Happy Belated Birthday
I had a great day yesterday. My meeting with the photographer went great, got some food to eat, went shopping in Georgetown. HATED the Adidas store, LOVED the Puma store! And came home and watched digital cable to my heart's content.
I had nothing to complain about. That was September 30, 2006.
On September 30, 1977, Maya Buseman-Williams was born.
I am not one for remembering birthdays...but I got a myspace message from my homie/frat/friend reminding me. Of course, I became sad. This grief, this sadness that never quite leaves you completely is something that he and I will always share.
It's nice to be able to rely on people in moments like that, though. I'm proud to be his friend, and we're both proud for having known Maya.
She left this world on June 28, 2003, and I still can't quite wrap my mind around why she had to leave when she did and the way she did. But she did, and here we are, struggling to learn from the lessons of her life.
I get emails from time to time from people who knew her and whose lives she touched. I wonder if, ten or twenty years from now, her former students in New York will google her name just to see.
And if they happen upon this page, they will know just how much she is loved and missed.
Happy Birthday, girlie.
Posted on October 1, 2006 at 8:33 AM | Comments (1)
Sunday of Memorial Day Weekend
I made the decision to be by myself this weekend, save the wedding of my APO line mate to our prophyte.
I wasn't myself....or maybe I was myself, and it scared me. I had some "issues" with the guy I'm feeling and I dunno....seems like for the first time in a very long time I was just wrong. I guess.
See, I'm used to every single "relationship" I've ever been in ending with "I just don't feel the same way about you" in both actions and in words. Hell, you can read this blog and see how that tends to turn out for me. It hurts. It doesn't hurt less each time it happens. But it happens all the time.
I remember someone telling me that if this happens to me all the time, maybe it's not the other people, but me? Damn, I still feel the sting in that every time I think about it. There are certain people who were in my life that I can't even think about any more. It really fucking sucks. I don't want to live my life like that, but I don't know a better way to get over being hurt than to just not think about it.
Anyway....so when certain things were said to me last week, my mind immediately jumped into defense mode. I felt the Cancerian shell harden around me and words became muffled and ultimately silent.
I was being rejected....wasn't I?
The good thing about this guy is that he (admittedly) talks things out until they can't be talked out any more. And how often have I hoped for someone like that, someone who can communicate their feelings?
But still, I was feeling rejected, no matter how many times I heard "This isn't an ending...this isn't an ending..."
So why did I feel so fucking hurt?
After a day, more talking to him, and some consultation from one of the handful of friends I will allow to tell me that I'm trippin', it was deemed that I was trippin'.
I felt hurt because it was the only way I knew how to feel.
I looked back on everything that was said and came to understand that everything that he was presenting to me was not only everything I ever wanted, but everything I ever needed.
I need to take it slow. "Isn't that what you want?" Shari asked me.
I felt like Boo Boo the Fool at that point.
"Yeah....god dammit..." I said.
I apologized to him....rather profusely, I believe. I felt more wrong in that moment than I ever really had before.
If I feel like I am worth fighting for, I've got to act like I'm worth the fight.
If I feel that I am worth waiting for, I've got to believe that I'm worth the wait.
And if I say that he is worth waiting for -- then dammit, I've got to wait.
This is 2006....no time for lip service.
My fear is that in this time of waiting, I will receive the same output as all my previous attempts. It's not that I am afraid of being alone -- I've handled that quite masterfully after 27 years. And I'm not one of these gay dudes who just proclaims that he's "tired of looking." That's not it, either.
It's just that....with him....he's different. And I'm different. So, it's not the situation or the circumstances, it's literally just him. And all I want is the opportunity to see....
I'm not saying I love him. I'm not saying I'm falling in love with him. When I say "I'm falling" I mean that I am smitten...that I like every little chance I get to spend with him. That I want every opportunity I can to get to know him. That I relish every new fact I learn about him.
And that with each passing day, I find nothing that turns me away. When I say that I am looking forward to spending time with him and getting to know him better, it's because I know that this can only get better and better.
"I just hope he feels the same way" is a phrase reserved for white girls in middle school who are crushing on ninth graders.... I'll be that.
This post was supposed to be about how I spent my Sunday, but we got a little off track, now didn't we?
I didn't attend DC Gay Black Pride this year. My official reason is that I had a wedding to attend. My unofficial reasons are myriad, but one that I can share is that after the events with my new friend, I really felt like I needed some time away from people. Time to focus on me...get my mind right, my game face on, etc. (Whatever those things really mean.)
But my friend Drew called me on Saturday and was like "Rashid, where are you, I've been asking everybody where you are and nobody knows!"
I met Drew at last year's Pride. He's a great dude and a wonderful Pride buddy. Well, Drew was looking for Covenant and clearly it's not there, lol. So I was like damn, I ain't know Drew would be in town, so I made it a point to see him after the wedding.
Speaking of people in from out of town, another friend of mine came in from Chicago via Philly and was staying with friends. Now, I knew he wasn't coming to see me particularly -- which was fine, because I had honestly forgotten that he was coming into town for Pride and had REALLY thought he had already come and gone.
Life is hectic, what can I say?
So he calls me at 11am on Saturday and we agree that he would call me whenever plans are firmed up. Saturday comes and goes with no call. So I am like damn....oh well.
Sunday comes and I find myself in Georgetown with a few hours to kill. At first I'm like "I'm going to call him and see if he wants to meet up for a little while." And then I am like "No, because he said he would call when he could." but then I was like, well let me text him and see what the deal is.
Basically, he was at the Pride expo and said he was at the whim of his driver. So I was like alright, I'll just catch you next time.
Now....you know that in Rashid Darden world, that shit doesn't fly without internalizing it. It's just who I am, love it or hate it.
Yes, I feel some kind of way about how that went down. I just think if the shoe was on the other foot, I would have made a way to see my friend. Hell, when I went to Columbus, I saw everybody I wanted to see. You just make these things happen, you know?
The way I am, the way I feel things, yes maybe I am easily offended. But I just REALLY felt like a damn also-ran in that situation.
Sidenote....one of my friends in college got married and not only was I not invited, but she didn't even tell me she was engaged. Do you know what the goddamned consolation price was?
"...but you can come to the ceremony in South Africa! Everyone I care about is invited to that one!"
Like fucking South Africa is right down Riggs Road. WTF???? Miss me with that shit.
So yeah, I guess I am just used to being the friend that will understand if he's not included, the friend who it's okay if you don't make it a priority to see him, the last sonofabitch picked for dodgeball, LOL.
Anyway....yes, I felt some kind of way about that, because if the shoe was on the other foot, I would have made a way to see him if I was in his town.
Damn....off track AGAIN.
Went to a very beautiful wedding that was hot as SHIT! Do Episcopalians believe in AC? GOT DAMN!
I left a card with my Line Mate to take to the reception because I figured I could make it to the M Street Hotel and back to the reception if I really wanted to. I needed to see Drew real quick while he was in town.
Well, the M Street Hotel was the host hotel for Pride and I had forgotten that of all the events that occur during Pride, my favorite has always been just chillin in the lobby. Me and Drew chilled with his friend Larry for like 90 minutes and I was HUNGRY. So I came home and ate.....missed the reception but definitely felt happy that I attended the wedding.
Which got me thinking WOW....I just witnessed two people's covenant before God. That's bananas. This is like the most important day in their lives. It really got me thinking about what marraige actually IS. Why people obsess about who is in the wedding party, where to have it, etc....it's a really big fucking deal.
I have more thoughts about that.....they'll come up at a later time.
Anyway.....this was a real fucking diary entry, wasn't it?
