenie Man ft Lady Saw and Sean Paul

This Morris Brown College situation....man....so apparently Tom Joyner made an offer to BUY Morris Brown College. Morris Brown turned him down.

"Part-Time Lover" - H-Town

And good for MBC! You can't BUY a non-profit entity! What the hell does Tom Joyner's bama ass know about owning a college? UGH. I wish a nigga would try to buy my school, even if it has lost its arccedidation. Yeah, that's probably my pride, Tom Joyner should never have gone on the radio and made the offer. That's not what higher education is all about. That's tacky, in my opinion.

If anything, he need to just make a DONATION instead of trying to buy the school. Hell, if he mad a donation of say $20,000,000 (which I'm sure he has) that might be one of the largest single donations by one black person ever made to a school.

Maybe, I am just guessing.

"Other Side of the Game" - Erykah Badu

Not to mention, Tom Joyner has a FOUNDATION. He can put his own money into the endowment, watch it make money, THEN give it to MBC. And even then, he can put limitations on the money. Legally, they can only spend gift money the way the donor says, or they have to give it back.

But...whatever....I'm no millionaire, you know?

******

I'm still sorta sad about this weekend....

"Thug Mentality" - Krayzie Bone

I don't know what I'm doing today....don't know what I feel like doing. Nothing, really. Maybe something related to LAZARUS....

Who knows.....

Posted on at 11:58 AM | Comments (0)

Naked

I'm naked.

*aaaiiieeee*

So, today I told one of my coworkers about my website. It's always weird telling coworkers about my site, because basically, that's how any of them find out that I'm gay.

Not just gay.

But GAY.

And that's tough, because I know this particular teacher is in the church and whatnot...and I have a lot of respect for him BECAUSE of that (and because he's a stand-up citizen in general). But it's still a little scary...I don't want him to think differently of me.

It's scary. It reminds me of how I felt back in 1999 when I started making a deal about coming out to friends, classmates, and upperclassmen who might not have known about me. I was so scared when I told each person...it was like damn, could THIS be the issue they find religion on? lol. But seriously...it's hard. I don't want to lose friendships or potential friendships because of who I am.

On the whole though...my coworkers are supportive of my career. The ones that know so far.

Posted on December 6, 2004 at 7:35 PM | Comments (2)

Founders' Day

Happy Founders' Day, APhiA!

First of All, I want you all to check out a blog entry that I got an email about....The Starr Report. This Brother is also openly gay Frat and he's written a GREAT entry to commemorate Founders' Day!

I'll leave today's entry at that. Today, Clay Starr has taken the words out of my mouth.

PEACE

Posted on December 4, 2004 at 4:06 PM | Comments (0)

i am SOOOOO awake!

Random late night notes:

1) I finally finished my report cards! WOOOOO HOOOO!!!!!!! You should have seen me talking to myself as I was finishing them. The closer I got to the end, the more I was talking to myself. "Dear Mr. So-and-so. Your kid ain't bright. Sincerely, Mr. Darden." But I got them done, and the voices in my head ceased. LOL pay me no mind, I'm being silly.

2) Got my PO Box today! WOOOOO HOOOOO now I can get business cards printed up. I would have been had them by now, but I didn't want to have a card with just a website on it.

3) Why do my cats keep hijacking my bed?

4) I went to the vintage store today and got me a Hawaiian shirt, a blazer, and something else. There was a really weird kind of man in there, in line before me. There was something about him that was off putting.

I was wearing my crossing jacket today, and the woman wanted to know where I went to school. I really didn't want to give her the "Black frats are for life" speech, so I just said I was a Georgetown grad. I like it when white folks seem pleased that I went to Georgetown. Never surprised....always pleased.

5) Maybe I was hungry but I had some GOOD ASS scrimps from this place in Takoma Park.

6) WHY was I asleep for like three hours after I ate the scrimps? I was knocked the hell out.

Other minor stuff happened relating to the job, but I'll wait to post it.

I've been getting a few emails about the EDITING SERVICE. (I would make that a link, but I'm too tired, lol.) I am glad to know that people see me as not just a pretty face with a book coming out, but that I NEED editing gigs for income! lol. A brother gotta eat!

I guess I should sleep now. Maybe I will get called to work tomorrow (in a few hours, lol) -- that's the part of subbing that sucks. You never really know when you're going to work, but you try to remain loyal to one school, you know? Well, I do.

But then some days you just don't feel like being bothered and would rather write.

I guess that's every day. But I tend to need to work sometimes to remember that writing is REALLY what I want to do. :-D

Okay...that's enough...I really should evict my cats from my bed so I can sleep.

NIGHT!

Posted on November 30, 2004 at 2:14 AM | Comments (2)

why do bad closets happen to good people?

I am so mad.

Not in the urban "I am so mad at that!" way but the genuinely pissed off at the world way.

My temporary closet fell on me. I was not injured.

There's so much about the world and my life that I like. I like writing, I like my job, I like HIM. I like my friends.

I do not like my living situation.

Like many of my friends, especially the ones I grew up with, I live at "home." (I would like to add that Aaron McGruder lived at "home" at my age, so fa!) But "home" is on some bulllllllllshit right about now. I don't have nearly the space that I need to be comfortable.

Too many niggas.

More than one is actually too many -- I was meant to live alone, I think. I never got along TOOOOOO great with most of my housemates. Okay, that's a lie, I got along well with all of them except one and that was Freshman year. It's just that I FELT like I didn't get along with them because I so valued being alone. I wanted them to JUST LEAVE all the time so I could sleep, lol.