I'm back, bitches!!!!!
Posted on May 29, 2006 at 8:40 AM | Comments (1)
It's gonna be a party, y'all!
I'm turning 27 this year.
Woo hoo!
Are you trying to party with me? Then keep Saturday, June 24 open. I'm serious, it's gonna be HOTTTT......
Make it your destination....and keep your eyes open for more info.
Posted on May 16, 2006 at 7:17 AM | Comments (0)
Dear John?
Each of you, in your own way, has been a truly dear and great friend to me. However, many times, friendships are only for a season, and one can look back fondly, but has to move forward. I felt a call on my life tonight, and it means that I have to move on from some friendships that have helped me grow, and sustained me in darker times. Know that I care for you very much, but the way I was, is not the way I will or can be anymore, and as a result, I have to leave some of my associations behind, even though it may hurt my heart, and not be easy, because it's what I need to do in order to be about my Father's business, so to speak. I wish all of you the best in life, and will keep you constantly in my prayers, for each of you is a great person, and I hope that your hearts and spirits will be touched in the way that mine was. Take care of yourselves.
Do you do that?
No, you don't treat friends this way.
I know he might be scared, afraid, lost....and I feel that. But whatever he's going through, whatever life he feels he can't live any more, he has taken the coward's way out.
Yeah, I'm hurt. And yeah, let's be honest, it doesn't take much to hurt me. But I am really so fucking sick and tired of being jerked around by people who are "friends" when it's convenient for them.
So....whatever.
Posted on April 19, 2006 at 7:18 AM | Comments (3)
New Job, Old Friends
I'm into my second week of work -- love it! I seem to mesh well with everybody so far.
Had dinner with Neil last night. I really miss him when he's not around.
Just a quick note....about to cacth a cab down to my site -- I have shitloads of materials to take with me and LOTS of cleaning to do all day before the program begins.
Posted on April 18, 2006 at 8:05 AM | Comments (1)
Intruder Alert!!!
hello to all the faithful fans and friends of oldgoldsoul.com. my name's storme and im a friend of rashid's who has the great honor of being his guest blogger for this week. meaning...u get to listen to my random thoughts about various things throughout this week. aren't u excited?!?! well...u should be. lol
so since u'll be subject to my multitude of musings as the week progresses, i thought it fair to give u a brief synopis of who i am.
name: storme
from: south jersey
sign: scorpio (think what u will...we're not all nuts)
occupation: college senior (may 14th 2006 @ 1pm...praise God!)
personality: im crazy, creative, and caring. passionate and driven. opinonated and stubborn. but overall, very loveable.
ok, i need to get back to doing work(thats another thing...i dont sleep), but i shall return soon. till then, goodnight!
Posted on March 28, 2006 at 12:40 AM | Comments (2)
Fred.....
Dear Fred,
I know you probably won't read this for some days, if not weeks, since you are away attending to your family matters.
I am so, so sorry that you lost your dad. I don't even know what to say. I kinda never had one of those, so I don't know what it's like to lose one, but I do know what it means to lose someone close to you.
There's nothing I can say that will make it feel better....oh yes, it's going to hurt. It's going to hurt for a while.
But somehow, we get used to it and it becomes part of us.
I think of Maya all the time. And from time to time, my eyes still mist over. But I know I am lucky for having known her, as you are blessed for knowing your father.
I love you very much and I am so sad that you lost him. But you are living proof of your dad's greatness. We live in an age where manhood isn't necessarily a condition of fatherhood. But it seems as though the Smith house had everything together.
I know we'll be in touch several times before you read this...but I still want you to know that I'll always be here for you.
Love,
Rashid
Posted on March 10, 2006 at 1:25 AM
Dwayne Wayne II
I talked to him for like an hour tonight. I had already spoken to my girl Attractive (TM) for two and a half hours this morning! And a few other friends for extended periods, too.
Dwayne Wayne and I have our ups and downs. But I guess I am committed to trying to be mature and right and wise and helpful and all that. I really do love him. I worry about him, though. I like him a lot. But he also knows how to make me dislike him. He doesn't mean it...but it's there. He don't abuse me or nothing, lol. But it's like....he's very unyielding from time to time.
But, I like him regardless.
We experienced absolutely none of that tonight. I am trying my best to understand him, and it's working.
I don't read his blog anymore. I gave it up after a falling out we had (that obviously affected me more than it did him). But I knew that if I was ever going to be able to have the friendship and intimacy that we once had, I couldn't read his blog. Tough to describe...but I know that the DW that he writes about isn't a complete picture of the DW I know.
I guess that's tough for me to take, because the Dwayne Wayne I know really is a beautiful person. Maybe I'm romanticizing him too much....he's still young, still has a lot of growing to do.
He's not the one. But I do respect him.
Posted on October 2, 2005 at 9:07 PM
Introducing the Deadly Viper Literary Squad (The DeViLS)
The following entry is for entertainment purposes only and is not meant to imply an alliance of any sort between the writers featured.
As you all probably know, I am obsessed with Kill Bill. I can recite the "as your leader" speech that O-Ren Ishii gives in part one. I can give you The Bride’s voice inflections on all her parts.
"I want him to know – I want him to know."
And yes, sometimes I think I know kung fu. So what if the only people who appreciate those skills are seven years old? But that’s beside the point.
Forget for a moment, if you will, the ending of Kill Bill. Forget the alliances and the enemies and who killed who. Imagine the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad when they were all co-workers -- friends at best.
Now imagine that they are all black.
And male.
And gay.
And write books.
I am very fond of three fellow gay black writers, but I don’t think I’ve adequately highlighted their work or their personalities in my diary yet. But instead of a regular, butt-kissing entry, I want to reintroduce you to all of "us" – the Deadly Viper Literary Squad (DeVILS). These are the four authors that you need to look out for in 2005. And hell yeah I included myself in that number! Shooot...I’m Cottonmouth, dammit.
Introducing Frederick Smith aka Copperhead
(Photo by Ibarionex Perello)
Frederick Smith is one of the most pleasant people I've come across this year. I really enjoy talking to him a lot because not only does he have great advice, he provides an example for me to aspire to. Sure, we're not that far apart in age. Yes, we're both on our first novels. But you know what? The man is traditionally published and I have loads of respect for that.
His blog is thorough. If you are interested in becoming a writer, READ HIS BLOG. I don't think he'd feel comfortable with me saying that his path is a blue print. But I can tell you that Fred is doing the vast majority of things the right way.
Go get 'em, Fred.
I have chosen Copperhead for Fred not because of a similar temperament, but because of that "lifestyle" that Vernita Green has. She's got the husband, the child, the house...yet she WORKED HARD for all of those things. She puts her bloody past behind her and is focusing on the present and the future. One of these days, maybe Fred will show me a more "ghetto" side like Copperhead has in her, but I doubt it. The man is very diplomatic and just really freaking nice.
Which brings me to me...
Introducing Rashid Darden aka Cottonmouth
Yeah, I know...I just HAD to put myself in the Deadly Vipers. What am I, Spike Lee or something?
I really identify with Cottonmouth from the Kill Bill films. She has an elegance about her that I really admire. All of her cohorts wear black while she wears white -- virgin white, which we know for both O-Ren Ishii and Rashid Darden is a huge joke. Like Cottonmouth, I look out for my friends and they look out for me. I am also sensitive as all hell, which leads to a mean streak. A really, really mean streak. Which is why it's best to just keep me happy. Not trying to be funny, just being honest.
Anyway, Cottonmouth is crazy as all hell and surrounds herself with loyal friends who are just as crazy. Case in point:
My close friend Nikki is Go Go Yubari. Nikki and I have known each other since 1997 and we used to embarrass each other in public all the time. (Like pretending to pass out on the floor of the student center.) That's the type of crazy I mean. Nikki is really and truly ride or die for me, and I respect that.
My man Dwayne is my Johnny Mo. He knows when to let me vent and when to tell me about myself. (But not too harshly, cuz I'm sensitive, lol) He is bold, strong, and kind, and really does look out for me. The man isn't afraid to wear his letters at a Pride event -- because he was, I did.
Go Go and Johnny Mo were the two people who helped me sell books if you were at DC Pride.
Who you didn't meet was my Sophie Fatale -- Shari. Sophie and Shari are both quiet, strong women who are intensely loyal, a value that Cottonmouth and I both demand. Sophie was always on the phone in the movies. Shari is always on the phone -- with me. We live for our "how tight would that be?" moments when we share our dreams and our hopes.
The Crazy 88...well, that's everybody else. I have so many people in my corner it don't make no sense. My Crazy 88 are my family, friends, coworkers, readers, frat brothers, sorors, anybody and everybody who loves Lazarus and wants to see me succeed.
But why "Crazy 88?" The people in my life aren't really crazy, are they?
Let's put it this way...Cottonmouth had her own set of issues in her childhood that created the person she was. She built her own empire by herself. She ran the Tokyo crime council in a way that was strict but fair....the Crazy 88 made sure that O-Ren didn't have to get her hands dirty. Oh yeah, she will slice your head off with a sword -- but the Crazy 88 ensured that she had to only sparingly.
Yes...those are the kinds of friends I have.
Introducing Brent Dorian Carpenter aka California Mountain Snake
Who better to play the role of Elle Driver than Brent Dorian Carpenter, a man whose laugh is both enchanting and sinister at the same time? I LOVE THIS MAN. As I've said elsewhere, meeting Brent at the 2004 DC Pride really inspired me to take the bull by the horns and get my own self-publishing thing together. Meeting him again this year really solidified my admiration of him.
I chose California Mountain Snake to represent Brent because, well.....they're both crazy as hell. But in a good way!
Brent thinks outside the box. He doesn't find a way, he makes a way. I respect his work ethic and his ability to talk with just about anyone. Brent gets the job done -- it doesn't matter who he has to piss off to get it done.
I love listening to him talk. He's so passionate about whatever news he is trying to hip me to. None of Brent's emotions are mild -- they are all on level ten of ten.
California Mountain Snake....yeah, that's him. Beautiful, honorable, and dangerous. ;-)
Introducing Alphonso Morgan aka Black Mamba
Last, but not least, I've got to introduce you to Alphonso Morgan, aka Black Mamba, the hardest working man in fiction. I've got to show deference where it is due. With him in this line of work, I could NEVER cast myself as Black Mamba.
I'm not going to go into a whole bunch of detail on who Black Mamba is...most people know the character had a lot of hardships, had been fucked over, and did what she had to do to get what she wanted. Well, like Black Mamba, there is a lot I can admire and identify with in Alphonso Morgan.
I love talking to him. It's like damn, can I be like you when I grow up? His work, of course, is on point, but his work ethic is even more on point.
The quintessential scene in Kill Bill that reminds me of Alphonso is this one:
Black Mamba is surrounded by the Crazy 88 and though to you and I, it may seem like a hopeless situation, Black Mamba handles each and every one of them. It is in that way that Alphonso can own a room as soon as he walks into it. Imagine hundreds of skeptical gay men in a room or a hotel lobby and see this one guy trying to sell a book nobody has heard of. Like Black Mamba, Alphonso will tackle each and every one of those people until he has conquered the lot of them.
I wish I had that level of charisma and charm. All I can do is look cute and virginal. lol
So, my hat is tipped to you, Alphonso. (Although I know you'll never read this.)
Well, that's my entry. I hope you purchase the work of these men, my favorites in the gay black writing world to date. Each one is different in their own way. You already know what sets me apart if you're reading this. Fred is traditionally published, but is no one's sell-out. His work brings something new and exciting to the mainstream. Brent is amazing as a human being and as a writer. The world of speculative fiction would be a boring place indeed without his presence. And Alphonso...the man who reinvented the blue print for self-published authors and for fiction itself.
These are my deadly vipers and I love them to death.
Frederick Smith, Author of Down For Whatever
Brent Dorian Carpenter, Author of four books, including Man of the Cloth
Alphonso Morgan, Author of Sons
Posted on July 14, 2005 at 5:13 PM | Comments (2)
For Maya
I love you, Maya.
Lenny Kravitz
Calling All Angels
Calling all angels
I need you near to the ground
I miss you dearly
Can you hear me on your cloud?
All of my life
I've been waiting for someone to love
All of my life
I've been waiting for something to love
Calling all angels
I need you near to the ground
I have been kneeling
And praying to hear a sound
All of my life
I've been waiting for someone to love
All of my life
I've been waiting for something to love
All of my life
I've been waiting for someone to love
All of my life
I've been waiting for something to love
Day by day
Through the years
Make my way
Day by day
Through the years
Day by day
Through the years
Day by day
Through the years
Day by day
Make my way
Day by day
Through the years
Day by day
Day by day
Posted on June 29, 2005 at 11:17 PM | Comments (1)
Spotlight on: malik m.l. williams
He's not expecting this, but it's the least I could do.
Why don't you check out my friend malik m.l. williams' endeavors?
His blog is the BrothaLove Rant Space. He doesn't write every single day, but when he does, the entries are always incredibly thoughtful and articulate. Nothing like mine, lol.
He is also a photographer, and I really like his images. I am hoping maybe I can get some freebies while I am in Atlanta -- you know a brother doesn't have any professional photos for the media, LOL. We'll just leave the photos out of the press kit so the media can think I'm ugly. At any rate, as I said, I am really feeling malik's photography. Check his site out at Brotha Love Images. And here is his portfolio at MuseCube.
malik is a member of The ADODI Muse: A Gay Negro Ensemble. ADODI Muse is "Atlanta's only black gay male performance poets collective." The group has been together since 1995 -- dang, isn't that hot? They're like the New Edition of gay black performance poets -- malik, you ain't Bobby, is you? Naw, you look more like the Ralph type, LOL.
They have a CD! You should buy it. It's called Ain't Got Sense Enuf To Be 'Shamed. If the title doesn't do it for you, then you just don't have a pulse.
malik has also written two novel-length manuscripts which I really want to read someday, but he doesn't know that yet. :-) In addition to writing, malik and I both like some of the same authors, like Octavia Butler and Sapphire.
Ladies and gentlemen, that's malik m.l. williams and he's been very good to me. So please be good to him, too.
Posted on June 12, 2005 at 8:27 AM | Comments (6)
Line 99: Vidal Perez
I just wanted to announce (for those of you who didn’t know) that Pledgeline 99 of the Mu Alpha Chapter of Alpha Phi Omega was initiated at Georgetown University this past Saturday night. It was my honor to welcome these fourteen new Brothers into our beloved fraternity.
This line was dedicated to our fallen Brother Vidal Perez. Many alumni came back to Mu Alpha Weekend to teach the new brothers about the life and legacy of Vidal. Because this line was dedicated to Vidal, not only will he live on in the hearts of those who knew him, but now those who didn’t know him.
As Mu Alpha Chapter approaches our 50th Anniversary in Spring 2006, I am pleased to report that even after all these years, APO remains one of the most diverse and inclusive organizations at Georgetown. Without APO, I would have never known Vidal – and probably wouldn’t be as comfortable with myself as I am now.