Anyway.....since there is no closet space in the basement, I have to make do with wardrobes and most recently, a temporary closet. Portable closet. Whatever the hell they are called. It is basically hollow metal piping stuck together by will power and/or the grace of God. The piping is covered with some sort of material that looks like that flat insulation stuff that books are mailed in sometimes. Looks and smells flame retardant.

But that son of a bitch fell on me as I was type-type-typing away at the computer. What the feezy?

I won't go into everything that ensued afterwards with the owner of the place that I live in, this place called "home." But PLEASE believe I better get me a new, WOODEN wardobe by Monday morning. I am sick and tired of living like a fucking transient in my own "home."

When Nikki gets back into town, I am going to investigate the efficiencies in her building. Oh wait, maybe they are called studio apartments now. Whatthefuckever. I need to be out this bitch.

Posted on November 26, 2004 at 11:32 AM

Another one of these dumb things (Thanks Deidre!)

1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME?
Rashid Eman Darden

2. What COLOR/TYPE OF PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?
Blue jeans

3. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
A commercial that uses the Andy Griffith Show theme.

4. WHAT'S THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
Ramen noodles with ground turkey.

5. WOULD YOU WISH UPON A STAR?
Yeah, I do sentimental stuff like that.

6. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Old Gold!

7. HOW IS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW?
It was cloudy and kinda nippy today. Overcast all day long, and if it wasn't dark, I guess it still would be.

8. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Him; not counting my mom, who I spoke to right before work.

9. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT YOU THIS?
Heck yeah, Deidre is my dawg!

10. HOW OLD ARE YOU TODAY?
25

11. FAVORITE DRINKS?
Ginger Ale

12. FAVORITE SPORTS?
I like watching track and field. Not much of an athlete myself.

13. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR HAIR?
Dark brown.

14. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
Yep.

15. SIBLINGS?
I have a half-sister and half-brother who probably don't even know I exist.

16. FAVORITE MONTH?
October! Homecoming season and holidays!

17. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
The Visit on DVD

18. FAVORITE DAYS OF THE YEAR?
Homecoming! My birthday, Halloween.

19. WHAT DO YOU DO TO VENT ANGER?
Ask my friends for permission to vent, then cuss a lot!

20. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
He-Man and She-Ra!

21. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Winter

22. HUGS OR KISSES?
Kisses.

23. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?
Vanilla

24. DO YOU HOPE YOUR FRIENDS WILL WRITE BACK?
Well, it's a blog entry, so whatever.

25. LIVING ARRANGEMENTS?
I live in a mansion on the highest of seven hills.

26. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Hmmmm....I did get weepy while watching The Visit.

27. WHAT IS UNDER YOUR BED?
Clothes (in drawers).

28. WHO IS THE FRIEND YOU HAVE HAD THE LONGEST?
Jon. He's the one I talk to with some regularity. Known him since high school.

29. WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT?
Came home, checked email, ate dinner, took a nap, woke up, talked to Nikki, talked to Luma, talked to him.

30. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Cool Water cologne (on me)....I like a lot of other smells, I guess.

31. WHAT INSPIRES YOU?
Love....friends...life...

32. WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?
Hurt.

33. PLAIN, BUTTERED OR SALTED POPCORN?
I like my popcorn like I like my men: hot, salty, and covered with butter!

34. FAVORITE CAR?
Don't really care....

35. FAVORITE FLOWER?
Probably the sunflower....it has significance in my novel.

36. NUMBER OF KEYS ON YOUR KEY RING?
Just two house keys.

37. WHAT DID YOU DO ON YOUR LAST BIRTHDAY?
Went to Takoma Station with some friends. Fun fun fun.

38. HOW MANY STATES HAVE YOU LIVED IN?
Just DC....I've lived overseas in England and Russia for short periods.

39. HOW MANY CITIES HAVE YOU LIVED IN?
Three: DC, Moscow, and Leicester, UK.

40. HOW MANY COUNTRIES HAVE YOU BEEN IN?
Counting layovers: US, UK, Germany, Russia

41. HOW MANY CARS HAVE YOU HAD & WHAT WAS THE FIRST CAR THAT YOU HAD?
You're breaking my heart....

42. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
The Columbia Hopsital for Women in Foggy Bottom -- a neighborhood in Washington, DC -- near George Washington University.

Posted on November 23, 2004 at 6:18 PM | Comments (0)

What Kind of Leader Am I?

Posted on November 17, 2004 at 11:19 AM | Comments (1)

Funnies

***I did not make these up.***

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys
and apes?

5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all
the bad girls live.

6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-
help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

7. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't
going as ghosts but as mattresses?

8. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

9. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and
there is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong?

10. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself,
is it
considered a hostage situation?

11. Is there another word for synonym?

12. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they
do 'practice'?

13. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

14. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an
endangered
plant?

15. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

16. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

17. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone
will clean them?

18. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

19. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

20. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

21. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to
remain silent?

22. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

23. How do blind people know when they are done wiping?

24. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

25. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste
funny?

26. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

27. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other
people.

28. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

29. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

30. How is it possible to have a civil war?

31. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

32. If you ate pasta and antipasti, would you still be hungry?

33. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

34. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?

35. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?

36. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

37. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

38. Where are we going? And what's with this hand basket?

39. If the "blackbox" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane
crash,
why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?

40. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

41. If you spin an Asian man in a circle three times, does he become
disoriented?

Posted on November 6, 2004 at 10:26 PM | Comments (0)

The Problem of BLOG

Get it? See, there was a class at Georgetown called "The Problem of God"..... oh, never mind.

So, I had to admit....I used to be addicted to online diaries and blogs, but now it's really hard for me to keep up. I used to be knee-deep in DiaryLand, son. For real.

But see, now I am having a slight issue. I have three friends (real friends) who keep blogs now. One of them tells me all her business anyway (and I tell her mine) so we typically get the scoop before it hits the blog anyway. Another, I subscribe to his Xanga blog, so I read it when it's updated. Okay, sometimes I skim it, but I always come away knowing what's up with him. It's tough to retain the info sometimes, but if he's ever hurt or in trouble, I'd know. He and I talk a lot, and when he asks if I read his blog, it's usually like "You knew about so-and-so, right?" and if I hadn't read it, he'll tell me anyway. I also know with certainty that these two friends read my blog. (I SEE YO STATS, I SEE YO STATS!)

Third friend....see, I try to be a good friend, right? I think I am a pretty empathetic, gracious, kind-hearted kind of nigga.

It made me feel some kind of way when I ask my BOY how he's doing, and I'm referred to the BLOG.

And I read the blog, and he's going through all types of shit, and I sympathize or whatever.....but I still feel some kind of way that I was referred to the BLOG. Like dude, I KNOW you. wtf?

You just kinda see how it is, I guess. Disappointed, but not trippin. Sympathetic, but not going out of my way. Open to talking about it, but not going to mention it unless he does. It's his life, I care....but I got referred to the BLOG, dawg.

Some kinda way....

Posted on November 4, 2004 at 6:30 AM | Comments (1)

Uggggghhhhhh

I went to bed way later than I wanted to. UGH. I had so much I wanted to do, including write over half of that outline for Novel #3. I only wrote a few sentences. Why? I got two phone calls during prime time...ugh....they were calls I wanted to take, but they were draining. The second was about Alpha...ugh....Alpha conversations drain me so.

Do people ever give you unsolicited advice? I hate that. I need to learn how to filter that as my career evolves.

I reallllllly am tired of working. I love my kids, but now I have the writing bug. Plus, I woke up not feeling too well this morning. Probably because I slept on my back most of the night....post nasal drip and all, not the best idea to sleep on one's back.

Sigh.

It's getting later. Let me get out of here.

PS - I appreciate the comments! I will respond to them once I figure out how! lol

Posted on October 19, 2004 at 7:15 AM | Comments (1)

Haters are gonna hate....

Well, it was bound to happen.

You all know that I have written a controversial book. Hey -- books that are tame don't grow up to be vehicles for social change. Books that are controversial, a little more than just entertainment....those are the books that can change the world.

But some folks don't want to see that change. Some people don't want a positive, gay black man succeeding in this world.

So I got calleda "pillow-biter" by Frat on the internet.

"Pillow-biter"....that's so....1986. Do people even say that anymore?

Anyway, I was merely sending messages to folks I thought might be interested in checking out Old Gold Soul. I get a message saying "No disrespect, but are you GAY???" I say "Yes, it says so right there on the website. No need to capitalize it; it's not the only thing that defines who I am. :-D I hope you signed the guestbook!" To which he responds "You should have pledged Kappa."

At this point, I am like oooooh-kayyyy......do we REALLY believe that only gays should pledge Kappa and there are no gay Alphas? Get a fucking CLUE. And besides, Kappa Alpha Psi is a fine organization with straight people and gay people, just like all the major black fraternities -- just like any fraternity.

So I say to him "But I am not a Kappa, I am an Alpha. Thanks for your support!"

I really wanted to say a whole lot of other things....it was very tough to not stoop to his level.

So then this dude says "Don't even respond....you are a pillow biter. And besides, you are grad chapter...weak azz."

So of course all the thoughts are coursing through my head, like how he seemed to have difficulties forming simple sentences, how "pillow biter" was my pet name for his father, how his little podunk school in the midwest certainly could have taught him to be more tolerant, and how his chapter shouldn't have made a CAT brother such as himself. "Love for all mankind" remember?

But all I simply said was "I appreciate the exchange we are having! I hope to come to your region soon to discuss my novel and all the issues raised in it!"

Asshole.

But I knew this would happen sooner or later, and I'm cool with it. Throughout this whole process, there are going to be people who resent the fact that I am a gay black Greek telling the story of a gay Black aspirant to a fraternity. No, it's not MY story....I write fiction. But it is the story of many people who have pursued and are in black fraternities.

It just sucks....a black man can't get unconditional support from other black men nowadays, even if they wear the same letters.

Which is EXACTLY why I am thankful for the FRAT that can and do support me in my endeavors! I know that the majority of my Frat aren't haters at all. They are not all homophobes, any moreso than most black men. Yes, some will be uncomfortable with the subject matter of my novel. And yes, some will be uncomofrtable with an openly gay man being an Alpha.

But the point of Brotherhood is to be able to accept your Brother as YOUR Brother, as if he were flesh and blood. There are too many MEMBERS of these organizations who feel like they can pick and choose who their Brothers are....you're only Frat if you pledged undergrad, if you're straight, if you have X amount of money, if you went to an HBCU, if you pledged in the North, South, whatever.....

Brotherhood is my scene....I love APhiA. All this extra shit is just that....EXTRA. I'm going to keep doing what I am doing, because before anything else, I am Rashid. As my frat said last night, being black and gay and an Alpha is only supposed to supplement the essence of who you really are INSIDE.

Sorry I couldn't start this week off on a more positive note...but hopefully there will be less haters out there trying to "check" me.

Ooooooh I'm so shook, maybe I won't be a writer anymore!

Asshole.

Posted on October 18, 2004 at 6:34 AM

Sad news....

This on the heels of a drowning that happened last week involving a Georgetown student. Please keep Georgetown students in your prayers, people.

Aaron Terrazas/The Hoya
A firefighter cleans up after extinguishing a blaze that claimed the life of one student at 3318 Prospect Street early Sunday.

Student Killed in Prospect Fire

By Moises Mendoza
Hoya Staff Writer
Sunday, October 17, 2004

A fire in the basement of a Prospect Street student townhouse resulted in one fatality Sunday morning.

Law enforcement and university officials identified the victim as Daniel Rigby (MSB '05) in a university broadcast email sent Sunday evening.

The D.C. Fire Department responded and put out the fire, which began shortly after 8:30 a.m. in the basement of 3318 Prospect St., according to DPS Director Darryl Harrison.

Harrison said that university officials were waiting for the Metropolitan Police Department to release more information before he would comment further.

Approximately half of the 3300 block of Prospect Street was blocked off for six hours.

Area residents and Georgetown students sat in stunned silence on sidewalks or milled around the area crying and hugging each other.

Windows of the house where the fire started were covered by black sheeting and a red flag hung from a top story window. Black smoke stains were visible on the front of the house.

The D.C. Chief Medical Examiner’s Office removed a body from the house shortly after 1 p.m. and by 2:30 p.m. the crime scene tape had been removed and traffic was allowed through the area.

Two students who requested anonymity said the house was home to rugby players and there had been a party at the house the night before. At least three other students had been in the house at the time of the fire but they escaped safely and were taken for questioning by MPD.

Many university officials had arrived on the scene by 11 a.m. including Vice President for University Safety, Dave Morrell, Vice President for Student Affairs Todd Olson and Vice President for Public Affairs and Strategic Development Daniel Porterfield.

Olson met with a group of students from the affected area shortly after the fire Sunday in the Village C Alumni Lounge.

Porterfield told students gathered by the scene that university officials would be willing to personally visit students in the area to provide them with any support that they needed. He also said that the name of the victim of the fire would be released as soon a positive identification was made.

The Rev. Ridgeway Addison, a chaplain in residence at Alumni Square, said chaplains and counselors would be available if requested by students.

“We didn’t expect this to happen on a Sunday morning, but what is good to remember is we are all part of a community,” he told students. “I would hope you would lean on each other. Do not be afraid to lean on whoever is there.”

Victoria Rixey, president of the Citizens Association of Georgetown, expressed concern Sunday that poor housing standards could have contributed to the death.

Rixey, referring to metal bars covering many basement windows on area houses, said that there is often “no way to get out of a basement in an emergency.”

“Students should be demanding that houses are inspected,” she said. “It is terrible that in a panic situation something like this could occur."

The fire at 3318 Prospect follows a Sept. 22 blaze at 3310 Prospect that gutted the townhouse's basement. None were injured in that fire, which began around 8:30 a.m. as well. The home's owner, Jeff Miller, said that an electrical short in an energy meter in the basement had caused the fire.

Posted on October 17, 2004 at 4:53 PM | Comments (0)

Thursdays

Thursdays are sooooooo hard. Not impossible, but tough. Every hour needs to be planned out to the second. We didn't get as much accomplished in the classroom as I would have liked. But it wasn't a bad day.

My kids recited a poem over the PA system during the morning announcements. It is a poem called "Ations" by the late, great Shel Silverstein. It had lots of big words, but they did great! Of course, some of them didn't show up on time, but they are all their by the time the announcements started. We got a lot of props for how well they did.

I think other teachers think I am doing WONDERS in the first grade in the abscence of the pemanent teacher. I think I am doing an okay job, but I'm not so sure I am advancing them by leaps and bounds. I mean, they ARE kids, ya know? I'm still struggling with my "below-level" group. But all in all, they are a good group.

*****

I've got lots of emails to return! The support for this site and my writing projects has been overwhelming, for real! I really appreciate everyone who has been visiting this site. By all means, if you enjoy the site, sign the guestbook. If you find yourself addicted to this diary, then please leave a comment. This site is supposed to be interactive, so interact!

*****

You will notice that my "Favorites" section is still under contruction. Basically, I wanted that to be one of the tightest, most entertaining parts of my site aside from the diary. I have a lot of favorite books, movies, tv shows, people, etc, that I want to share with you all. But I don't want to just give you a list and say "Here, buy these." I want to tell you WHY I love these things so, where you can get them, who introduced me to them, etc, etc.

It'll be great, I promise. It will depend on how soon I actually get the damn thing written.

*****

Some of you have been asking questions personally and on the message boards I frequent. The number one question is "When can I buy Lazarus?" Well firstly, thanks for asking! Unfortunately, the book is not currently for sale, but we ARE surveying interest! So if you DO want a copy of this book, you MUST send us an email letting us know! When the book does become available, people who email us directly will get priority. We want to take care of the true, die hard fans first -- as it should be!

Other people want to know how they can help. Well, you can help in many ways. One very small way is just to tell people about the site. A really easy way would be to just email the link to all your friends, or send it through your instant message programs. Tell people through word of mouth. If you are Greek, tell your prophytes, sands, brothers, sorors, whomever. Lazarus will definitely interest them!