Posted on March 22, 2005 at 10:59 AM | Comments (1)
Still sore.
Well, I got up Saturday morning and finally started packing. I think I was more motivated to pack because I had less to try and stuff into my bag. (Mental note: I really need to get one of those suitcases on wheels.) Got me a cab, and I was on my way to Georgetown to help celebrate the transition of pledgeline 99 to LINE 99 of the Elite Mu Alpha Chapter of Alpha Phi Omega.
Why did my cab driver want to talk my ear off? He was some West African chap who wanted to start venting about how other cab drivers don't know those standard rules about cab stands any more and how unfair it is that cabs don't stop for black men. I am like dude -- this is a reality for me and I'd rather not get riled up about it. But he wouldn't stop yapping, so at least I was able to guide the coversation to a different topic -- gentrification. He was just as riled up about that, but at least he wasn't pissin' me off.
I got to Georgetown and was able to immediately speak to the pledges (God bless deference). I think I did an okay job. Most of the Brothers there seemed happy to see me, which was nice, and the majority of the undergrads knew and were excited about LAZARUS. I found out that a few more of them attended the event at AU that I was too sick to go to myself, so I felt so bad, but then they told me they didn't want me to feel bad since it was beyond my control. I passed out a few postcards to anybody who asked about the novel, but I didn't want to seem like a shameless self-promoter. I DID forget to leave a bunch of postcards in the APO office though. But word of mouth is amazing.
After the pledges...well, after they stopped being pledges, me and Jimi (who I had met up with by then) went to the Leavey Center for a meeting with the alums who were working on the chapter history book. I signed up for research because it is way easier for me to devote a day in the library ahead of time and know exactly what to look for than to be responsible for writing a chapter and being subject to deadlines and revisions and what not. Research is tough, but I like it, and that way I can learn without hazing to write. You'd think I'd really WANT to write, but this coming year is going to be hellish -- I'd rather not let the chapter suffer because I'm too busy.
After the meeting, me and Jimi went to Wisey's, but first stopped at the Black House to say what's up to our girl Erin. She was doing well, of course. While there, I got a phone call from one of my old school APO Brothers from Howard. He pledged in the early 60's and we've been phone/email friends since I was the sponsor of the group that rechartered his chapter. So I am like OH LAWD this man has read the ebook and hates it!
Of course, the opposite was true! HE LOVED IT! I was so happy that he did. We chatted for a bit about some elements of the plot. Surprisingly (to me) he was able to relate to the Greekness of it. I really thought that perhaps the pledging aspects of the novel were too "new school" for someone of his era to identify with, but clearly I was wrong. That really brightened my weekend to know that he enjoyed it so much. And he thought it was funny, too!
So we went to Wisey's then came back so I could get some sushi from the Leavey Center. We also did some shopping in the bookstore and I bought me a nice oversized Georgetown Alumni sweatshirt. THEN we finally went back to the hotel, ate, talked, laughed, and watched wrestling.
Sidebar: Why da hell is wrestling so gay? Like, that sport is GAY! And it ain't just the uniforms, man. It's the grabbing and groping and humping.
A few hours later, we had changed into our grown up clothes and headed back to campus for the initiation. We had a slight mix-up with one of the visiting brothers who looked strangely like one of Jimi's line mates. Also, me and Jimi both forgot our life member pins. :-( That's probably the first time I've forgotten to wear my pin to an initiation since I've become an alum.
So the 14 members of Line 99 crossed and then we partied. I got to see a lot of people I hadn't seen in a long time! Pontip, Carmen, GLoria, Corrine, Elena, and three of my line mates AND my old pledgemaster and many more -- it was so good seeing them all.
This line was dedicated to Vidal Perez, who was murdered in New York. He was a Brother on Line 81. I think all the neos really have a good sense of who he was due to so many alums coming back to talk about him.
After the party began the search for a hip-hop party (read: Black People Party). Well, our capable undergraduate, Rashad, was absolutely no help. LOL jk....it's just that none of the parties he helped us find weren't really satisfying our needs. So he went home and we (Jimi, Kendall, Pontip, and I) moseyed back to the main gates (stopping at the Black House again, at which everyone was asleep or gone). We said farewell to Kendall and Pontip and then went to the APO afterparty, which was at the pledgemaster's house. SURPRISINGLY, the music was hot, way better than at the actual formal. So I was happy. I got my dance on and chilled on the couch with Sal, Juan, Marco(s?), and a few others. It was cool seeing everybody -- hadn't seen Sal and Juan in years!
Juan gave me and Jimi a ride back to the hotel and we soon fell asleep. Next morning, I was the first one up as usual, and by quarter to eleven, I was on my way back home. Now, had I gone STRAIGHT HOME I wouldn't have spent more money than I wanted to. But noooooo I had to stop at Borders Books and Music and pick up a book and some DVDs. But I guess I deserve to treat myself....I don't really get the chance to go out too often (too busy, too tired) so I've got to plan for my entertainment somehow. I'll talk about what I bought in a future entry.
But then I went and picked up more sushi for lunch (I still had a craving for it). I got California Rolls and something called a Rainbow Roll, which was pretty good. But really, if you dip it in the soy sauce, it all tastes the same, LOL. Except Philadelphia Rolls, which I also like.
Then I came home and was still busy with some other things! Sheesh! I barely got a chance to talk to my friend...uh...dang, no code name as of yet. He actually text messaged me on Saturday night, which I thought was sweet. We played phone tag after that. Sunday, we spoke, and I think I said something to him that came out more harshly that I meant it to....we were talking about something that I can't even remember presently, and he was giving me all sorts of ideas, suggestions, advice...and I just said "I'm not looking for advice, I'm just telling you how I think my week will go." Which was true, but I know he was only trying to be helpful because he cared. And let's be honest -- I only got irritated because I can't take what I dish. I am ALWAYS trying to be helpful to somebody else, but when the shoe is on the other foot, I'd rather work out my own problems.
I need to work on that. Not only can I not do it all by myself, I've got to let other people provide me their perspectives sometimes. ESPECIALLY people that care about me.
And now, today, I will be at home. I've got a lot domestic things to do today and I also STILL have yet to return a lot of emails...sheesh!
I hope everyone else had a great weekend. Enjoy the week ahead!
Posted on March 21, 2005 at 7:29 AM | Comments (0)
For My Boy, Jon, when he was Jean-Ton
On Friendship
Kahlil Gibran
And a youth said, Speak to us of
Friendship.
And he answered, saying:
Your friend is your needs answered.
He is your field which you sow with love and reap
with thanksgiving.
And he is your board and your fireside.
For you come to him with your hunger, and you
seek him for peace.
When your friend speaks his rnind you fear not the
'nay' in your own mind, nor do you withhold the
'ay'.
And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen
to his heart;
For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all
desires, all expectations are born and shared, with
joy that is unacclaimed.
When you part from your friend, you grieve not;
For that which you love most in him may be clearer
in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is
clearer from the plain.
And let there be no purpose in friendship save the
deepening of the spirit.
For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its
own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and
only the unprofitable is caught.
And let your best be for your friend.
If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know
its flood also.
For what is your friend that you should seek him
with hours to kill?
Seek him always with hours to live.
For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.
And in the sweetness of friendship let there be
laughter, and sharing of pleasures.
For in the dew of little things the heart finds its
morning and is refreshed.
I never thought that one day, you would be my oldest friend. Maybe you'll never read this -- maybe you'll never know just what kind of effect you have on my life. You're a man, dude -- a grown man. You look good. I can't believe we've come this far.