The more people that know about Old Gold Soul, the more people will know about Lazarus. As an artist, what I want to do is share my work with the world. To be perfectly honest, being an artist has a lot to do with personal satisfaction -- the fact that I created something that people will (hopefully) fall in love with. That's so much more fulfilling than being on a best seller list.

...though being number one on the New York Times best seller list wouldn't be a BAD thing.

If you have other specific ideas on how you'd like to help, feel free to email me!

God bless and peace out!

Posted on October 14, 2004 at 4:23 PM | Comments (0)

Homecoming 2004!

Here is a rundown of HOMECOMING 2004!

I arrived on campus at around 11am on Friday. It was an absolutely beautiful day, feeling a lot more like early September than mid October. I had two bags, only because my host at the Black House told me they didn’t have any spare blankets or pillows. Understandable, since they are college students – I don’t think I had spare anything either back in those days.

I went first to the Alpha Phi Omega office in the Leavey Center. It was early yet, so there were no Brothers or pledges there. I visited Konjit in Student Programs to say hi to her and Martha, but Martha was in a meeting. I have a feeling that Konjit doesn’t remember my name. It’s okay, because it took me forever to remember Konjit’s.

Then, I went to the bookstore to purchase some Georgetown stuff. I got myself an Alumni t-shirt and a hoodie that was on sale. It’s white with blue and gray chenille letters. I am feeling the color white nowadays for some reason.

Went back to the APO office and hung out with my Great-Little, Laura. Her line name is xXx (pronounced Triple X). There was also another pledge there. Soon, there were more pledges and Brothers there that I could name. It was weird being the most senior Brother in the room, always getting greeted first. It seems like only yesterday that I was consistently being greeted last. It’s a nice feeling to be treated with deference – especially when it isn’t forced, just expected.

Except for this one shrew of a pledge – her body language was all messed up, making it seem like she didn’t really want to be there. I could tell that the other pledge was sort of embarrassed by her. If she sticks with the process, I’m sure she’ll lose the attitude – it’s only week one.

A visited my mentor in the multicultural office, but he was with students. I ran into a bunch of undergrads, most of whom knew me, but I couldn’t tell you their names. I embarrassed myself because I didn’t know this one girl who was on the GU Step Team – I hosted their show last year and should have remembered her. But you know how it is when you see somebody out of context. It’s hard to process an old face in a new place.

I was going to go on a tour of the Carroll Parlor, this museum type thing on campus, but I wanted to go shopping instead. And how did I ever shop. I went down to some stores on Wisconsin Avenue and easily dropped some loot. I am not used to spending a lot of money on anything, but I knew I needed some more clothes for going out and stuff. And surprisingly, I bought no music or books. Cuz you know a brother can drop a c-note in Borders with the quickness.

Came back on campus and left my things in the Black House, where my girl Erin was hosting me. She also was in charge of the Coffee House (poetry reading) that night, so she was getting the programs together. We went back to the multicultural office, where I finally got to chat with my mentor. He’s doing well and has some big plans of his own. I hope everything works out positively for him, writer to writer.

I was thrown mad shade by one of the undergrads both times I was in the multicultural office. I mean, you don’t have to kiss my butt because I’m an alum, that’s not what I expect or need. But I mean, don’t ignore me…that’s rude. I have had conversations with this dude before, so it’s not like he doesn’t know me.

Interesting…maybe he was only being nice last year because I was cool with Amerie, who was there. Or, could be something with the fact that I know one of his best friends. I don’t know…this interaction was weird and unpleasant.

I went back to the APO office, found a pledge, and had a meal/visit with her. Basically, we hung out, got beverages, and got to know each other. She is this real cool, down to earth Asian chick from Portland.

After that, I helped set up the Coffee House. It was a little sad that nobody really was helping my girl out. The Coffee House is a homecoming tradition – you’d think mad people would want to ensure its success. Well, it was successful anyway, thank God. Even though there weren’t a lot of alums there, I was happy to see a few tables full of recent grads.

I read two poems, “Black Light Fandango” and “Stab.” I think people found both poems interesting, but the subject matter of “Black Light Fandango” was a little too much for some to handle. I will post the poem in its entirety at a later time. “Stab” went over better…but I don’t know, it’s hard to know ahead of time what an audience wants to hear.

Also…maybe it’s possible I am underestimating my poetry. I got the impression that maybe, just maybe, the crowd found the poem to be “heavy” and therefore was too caught up in thinking about it to really stand up and cheer for it. I don’t know. I’ll have to ask my girl and the MC.

[deleted]

Went to the Black House after running into my boy Patrice and some other folks. I like Patrice. I wrote an entry about him under DJ Parler, in the “Friends” section of this diary.

Me and Erin ended up going back to Leavey to get some food so we could eat before the party. We were sooooo freaking hungry. I ended up getting sushi for the second time that day.

Oh yeah, the Sorors were in full effect. Two AKA’s live at the Black House, and though it wasn’t like hanging out with other AKA friends I have, they were all very cordial and nice. In fact, the DJ for the party was neo frat from Beta chapter.

The party itself was surprisingly good. The Friday night homecoming party is always hit or miss, usually miss from the alumni perspective. But this one was different.

Even though I enjoyed the party, I was still in a pissy mood. [deleted]

I went to sleep at something crazy, like 3:45, only to wake up at 7am Saturday morning. I had another meal/visit scheduled with one of the pledges at Starbucks on campus. She was a really cool chick. I liked her a lot.

On my way to a used book sale at the library, I saw that this homecoming 5k run would be terminating at the front gates, so I stayed around and took some pictures. I ran into a few cool alums who I like being around and we chatted for a bit.

I made my way over to a sale at the library. WACK. Wiggedy so. These middle aged guys had taken like half the books off the carts and had them piled up on the ground, going through them! Like that’s so freaking rude! I had gone to the book sale at exactly 9:30am, the start time of the sale, and these books were already taken. I asked the Library Associates what was going on, and they said they opened the sale early since all the books were ready. So I walked away without supporting the sale. That’s really unprofessional. You have this half-assed book sale that you let people, obviously book dealers, come and take all these books and leave the alumni to have nothing. Or, maybe they were alumni, but it just wasn’t fair to let people buy books before the allotted time.

After the book sale, I went back to the bookstore and spent MORE money. I know, right? Crazy.

I was a few minutes late to this alumni career chat. It wasn’t especially well attended, but I really enjoyed myself! One of the panelists was this dude I knew from when he was an undergrad. It was good to see that he was doing well. I also chatted with a woman who works at my old job. Some things stay the same, apparently.

After the career thing, I had a lot of free hours. I am not a big drinker, so I didn’t go tailgating. And I really don’t like football all that much, plus I was alone and extremely tired, so I didn’t go to the game. (Later, I found out that they were charging for the game!)

So I went to the APO office and checked email for a while, and in general, didn’t dos hit but walk around to different places on campus, resting, eating a snack or two, and thinking a lot.

I guess that makes me a solitary kind of person…at least sometimes.

My girl Shari came to campus, and we hung out for a bit before the reception at the Black House. It was nice seeing old friends there, but on the whole, the event was kinda dry. Lots of people showed up and rolled back out after like 20-30 minutes. That was a little sad. But, a quick glance at old friends is better than nothing at all, so I was thankful that the Black House was keeping the tradition alive.

Shari and my friend Nadia helped me to pack. I had sooooo much stuff, it was crazy! And I had only been on campus for like 30 hours, lol. Somehow we made it work. I thanks Erin and the rest of the House for their hospitality, and I was off.

After a debacle with a cabbie who kicked me out of his cab and picked up four white passengers, I waited with Nadia for our friend Deidre. She said she’d take me home, God bless her! It was nice spending even that little bit of time with her.

And finally, I was home. I watched Saturday Night Live for as long as I could, then I was knocked the fuck out.

Homecoming 2004 is now over! See you in ’05!

Posted on October 10, 2004 at 8:59 AM | Comments (1)

Another useless questionnaire

1. First Name: Rashid
2. Were you named after anyone? Nope.
3. Do you wish on stars? Sometimes.
4. When did you last cry? I cried a little last week for some reason. Can't remember why.
5. Do you like your handwriting? No.
6. What is your favorite lunch meat? Turkey
7. What is your birth date? 6/25/79
8. What is your most embarrassing CD? I am proud of all my CD's, but I wish I had never given R. Kelly my money.
9. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? No....not all the time, anyway. I am sensitive and talkative...everybody don't like that.
10. Are you a daredevil? Not at all.
11. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell? Yes.
12. Do looks matter? Yes.
13. How do you release anger? Talk it out until I make sense of it.
14. Where is your second home? Georgetown!
15. Do you trust others easily? Yes.
16. What was your favorite toy as a child? My Castle Grayskull play set!
17. What class in high school do you think was totally useless? Although I never took it, there was a class called "Energy Audit."
18. Do you have a journal? Not a paper journal anymore.
19. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Yep.
22. What are your nicknames? Rah, Rah-Rah, Shid, Mr. D.
23. Would you bungee jump? Nope.
24. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Nope.
26. Do you think that you are strong? Mentally, yes.
27. What's your favorite ice cream flavor? Vanilla
28. Shoe Size? 9.5
29. Red/Pink ? Red
30. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? Need more body definition!
31. Who do you miss most? Maya
33. What color pants are you wearing? black sweatpants
34. What are you listening to right now? The Young & The Restless on tape
35. Last thing you ate? Popeye's friend chicken and cajun rice
36. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? goldenrod
37. What is the weather like right now? Sunny with a nip in the air
38. Last person you talked to on the phone? Tracy
39. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Smile or lack thereof.
42. Favorite Drink? Fuzzy Navel
43. Favorite Sport? Track & Field....eh heh heh heh
45. Eye Color? Brown
46. Do you wear contacts? Yes.
48. Favorite Food? Chinese food...any kind.
49. Last Movie You Watched? Some movie on HBO...can't remember.
50. Favorite Day Of The Year? Homecoming!
51. Scary Movies Or Happy Endings? Scary Movies.
52. Summer Or Winter? Winter.
53. Hugs OR Kisses? kisses
55. What Is Your Favorite Dessert? Yellow cake with chocolate icing
58.Living arrangements?
59. What books are you reading? none....unfortunately
60. What's On Your Mouse Pad? plain gray mousepad
61 What Did You Watch Last night on TV? Road Rules Real World Battle of the Sexes II Preview
63. Favorite Smells? Cool Water cologne
64. Rolling Stones or Beatles? Beatles
65. Do you believe in Evolution or Creation? Evolution
66. What's the furthest you've been from home? Moscow, Russia

Posted on October 5, 2004 at 5:39 PM | Comments (0)

Different.....

The Wire.....it's different. It's quite easily the best written and best acted show on television. Period. After last night's episode with the shootout, the Irish wake, everything.....near perfection.