You know I'm proud of you. You didn't take the path I wanted you to take, but you made your own way. Thank you for showing me that there is more than one way to acheive a goal. You keep my head small when I'm in danger of becoming a snob.
You're like my younger big brother -- in so many ways, you're beyond me. But in age, I've still got you by a few months.
I am so glad you are still part of my life after all these years, man.
Posted on March 9, 2005 at 10:15 PM | Comments (1)
People I'd Like to Hear From
Mustafa Ahmed (Coolidge, Class of '94)
Jennifer Ali (Wilson, Class of '95)
Chanell Arrington (Coolidge, Class of '95)
Ilich Briones (Coolidge, Class of '95)
Lauren Arrington (Sidwell Friends, Class of '97)
Ezenwayni Ahaghotu (Coolidge, Class of '97)
Asia Davison (Last known whereabouts: Newark and Lodi, CA)
Jibreel Dawkins (Possibly Eastern, Class of '97)
Matt Dobson (HOBY Seminar Director in 96 or 97 -- moved away, forgot where)
Derold Carr (Coolidge, Class of '96 -- Probably in the area, just not looking that hard)
Kenneth Greeley (Dunbar '97, attended GWU)
Socrates Morilla (DePauw, probably class of 2000)
Sara Jane Jenkins (Huron, OH; went to Bowling Green State and got married!)
Lakisha Owens (Coolidge, 97)
Patricia Romanoski (Teacher at Rabaut)
Ryan Richmond (NYU '01)
Vanessa Salcedo (St. Agnes, '96)
Courtney Snowden (School Without Walls, '97)
Jennise Wood (Coolidge, '99)
Jennifer Yeager (Coolidge, '97)
Posted on March 5, 2005 at 4:22 PM | Comments (2)
Always the afterthought, never the bride
I apologized to a friend that I had a falling out with and hadn't spoken to since 2003. Didn't do any good though -- she didn't accept my apology or even really say anything in response other than "What prompted that?" I am like damn bitch, does anything "prompt" an apology other than the fact you feel sorry?
But whatever....I did all I could do to rectify the situation. I guess that's what I get for not really believing in my heart that I was wrong.
What actually happened....she and I had a falling out over some of our responsibilities for Maya's memorial service that we had at Homecoming '03. (A prime example of why you don't work with your friends.) It's pretty sad that we fell out over something positive we were trying to do to remember a friend, but at the time I was like fuck this, I can't believe she's.....etc, etc.
I didn't rally hold a grudge against this chick, but I also never really felt any good reason to be her friend again. I still don't, really -- there were plenty other reasons she annoyed me. But I have this habit of not wanting people to think I hate them if I actually don't. I guess it's a bit arrogant of me, but whatever...it's important that people I care or once cared about know how I feel about them.
I don't hate her and I felt bad about the way we separated. That's all. I didn't expect anything to come of the apology -- but I also didn't expect "nothing."
*****
He wrote in his blog about having instant connections with other people. I imagined that this may have been what he felt when he met me, but I knew the blog entry wasn't about me.
It's tough when you know someone is slipping away and there's nothing you can do about it. Some people have the ability to sense instant connections with people they know they will grow to love in some way.....for me, along with this gift comes the inevitability of separation.
Nothing lasts in my world.
Don't be sad for me, you jerks. Just buy the book. If you bought one, buy another.
This is my reality, though. I'm destined to have lots of friends, but when it comes to more, there just isn't anyone out there who is really the one for me -- no one who encompasses all that I need. And when you think you've found it, it gets fucked up.
Inevitably.
Yes I'm depressed you fuckers, lol. Sometimes I get tired of having friends. I want someone in my life who will say "Yes, Rashid, I want to be with you -- wholeheartedly and unequivocally."
I can only take so much of being the afterthought.
Posted on March 4, 2005 at 6:53 AM
Superfood
So the very next song I heard was the original "Sweet Dreams" by Eurythmics and I had a flashback to undergrad...
Picture it, Fall 1999, Gaston Hall, Georgetown University. I am the second-term President of the Georgetown Univerisy Step Team, which I founded in Spring of 1998.
Spring ninety-eight marked our inception
We came out steppin'
Now we are all that and then some
We are not a new sorority
Nor a fraternity/Nor do we try to be
We are the fine Hoyas runnin' things
Now that you all know our mission
Please pay attention
Let's show them all what they been missin'....
So we're having our second-ever step show, and our first one in a big venue. Gaston Hall seats 700. About 250 showed up at the previous year's show so we knew we would need a better venue than the food court.
We invited teams from everywhere. On the final roster we had Alpha Phi Alpha, Lambda Pi Chi, Phi Beta Sigma, Omega Phi Chi, Omega Psi Phi, the University at Buffalo Step Team, and of course the GU Step Team. We also invited Superfood, an a cappella singing group on campus.
The previous semester, or maybe even earlier that same semester, I had choreographed a very simple step for Superfood to use with their arrangement of "Are You That Somebody" by Aaliyah. They were sooooo cute! And very appreciative. I was either friends with or admired a lot of them: Ajit (who me and my girl nicknamed Jity-jit, but he never knew it), Rachel, Amanda, Sherman, LeQuan, and oh snap, I just blanked on the girl's name who is the focal point of the story....shit....[EDIT: It's TINA!]
So I invited Superfood to open up the show, with the intent that they would perform "Are You That Somebody" with the step at the end. They sang a lot of other songs I liked as well, including "Sweet Dreams" (which inspired me to write this entry, of course).
Superfood had so much talent. They weren't like the other singing groups on campus. They were like...for the people and of the people. Not standoffish, not corny. And they were pleasing on the eyes, too. The ladies and the fellas.
So okay, Tina (the girl that lead the song) had on this nice, semi-tight dress with knee-high boots. The group starts with Sherman doing the little "Dirty south.....can y'all really feel me?" and Amanda leading the "Baby girl...feel me....dirty dirty..."
TOO CUTE. Superfood made me like a cappella.
Then Tina steps out and starts singing.
"BOY....I been watchin' you..."
But why is she pointing to me????
If you could see the tape, all you saw was my afro turning to the left, then the right, then realizing that yes, this girl is singing to me.
In front of at least 600 people.
Oh. My. God.
So she's singing the song and she's CLEARLY identified with me in the crowd. And this was a relatively quiet girl -- I would have never thought that she would have so much stage presence and sexuality.
So I am looking at the rest of Superfood and Ajit is looking at her, then me, and smiling. And so is Amanda. And Sherman. In general, they were all hype to be there. I, on the other hand, was turning beet red with embarrassment. The girl is doing all types of points and shakes and bendovershowalittletittyrightquicks.
Mind you, I know it's all for the show, but in the meantime, my boys in the audience are like "YEAH RASHID!!!!! I SEE YOU!!!! GET HER!"
The ended the performance with the step and the crowd LOVED them. They were awesome, on the real. Me turning red was nothing, I had a great time. But after the show, Ajit was like "Yeah dude, I ain't know she was gonna shake her titties all in your face."
LOLOL
We had a great time in college, I swear.
(The following year, one of the Sigmas started talking to me from the stage in the middle of his performance, but that's another story.)
So yes, Superfood. The greatest a capella group that ever was. If you're reading, I MISS YOU GUYS AND I WANT YOU SING AT MY WEDDING IN LIKE TEN YEARS!!!!
Oh yeah, one more thing...support my boy Ajit's career! I love this man so much, he'll probably never know. So talented, so cool.
[EDIT] And here is Superfood's website! Buy their album!