Telling people that i am a writer....that's different. People have expectations of you, it seems. Not just the usual expectation of "when am I going to see your book at Barnes & Noble".....but they seem to want you to be brilliant, or a snob, or whatever.

Not saying I ain't.....

Teaching is different....it's nothing like I thought it would be. It's ten times worse yet 100 times more fulfilling.

Being single is....the same. I wish I wasn't but I'm glad I am.

Homecoming is the same.....I love it, I love it, I love it, I can't wait for it. I feel a slight tickle in my throat that is hopefully from allergies and not a cold or the beginning of yet another round of bronchitis.

Lord make it go away, but if that's not meant to be, just get me through the weekend.

Posted on October 4, 2004 at 10:50 PM | Comments (0)

The Barber Shop

But I was there, and there I stayed until it was my turn. I noticed the interactions between the men. Dark skinned twists man and light skinned locs man had this playful interaction with each other....it was startling. In another light, I could have seen it as flirtatious, but that couldn't have been the case....could it? I always viewed smiling as a form of flirtation, so when I encounter a man who isn't afraid to smile to other men, it always raises a red flag with me.

This morning I got some dreadlock maintenance in anticipation of Homecoming 2004! Homecoming is my favorite time of year. The weather is always nice and I get to see tons of old friends and acquaintances. This year, I am going to try to spend Thursday and Friday night and come home Saturday. I wasn't planning on going in on Thursday, but I realized that Alpha Phi Omega is having a little something with the pledges, and I promised myself I would come around more to support my chapter. I felt really invigorated after my Fifth anniversary as a Brother.

Anyway....so I went to my old spot for my dreads because my loctitian is on maternity leave, and I really needed my hair washed and twisted good. Can't be looking scrubby at Homecoming! I have a rep to protect.

CRAP. I need to get business cards done! CRAP CRAP CRAP. I wonder if they can be done overnight? I'll need them by Thursday! CRAP.

So the lady at the salon was really fast. I also fell asleep under the dryer. I never do that at the other place I go. So after that, I went next door to the barber shop.

Eye.

Candy.

I haven't been in a "real" barber shop in years. My main place where I get my hair done is a unisex salon, and yeah, I walk through the barber shop part to get to the salon part, but it's not the same as going to a for real BARBER SHOP with all men and boys in there.

I almost felt uncomfortable....the only all male situations I really find myself in are Alpha-related. Never really in a room full of men I don't know. I was very self-conscious.

It didn't help that so many of the men in there were attractive. There was the brown-skinned brother with the shoulder length twists and dark eyes....the light skinned dude getting his beard trimmed up, with shoulder length locs that could have stood some maintenance.....the clean cut brother in the first chair, with the sharp features....and finally, the man who had time to squeeze in my shave.

He fit my new "average" criteria....very handsome, but not perfect. That's how I prefer my men, I think. You get the real handsome or pretty ones, and they always got issues.

Anyway......so I felt self-conscious. I don't know why. I felt good, I looked good, but I still feel like they could "see" or "tell" that I was gay, that I was an outsider in this traditional heterosexual haven. That....I didn't belong there.

But I was there, and there I stayed until it was my turn. I noticed the interactions between the men. Dark skinned twists man and light skinned locs man had this playful interaction with each other....it was startling. In another light, I could have seen it as flirtatious, but that couldn't have been the case....could it? I always viewed smiling as a form of flirtation, so when I encounter a man who isn't afraid to smile to other men, it always raises a red flag with me.

It shouldn't, but it does.

A woman entered the shop, and after she got settled with her son, she immediately told me how beautiful my locs were. I thanked her and smiled. She then gestured toward the light skinned/dark skinned couple and told me something like "Theirs will be like yours one day." Laughing. Dark skinned said no, his were twists, so his won't look like mine. Lady says "He really means his are gonna look BETTER than yours." We all had a good laugh, and it culminated with either light or dark skinned saying that I had nice locs, and me thanking them.

I smile a lot in situations like that.....they didn't know me from Adam, and I am loathe to unleash my true wit on people. They'd certainly find me a little weird. So smiling and remaining humble generally takes me far.

Finally, the barber put me in his chair and I explained what I wanted. I told him I hadn't gotten a shave since like 1998. Isn't that crazy? I'm just going natural....REAL natural, I told him. But he hooked me up....he was friendly, too. The shave is great, and I love the way my skin feels on my face. I still have the goatee though.

I shook his hand, got his name, and paid him. Only three bucks was the charge, but I gave him five.

I think I'll go back there sometime.

Posted on October 2, 2004 at 12:44 PM | Comments (0)

whew.....

I am categorizing this entry as "Anything" because I've got too much swimming in my head in all different categories.

First of all, big shout out to everyone who has been leaving comments -- much appreciated! It's nice to know that people read this thing, even though it's currently sort of plain.

The Wire was good tonight, as it always is. I swear to you, my Frat was in this episode. I sent an email to see if it was him -- it looked JUST like him if it wasn't. Anyway, we'll see.

Detective Kima Greggs aka Sonja Sohn is simply beautiful on that show. Love her.

The Book......it wouldn't be cool to say exactly what is going on with it. BUT, I will say that I am moving in a different direction from where I thought I was going. Look for things to start getting really.....guerilla-ish. I've got to do what I've got to do to make this happen, and ladies and gentlemen....it won't be traditional. Prepare to be....well, prepare to be guerillized. lol

Comcast is on some BS. I just switched from Verizon DSL. If I wasn't so far from the DSL central office, I would much rather be on verizon. But Comcast works for now.