Posted on February 9, 2005 at 5:18 PM | Comments (2)
R.I.P. Vidal
I am sad to report that my Alpha Phi Omega, Mu Alpha Chapter Brother Vidal Perez-Galan was murdered in the Bronx, NY this weekend. He was a teacher at a high school there. He was found dead in his apartment with two gunshot wounds.
Vidal was one of the coolest Brothers I could have ever pledged to. Please keep Mu Alpha Chapter and all of Vidal's family and friends in your prayers.
R.I.P. Brother
Vidal Perez-Galan
"Miss Thang"
#4- Mu Alpha Chapter - Spring '96
Georgetown University
Class of 1999
Posted on December 19, 2004 at 11:34 PM | Comments (8)
Who was Maya Buseman-Williams?
I am reprinting this from an old blog I used to keep...I wanted to share it because sometimes I still miss my friend a lot.
********
12/14/2003
lol @ the title of this entry. it reminds me of the Teen Titans series "Who is Donna Troy?"....in a way, Maya was my superhero. i'm going to tell you about her as best I can, cuz i think at least a small piece of her story should be told.
well, i guess it's not her whole story, but i'll share the parts that apply to me.
i FIRST FIRST met maya when i was a freshman and she was a sophomore. all i knew about her was that she was into photography. i organized a trip to the howard homecoming step show, and i remember delivering her tickets to her. she was quiet....not especially friendly, but not mean, either.
she lived in the sophomore apartments with three girls i was cool with. as a matter of fact, i was cool with everyone in that apartment through to their graduation. anyway....i remember that maya didn't get along with the girls for whatever reason.
maya went abroad to senegal for her entire junior year, and i got close with her former roommates.
my junior year, i shared a house with THIS GUY:
we will call him THE GOLDEN CHILD....he wouldn't mind me posting his picture, he's an aspiring model/actor/bunch of other things. my Junior year was he and Maya's senior year. i didn't know him very well yet, but i knew that he loved him some Maya. in a platonic way, mostly, but i could tell that maybe if he felt he had a chance....ah, well never mind.
THE GOLDEN CHILD spent a lot of time with Maya in her single dorm room on East Campus. when i say they were cooler than cool, i really mean it....they were like best friends in college. it means a lot to me when people can platonically spend so much time together.
my first memory of the "real" maya was when she, the golden child, and amerie
all went to the club one night. maya was very close with amerie (yes, the singer) while we were all in college. (me and amerie were also close, and i knew that she was cool with maya, but it was a different kind of cool than maya and the golden child.)
so, i was at the top of the stairs of the house that me and the golden child lived in, and i saw maya at the door, dressed for the club. she was so classy....i think she was even wearing a dress....not FMP's or a short shirt. (fuck me pants)
i was like WOW. she is beautiful. i can see why the golden child likes her so much. and amerie looked just as beautiful, but the way. can you imagine these three beautiful people just hanging out together?
later, maya came back to the house when we had programs. one i have pictures for was a welcome back meeting for those who had traveled abroad to africa:
not the greatest pics cuz she was in the background.
anyway, i got to know maya well because of her close relationship with amerie and the golden child. but then, i got to knew her independent of them.
wow....i just remembered something. i wrote a play the same year that i met maya, and by the time she came into my life, i was trying to put together a "staged reading" or really, just a read-through of the play to see how long it ran. the only people that showed up were maya and amerie. they were so helpful...wow. totally forgot. i mean, they are in the acknowledgements of the novel (which evolved from the play) but still. i just had such a vivid memory of sitting in our living room and reading through the first act of that play....
that is a typical picture of maya.....just chillin in our house.
she was just so fucking cool. she was cool with most of my friends: nappy rocky, paz, lady c. paz used to call her "african guinea girl." i actually don't know why, other than the fact that she studied abroad.
lady c was the co-director of a fashion show during our junior year, again, during maya's senior year. maya was one of the co-leads in this show, and basically represented "good" in a battle between good and evil, love and lust, etc, etc. here is a pic in the "white scene":
quite angelic....i know that maya really enjoyed doing the show. it wasn't something that she would normally do at alma mater, but then again, she would try damn near anything once. the golden child was also in this show, and i helped lady c with some of the music.
maya graduated soon after the fashion show, with a degree in Culture and Politics (i think) and a certificate in African Studies.
the golden child had a kid before the next time i saw maya. maya had gone off to new york to do teach for america, which she also was a recruiter for. i am pretty sure that maya had not met justin's kid before these next photos, but i am really not sure. here is maya with the golden child, jr. (sorry for the little scratch):
and here is a picture of maya just being maya....looking out the window. okay, i think we actually posed this picture, but let's pretend that we didn't, 'k?
so yeah, maya came to town to see the golden child's son and catch up with other folks who loved her....me, and a bunch of underclassmen under me. wow, i am really realizing how close many in the class of 2003 were to her, mostly because they heavily populated the fashion show.
maya is the only woman that i have shared a bed with...those teeny, tiny twin extra long beds you find in college. (those were some really uncomfy beds, btw). i remember offering to take the floor, and she just said "why?" i did wake up early in the morning and took the floor, just so i could spread out. but the girl was so small...it really was possible to share a slim bed with her and not even feel like she was there.
later, after i graduated, maya came back to dc a few times, two that i can remember specifically. we also talked on the phone and emailed semi-regularly. it wasn't that i didn't have time for her, i just wasn't in the habit of keeping in contact, especially after we had both left alma mater. but, i just knew she was okay, and that i would see her again.
i think i remember the last time that i spoke to her. she was in dc, recruiting for teach for america at alma mater. i was supposed to trek out there to see her, but i was just tired and not feeling well. i was either catching a cold or getting over one. i very well could have gone to see her, but for whatever reason, it didn't happen.
then, this summer:
Maya Buseman-Williams, 25, of Collegeville, was killed during a crash at 5:15 a.m. on Interstate 80 in Montour County.
According to police, _____ ______, 24, of Hanover Park, Ill., the driver of a 2002 Ford Explorer that was traveling west, lost control of the vehicle, which rolled several times.
Buseman-Williams was pronounced dead at the scene by Montour County Coroner Scott Lynn. _____ was transported to Geisinger Medical Center, Danville, for minor injuries.
and just like that, her life was over.
i'm not going to go into great detail about how i miss her. we all do. the shit is hard. for me, i do get used to it a little more each day.
i haven't brought myself to delete her name from my Outlook address book.
Maya was like....life. she did everything that i couldn't....she lived life her way. when she died, she was on her way to chicago to start a new life, having ended her term with teach for america.
you can't be mad at god for taking her when her life was so fulfilled. you can only be sad that you won't get to see her again any time soon.
but i know that she is here. i really do feel her sometimes. not externally, but internally.
i think she wants to beat j-pan's ass, too. she was there for me the first times that he hurt me. gosh....the tears are seriously welling up in my eyes now. she was just there for me so much, in ways that i am only now fully appreciating.
i still love you maya....thanks for looking out for me.
********
The only update I have is that I still miss her like crazy and my eyes well up with tears just thinking about her. I want her to be here so I could share my life with her. I wanted her to live to see my novel become a reality. Damn, I'd give anything to see her face again.
It's not easy....it never gets easier....it only gets further away.
I love you, Maya. I miss you. Hold a space for me up there.
Posted on November 23, 2004 at 8:16 PM | Comments (5)
Return of the Old Head
If anyone checked my away message this weekend, you'll know that I was gone all day Friday and Saturday. I hadn't actually left town, but I wasn't really available for my normal blogging and chatting.
I had gone back HOME (Georgetown) to help bring over 18 brand new Brothers of Alpha Phi Omega! Woo hoo! Shout out to my Great-Great-Great Little Blair -- yes, I am just that old. She seems cool, we showered her with gifts and stuff. I also got little stuff for two pledges I was able to meet during the process, Alexandra and Quinn. Cool, cool peeps, most definitely.