Mental Note: Consider the name "Amaro" for a son of mine in the future.

I am really excited for Homecoming in two weeks. I need to tell my Principal I need that friday off.

I need to head to bed, even though I am supposed to review some work on my site tonight....my designer is ghost tonight. I wonder where she went.

Anyway....tired now. Have a good week!

Posted on September 26, 2004 at 10:49 PM | Comments (0)

County Fair

I am up too early, and I hope can get back to sleep.

I had a dream that I was at some sort of county fair with my mom, her friend L., some baby, one of my first graders, and a sixth grade teacher.

It was in Florida.

The whole thing was so vivid, it was nizarre.

The very last part of the dream, I was trying to lead L, my mom, and the baby across this deserted fountain to the other side of the fair, but I ended up getting lost and wandering into the everglades....

I wonder what numbers this means I should play....

Posted on September 23, 2004 at 4:43 AM | Comments (0)

These Things Make Me Happy

Photography

Watching Carrie with someone who's never seen it.

Funyuns

Mash-ups

Enrique Cruz

David Bowie and Iman.

Labyrinth

Studying black fraternalism and sororalism.

The Real World

J.C. Hayward

Big Brother

Probate Shows

CVS Brand Peach slice candy

Old School gospel music

Writing

School Daze

Rainy and overcast days

Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

Posted on September 19, 2004 at 4:09 PM

Fatherhood

What if I became a father?

That's crazy, right?

But I am teaching children who are the age my own children might be -- had I fathered a kid my senior year in high school, as so many 18-year-olds have done.

I really want sons. I've written about that before, but I REALLY want sons. I think maybe part of me wants to be the father that my own father refused to be.

I also find myself exhibiting paternal traits in the classroom -- I am stern, yet I am fair and compassionate. I never refuse a hug, but I am also quick to suggest that a kid "mans up."

I know the difference between a whine and a cry, don't worry.

If I have natural-born sons, I want them to have Arabic names, like me. I want to pass along that tradition, since a lot about their childhood will be nontraditional. I mean hell, they're gonna have a gay father for crying out loud.

I wouldn't name my kid Rashid, Jr., though. Okay, maybe I would name the kid Rashid, but he'd definitely have a different middle name. And perhaps a hyphenated last name to reflect his two fathers. It works for straight couples I know...

But I think about how many kids there are in the world who are waiting to be adopted, especially young black boys.....I feel responsible for them, too, especially after having been in the classroom and dealing with students who may be wards of the state or in the adoption system.

Is it selfish to want to have a kid who looks like you?

I think ultimately, I want at least one son to be of my own blood.....I don't know why it matters, but it does. I feel like maybe I've wasted my genetic material if I don't produce at least one offspring of my own.

Thoughts?

Posted on September 18, 2004 at 5:27 PM | Comments (2)

I Done TOLD Him.....

Did y'all see where the Governor of New Jersey exposed our relationship?

I am so mad at him. He KNEW I was trying to stay on the DL, until at least after the book came out, lol.

Y'all have probably heard all about it by now, and of course he's not my real lover. But he is a handsome man. Personally, I think he's resigning because of the sexual harassment suit the gay dude is bringing forth. Cuz PERSONALLY, if I was governor and had a wife who stood by me and let me say "I am a Gay American" I would NEVER quit. That s*** is GANGSTA!!!!!!

The cheating isn't gangsta...and the being married while gay isn't gangsta. But...better late than never when it comes to coming out, eh?

Posted on August 12, 2004 at 9:20 PM

The Website and More

Man, I gotta hand it to my sorizzle fa shizzle. She is doing a Phi-nominal job on my website! She is definitely kicking my arse in front of the technological curve. I love it! I also just uploaded a crap-load of pictures to the gallery.

Other random notes from the past few days:

Why does Teresa Heinz-Kerry remind me so much of Dr. Geraldine Slaughter? I know, her name doesn't even sound real. Dr. Slaughter was an administrator at my high school while I was there. She wasn't very tall, had longish, bouncy hair like Teresa, and was sorta stern. I think she'd tell a kid to "shove it." he he he

It wasn't a great day fraternally, but as usual, I am persevering. (And only a frat nerd like me would cringe because I used another organizations's principle to describe my current situation, lol)

I lost my remote control for a few days, but I found it this morning. It had fallen behind the bed. Man, that messed me up for two whole days.

I really wish I was in good health, but I'm not. I'm not dying, so don't get scared. But I really wish I wouldn't get bronchitis. I think it's definitely tied into allergies or something. I just hate the feeling of congestion and coughing.

I have had three major ailments in my life (not counting the mental ones, ha ha): migraine headaches, bronchitis, and stomach problems. If I ever say that I am sick, it is usually one of those. Honestly, if I have a migraine, you just won't see me, because I will be laying down in a dark room with a cold compress on my head. Also, I do a better job at monitoring what I eat, at what times of day. That definitely has an effect on when I might get a migraine. As far as stomach problems, I don't really get them like I once did. I was a really stressed out teenager, and that's how it would manifest itself.

But bronchitis is the worst. Well, I'd really rather not have any of my main three problems. The migraines are the most painful, but the bronchitis is the most aggravating. With a migraine, I might miss a day of work. With bronchitis...I might be messed up for weeks.

Luckily, right now, even though I am not in perfect health, I can function.

Once I am able to, I am definitely going to take better care of myself. I eat well, but I definitely need to exercise more and start taking vitamins again.

I'm so hard headed, though....

Posted on July 29, 2004 at 11:46 PM