So let's see....on Friday, I rolled out of here sometime after 11am, after having gotten an email from....somebody. A thoughtful email that made me smile. Tee hee.
Then I was off...the ride over to Georgetown was uneventful, but the cabbie seemed to want to talk to me an awful lot. Oh yeah, it was raining by that point, and it would rain all day.
Got to the Town of George and walked over to the APO office. Two pledges were there as was my Great-Little Laura (whom I love) and a few other Brothers. Later, an old school ('87) alum Kelli came to visit. Well, come to find out, Kelli is a cancer survivor, which I had no idea about. Also, she like other alums are pretty disgruntled about how we lose traditions over the years. And I sympathized, but also could see how some traditions need to evolve. Long story short, it was funny seeing one of the neos (from Spring '04) sorta latch onto the alums in agreement with what needed to be changed and reinforced about the process. It was kinda like "Don't tell anyone, but I am just like you all in my heart."
lol....it was cute. And it's tough being an old school brother trapped in a neo's body. I was definitely him five years ago.
Anyway....Shari joined me during this time in the office, and we later headed off campus to go to the Greek store and pick up some gifts. I told Blair's big that I would pick up some things -- I didn't let him pay for anything, that's what alums are for.
(Even though I don't have money like THAT to throw away, it's important to me that MY offspring's offspring gets spoiled. Or "spoilt" as they say in the UK.)
So we went to The Guild and pickins' were slim. We basically cleaned them out of anything worth buying AND I made them find me an APO shirt that maybe possibly no one had picked up yet. They found one in size large which was good enough. If it's too big for her, she can cinch it, lol.
Along Georgia Avenue, we stopped in a few bookstores and this boutique....I forgot the name of the boutique, but it had some good stuff in there. I might want to partner with them in the future.
At the bookstore(s), I bought:
The Prosaic Soul of Nikki Giovanni (Wanted to add to my Nikki Giovanni collection with some prose for a change. I really like how everything she's come out with in the past ten years stylistically looks similar, so when I am finally finished buying all her stuff, that section of my library will look uniform.)
Tales of Yoruba Gods & Heroes by Harold Courlander (I am a buff of all things Yoruba...Voodoo, Santeria, and my Yoruba friends, lol)
Moon Over Harlem/Juke Joint/The Song of Freedom/Big Fella (Once I saw that Paul Robeson was in this two-disc DVD set offered by Urban Works Entertainment I knew I had to get it. They seem like flicks that would be nice to cuddle up with someone you care about and watch.)
Aww...cuddling....
Anyway, so we were FREEZING by the time we were done of Georgia Avenue. We stopped by Shari's rental office to handle some business, then we went back to the Georgetown. We decided right then and there to go buy some gloves from the bookstore, but first, we headed to The Tombs to meet some Brothers, pledges, and alumni. It was cool....nothing major to report other than some discussion about our chapter's 50th anniversary in '06.
THEN we went to get gloves, and I also bought a blue and gray striped scarf....except for the fact that it was overpriced and had "Georgetown" on it, it's a nice, warm scarf.
The rest of the evening I can't really talk about in the interest of discretion...you know, it IS a Fraternity! However, Shari and I were eventually joined by Jimi and Cerrice. We headed back to the hotel and had a good time.
Next morning, we resumed Fraternity activities. That was cool. I got a phone call from somone, and that was nice. Really nice.
I spent part of the afternoon sleeping in the hotel room. We finally got ourselves together and made it to the ceremonies just in time. I helped a little! I felt very useful the whole weekend. And wanted. And appreciated.
So for some reason, the power went out, and the crossing party ended. Well, it ended for me. I called my girl Erin and she told us some dude named Ian ("You know Ian, right?" "Uhh, sure!") and his band were throwing a party on East Campus. So I was like cool, I'm down for some live music, even though my peeps are all dressed in gowns and suits and I really don't remember who Ian is.
People swear that I knwo everybody. I really don't.
So on the way to Ian's, I ran into this dude who was quite simply the coolest Freshman in the universe when I was a Senior. He ended up taking some time off school, but he was back when I was him. Senai! Love him. His mom is really cool, too. Anyway, I was so glad to see him. We made small chit-chat, then went into the party. Senai, too, asked if I remembered Ian. "Sure, I'm sure I remember his face!" Yeah, right, who the hell is Ian?????
I went in, saw the band playing at the far end of the apartment and saw Ian. ("Ooooooh, that guy!") He might have also been a fifth year Senior, too, because otherwise I have no specific reason to remember his face. The band was decent, too. He was on percussion.
But we only stayed for about ten minutes....FOLKS' feet were hurting and FOLKS were getting a little agitated. In response, I was getting irritated. The crew dropped me off at the hotel so I could pee. (Couldn't find a public bathroom on campus that wasn't affected by the power outage, although East Campus had light.) The rest of the crew went to Maryland to find a liquor store. Later for all that.
While in the hotel room, made contact with the homie...it was already past his bed time. Then I talked to BLACK MARTHA who had left me a message like where the hell are you!? Ooops, forgot to tell folks where I'd be.
Then the crew came back....I made an attempt to enjoy the alcohol and the card game, but it wasn't happening. Tried to sleep, but niggas were loud, so I spent an hour chillin' in the hotel lobby till folks could calm down. When I got back, it was quieter but the game was still on. I packed my bag for the next morning and the game wrapped up...THEN I went back downstairs for ANOTHER hour to talk to Shari. We had good convo. I really like talking to her. Then we went back inside to clown Jimi as he slept.
Next morning, I went home (pretty early). I was kind tired of being out and just wanted to come work on some things at home. And surprisingly, I DID get some work on LAZARUS done.
And now it's Monday, and here I am. Now I gotta tell my Little the uncensored version of events. lol....talk to y'all soon!
Posted on November 15, 2004 at 7:53 AM | Comments (2)
Reconcilliation Feels Good
I like it when two men can come to an understanding and truly put the past in the past.
I hate misunderstandings. I hate disagreements.
My homecoming weekend was a lot suckier because two men didn't understand each other. Now, my only hope is that we can reclaim what should have been.....truly mend this friendship.
If he can find the time, I can make the way.
I don't want the same mistakes to happen....we deserve to make our friendship work, free from intrusion.
We'll see....
Posted on October 11, 2004 at 4:30 PM | Comments (2)
Homecoming 2004!
Here is a rundown of HOMECOMING 2004!
I arrived on campus at around 11am on Friday. It was an absolutely beautiful day, feeling a lot more like early September than mid October. I had two bags, only because my host at the Black House told me they didn’t have any spare blankets or pillows. Understandable, since they are college students – I don’t think I had spare anything either back in those days.
I went first to the Alpha Phi Omega office in the Leavey Center. It was early yet, so there were no Brothers or pledges there. I visited Konjit in Student Programs to say hi to her and Martha, but Martha was in a meeting. I have a feeling that Konjit doesn’t remember my name. It’s okay, because it took me forever to remember Konjit’s.
Then, I went to the bookstore to purchase some Georgetown stuff. I got myself an Alumni t-shirt and a hoodie that was on sale. It’s white with blue and gray chenille letters. I am feeling the color white nowadays for some reason.
Went back to the APO office and hung out with my Great-Little, Laura. Her line name is xXx (pronounced Triple X). There was also another pledge there. Soon, there were more pledges and Brothers there that I could name. It was weird being the most senior Brother in the room, always getting greeted first. It seems like only yesterday that I was consistently being greeted last. It’s a nice feeling to be treated with deference – especially when it isn’t forced, just expected.
Except for this one shrew of a pledge – her body language was all messed up, making it seem like she didn’t really want to be there. I could tell that the other pledge was sort of embarrassed by her. If she sticks with the process, I’m sure she’ll lose the attitude – it’s only week one.
A visited my mentor in the multicultural office, but he was with students. I ran into a bunch of undergrads, most of whom knew me, but I couldn’t tell you their names. I embarrassed myself because I didn’t know this one girl who was on the GU Step Team – I hosted their show last year and should have remembered her. But you know how it is when you see somebody out of context. It’s hard to process an old face in a new place.
I was going to go on a tour of the Carroll Parlor, this museum type thing on campus, but I wanted to go shopping instead. And how did I ever shop. I went down to some stores on Wisconsin Avenue and easily dropped some loot. I am not used to spending a lot of money on anything, but I knew I needed some more clothes for going out and stuff. And surprisingly, I bought no music or books. Cuz you know a brother can drop a c-note in Borders with the quickness.
Came back on campus and left my things in the Black House, where my girl Erin was hosting me. She also was in charge of the Coffee House (poetry reading) that night, so she was getting the programs together. We went back to the multicultural office, where I finally got to chat with my mentor. He’s doing well and has some big plans of his own. I hope everything works out positively for him, writer to writer.
I was thrown mad shade by one of the undergrads both times I was in the multicultural office. I mean, you don’t have to kiss my butt because I’m an alum, that’s not what I expect or need. But I mean, don’t ignore me…that’s rude. I have had conversations with this dude before, so it’s not like he doesn’t know me.
Interesting…maybe he was only being nice last year because I was cool with Amerie, who was there. Or, could be something with the fact that I know one of his best friends. I don’t know…this interaction was weird and unpleasant.
I went back to the APO office, found a pledge, and had a meal/visit with her. Basically, we hung out, got beverages, and got to know each other. She is this real cool, down to earth Asian chick from Portland.
After that, I helped set up the Coffee House. It was a little sad that nobody really was helping my girl out. The Coffee House is a homecoming tradition – you’d think mad people would want to ensure its success. Well, it was successful anyway, thank God. Even though there weren’t a lot of alums there, I was happy to see a few tables full of recent grads.
I read two poems, “Black Light Fandango” and “Stab.” I think people found both poems interesting, but the subject matter of “Black Light Fandango” was a little too much for some to handle. I will post the poem in its entirety at a later time. “Stab” went over better…but I don’t know, it’s hard to know ahead of time what an audience wants to hear.
Also…maybe it’s possible I am underestimating my poetry. I got the impression that maybe, just maybe, the crowd found the poem to be “heavy” and therefore was too caught up in thinking about it to really stand up and cheer for it. I don’t know. I’ll have to ask my girl and the MC.
[deleted]
Went to the Black House after running into my boy Patrice and some other folks. I like Patrice. I wrote an entry about him under DJ Parler, in the “Friends” section of this diary.
Me and Erin ended up going back to Leavey to get some food so we could eat before the party. We were sooooo freaking hungry. I ended up getting sushi for the second time that day.
Oh yeah, the Sorors were in full effect. Two AKA’s live at the Black House, and though it wasn’t like hanging out with other AKA friends I have, they were all very cordial and nice. In fact, the DJ for the party was neo frat from Beta chapter.
The party itself was surprisingly good. The Friday night homecoming party is always hit or miss, usually miss from the alumni perspective. But this one was different.
Even though I enjoyed the party, I was still in a pissy mood. [deleted]
I went to sleep at something crazy, like 3:45, only to wake up at 7am Saturday morning. I had another meal/visit scheduled with one of the pledges at Starbucks on campus. She was a really cool chick. I liked her a lot.
On my way to a used book sale at the library, I saw that this homecoming 5k run would be terminating at the front gates, so I stayed around and took some pictures. I ran into a few cool alums who I like being around and we chatted for a bit.
I made my way over to a sale at the library. WACK. Wiggedy so. These middle aged guys had taken like half the books off the carts and had them piled up on the ground, going through them! Like that’s so freaking rude! I had gone to the book sale at exactly 9:30am, the start time of the sale, and these books were already taken. I asked the Library Associates what was going on, and they said they opened the sale early since all the books were ready. So I walked away without supporting the sale. That’s really unprofessional. You have this half-assed book sale that you let people, obviously book dealers, come and take all these books and leave the alumni to have nothing. Or, maybe they were alumni, but it just wasn’t fair to let people buy books before the allotted time.
After the book sale, I went back to the bookstore and spent MORE money. I know, right? Crazy.
I was a few minutes late to this alumni career chat. It wasn’t especially well attended, but I really enjoyed myself! One of the panelists was this dude I knew from when he was an undergrad. It was good to see that he was doing well. I also chatted with a woman who works at my old job. Some things stay the same, apparently.
After the career thing, I had a lot of free hours. I am not a big drinker, so I didn’t go tailgating. And I really don’t like football all that much, plus I was alone and extremely tired, so I didn’t go to the game. (Later, I found out that they were charging for the game!)
So I went to the APO office and checked email for a while, and in general, didn’t dos hit but walk around to different places on campus, resting, eating a snack or two, and thinking a lot.
I guess that makes me a solitary kind of person…at least sometimes.
My girl Shari came to campus, and we hung out for a bit before the reception at the Black House. It was nice seeing old friends there, but on the whole, the event was kinda dry. Lots of people showed up and rolled back out after like 20-30 minutes. That was a little sad. But, a quick glance at old friends is better than nothing at all, so I was thankful that the Black House was keeping the tradition alive.
Shari and my friend Nadia helped me to pack. I had sooooo much stuff, it was crazy! And I had only been on campus for like 30 hours, lol. Somehow we made it work. I thanks Erin and the rest of the House for their hospitality, and I was off.
After a debacle with a cabbie who kicked me out of his cab and picked up four white passengers, I waited with Nadia for our friend Deidre. She said she’d take me home, God bless her! It was nice spending even that little bit of time with her.
And finally, I was home. I watched Saturday Night Live for as long as I could, then I was knocked the fuck out.
Homecoming 2004 is now over! See you in ’05!
Posted on October 10, 2004 at 8:59 AM | Comments (1)
DJ Parler
I've probably never mentioned how much I love DJ Parler.
I had a really nice 40 minute conversation with the brother. I was really glad I decided to call him. He seemed to be really excited about the book and whatnot. I expected him to be, but he also gave some good advice, too. He works in the music industry, which has a lot of similarities to the book industry.
He also made a good comment about how happy he was to see more books on 125th street than crack. I feel that. A while back, reading wasn't as cool as it is now.
DJ Parler is the homie. Me, him, and my ex-roommate lost a friend in a car accident last year, and I feel like I've gotten closer to him since then. I'd hate to say "because of" Maya's death we are closer, but for me, losing her made me realize how much I need to hold the people I love close to me. DJ Parler is one of those people.
Actually....DJ Parler and one of my girls from college sorta made this triad. Me and my friend liked throwing parties, and we always got him to be our DJ. I remember one time...it was Easter weekend, 2000. Georgetown always had a mini-break around Easter, so those of us who stayed behind were always bored stiff. All I remember is me and my friend visiting Parler and being like...."You KNOW you ain't got no gig tonight...you might as well just bring your equipment down to the community room and throw a party."
And he did! For freakin' free!
Later that night, Parler gave me 151 for the first time....and the lesson from that experience is "Never let the DJ mix your drinks."
Posted on July 27, 2004 at 4:18 PM